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FIC: Hope (1/1) [Scott]

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  • razrbkr@juno.com
    Title: Hope Author: kaly (razrbkr@juno.com) Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/kalyw (my x-men fic is now on it s own page) Rating: PG (okay, so it s got ONE
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 1, 2000
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      Title: Hope
      Author: kaly (razrbkr@...)
      Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/kalyw (my x-men fic is now
      on it's own page)
      Rating: PG (okay, so it's got ONE cuss word in it *l*)
      Archive: yes if i've given blanket permission, and to the three
      list archives (even tho i'm not posting it to both xmenmoviefanfic
      and x-menmoviefanfic) others, please ask.
      Classification: angst, introspective
      Warnings: minor spoilers for the movie
      Summary: Scott thinks about hope for the future, and the trials
      of the past.

      Notes: Once more, I'm using the movie for background. In fact,
      I took the facts about Scott when he was younger almost directly
      from the book.

      Thanks: Thanks for betaing yet another one, Kry *g* See? If
      you hadn't listened to me about paying more attention to Scott,
      you'd never be getting to work on so much new fic ;-) Then how
      would we kill time in chat?

      Disclaimer: yeah, right, like Scott's mine. I wish. *g* Last
      time I looked, neither he nor any one else mentioned belonged to
      me. They go to (at least) Marvel and 20th Century Fox.


      Hope


      There are moments when I have hope that humans and mutants really
      can live and work together. That there is a chance we can coexist
      and avoid the war that some think is looming on the horizon. When
      I find those moments, I try to live in them for as long as
      possible. That is, before we have to move on and face whatever
      the world throws at us next. I did say hope, not blind denial.

      It's a rare and fleeting thing, hope - and all the more valuable
      for it. There can never be enough light, and there is often far
      too much darkness. I've never particularly cared for being in
      the dark.

      Children are the innocents in the battles and wars we wage - both
      the wars of words and weapons. They're the few who can see
      something strange, something unknown, and still look at it with
      a sense of wonder. Rather than turning away in fear or disgust,
      their eyes light up and sometimes . . . Sometimes they even
      smile at you, like maybe you're human too.

      Which we are. We have the same worries and emotions as every
      other human on the planet. We're born and we'll die. Still,
      so many forget that we're not as different as we might seem.
      We lose something when we get older and more serious. I can't
      help but think it's sad.

      Standing in the middle of the busy train station, I looked down
      to see a little boy gazing up at me, and I smiled. But when his
      mother pulled him away, I saw the panicked look in her eyes as
      she saw my visor. It hurt, because I knew that was all she saw
      when she looked at me - a mutation, not a man.

      It's because of this that something as small that child's smile
      can be the one thing that can bring you hope - even when the
      ceiling is, literally, tumbling in on top of you. It's funny in
      a way that of everything that happened that night, this is one
      of the things that I remember the most clearly.

      The attack by Magneto and his mutants is vivid in my memory, no
      doubt. At least, what I was able to witness of it. It was days
      before I could shake the feeling of helplessness that washed over
      me when everything started to fall apart. Storm being attacked
      by Sabertooth was the last thing I was able to see before my
      visor was ripped away and all hell broke loose.

      I'm still more grateful than I can say that no one was hurt when
      I lost control of my powers. My greatest fear - since I hid
      from my high school prom after fighting with Selena - came to
      life in that moment, filling the room with brilliant arcs of red.

      I've never told anyone how much I hate having my eyes closed.
      How for two months I lived with nothing but vague sounds and
      whatever I could touch. There was little I could do, fumbling
      through the world alone and abandoned at the age of seventeen.
      Standing in the middle of a crowded train station, brick and
      mortar crumbling around me, once again there was nothing I
      could do.

      In that moment, I thought I knew what failure truly felt like.
      I had lost control of the situation and I had lost control of
      my powers. Control is the one thing I never want to lose,
      second only to losing my sight. The first time I lost both my
      world fell apart. Right then, they were both gone all over
      again.

      I had left Storm alone - luckily she was able to hold on long
      enough to deal with Sabertooth. I've always known she was
      tough and she proved it that night once again. Me? I was busy
      trying to navigate my way through a screaming mob and
      litter-strewn floor with my eyes closed.

      During that time, I focused on two things. The first, my duty
      to my team; second, the image of a little boy looking up at me
      not with fear, but with curiosity.

      In the two months I was blind as a teenager, I didn't have
      anything to focus on. It felt as if I was wandering in a fog
      with nowhere to go and certainly no hope for the future. But
      while I fumbled my way toward Storm, so that we could try and
      find Logan, having my eyes closed didn't bother me so much.
      This time there was somewhere I was needed and in my mind, I
      had a picture of hope. It made the world of difference.

      In the end, we lost the battle. Magneto managed to get away
      with Rogue. At the time I felt partly to blame, and I can't
      look back on it and say if everything had ended differently, I
      wouldn't have felt even more responsible for what happened that
      night.

      Now, Rogue is safe and Logan none the worse for wear. Rather,
      he's off searching for his past - on <<my>> bike, mind you.
      The Professor is well and Magneto isn't threatening anyone.

      Considering all of that, I'd say today is a little more hopeful
      than the some of the others. Too bad part of me can't help but
      think that it's too good to last.

      End
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