Title: Scott's a God
Author: The Mean Spleen (the_mean_spleen@...
Feedback: I'll write to you if you write to me.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the associated characters are the
property of Marvel.
Summary: What if, just for once, everything went right for
Scott and Logan was the only one annoyed by this change.
Notes: This is a relatively old story that I put up
elsewhere some time ago. I'm not pro or anti Scott. I just find
it funny how much abuse he gets regularly. Does anyone know how to
fix how writing appears here. The sentences seem to have created a
structure all of their own.
If you wish to archive this, please email me and let me know where it
"But what if it wasn't just one big bang but in fact a whole series
of small bangs. Thus making Einstein's theory would have to be
Beast was stunned. "That's absolutely brilliant, Scott. I wouldn't
have thought of that for the very life of me."
"Not a problem, Hank." Scott smiled, the light from the rising sun
catching his teeth just right. He left Beast and returned to the
kitchen where he was cooking a large breakfast for the entire
faculty. Hank slumped down next to Ororo.
"My, my. That Scott is a man of many talents." Hank commented
to Ororo, who was far more interested in watching the man in
question's behind leaving the room.
"He certainly is." She commented, her voice betraying more
then a hint of lust.
"You may want to control yourself, here comes the young man's
paramour." Beast comment slyly as Jean almost stumbled into the
room, her face all flushed and her hair a mess.
Ororo almost laughed. "Jean, you look like you went a few rounds
If she could have gone any brighter a shade of red she would have
done. She almost looked hung over, Beast noted. "Is everything
okay, you don't look your usual collected self?"
"Let's just say I didn't get much sleep last night."
She could hear her beloved in the kitchen singing some operatic
number she vaguely recognized, in perfect key. "I don't know where he
gets his energy or his imagination. Some of the things he did last
"If I might interrupt Jean, but some of us are confined to the
lab and don't need such a vivid mental picture to keep us company."
Beast said, blushing self-consciously at Jean's wonderings.
"Ladies, gentleman, breakfast is served." Scott proclaimed as
he came from the kitchen bearing five rather large trays, balanced
perfectly between his large arms. He placed them gently down on the
table in front of his friends. He placed one in front of each of them
before walking off with the fifth. The tray held coffee, a glass of
orange juice, everyone's individual favourite cereal, some slices of
toast and freshly baked brown bread.
"Where you going, hon?" Jean asked.
"The professor needs to eat too so I made an extra meal for
"You think of everything." Jean said, her face a mirror of
the admiration she felt for him.
Scott frowned for a moment, his handsome features marred by such an
unusual facial gesture as worry. "Not at all, dear. If I did, I
have found out what brand of coffee he prefers and purchased it for
him, but damn my short-sightedness. I only have this ground blend for
him. I'll know better next time."
Scott left them with that and went off towards the Professor's
The Professor was already up and around, looking over some of the
student reports. "Scott," he asked as Scott entered, "I
you had a chance to look at these reports yet."
"I have them right here," Scott commented, indicating the
placed neatly next to the brown bread on the tray. "I've gone
them all, rated them and placed my comments at the end for your
"That's great. It will save me a lot of time, and that bread
"I cooked it myself last night as I was repairing the dent on the
plane." Scott said. "If you'll excuse me, I better get
back to my own
breakfast before Jean eats the lot."
"Of course Scott and thanks for the breakfast."
"No problem." Scott said as he left and made his way back to
On his way back, he heard the faint strains of a guitar coming from
the student's dorms. Curiosity getting the better of him, he
to investigate. He followed the sound of the guitar and couldn't
but grimace as who was ever playing missed a vital cord of the tune.
He knocked on the door, causing the music to cease and St. John to
announce dully, "Yeah. Come in."
"I couldn't help but overhear your playing," Scott said
the discarded guitar on the bed. "I noticed you have a bit of
doing a quick reversal."
"Ah yeah, I can't quite get the hang of it." John
that anyone had noticed the small mistake.
"Show me your grip."
St. John held the guitar and assumed the pose.
"Ah, it's as I suspected." Scott declared. He took the
held it more upright, "here if you take this grip instead,
have much more freedom of movement." To demonstrate he quickly
off a complicated Latin number which involved quite a deal of finger
"Mr Summers, I didn't know you could play."
"Well, I played lead in a band back in school. We weren't any
but we practiced hard and so should you."
"I will, Mr Summers. I will. You have inspired me beyond
Scott smiled, the sun managed to find a way to shine off his perfect
He left the young arsonist to his guitar and returned back to the
hall receiving warm greetings from all the students he met on the way.
The world seemed perfect when Scott was around. Well perfect for
everyone except one particularly grouchy individual who just hated
the fact that Scott was just so super nice to him.
"Ah Logan, I've made some breakfast for you. I hope you like
brown bread." Scott declared as the hairy one entered, snarling
some kids who got in his way.
Logan had to wince as the sun reflecting off Scott's teeth
him. It was going to be a long day.
"Ladies, Hank," Logan said as he approached the bench,
mumbled as he looked at Scott.
"And good morning to you Logan," Hank said ignoring
blustery morning mood.
Logan stared down at the full dish in front of a minute and thought
for a second he had missed an announcement about a formal breakfast
"Logan, I was wondering if I might have a word." Scott's
his solemn silence.
"What?" Logan answered sharply.
"Professor Xavier asked me to demonstrate some advanced fighting
techniques to the older students and I was wondering if you would
help me out, ya know, trade a few blows."
Hitting the golden boy a few times appealed to Logan at the very
moment so he nodded his head.
Seeing he had got his man, Scott smiled, (the sun caught his teeth of
course) and informed Logan to be at the main assembly area at 11
before leaving Logan to his full breakfast.
Seeing Scott leave, Logan looked at the others. "All I wanted was
cup of coffee and instead I get a four course meal."
"Be thankful, Logan. It may be the last time we taste well cooked
food for a while." Storm said, her stomach already informing her
it wanted more of the same and more of it now.
"Yeah, thankful." Logan echoed as he had some of the golden
coffee. Though he'd rather shave then tell anyone, it was a damn
cup. He'd have to hit Scott even harder for this he decided.
feeling better about himself, he got up and decided to return to his
room to some stretching before he went and destroyed the almighty
Scott made his way around the dorm, informing all the appropriate
students that Logan and he would be giving the demonstration. A few
of the younger kids wanted to go as well, and with that smile of his,
he of course said that they were more then welcome.
Jubilee and Marie were the last two on his list and he made his way
to their room.
The two girls had spotted him making his rounds earlier and had
rushed back to their rooms to get them suitably prepared for his
knocking on their door. Though it was friendly enough, the battle for
Mr. Summer's attention was fierce among the older girls. A smile
him (and what a smile it was too) carried with it bragging rights for
Happily prepared, the girls eagerly awaited the knock on their door.
Jubilee already had her plan of attack ready whereas Marie was going
to play it by ear. Jubilee wore the smallest top she had and to say
that handkerchiefs would offer more warmth would be an
understatement. She stood ready, a number of books balanced in her
arms. Upon Scott's knocking she would "accidentally" drop
over to pick them up and treat Mr Summers to an eyeful he
The knock came. Marie calmly said "Come in."
Scott stuck his head around the side of the door, he evidently
startled Jubilee who dropped a number of books she seemed to be
carrying. She started to lean over to pick them up.
"Hold up Jubilee," Scott held her by the shoulder before she
chance to give Scott his best side as she called it, "What kind
man would I be if I left a young lady pick up something she had
dropped." And he promptly got down on his hands and knees to pick
the errant books and hand them to Jubilee who stood silently cursing
his gallant behaviour. Marie, however saw her chance and glided into
the room wearing her cut off jeans. As Scott got back up, his eyes
automatically followed her long legs up.
"Marie," he said huskily.
"Yes, Mr Summers." She answered idly playing with her finger.
"While those pants will do wonders for your tan, I doubt that
really suitable for the fighting course."
"Of course not. You're right as always, Mr Summers." She
walked back to the bathroom, shaking her hips all the way.
"Marie and I were wondering if we might go into town later on to
supplies for the party tonight."
"No problem, I'll drive you if you want. Remember, the
demo's on at
11, girls, in the main assembly." And he left briskly, not
make the girls uncomfortable as they changed.
He marvelled at how the girls could wear such things in this day and
age. It hadn't been like that with Jean and him, that's for
knew she'd laugh with him later when he told her about it (She
actually, her exact response was "those scheming little
being naturally good natured, Scott assumed she was joking.)
Scott went about his rounds making sure everything was in order
before getting ready for the session against Logan.
He got to the hall early but found that a sizeable crowd had already
gathered. Logan was already there, stretching in his loose pants,
wearing no top and ready for action or so it seemed.
Logan watched his opponent approach and couldn't help but grin in
anticipation with what he was going to do to him. Since he had come
to the academy, he'd be waiting for a legitimate excuse to tangle
with Scott and now he had it.
Scott came up to him and smiled, the sunlight filtering through the
skylight catching the pearly whites perfectly. Logan wondered if he
might be able to knock one of them out. It would sure be worth the
try, he considered.
"I thought we might start with a few simple grapples to get them
to speed. Do you want to come at me or should I go at you?"
"Oh, I'll come at you" Logan said as calmly as he could
his body sang "Scott's going to get his legs broken,
Scott's going to
get his legs broken"
"Okay, fine. Whenever you're ready."
Scott turned to the crowd, which now included the entire faculty as
well as all the students.
"Good Morning, folks. Those that attend my class know that this
be a demonstration of advanced fighting techniques and manoeuvres.
Logan has kindly agreed to help out so why don't you all show him
Most of the girls cheered while the some of the boys clapped.
Jean who sat next to Ororo whispered in her ear.
"My two favourite men getting all hot and sweaty. I may have to
bed early tonight."
Hank who was seated in front of them, turned back to look at her
before rolling his eyes dramatically for effect.
Out on the floor, Scott and Logan faced each other. Scott silently
mouthed "good luck" to Logan, who in return mouthed
"I'm going to
kill you" which Scott misread as "the same to you."
The idea with a charge is to simply overpower your opponent, but for
some reason Logan found himself, lying on his stomach, the air sucked
from his lungs, with Scott's knee in his back and his hand
an awkward angle behind his head.
"And there you see how we use an opponent's momentum against
Scott said calmly to the class. He released Logan who jumped up,
didn't wait for them to retake a stance before jumping in again.
Scott caught by surprise was knocked down but he quickly reversed the
hold and again held Logan's arm behind him.
"Oh yeah, I had forgot about that. It's important to remember
someone gets you in some kind of a hold, there's always a way out
it. If you think clearly, there's no enemy who can't be
He let Logan go again, and this time Logan decided against jumping
straight back in. Scott leaned over and whispered lightly to him,
there anything you want me to do, you're making me look awful
Logan shook his head, unable to clear it of the red haze that was
slowly descending on it. "Let's see how good you look with no
teeth." He mumbled in hindsight. "Damn, I should have said
Scott stood casually as he addressed the class. "Here you see
fighting with no top. Clothes can be a disadvantage when fighting,
certainly as it's possible for an opponent to get a grip on them.
However, with someone like Logan who's rather, well, hairy, much
the advantage is lost. Hope you don't mind me saying that,"
smiled and some of the students laughed lightly.
Logan exaggerated his own smile, "yeah, laugh it up smiley"
Scott continued, "I myself make sure to shave to ensure that it
a problem." He took off his own judo top (what the hell are those
things called?) to reveal a tanned and toned top. Some of the girls
in the crowd thought that someone was stealing the air from the room
as they were having trouble breathing. Jean leaned into Ororo
again. "Now they're half naked. I'm gonna have to go to
"You and me both," Ororo replied, almost licking her lips.
"I'll demonstrate," Scott said and turned to face Logan
decided to start trading blows rather then grappling.
Logan lashed out with a fist, which Scott avoided, grabbed with his
own hand and then moved in catching a handful of Logan's
and using it as leverage to throw him to the ground.
"Owww," Logan shouted.
Scott got up quickly, "Logan, I'm so sorry." The reason
apology became apparent when Scott unclenched his hand and a little
ball of Logan's hair fell to the ground. A nice bald patch had
appeared in the middle of Logan's chest.
Logan quickly regained his composure. "It's nothing.
It'll heal in no
time. Go on with the demo."
"Really I'm sorry, Logan. Ah anyway people, this illustrates
point I'm making. Anything can be used for leverage. Now most of
girls, I hope don't have Logan's problem, but" the
laughed. (Logan muttered, "Isn't funny") "You still
have to be aware
of your own particular deficiencies. If I could have a female
Jubilee and Marie almost fell off their chairs, in their rush to
tussle with the half naked Scott Summers. "Back off Jubes, his
mine," "Not a hope, country girl"
Before they got as far as the floor, they became entangled and
started hissing and screaming, throwing wild slaps and punches at
each other. Scott rushed over to separate them, as did Jean, but more
to separate them from Scott, (the foul temptresses being her
Scott grabbed Marie as Jean grabbed Jubilee, both of whom had a firm
grasp of the other's hair. Seeing that she was held in
Marie couldn't help but stick out her tongue at Jubilee who
bemoaning getting pulled away by the wrong half of the Summers couple.
Scott dropped Marie to her feet and looked at the rest of the
audience. "The two girls have illustrated my point perfectly.
hair especially ponytails are easy to grab so wear your hair tight,
people." Bobby nodded in agreement, thinking seriously about
a buzz cut that very night.
Scott looked at the warring girls, "I think maybe we should take
break for a while and I know I certainly could do with the
said as he wiped sweat from his chest, causing many female hearts to
flutter. "Logan, you okay with a break?"
Logan who was scratching at his new bald patch nodded, happy to skulk
away to try a brush over or some other technique for hiding lost
hair. He hoped his hair was covered in his super healing contract or
"Okay so, dismissed," Scott stood in the centre of the hall
watched as the assembled crowd left. A couple of the guys came up and
said they wanted to enter the class and a couple of the girls came up
for no other reason then to get close. Scott dealt with them all and
then stood alone, the sun shining off his teeth and his sweat and
proclaimed that life was good. He gathered his stuff and headed back
to his room to change into his regular attire.
Jean came in to warn him about the dangers of not so innocent young
girls. A few minutes later, she left not knowing why she had gone to
him in the first place, a quick stint of him nibbling on her ear and
she totally lost the run of herself.
Scott emerged from his room and looked about, wondering where he
would be needed next and remembered the girl's request for a lift
into town. Though he knew Jean would have a few words to say, he knew
that her ears could soon be nibbled into forgiving him. Handy that.
He smiled, and the sun smiled with him.
The trip into town was uneventful, with the two girls sitting in the
back giggling as Scott hummed the tune to some concerto by some
Austrian composer or another. He was always getting those Austrian
ones mixed up.
Scott waited in the car as the two went to the shop to get it is
whatever they were buying for the party. He did get out once, to help
an old lady across the street (what a nice young man, and so
handsome), but other then that he stayed put, humming happily to
The girls returned carrying as many bags as they could manage between
them. Scott knew better then to ask, getting the feeling that later
on he would probably have to put on his stern face and admonish them
for whatever it was they had bought. He did hate having to give out
to the girls but Jean insisted that the academy dynamic worked better
if she was perceived as the big sister and Scott as the stern
taskmaster. He wasn't too sure if there was any truth behind what
was saying but he played the part anyway.
During the drive back, Scott entertained the two girls by singing
perfect renditions of some grunge numbers. Jubilee said that grunge
was so nineties but that Mr. Summers gave it a house edge that
brought it right into the naughties. Scott wasn't too sure about
Upon returning to the academy, the girls disappeared with their goods
and the place seemed quiet. Scott parked the car and walked the
grounds for a while, enjoying the sunshine. He came across Bobby
studying under some trees.
"Hi, Mr. Summers." Bobby looked up.
"Bobby. How's it going?" Scott looked down, shading the
from the sun.
"You wouldn't happy to know any Spanish by any chance, would
Bobby inquired, at a loss with the assignment he had.
"As a matter of fact Bobby, I have a little smattering." The
on the tree parted to allow the sun at his smile.
"Oh yeah. How's that?"
"I was part of a summer exchange back in school. Spent a summer
Madrid. Picked up a few words, here and there."
Scott then proceeded to help Bobby conjugate some verbs and other
semi interesting language tasks. By the end, Bobby felt he had
learned more in that little session then he had in a month's
"Thanks Mr Summers."
"Not a problem, Bobby, not a problem." Scott replied. Cue the
The rest of the day passed without notable incident, but the night
was destined to be newsworthy, as there was going to be a party held
for no apparent reason other then the fact they hadn't had a
recently. Everyone from the youngest up was invited and it was semi
formal which was enough of an excuse for all the girls to get glammed
up and for all the guys to try and look like a certain Mr. Bond.
In spite of himself, Scott always got kind of nervous at these kinds
of things. He guessed it reminded him of when his powers first
manifested themselves. Never been able to wear a tie comfortably
since. Jean on the other hand looked sensational. She emerged from
the bathroom; where she had spent a considerable part of the day
preparing, causing Scott to literally have to go to the little
room. The time spent had been worth it thought because she took his
breath away. She simply smiled demurely and looked away, magnifying
When they arrived at the ballroom, things were already in full swing.
No one even considered why the academy had a ballroom but there you
go, the place had everything else so why not a room that was
convenient for having balls in. Anyway, things were in full swing,
Logan was slow dancing awkwardly with Marie, Hank was swinging Ororo
around the place with some high-energy manoeuvres. Kitty and Bobby
had a dance within a dance going where in she'd slap him for
to cop a feel during the actual dance, storm off, he'd sweet talk
her, she'd come back, they'd dance again, and he'd try to
cop a feel
again. A truly annoyed Jubilee was trying to show St John how to
dance but she'd keep catching him looking at her cleavage instead
"The gangs all here," Scott commented. "Want to dance,
"To be honest Scott, this dress is so tight, I can hardly walk.
going go back later to get changed into something for shaking my
booty, but for the time being, I'm just going to sit and appear
angelic." She replied, visible shifting to remove a wrinkle from
line of the long gown.
The two of them went to the faculty table where Professor Xavier sat,
watching the festivities with a small grin on his face.
"Scott, Jean, you're looking suitably dashing and
Scott blushed slightly while Jean just smiled back. They sat down
next to him and watched all the various dancers trying to appear
graceful. Logan eventually strolled over, appearing slightly comical
in the tux.
"Well if it isn't the wall flowers," he laughed.
"I think that one of the faculty being embarrassing on the dance
floor is more then enough" Scott replied, the disco ball
all available light onto his teeth.
"So you sayin' my dancing don't cut it." The anger
"I was talking about Hank," Scott said pointing past Logan.
Logan looked around to see Hank basically manhandling Ororo who
looked kind of frightened at the way she was being thrown around the
"Someone's got to have a camera." Logan laughed, "We
can't let Hank
live this one down."
The other three just shook their heads as Logan joined them and they
all laughed as Ororo was swung through manoeuvres that would involve
more G-Forces then most fighter pilots have to endure.
Over in the corner, the girls had huddled to comment on the
proceedings. "God my hand hurts," Kitty complained.
"What's wrong with it?" Jubilee asked.
"I'm worn out from slapping Bobby"
As if on cue, Bobby could be heard laughing from the opposite side of
"You and Logan looked very cute, might I just add" Kitty
Marie blushed slightly. "He danced with me out of charity, all
boys are scared they might accidentally touch something."
"Bobby would be delighted if he could accidentally touch
Kitty commented ruefully.
"It could be worse, St John might be in danger of drooling down
chest." Jubilee added.
"Ohhh gross" the other two said in unison.
"Can you believe Mr. Summers?" Jubilee continued.
"Oh my god, he is so hot." Marie concurred.
"And the wench has got him pinned to the seat." Kitty noted.
In one of those moments of divine beauty, the three girls stared at
Jean just as Jean was staring at them. Nothing was said but invisible
threats were made. "Look at my man and die."
"Look at those tramps." Jean said out loud.
Logan, Scott and Xavier turned to look at her in unison. Realising
she had spoke out loud, she kept looking away and continued,
must be getting cramps, surely." She looked at the three finally.
"Sure, honey" Scott said, using his teeth to both blind her
The dancing continued for another while but finally it came the time
to eat. Everyone settled, especially Ororo who was not leaving her
seat for the night. All the students sat at various tables depending
on their age group and the faculty sat by themselves.
Xavier made a speech; everyone applauded and then got to stuck into
the food. After eating, discussions broke out between various people
around the place, with most people at the faculty table listening to
Scott tell his infamous story of the fishing trip. Logan zoned out,
knowing full well the ending of the story and how bad the joke was.
He leaned back in the chair, letting the food settle. He was looking
forward for the blank look on people's faces once Scott finished.
was about time he was brought down a peg or two, having been
strutting too much recently for his liking. Logan gave the story his
full attention as Scott built to the finale.
Scott finished, and people just exploded into laughter, Logan and
Scott being the only two not laughing, Scott, because he told the
joke and Logan who thought it was crap. Ororo however must have
disagreed, as she was inconsolable. Everyone heard the slight rip as
Jean's dress tore from her laughter. Even Professor Xavier was in
danger of toppling out of his chair.
Logan stood up, and shouted, "What is wrong with you people? That
Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Logan in shock.
Ororo admonished Logan "What is wrong with you, Logan, you cannot
find the humour in that?"
"Are you kidding me? I've met funnier dead people then
him." He said
as he pointed at Scott.
"It's alright, Logan, not every one has my sense of
Something clicked inside Logan. "Not every one has my sense of
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going to kill you" Logan shouted
as he leapt
clean across the table to get at Scott.