5980Music and Life.
- Jul 13, 2004Title:MUSIC AND LIFE
Rating/warning & pairing :PG FOR SOME LANGUAGE
MUSIC AND LIFE.
When l was young i thought that music would save the world.Music
has the power to connect humans.Different persons.I had written that
in an essay for school.Best essay ever.How would our world be
without music?Pretty fucking numb for start.I am the romantic
type.Music for me is not coming out only from cd's or
instruments.Music is the divine melody of birds,the sweet breeze in
the trees,the rhythm of our footsteps.I wrote that on the essay,it
gave me an A+.But music gave me all my life.
You see,l was hearing music all my life.My mom used to put me to
hear Chopin and Beatles when l was still in her belly.She was
hearing "8 miles high"from The Birds 5 minutes before she gave
birth.My father,you should hear the story from his point of view.My
mother inside the car,refusing to leave the car before the song
ends.The doctor who delive me was singing something from KISS.I know
that because my mother hates KISS.She's a flower child.A secret
flower child.My dad,my dad is the Rolling Stones type,my sis..fuck
her.She don't have good taste.The last album that Sarah bought was a
disco collection.I mean,not even a house disco just simple disco.And
we were together.If my sis have a problem with me being a
mutan..well one world.DISCO.It's not that l didn't hear that kind of
music,yeah when l was six.I'm fucking older now.In twenty years lot
has change,but my sis still hear the same stuff.
What l'm hearing?I wonder that sometimes.I hear almost
everything.With good lyrics and a good melody.I don't care if it's
heavy metal-"Melancholy"by Iced Earth is one of the greatest
ballands l ever heard-electro-Just hear The Streets-or hip hop-
"Could the real Slim Shady please stand up?".Scott says that my
taste in music is more weird than a conversation in Greek.He's just
jealous.Scott's taste in music..fuck that.Scott don't have taste in
music.Just open the billboard TOP 10 and pick.That's Scott's taste.I
have to admit that he has few great artists.Like Nirvana,David
Bowie,Led Zeppelin and Soundgarden.The last was a gift by me.One
time l was playing snoopy and l found a Frank Zappa cd in his
collection.I had the same reaction as Keanu Reeves in Matrix.WOW!If
l was pregnat l wouldn't be so enthusiastic.I mean,Frank Zappa he
never was in TOP10.So l ask Scott why he didn't tell me that he had
a wild side."Oh,that.Just a mistake love."So much for the wild side.
Anyway,let's go back to what l like.Sometimes l like only a song.And
most of the times l like one song and l found out that this one song
has a lovely company in the album.So,there you go.One song and the
album will follow.That's why l love internet so much.MP3.The gift of
god to humanity.You just sit in your desk,hear songs,download songs
and if you like the album,you go and buy it.Simple.Better than
sex.Well,almost..nah,fuck it.It's better.Sex is not expensive.So,MP3
is better than sex.
But why l'm thinking about music in the midle of the night?I want to
make a cd with my favorite songs.No good reason.Scott is
sleeping,the kids l hope that they are asleep too.Ro is funny that l
say that but she's out.She have this hot date and she didn't tell my
anything at all.The weather witch knows how to keep a secret and she
knows that l would never snoop into her head.
For me writing a tape is like giving birth to a child.Consider that
l'm a mom of 200 kids.Yeah,l know.Hard job but someone has to do it.
(and Scott is wondering why l'm so maniac with protection).Here l'm
with a my Frape(you must try that coffee),one pack of my favorite
gam,my Black Death cigs and a bottle of water.I'm ready to go.I will
not follow the "rules" this time.Well,the "rules".You don't mess
styles.You can't put a balland before or after a more quickly
song.All songs must be from the same year.The voices must match.And
you never,NEVER,cut a song in the midle.Those are the "rules",but
tonight l will make an exception.Those are my favorites songs after
I will start with Pearl Jam.I love Pearl Jam.One time,when l was a
medical student l followed them for two months.Best months off my
life.Scott was there too,with Abby.We didn't have lot of money so we
stayed all at the same motel room.But still,best two months of my
life.So Pearl Jam and "Black",or not?I mean,"Black" is little..must
remember that it's a cd with my favorite songs.No "rules".Ok
then,first song:"Black"by Pearl Jam.Second song,that's
easy."Alive"by Pearl Jam.It's the song that l was hearing every time
l finished my shift."Alcoholic"by Starsailor's.It remind me the
booze sessions with Abby.I miss her,must give her a call
tomorrow.Maybe Scott and l could visit her this
weekend.Alright,next..mmm!something from Ryan Adams.I love him.His
so fucking great.He reminds me of Bob Dylan.Must have Dylan
too."Tambourine man" and "When the stars go blue".SMITHS!I almsot
forget Smiths.Two songs by them:"it's over now" and "There's a light
and necer goes out".And off course Morrisey's "Everyday is like
sunday".Couple of James as well."Lose control","Sit down"and l must
add and "Senorita".Now that's three of James.Scott makes fun of
me,cause l like more British bands than Americans.So fucking what?
When Scott and l had broke up for some reason than noone of us can
remember now,l was hearing the "It's over now" over and over
again,until Ro came and slaped me in the face.She really hates that
song now.And when l put it she comes and asks me what's wrong.And
she's right.Something's wrong.This song is like a huge
lebel "SOMETHING BOTHER ME AND I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK".Scott never
gets the message although.And l sleep with him.Maybe l should sleep
with Ro.Anyway,l need some psychedelic music."Somebody to love"by
Jefferson Airplane,some Jimi Hendrix,some Janis and some Doors.I
don't put "The End" l prefer "When the music's over".Only because
Charles hates that.He hates Doors but still that's his least
favorite song.When l had come here for the first time,it was
me,him,Erik and Sally.Sally was the cooker,she died few years ago.I
remember she was always singing something by Aritha,so l put and
I take a sip of my coffee.It's getting warm.Wish Bobby was up to
cool it a little.That's the only problem with this coffee.It must be
cold to drink it.Now l'm between a smoke and a gam.I don't smoke.I
always have a pack with me,but l don't smoke.I used to smoke but now
l don't.Nicotine does nothing to me.I just smoke for fun.I used to
smoke back in collage and to ER.Abby and l,well Abby and l could
make the Philips Morris more rich that he is already.Abby stoped
smoking when she showed a 32 years old guy die from lung cancer.Abby
drop lot of thinks that day.Drinking,the subway.When you are young
you can do everything.Or at least that is what you think.I was
thinking that l was god.For four years l was god every night.I
always love night,so l was always in night shift.Abby not.But we
were roommates and we were working to one of the most dangerous
neighbourhoods in New York city.I remember my mother the day that l
told her where l was going to work.She freaked out.That day l learn
few new swears.Elaine can be really creative when she wants it.I
choose the cig.There is a triangle.Smoke,booze and music.Can't have
the one without the other.I was taken piano lessons when l was a
young kid.Chopin was my favorite.But l always wanted to learn
guitar.I never did learn.My mother thought that it wasn't propriet
for a girl.The only thing that she manage is to have an enormous
hours of air guitar in my account.Nobody plays the air guitar like
The first time that l show Scott l was hearing Tim
Burckley's "Wings".I believe that music choose people for you.If l
was hearing something else,Madonna for example l will never end up
eith Scott.But the song was right.Scott is my wings.He's the one
that help me fly,he's the one that can put a smile in my face with
no reason.Lot of songs can do that to me but Scott is the only
person ever. No,that's a lie.Annie.Annie could do that too.Scott,Ro
and few of the kids believe that l'm the most normal of all in the
mansion.I'm the one that felt how is to die and lived to say the
story.How normal is that?I really died that day.Not my body,my
soul.I never really came back.Not whole.A little piece of my soul is
dead.And l remember how the feeling is.I'm not normal,l'm the most
fuck up of all.In every person that l saved,in every person that l
will save l see Annie.I'm searching for my lost soul.And l never be
complete without it.
What's with music and memories?Why memories are easier to come out
while hearing music?
I had already a song by Janis Joplin but l add another one."Piece of
my heart".It's a love song and it was the song that Scott and l hear
the first time that we make love.The first time that we been kissed
was Madonna's "Material girl."I know Sarah would love that. Few
years before Sarah had some health problems and she came to me.Now
she's fine but back then l got really scared.She was my sister,she
could die and l know that l would be there for her.I know that l
would be there for her and l don't mean just to her side.And l don't
know if l could servive that.Thankful she's ok,buying disco albums.
"Sweet child o'mine","Friend of the devil",The
mexican","Runaway","here l go again","sympathy for the devil","Lucy
in the sky with diamonds".Few songs with good memories.I love
the "Mexican".It reminds me a trip to Mexico few years ago.I had a
week off and Scott had few days as wee and we just went to Mexico.We
rent a car or at least we thought that we rent a car.I'm still not
sure that that was a car.We didn't have money for nothing more than
food and drinks.By the third day we were always with a hangcover and
two pounds less.At the last day there,we found a small,dirty and
very traditional bar.Some local band was playing tradional Mexican
songs but after a kiss from a drunk redhead with a jelous boyfriend
they play the "Mexican".It was the ten best minutes of the trip.But
to Scott l said that the best part of the trip was when we made love
under the dark blue sky.We were hearing the "little red rooster" by
"Sympathy for the devil" have a nice memory too.It was the first
days of Ro's as a teacher and l had this wonderful idea to have kids
sing "It's raining man".Poor Ro,that was something that she never
expect it.She was speakless for a good two minutes.Then she looked
at me,which at that time l was crying from laughters,with her
beautiful blue eyes which turned white.I couldn't stop laughing even
with that and all that l could do was ask for sympathy."Sympathy for
the devil?Never."Thank god Charles stop her for burning my ass
down.Guess Ro had left her humor at her room that day.
I guess l have music for every hour of the day.I have the "coffee
sessions" cd's for when l relaxing.Easy going music,chill out and
downtempo.I have a "lovemake" music.Slow with a little beat enough
to give us a tempo.Then is my angry music.Scott hates that music.He
prefers to leave me alone for as long as it takes.He usally goes to
his bikes.I don't hear my "angry" music often.I hasto control my
temper for the kids.The few that have seen me while my temper has
the best of me,are out spreading the legend of devil incarnate.And
they are right.Now days l try to control my temper by chewing some
chinese roots.They work,at least that's what Scott says.I feel like
a jork take in them but it's better than the green tea.And l have
drank valleys of green tea.
I look at the screen of my computer.I see all the songs.That's my
favorite songs.For tonight.Tomorrow night l will have a new list and
same with the day after tomorrow.You see,music is life.And life
would not be worth without music.Music is more than a company at
the lonely nights of the winter.Music is here for good and bad.
And this cd is for Scott.
DON'T YOU SEE,DON'T YOU SEE?
YOU 'RE JUST THE TORCH TO PUT THE FLAME
TO ALL OUR GUILT AND SHAME.
AND I'LL RISE LIKE AN EMBER IN YOUR NAME.
YOU KNOW I,YOU KNOW,I,
I KNOW EVERYBODY HERE WANTS YOU.
I KNOW EVERYBODY HERE THINKS HE NEEDS YOU.
I'LL BE WAITING RIGHT HERE JUST TO SHOW YOU.
LET ME SHOW YOU THAT LOVE CAN RISE,RISE JUST LIKE EMBERS.
LOVE CAN TASTE LIKE THE WINE OF THE AGES,BABY.
AND I KNOW THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD FROM A DISTANCE,
BUT I TELL YOU I'M THE ONE.
I KNOW EVERYBODY HERE THINKS HE NEEDS YOU,
THINKS HE NEEDS YOU.
AND I'LL BE WAITING RIGHT HERE JUST TO SHOW YOU.
"Jeannie what are you doing?"Scott asked me sleepily.
"Nothing,just a cd for you."he come closer.
"What happen to the last one?"He ask me.He thinks that something's
"I just wanted to make you another one."
"Another one?"he hugs me now."Are you feeling bad for what happen
"Yes,a little."No,but he hugs me tight and l can smell his smell and
l can feel him breathe and l have everything that l ever wanted.
"Don't be."he says softly to my ear.His breathe is hot.
'You know the song that it was on when you came?Jeff
Buckley's "Everybody here wants you"Let me show you Scott,let me