5138Blurred Margins Duet; No Distance Left to Run - The End
- Jun 30, 2003Part 2 of the duet. Please feedback either to xadieother@...
or to skeptik@.... Please?
No Distance Left To Run - The End
Pairing: Bobby/Rogue, Logan/Rogue
Rating: PG-13 (I think!)
Summary: Trials and tribulations of a first relationship, mutant
style. Post X-2.
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, the song lyrics belong to
Blur. I'm not making any money out of either (mores the pity!). If
you don't know Blur's music, then please try to have a listen. I can
highly recommend "Tender" and "No Distance Left To Run". This also
owes a huge debt to jenn, some of whose ideas I've explored. Her
stories inspired me to have a go.
Archiving: Please ask first. All reviews gratefully received at
You don't need to tell me"
She's sleeping now, oblivious to me beside her. A cold tear falls on
her silk-clad shoulder and she stirs, then settles. Her body, her
skin, is flawless, like a sculpture. She's like that inside as well,
at least now, at least when it comes to me. Glassy and cold and
unresponsive as marble. Oh I know that she's kind, tries never to
give it away, and I've always believed her. Until today. My thoughts
can't seem to flow; they judder and crash into each other. If only I
could stop crying and think properly. I love her.
"Hope you're with someone,
Who makes you feel safe in your sleep"
Earlier, when she screamed and cried, as she always does, I held
her, just as I always do. I spoke softly to her, told her how much
she means to me. Told her that I want to marry her, to give her
children as beautiful as she is. I knew she wouldn't hear me, and
when she fell asleep again, curled up like a little girl, I didn't
even know if she had acknowledged my presence at all. I wish I could
say those things to her in the daylight, but I know she would look
at me with something akin to pity. I should have known a year ago.
Even on that first night we spent together. Because the nightmares
didn't stop when she was with me.
I won't kill myself trying to stay in your life,
I got no distance left to run"
It took one moment of blinding certainty to unmake all of my
tentative castles in the air. One moment to ruin a year of quiet
hopes and happy little thoughts. I'd give anything to take that
moment back. It seems important that I'd rather take back one moment
of reality than a whole year of self-delusion. This time yesterday I
was sleeping fitfully, full of nerves for our first mission ahead.
Every time I woke up, every damn time, I saw her beside me and
"When you see me,
Please turn your back and walk away"
I don't know if I can see her after tomorrow morning. She won't
understand, won't know what's changed. I don't know if I can look at
her face if she cries, knowing that *I've* done it. I've never made
her cry before. But I can't tell her why I'm ending things, why
we'll have just had our last night together. This time I have to be
the bad guy, I owe her that much. Because I can't make her feel
guilty. It would take her longer to deal with things if I told her
the truth, and I love her too much to want her to be unhappy. But
what if she just looks up at me, those big eyes registering nothing
but acceptance, and worst of all, pity? What if she feels sorry for
me for thinking that I could ever reach the untouchable girl? I'm
seriously considering running after this, until I get used to the
idea that she won't ever be mine again. Probably for the rest of my
"I don't want to see you,
'Cos I know the dreams that you keep,
Is where we meet"
I just don't believe that I was blind for so long. The nightmares
were the key, the whole time. Even when she stopped waking up crying
about concentration camps, even when all the others faded away,
there was always *him*. It was always the lab - the knives, the
champagne, the metal under her skin. And I *know* that she could
have forgotten that too, if she wanted to. But she nursed him close
to her, like a secret addiction, and she wouldn't let him go. Not
like me, my fragile little wisp went out of her a long time ago. And
today, on our all important first mission, when the worst thing that
I could possibly imagine happens, and she gets hurt, and I'm
fighting and can't run to her, she doesn't even look for me. Oh no.
She calls for him. She calls for him so quietly that I can barely
hear her and he turns in a heartbeat, and suddenly the world has
slowed down and I can see everything with crystal clarity. And I'm
still fighting and he slashes his opponent into about forty pieces
and he's running to her, smooth like honey, fluid in a way I'll
never be. And she looks up at him and I *know*. The scales fall from
my eyes and all I can see is him checking her like she's the most
important thing in the world, like there isn't a battle going on all
around and we're not fighting for our lives. Then he picks her up
and she rests her head on his shoulder like a little girl being
carried to bed. And she doesn't look for me.
`When you're coming down think of me,
I got no distance left to run'
So now I can't stop crying. Tomorrow I'm going to leave you, my
love, because I'm too selfish not to be the only one you look for in
a crowd. You are my first thought when I wake up and my last thought
when I sleep. Your perfume suffuses my being and I can't imagine
waking up without you. Now I just want to lie beside you and enjoy
the too-few hours until dawn. I can't fight to be with you any more
because I haven't got the energy for such a one sided battle. Happy
Anniversary, my angel.
I knew it would end this way"
So this is it. I always knew that it would come to this eventually,
we both did, and maybe I was a fool to let things go on like they
did. But now its really the end, and maybe I'm not quite ready to
let go. He's sleeping now, that little wrinkle in his brow that I
used to touch gently with the tip of my finger while he was
dreaming. If it were up to me I'd let things go on longer, wind down
gently, drift apart. But I don't think its up to me anymore. His
*face* when he got on board the jet, hurt and scared and with more
blood on it than I ever wanted him to see in his life. Watching as
someone else checked me over, picked me up, strapped me on *his* lap
as we took off. Took off that all-important glove and smiled into my
eyes as he healed me as only *he* can. Dropping his hand from my
face as we both closed our eyes and slept all the way home.
"I hope you're with someone that makes you feel,
That this life is a lie"
So here I am, looking at my first boyfriend, after a year of playing
happy families. We have both survived extreme circumstances, fought
side by side and lived to tell the tale. I should be happy, and in a
way I am. But in my dark heart of hearts I know that its only
because I have even more of the other now, and not just because he
healed me. That touch told me much more than is strictly good for my
ego, and all night I have hugged myself, smelling leather and cigar
clinging to my hair like an invisible mist.
"Someone who settles down,
Spends more time with you"
One day you'll find someone perfect, sugar. I'm not that person
I'm so far from perfect it'd take the jet just to get me anywhere
near. You need, you *deserve* a person that thinks the world of you,
that puts you first and never wavers in their devotion. And that
person is out there, I promise, because you are just too good to be
wasted. There's no way on this earth that you are meant to be alone,
and when you look into your children's eyes you'll know that this is
the way things are meant to be. Just as I know that when I run
tomorrow, I won't be alone.
"I got no distance left to run,
I'm coming home"
And now I'm crying, hot tears on your cool chest.
And I never once told you that I love you, even though I do.
So, what do you think? Please let me know, I need to know whether
I'm wasting my time trying to write this stuff! All feedback
answered with thoughtful replies (if you want!)