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4939FIC: Thaw, Scott/Logan, implied Scott/Jean, R

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  • hypertwink
    May 19, 2003
    • 0 Attachment
      Title: Thaw
      Author: Glenn (glennethph@...)
      Fandom: Xmen Movieverse
      Pairing: Scott/Logan, Scott/Jean
      Rating: R
      Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
      Summary: Life goes on for Scott.
      Disclaimer: Marvel owns them. I just have fun writing about them.
      Notes: This is my first story for this fandom. Actually, my first
      story ever out of QAF fandom. So feedback is very much appreciated.
      Thanks to my beta, joeblessu.
      Warning: Character Death
      Spoilers: X2

      ~~~

      Your grave is beautiful.

      It's a silent sea of crystal blue, framed by a soft expanse of snow.
      Flanked by the calm stillness of mountains. Adorned by the verdant
      wreaths of trees. Gilded by mild blaze of the mid-morning sun.

      But it wasn't like this...

      A year ago.

      Then, it was a cruel wasteland of thundering water and pounding hail,
      of broken wood and ruined rock. And through my eyes, the landscape
      was a harsh red, seeming to bleed with grief.

      "She's gone."

      Even as I rejected the truth, I could feel its tendrils burrowing
      beneath my skin, chilling the flesh within. A bitter frost
      obliterating all heat.

      And I brought the ice back with me. Back to our gutted mansion.
      Back to our own arrested lives. Back to my role as calm, fearless
      leader - a fa├žade as that was beginning to chafe. It wasn't the time
      for weakness and self-pity, to wallow in misery or pain.

      I had to be strong.

      For the Professor whose mind was raped...For Ororo whose serenity was
      shattered...Bobby whose sense of betrayal ran deep...Rogue whose
      depression cast her adrift...Kurt whose faith faltered for a
      while...the kids whose world seemed to be in utter chaos. I had to
      be there for everyone. Even Logan, whose eerie silences, more than
      his frightening rages, alienated him from everyone.

      I had to be the strong one, Jean.

      Now that you weren't there anymore.

      In time, order was restored. The mansion was quickly rebuilt. The X-
      men - with Kurt, Bobby, and Rogue as its new additions - were
      functioning as a team again, dealing with the fallout of Stryker's
      plans and guarding vigilantly against Magneto's. And each day, the
      rooms and corridors began to brighten up once more with youthful
      chatter and happy voices, their laughter keeping sadness at bay.

      Almost.

      Because, for me, it was still the middle of winter.

      I would dream. Of being encased in ice. Of drowning in a freezing
      deluge. Of being crushed under snow and stone. Of you dying.

      Of me dying. Always alone.

      Then I would wake up, screaming.

      Safe. Alive. But still alone.

      Until one night, a whisper slashed through the icy darkness.

      "Stop it, Scott."

      Logan.

      "Get out!" Mind your own fucking business!

      "Just shut the fuck up, Scott!"

      Before I could say anything else, he was already on the bed. And
      just like the day you died, he was cradling me in his arms. His
      movements belying the harshness of his words.

      A body, hewn in conflict, now surrounded mine gently. Hands that
      were vicious in battle, calmed the shivers and wiped away tears. A
      face, unyielding in the daylight, now softened in sympathy. And his
      voice, often sharp with sarcasm, was lulling me to sleep.

      I fell asleep to the rhythm of blunt fingers running through my hair.

      He held me close to him all night.

      Like on many nights after, when I would dream again. He would lie
      beside me, my head pillowed on the hardness of his chest. My body
      snug against his, blanketed by his warmth.

      After a while, he would just appear by my door, as I was about to go
      in. Or he'd be sitting patiently by the bed when I entered the
      room. And then, he would wrap his arms around me and wordlessly rock
      me to sleep.

      He'd stay until morning. Waiting only until I woke up before going
      back to his room.

      There were times when I thought that it was a just a dream. That
      maybe in my grief-stricken madness, I had conjured his image. A
      shadow to share the loneliness. A delusion just to make the pain
      bearable. Someone just as desolate. Just as wretched.

      But he was real. Undeniably, relentlessly so.

      As real as the food he forced me to eat. As brutal as the threat of
      his claws, if I don't.

      As dismal as the shadows in my room. As bright as the sunlight when
      he first tore the curtains down.

      As menacing as his growl. As strident as my resentment.

      As vivid as the cuts on my body. As severe as the hits I inflicted
      on his.

      As startling as his pleas. As pliable as my acquiescence.

      As tangible as the tears that stained our faces.

      And as palpable as one body spooned against another.

      Up to now, I can't figure out when things began to change. I just
      knew one night that they had.

      Suddenly, there was this awkwardness around one another. A hesitancy
      when touching, an uncertainty in speaking. And an intense awareness
      that something was about to happen. And then, there was heat.

      So much heat.

      As hands gripped. Mouths clashed. Legs intertwined. Fingers
      stroked. Bodies crashed and tumbled. Shifted and unfolded.

      A coupling of flesh and fire.

      Of breath and velocity.

      Of depth and desperation.

      Of essence and electricity.

      Of rage and release.

      Yeah, things had definitely changed.

      It felt wrong, at first.

      We weren't really friends. Not then. The only thing common between
      us was you.

      But you were dead.

      I wasn't. Barely living, yes, but still alive.

      So was Logan.

      And that was probably the best reason, the only reason either of us
      could find.

      As we took whatever comfort we could get. Losing ourselves in one
      another. Trying to forget what we both had lost.

      I tried fooling myself, that it was you I was seeing when I looked at
      him. You I was feeling when I touched him. You I was making love to
      when I fucked him. I believed he did, too.

      It worked. For a while.

      Then, we couldn't couldn't pretend anymore. Not when we were
      straining against hard angles and rough stubble. Hearing rasped-out
      demands and vulgar roars. Feeling blunt fingers, savage caresses,
      frenzied climax.

      And if in the aftermath, his kisses would turn soft and his hands
      would gentle, it still wasn't you. It would never ever be you.

      But it was more than what I had expected.

      And I'm okay with that. More than okay, in fact.

      Because I didn't dream of ice or snow anymore. I could finally
      remember you without seeing death and despair.

      I hope you're okay with it, too.

      A body steps up behind me, arms sliding across my torso. Enfolding
      me, pulling me firmly to him. A face nuzzles my neck. "Hey bub."

      Charming, as usual.

      "Hey bub, yourself."

      My Logan-impersonation makes him smile, his lips ghosting over my
      skin.

      "Nice visit with Jean?"

      "Yeah."

      "Me too. Had lots to talk about..." He turns me around to face him,
      but never letting me out of his embrace. "You okay?"

      I couldn't help but smile. "More than okay."

      "Good." His trademark smirk appears. "It's such a bitch, taking
      care of you."

      Bastard.

      "I'm a big boy."

      A quirk of a bushy eyebrow, then a slow, suggestive grin.

      Horny bastard.

      "I mean, I don't need to be taken care of..." A pause before
      saying, "Not anymore."

      "Oh, I think you do."

      Smug, horny bastard.

      He may be right...but I'm not going to admit that. Especially now
      when he's flashing this really big, irritating smile at me.

      And since I can't think of anything to say that can wipe that grin
      off his face, I do something else that could:

      I kiss him.

      And I let him take care of me, as we stand there wrapped in each
      other's arms. Basking in the sun.