4710Fic: "Darker Destiny: Who Cares Anyway?" PG-13/R (1/1)
- Feb 7, 2003Darker Destiny: Who Cares Anyway?
By Nadja Lee 14/05/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe/an AU. Before the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Summary: A young man is slowly falling
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Warning: May contain disturbing elements. This is a VERY dark tale! You have been warned.
Sequel/series: Part of the Darker Destiny series but you doesnt need to read the earlier parts to follow this. You can read the entire series here:
Thanks to Estelle for Beta.
Have you ever wondered what it is like when everything is slowly fading out and youre losing focus?
They dont understand. No one understands me. I stand here in the middle of a crowded room, everyone are smiling, a beer in my hand, a beautiful woman beside me and I feel so lost. The music is so loud I can barely think.
Im the only one the others look up to. I get all the girls, Im the centre of attention And Im slipping away. I dont know what or even who I am anymore. All these parties and nameless beauties are fading. I drink to forget and to remember. I dont know where Im going anymore.
Nothing seems real; no emotions are real. I love no one and no one loves me. It seems as if Im walking on an empty road with no chance of deviating from it.
I know Im getting caught in my own role and my own image. I thought it was this I wanted; it seemed so simple. The truth is I dont want their respect because they fear my organisation, my people or me. I want their respect because they admire my work and me.
I feel no remorse over stealing; its what I had to do from an early age to survive. The streets either harden you or kill you. I wanted ahead, I wanted to become someone and I did the leader of the Thieves Guild. Im now the leader of one of the biggest crime organisations in America. I thought that would make me happy but it doesnt.
Everything is false; from their loyalty to their smiles. Theyre all just waiting to stick a knife into my back and take what I have from me. They dont dare to do it right now but if I should loosen my hold . they will.
I didnt think I would care about the way I got so far; I didnt think I would think about all the people Ive hurt on my way. At daytime their voices are quiet; drowned out by the smell of money and fear but at night time when everything is still, the only sound the breathing of the guard outside my room, my fingers find the gun on my night stand and I hear them. They laugh at me, mock me, plea with me theyre driving me insane.
Worst of all is my father. I see him every night. He threatens me, frightens me and accuses me of his death. When he was alive our relationship was built on fear; my fear for him and my total dependence on him. But I changed all that. I made him feel what I had felt; how it was to be the little one and then I killed him.
Life never turns out the way you think it will but I never had any dreams or thoughts about my future so where does that leave me? I just wanted to live, to be someone now I doubt Ill reach 30.
At night, in the darkness I pray to a God whose name I thought I had forgotten .even I dont know what I ask for but its something .just something I feel is missing.