4709Fic: "Darker Destiny: What Was And What Is" PG-13/R (1/1) [X/M]
- Feb 7, 2003Darker Destiny: What Was And What Is
By Nadja Lee 14/05/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe/an AU. Before the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Summary: A man wonders if he could have done something else with his life
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Warning: May contain disturbing elements. This is a VERY dark tale! You have been warned.
Sequel/series: Part of the Darker Destiny series but you doesnt need to read the earlier parts to follow this. You can read the entire series here:
The only part of it you might need to read to understand this is Darker Destiny: Lost Somewhere which is a comparison piece to this. You can read that story here:
Thanks to Estelle for Beta.
Authors notes: The Darker Destiny series is based on the concept what if Xavier had never founded the X-men? in the movieverse and then given it a darker spin.
Have you ever wondered what it is like to be caught between a past you cant let go and a future you cant escape?
They never change. Fear makes them hate and hate makes them kill. Ive seen people at their worst and sad to say their worst is the face they show most often.
I cant remember a time where fear and hate didnt rule the world and where me and mine werent in danger. People always fear what they dont know or dont understand unfortunately they rarely do anything to understand and open their minds. It must be boring to live in such a closed world and only see things in black and white. I wonder how they can justify the hate in their lives when there is no logical explanation for it? Most of them have never even met whoever or whatever it is they hate with such intensity.
I vaguely remember my home in Poland and my parents. Hate and prejudice tore our lives apart. They were taken from me and at that time I didnt have enough control or power to save them. Ill never let that happen again, Ill never feel that helpless again.
In the camp during the war the Nazi doctors discovered my powers over magnetism and ran countless and agonizing tests on me in hope of finding a way to use my powers to their advantage. The days and nights seemed endless and floated into one. To survive I retreated so far into my own mind that I couldnt feel anything. I dont remember much from those years; my mind was a blank and I had closed myself off to the world outside. At night I sometimes awake from terrible nightmares of torture and rape I cant even begin to describe but the human mind is an amazing thing; to protect my own sanity Im never able to remember anything from the dreams; only an overwhelming feeling of fear and helplessness. Its nights like those where I more than anything need my lover and hes there for me. He takes me in his arms and calms me and in the dark of the night its all right for me to be weak for just a few hours but come daytime we never talk about it because I cannot do so. In the light I need to be strong, I have to.
After far too long the war finally ended and the camp was freed but it wasnt until two years later in a hospital in France where I slowly returned to reality. Nuns had been looking after me and I think it was their gentle touch and sweet voices that finally brought me back. I doubt I would have come back if a man has been looking after me; at that time I was used to a mans touch that could bring only pain and suffering while the only memory of a woman I had was of my mothers sweet love. It took five more years before the Sisters thought me ready to slowly return to the real world. I had left the world as a young boy filled with joy and love and returned to it a grown man who was scarred on body and soul for life. To this day I still remember the Sisters and all they did for me and every year I make a donation to their Church and their order. As long as the Sisters who looked after me were alive I visited them a few days every year but now they are long dead and I dont visit Europe at all. I wouldnt mind visiting England, France or any of the other Allied countries but I could never return to Germany, Poland or any of the Nazi controlled countries. The memories are too fresh in my mind even now. Though they are much more infrequent now I sometimes still have vivid flashbacks of the war. I can walk down a busy street and suddenly Im sure I see Nazi soldiers coming at me, their guns raised and threatening. If not Charles at these occasions helps me suppress those memories I could destroy half a city because of a memory. I once did just that to a smaller town in Africa before I met him and that was why I for so long didnt use my powers.
After I left the Sisters I studied in England and became a Doctor. I began working at a hospital for mentally and physically wounded in war. It was there I first met Charles. My heart had become closed and hard from the scars of war and I hadnt loved anyone since my parents death. Charles broke through my stonewalls and defences. His light and compassion warmed my darkness and melted the ice around my heart. We became friends and I soon realised I wanted to be more than friends. Its strange but I never once saw Charles like I saw other men; due to the torture of my mind and body the male Nazi guards had put me through I had and still have a great hate and mistrust to all men save Charles. I never saw him like a man like that; he was simply Charles. I was unsure of what I could do about my feelings because I wasnt sure if he repaid them. I knew he wouldnt mind me being a mutant; he was too kind and compassionate to let that stop him and he was engaged in first mutant rights movements and later also gay movements so I was left to wonder if he was what I hoped he was or simply the most tolerant and open person I had ever met.
Things collided the night he was attacked. I felt his pain and aguish in my mind, like a scream. For the first time since I had accidentally ruined half a city I dared to use my powers and I flew to his aid. My rage was red hot when I saw what they were doing to him; they were hurting my Charles, the man I love! Filled with fear and anger beyond anything I had ever felt I attacked them and killed them without a second thought. They acted like brutal animals and as such I treated them. Charles was badly hurt and I brought him to a hospital and stayed with him. We admitted our love and that we were both mutants but at that time I wondered if our love would be enough to get us through what lay ahead. A difficult year followed when Charles fought to come to teams with being an invalid. Hes a proud man and had trouble accepting help; especially from me. He feared I stayed out of compassion instead of love. I realised that I needed to show him I needed him as he needed me and so through words and actions I let him know without a doubt that he was loved and needed and finally he let me know the same.
After what Charles had been through neither he or I had any desire to remain in America where it had happened. I quickly found that America has the strongest double moral Ive ever seen and its the most divided country Ive visited for a long time. For such a young country it has had an unnatural great among of very bloody wars and massacres; maybe because if such a divided country shall ever survive it constantly needs an enemy; any enemy and I had no desire to stay and find Charles and me being labelled as such. So after Charles had fully recovered we moved to the East and due to the founds left by both our parents we never lack anything and have a great home where we live together.
At times I wonder if I could have done more to help my people, to prevent the dark future were heading towards. Another future were hate and prejudice rules the world but then I look at Charles and I see that we were actually lucky; he only lost the use of his legs. Had we continued, had he continued, we would both end up dead and I dont want him to die and I dont want to die now where I have finally found love and a sense of peace.
No, this is the way things were meant to be. We cant save the world from itself. Only they can change its fate and they dont want to. Ill stay with Charles in our own little Paradise of love and close out the world. One day the hate will find us and destroy us but when that day comes I pray were both long dead and buried because I wont go back to being a prisoner and having another number tattooed into my arm. I would rather die than live like that. Their hate will not hold me prisoner ever again and Ill make sure they wont get Charles either. Well be together in life or death if needs be. Weve done nothing wrong yet we are the ones wholl get punished by their blindness.
I wonder if theyll ever open their mind and see? Or do they really have to destroy the entire world one more time before they see that were not the enemy they fear; they are. The enemy they fight .are themselves and their own fear and hate.