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4697FIC: Through My Eyes: Grey Sky Morning 4/7

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  • Autumn <autumnleaves@autumnpenguins.com>
    Jan 28, 2003
    • 0 Attachment
      Title: Grey Sky Morning

      Series: Through My Eyes 4/7

      Disclaimer in part one

      Previous parts can be found at:

      wwww.autumnpenguins.com

      or Fanfiction.net under PearlyJammer

      *******************

      My fiancé is capable of murder. It sounds terrible to hear, and
      though I've been a part of the team since the inception, I can't help
      but feel disgusted and repulsed. Scott would have let that girl die
      up there. It could have been me; he would have let me die. It's too
      much to take. Granted, when you go out there on the field, you know
      you are taking risks, you know that you depend on your teammates,
      you're prepared for it mentally. But emotionally nobody can accept
      that their partner would let them die if they felt it was the lesser
      of two evils. How am I supposed to accept that? How does anybody cope
      with that? I love Scott, and I want to marry him, but this is just
      too much.

      I know I've been different around him lately. It started about a week
      ago when I overheard him and Charles talking about battle strategy.
      Scott said he would sacrifice one of us if it were necessary. Charles
      asked him if that included me, and there was silence. We all know
      that it speaks so much more than an answer to an unpleasant question.

      I was angry and I was hurt. You never expect to hear something like
      that; it just never crossed my mind. So when Logan and Rogue came
      here I flirted with Logan. It was to get a reaction out of Scott, but
      it was more than that. I'll admit I was and still am a bit jealous of
      Rogue. She'd known Logan less than a week, yet he'd saved her life
      willingly over and over. He would cross the line of death for her, he
      briefly did and all this when he never knew his true feelings for her.

      He cared for her, he doesn't lover her. Not yet, but he will. Given
      time he will realize how much he loves her and Rogue will be a lucky
      woman. I can see it in her eyes that she reciprocates his feelings.
      They say it's just a crush, but I know it isn't. It is the same way I
      looked at Scott when I first fell in love with him all those years
      ago. She will have a man that would willingly die for her, not let
      her die. Who wouldn't be jealous of that? Whoever says they wouldn't
      be is lying. We all want love, we all want security. It's only
      natural. That being said, I regret letting jealousy get the better of
      me when Logan awoke from his coma. I gave him bullshit

      Ororo Munroe is such a beautiful person but she is alone. She
      pretends she doesn't mind, and I'm sure to an extent that she doesn't
      mind it at all. She functions perfectly by herself, but I know she
      has her moments of sorrow, everybody does at some time. But Ororo
      feels it more deeply than others. She is an incredibly spiritual and
      at times ethereal person. She feels so deeply she often hides behind
      an aloof façade.

      It is easier for her. She told me once that it was better to act as
      if nothing affected her too much than to cry at every hint of death
      and suffering. I'm certain she adopted this attitude when she was
      still in Africa, yet she has not yet dared to let her guard down. I
      hope one day she will find the will to do so; maybe then she'll open
      her heart to someone.

      My beloved Scott. He loves with open abandon; I can say this as I
      have been on the receiving end of it for the past eight years. He is
      giving, caring and always mindful of others. Perhaps that's why it
      has been such a struggle these past few days to come to terms with
      his alter ego, Cyclops. His admission was one that chilled me to the
      core. It was not something my love, my confident and my friend would
      say. It was more along the lines of what Magneto would.

      I can no longer deny that there is a darker side to Scott than I
      anticipated. His role as leader of the X-Men grows in these darkening
      times. I suppose I will have to swallow this biter pill eventually
      and analyze him with clinical detachment. It's the only way to avoid
      unpleasant surprises. If he is prepared to sacrifice a teammate, then
      it is only right I sacrifice my one dimensional image of Scott and
      instead see him for what he is, my loving partner, and Cyclops; the
      field soldier. I confess I have to look at that as two separate
      people. Knowing that my future husband is prepared to give up my life
      is something I cannot face. Could you?