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4519Fic: "Who Needs You Anyway?" PG-13 (1/1) [R,L,S,J,O]

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  • Nadja Lee
    Sep 5, 2002
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      Who Needs You Anyway?

      By Nadja Lee 13/8/2002

      English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
      Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
      Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
      Timeline: Set after the X-men movie.
      Universe: Movie. ONLY movie!
      Romance: Now that would be telling...
      Summary: Marie, Logan, Jean, Scott and Ororo talk about need and love.
      Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
      Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
      Rating: PG-13
      Sequel/series: Part of “Thoughts” which is not a series with a continuing plotline but stories with the same structure and flow. This is the 2td story in this series; the first was “Tears On My Cheeks”. You don’t need to read the other stories in this series to follow this one.

      For Meg with love, for Estelle for reasons she knows well and as always for Sorcieré with love and thanks.

      Thanks to Estelle for the Beta.

      * * *

      You’re leaving me. You promised you would take care of me…I thought you would always be there.

      I don’t want to cry but how can I not when I love you? No, I don’t need this. I’m safe now, I’m…happy.

      Who needs you anyway? You’re ill-mannered, way too old and….handsome, courageous, brave, kind, gentle…..damn, this isn’t working at all. Your name is the first I think of saying, when I do something I wish to show it to you, when I experience something I wish to share it with you….you’re always on my mind. I reach for you only to remember you’re not there, every second sentence I say has your name in it or is about you. Like a ghost you hunt me and torment me with your absence.

      Who needs you anyway?

      I guess I do.


      A frightened kid who can’t take care of anyone, not even herself. Innocent and unspoiled….young…..nothing more than a child. I would have to be the responsible one for both of us and I’m not good at that.

      I would have to care for you and the only one I’m good at taking care of is myself, I would have to listen to your needs and all I care for are my own….I don’t compromise, I don’t bend, I’m difficult to live with; Hell, I’m difficult to even talk to.

      Who needs you anyway? I surely don’t. I have enough trouble of my own. I don’t need this. I’m a man with no past and a future that holds no plan, no light and no hope. There is no real future for me. I’m a man without a name, a past and without funds. What would you be with me? No one. Where would we go and what would we do? No, babe you’re better off by staying where you are. You wouldn’t be safe with me; I can’t offer you anything.

      Who needs you anyway? Soft hair, big eyes, kindness…trust. How long since anyone has ever trusted me completely. I can’t remember the last time anyone did. Such a bright smile, stars in her eyes…love shinning in them, soft hands around me, her head on my chest….comfort, love, warmth….never alone or cold again.

      Who needs you anyway?

      I guess I do.


      Go, leave. Say goodbye to her and not me. See if I care. Go on.

      I do not love you; you do not have me intrigued. I do not long to be in your arms and taste your kiss…I’m happy where I am. I love my man…I’m happy and content.

      You can’t tempt me, I’m not wondering, I’m not longing to let you show me the world. Your rude manners edged with flirtation, softness and hints do not take on me.

      I like quiet and responsible, I like reason and order. I do not long for adventure and life; I do not need a walk on the wild side.

      Your handsome looks and gorgeous body do not make me lust for you. I do not need you, I do not want you. I do not think about you at all, I do not dream about you, fantasize…wonder.

      I’m happy where I am. I’m not jealous of her, a mere child. You do not love her, you just feel responsible. I’m not jealous that it was she and not me you saved with a kiss…..I do not wish it was me instead. I’m not like that, I’m a responsible adult, and I know what I want and what I need. I have no doubts about my part in life and my future.

      I have no doubts, I do not wonder, I do not long, I do not dream. Your leaving does not pain me; you’re just a fleeting acquaintance…a friend. No more. I do not need you, I was fine before you came and I still am. You have awoken nothing in me, nothing at all.

      I will not betray my man, I love him. I will not betray him. Neither in thoughts nor in deeps. I will not.

      Yet I feel I crash in my mind, my defense is crumbling. The truth always hurts…

      Who needs you anyway?

      I do.


      Why don’t you just admit you want him? I can see it in your eyes, in the way you walk, in the words you don’t speak.

      It doesn’t matter what you say, only what people think you mean and I think you mean to tell me you want him and not me.

      You do not want to hurt me but sweetheart can’t you see that this pretense is worse than anything else? It’s like living a lie; a terrible lie and I can’t do that.

      Don’t play me, don’t kid yourself. It’s no longer my face you see in your mind but his. Let’s not drag this out and cause more pain than we need to.

      Leave me be, leave me alone. Who needs you anyway? Your love, your warmth, your touch, your kisses……….I do not need them. I can get by without your love.

      Continuing this will only bring us more heartache. Leave now while I can still let you go. Think for a while what you want and when you’re sure in your choice then come tell me but not before. It’s not me you need to justify things for or convince; it’s yourself.

      So go, go……leave me. Just leave me.

      God damn it……..why do you haunt me so much? Why do you torment me so?

      Who needs you anyway?

      I do but I can get by. I always do.


      You don’t see me, you don’t notice me. What shall I do to gain your attention? Sometimes I fear I could walk around naked and you still wouldn’t see me.

      I do not want to hurt her, she’s my best friend but I’ve loved you since I first saw you and though she doesn’t mean to she always hurts you. I would never do that. Please, just see me.

      What shall I do? Is it hopeless? Maybe you don’t feel the same about me as I do about you. Maybe you have seen the signals and are trying to be kind by pretending you haven’t noticed. On the other hand you’re so in love with her and so insecure about yourself and are always sure no one wants you so maybe you have seen the signals and are sure they aren’t for you or……..or you simply see me as a friend and teammate…….nothing more.

      What shall I do to make you notice me? Just tell me and I’ll do it. What shall I do?

      Oh, this is hopeless. Who needs you anyway? You’re emotionally closed off, difficult to talk to, drawn into yourself, never talk about your emotions, you’re unreadable in face and body, have more complexes and traumas than most of the people here and demand the best of people and even more of yourself. And you can seem so alone and lost, like a small frightened child. You’re handsome and brave, strong and willing to give all, even your own life for anyone who’s in trouble. You have more concern about others and then team than you have for yourself. You never complain about your fate and though your life has been filled with darkness and would have left anyone else embittered and violent you have pulled through and remain a beacon of strength and hope.

      Bless the Goddess……..why do you haunt me so much? Why do you torment me so?

      Who needs you anyway?

      I do but I can get by. I always do.


      The End