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2543Fic: Control - 1/1 - Rogue POV

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  • victoria p.
    Apr 6 8:58 PM
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      Title: Control
      Author: Victoria P. [victoria_p@...]
      Summary: Rogue leaves a message for someone
      Rating: PG
      Disclaimer: All X-Men characters belong to Marvel and Fox; this piece of
      fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.
      Archive: Lists, unfitforsociety.net, Kate Bolin's Dead Letters site if
      she wants it, otherwise, just ask.
      Feedback: Better than evol peeps
      Notes: Thanks to Dot, Meg, Jen, and Pete.


      Control

      I suppose you're surprised that I did it. Or maybe not. You always knew
      me better than anyone. At least, I thought so. You never made me
      self-conscious, never made me feel like a freak, an outcast, even though
      I had no control.

      I envied your control. I wanted it so much. Oh, sure, you had to have
      help, most people do, but you were exquisite in the way you made it seem
      like you were on top of everything, even when the world was collapsing
      around you.

      I could have had it. Had you, your control. All I needed to do was reach
      out and touch and you would have been mine, all mine. Just me and you
      here in my head. Forever. Well, except for Logan and Erik and David and
      Carol. But I would have taken all of you. Every last bit of you and I
      would have exploded from happiness that I finally had you all to myself.

      Jean never appreciated you. Never. Not as much as I could have. As I
      did. Yeah, she was faithful. She never slept with Logan, but she wanted
      to. I never slept with him either, despite what everyone thinks. I
      didn't want to. I knew him, better than anyone, and I knew he didn't,
      couldn't want me. He had eyes only for red hair and green eyes, same as
      you.

      You don't know how alike you two are, really. Except for your control.

      That's what I wanted, and why I wanted you, Scott.

      I'm so sorry about last night. I didn't mean -- no, that's a lie. I did
      mean it. I do love you. I wanted you to know, wanted you to think of
      life beyond her. Life with me. And you looked so sad when you told me
      you didn't want me. I know you tried to let me down easy, and you did. I
      knew what your answer would be long before you said it. I just had to
      make sure. Because I would have hated to have found out now that you
      loved me. So really, you just made it easier for me. And I really, truly
      am thankful for that.

      Don't blame yourself. I don't. It was easy, so easy to put the gun in my
      mouth and blow off the back of my head. Even Logan couldn't heal me from
      that.

      I'm just sorry you're the one who found me. Love you.

      ~*~Fin~*~

      victoria

      --

      Rocky: "I don't think I like you."
      Ginger: "I don't think I care."
      _Chicken Run_

      --

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