Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

[wrestling-online] Wrestling-Online Newsletter #399

Expand Messages
  • Colin Vassallo
    TO UNSUBSCRIBE E-MAIL: wrestling-online-unsubscribe@egroups.com W R E S T L I N G - O N L I N E N E W S L E T T E R Wednesday, September 8th, 1999 I S S U E
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 8 2:24 PM
      TO UNSUBSCRIBE E-MAIL: wrestling-online-unsubscribe@egroups.com

      W R E S T L I N G - O N L I N E
      N E W S L E T T E R

      Wednesday, September 8th, 1999

      I S S U E # 3 9 9

      The Official daily newsletter of Wrestling-Online.com

      | Editor: |
      | Colin Vassallo |
      | Editor@... |

      http://www.wearthis.com STARTING FROM JUST $10!!! DURABLE IMPRINT ON


      By Colin Vassallo, [Editor@...]

      NEW at the Wrestling Megastore [http://wrestling-online.com/megastore/%5d,
      the biographies of The Rock and Mankind! Pre-order now!! Just go to
      [http://wrestling-online.com/megastore/books/1.html%5d and check out the


      ** C L A S S I C M O M E N T S **

      You can now relive wrestling's greatest moments at Wrestling-Online.com!
      Wrestling video clips from the 80s and early 90s. Jump in the time
      machine, and get ready for a wild ride!


      >> RW
      The King [TheKing@...]

      READERS NOTE: The King of Culture is unable to comply with all the
      requests for autographs since his last column due to an unforeseen
      accident during a manicure session.

      A mere eight days ago, I went on record in saying that Chris Jericho is
      the most over-rated man in the WWF today. As many of you pointed out, I
      was wrong.

      A mere eight days ago, I stated that the intellect of the denizens of
      the United Kingdom is superior to that of those individuals in the
      United States. As many of you pointed out, I was wrong.

      To start with the latter point, through the mis-spelt, derivative,
      unoriginal, cliched and generally incomprehensible and incoherent
      ramblings of those who felt the burning urge to tell me what they
      thought of me, it became rather clear that it is not just the
      Americans who are unbelievably stupid (although they are certainly
      morons of the highest standard) - it is the scum of society who are
      exceptionally cretinous. These miscreants can easily be detected - they
      disagree with my righteous judgement and sage wisdom. Here
      is a simple test to discover where you fit into life's map:

      1/ Do you disagree with and detest the King of Culture?
      2/ Do you agree with the King of Culture?
      3/ Do you idolise and worship the King of Culture?
      4/ Are you The King of Culture?

      If you answered "yes" to question 4, you are the top of the food chain,
      so to speak - a truly legendary being who has the God given right to
      walk over anyone he pleases at his convenience without apology or
      regret. I realise that this is fairly extreme, but then
      again, The King of Culture is one of a kind, one in a trillion - no,
      wait, make that one billion.

      If you answered "yes" to question 3, you are a person worthy of great
      respect. Not from my elite self, you understand, but from the yobs, the
      rejects, the winos and the sloths who wind their way down any red light
      backstreet after hours, trying to forget their
      pathetic lot in life and revel in the belief that they are young, wild,
      free and happy, when they are indeed just scraps of aimless flesh with
      no purpose, no aim and no future. If you answered "yes" to this
      question, you are close to greatness. You are very nearly a member of my

      If you answered "yes" to question 2, you need to put a little more
      conviction into your life. Stand up and dare to be great! You're right
      to agree with me, you're wrong not to worship me. Don't get me wrong, I
      do not ask for human sacrifice! No, certainly not! The
      occasional sacrifice of a chicken or goat will placate me enough.

      If you answered "yes" to question 1, you are the person described two
      stanzas ago - the dregs of the community, wasting my time and, more
      importantly, wasting your own time. I would personally suggest suicide
      for these derelicts of the age, but commiting Harry
      Krishna when you are so exceptionally poor is hard to do - you only own
      a one floor house at best, so diving from a height is hard, you can't
      afford a plane ticket so skydiving without a parachute cannot be
      achieved. It is a tricky one indeed. My personal
      recommendation is that you can shoot yourself if you are an American -
      after all, we all know that every dozy hick yokel has a shotgun called
      "Charlene" or "Mindy" or maybe just simply "Boom stick", under the bed.
      If you are English, I would recommend a dip
      in the sea near Blackpool followed by a nifty cigarette. That should end
      things quickly enough.

      To correct myself about Jericho, I will say this. I was wrong - there is
      somebody more over-rated than him. He walks around with garish shirts
      straight out of the 70's Beach Pimp world clothes catalogue and believes
      that twitching half of his face whilst keeping
      the other side still makes him "electrifying". Heavens, if this be so,
      Jim Ross could have a future in this business.

      The most sleep inducing man in sports entertainment today is certainly
      in need of a lesson of how to wrestle. If one stripped him of his
      pathetic little catchphrases, designed to cover up Duane's neanderthal
      vocabulatory limitations, one would realise that he has as much talent
      at wrestling as a plank. A very cheap plank at that.

      Punch, kick, punch, kick. Maybe a sloppy samoan drop. Then it is time to
      dip into the gimmick bag and wake the crowd up from their coma through
      use of a cheap rabble rouser such as "Rock TV" or yet more catchphrases.
      Then, once the crowd is on their feet,
      scratching their heads and asking "Why are we shouting?" ("I dunno, but
      the fleas are biting my head again" "You should dip it in methylated
      spirits" "You kiddin'? What a waste of a drink....") the Rock goes back
      to his mundane repetoire, an uranage suplex
      followed by "the most electrifying move in sports entertainment", an
      elbowdrop. Find 10 people who like the "People's Elbow" and then ask
      them the following - do they like Hogan's Legdrop? Do they like Jim
      Duggan's clothesline? I'm sure they detest them. They are basic, boring
      and dull moves. Just like an elbowdrop. "Ah", you say, assuming, maybe
      foolishly, that you possess the power of intelligible speech, "it's not
      the move he does, it's the way he does it". That's right. Stopping in
      mid run, putting his foot in the air and promptly suffering an epileptic
      seizure is certainly my idea of
      entertainment. Maybe you can tell, but for those dimwitted, mediocre
      beings out there, I am being sarcastic. The sad thing is that all of you
      worthless pieces of used up and worn out bubblegum stand up and clap
      like seals at feeding time. Acting like primates is
      not the way forward people, but looking at all of you, I feel it just
      might be an improvement.



      - Lucas on WWF.com today announced that Federation owner Vince McMahon
      will be appearing on TV at "WWF Rebellion", the UK PPV to take place on
      October 2nd. McMahon will join the broadcast booth and will help with
      the play-by-play.

      - Tomorrow night on MTV, we will see the 1999 MTV Music Video Awards.
      Scheduled to present one of the awards is former WWF Champion Stone Cold
      Steve Austin. Debra, Road Dogg and X-Pac were also invited and will be
      in New York tomorrow.

      - During RAW, Tori received a shot in the head with a plain of glass,
      thanks to Women's champ Ivory. EMT's immidiatley took care of Tori
      backstage. She had a few cuts to her head, and glass in her mouth which
      caused bleeding.

      - Curt Creighton reports that Chris Jericho will soon be debuting a
      column in Metal Edge Magazine. Chris will write about the current metal
      band scene and reflect on growing up as a huge metal band fan.

      > GETTIN' RAW REPORT, By Christopher Michaels
      - They start out the show talking about the different events and angles
      that went down of Raw last night.

      - First caller asks Lucas why he said WCW killed the hummer driver 2
      weeks ago on WWF Getting’ Raw. Lucas says two weeks ago the angle was
      dead, but WCW has revived it since then. The caller asks who Lucas
      thinks is the driver? Lucas feels it will turn out to be Luger as the
      hummer driver.

      - Second caller asks if there are going to have a Gettin’ Raw t-shirt.
      They say it might be on the way.

      - They talk a little about Alex Wright’s new gimmick as berlyn. Both
      Lucas and Jimmy said they had mixed feelings about it. They don’t think
      WCW should turn it into an us vs. them angle. As far as the US vs.
      Germany. And they also need to get a translator with better charisma and
      who is better looking.

      - Lucas talks about Meat’s choice to reveal his dad’s former status with
      the WWF, and they wish him the best of luck in the future.

      - Next caller asks why ECW doesn’t get as much publicity as the WWF and
      WCW? Lucas says it’s because they don’t have the money to advertise
      their product as widespread as the big 2.

      - Al Snow calls in and talks about the gimmicks he has been using in the
      last couple of weeks. He said eventually Head will return, but until
      then he is going to experiment with a few angles. Al Snow gets cut off
      the phone.



      > BUFF SIGNS?
      - Al Isaacs of Scoopswrestling.com reports that Buff Bagwell re-signed
      with WCW to stay in the federation until 2001. His contract was going to
      run out in 4 months.

      - The man who used to be known as "Mr Perfect", is nursing a knee
      injury, which kept him out from the battle royal. Hennig said on WCW
      Live that this year had two surgeries, and his knee has been bothering
      him in the recent weeks.

      - They were in ECW, they were in the WWF and now they are locked for one
      year with WCW. As part of the contract, ICP are scheduled to appear at
      all house shows through the end of September. When their music tour
      resumes in October they will only be appearing on selected Nitro shows
      and PPVs.

      - WCW announced that for the next weeks, they will hold a 'competition'
      that will end up with a lucky fan getting one million dollars. This will
      surely get alot of media attention, and probably a way to get viewers
      back to watch Nitro while RAW is on due to ratings. It's also reported
      that WCW.com will be involved with this competition.

      - 1wrestling.com's Bob Ryder reports that tonight WCW president Eric
      Bischoff will join the staff of WCW Live for a chat. Check wcw.com for
      more information.

      - Mean Gene Okerlund decided to stay in WCW until October 31st. It's
      reported that during the next 2 months WCW and Okerlund will discuss
      some contract.

      - WCW are cleaning up their locker room, releasing Mickey Whipwreck,
      Swoll, 4x4, Chase Tantum and the No Limit Soldiers.


      Wrestling-Online Newsletter is copyright of Colin
      Vassallo/Wrestling-Online. Do not print any of the information contained
      in the newsletter before first contacting the editor.

      The editor can be reached at Editor@...

      Copyright 1996-1999 Wrestling-Online
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.