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[Fwd: A few thoughts]

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  • Kristi Henderson
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    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 10, 1999
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      Subject: A few thoughts
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      In a message dated 2/8/99 1:35:03 PM Pacific Standard Time,
      mwillingham@... writes:

      << Just a few thoughts for 1999....by Steven Wright

      A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
      where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
      GO FIGURE!

      If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

      If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
      came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

      Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

      What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of
      bald men?

      I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
      husbands on beer cans.

      I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a
      whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . .
      they were cramming for their finals.

      I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little
      tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers
      use. Toothpicks?

      Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
      What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why
      don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so
      the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the
      mail?

      How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live
      there?

      If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
      exactly are the OTHERS here for?

      Clones are people two.


      If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
      there, is he still wrong?

      Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything
      will turn out OK.

      If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be
      vague.

      Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it
      didn't zigzag?

      Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

      Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

      If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
      is that considered a hostage situation?

      If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

      I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long
      I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

      So what's the speed of dark?

      How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And
      who has been dissing them anyhow?

      After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before
      getting OUT of the water?

      Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

      If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack
      it in?

      I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live
      above me are furious.

      Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

      Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
      taste funny?

      Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

      Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s"
      in it?

      Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some
      people appear bright until you hear them speak?

      How come abbreviated is such a long word?

      If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be
      twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?




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      Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 16:25:41 +0000
      From: mwillingham@... (willingham, marie)
      Organization: Lamar
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      Just a few thoughts for 1999....by Steven Wright

      A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
      where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
      GO FIGURE!

      If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

      If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
      came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

      Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

      What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of
      bald men?

      I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
      husbands on beer cans.

      I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a
      whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . .
      they were cramming for their finals.

      I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little
      tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers
      use. Toothpicks?

      Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
      What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why
      don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so
      the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the
      mail?

      How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live
      there?

      If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
      exactly are the OTHERS here for?

      Clones are people two.


      If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
      there, is he still wrong?

      Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything
      will turn out OK.

      If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be
      vague.

      Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it
      didn't zigzag?

      Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

      Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

      If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
      is that considered a hostage situation?

      If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

      I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long
      I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

      So what's the speed of dark?

      How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And
      who has been dissing them anyhow?

      After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before
      getting OUT of the water?

      Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

      If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack
      it in?

      I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live
      above me are furious.

      Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

      Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
      taste funny?

      Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

      Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s"
      in it?

      Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some
      people appear bright until you hear them speak?

      How come abbreviated is such a long word?

      If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be
      twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?



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