Internet Mail FWD>>yay! the darwin awards are here!
Date: 6/18/99 15:01
From: Suzi Bouveron
> The true high point of the e-mail year has arrived. Yes
> it is the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those sheltered few of
> you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards. These
> awards are given annually (and posthumously) to
> those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool
> by removing themselves from it.
> DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:
> #1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother
> decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their
> property with the aid of a pineapple.
> A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the
> explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They
> ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their
> home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed.
> The concussion of the explosion shattered the window
> inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki
> needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby
> hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung
> three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either
> brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of
> suffocation en-route to the hospital.
> #2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in
> Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his
> beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police,
> Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a
> semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional
> revolver) to Ken's head and fired.
> #3 - PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male
> choked to death on a sequined pastie he had orally removed
> from an exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't
> think he was going to eat it," the dancer identified only
> as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk."
> #5 - MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security man asked a colleague
> at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his
> bulletproof vest to see if it would protect him against a
> knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of
> a heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into
> the spirit of the Darwin Awards.)
> #6 - In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance
> when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of
> a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the
> other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some
> poison and set fire to his clothes.
> He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He
> jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him
> completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the
> threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The
> sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit
> the poison.
> He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was
> taken to a hospital, where he died of hypothermia.
> #7 - RENTON, WASHINGTON, USA. A Renton, Washington man
> tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his first
> attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no previous
> record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid
> choices as listed below:
> 1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms...a gun shop.
> 2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a
> substantial portion of the adult population is licensed to
> carry concealed handguns in public places.
> 3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police
> patrol car parked at the front door.
> 4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter,
> having coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the
> officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a
> few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned
> fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other
> customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one
> else was hurt.
> AND THE 1998 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS.....
> THOMPSON, MANITOBA, CANADA. Telephone relay company night
> watchman Edward Baker, 31, was killed early Christmas
> morning by excessive microwave radiation exposure. He was
> apparently attempting to keep warm next to a
> telecommunications feed-horn. Baker had been suspended on
> a safety violation once last year, according to Northern
> Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She noted
> that Baker's earlier infraction was for defeating a safety
> shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance
> catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish.
> He had told coworkers that it was the only way he could
> stay warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station,
> where winter temperatures often dip to forty below zero.
> Microwaves can heat water molecules within human
> tissue in the same way that they heat food in
> microwave ovens. For his Christmas shift, Baker reportedly
> brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn chair,
> which he positioned directly in line with the strongest
> microwave beam. Baker had not been told about a tenfold
> boost in microwave power planned that night to handle the
> anticipated increase in holiday long-distance calling
> traffic. Baker's body was discovered by the daytime
> watchman, John Burns, who was greeted by an odor he mistook
> for a Christmas roast he thought Baker must have prepared
> as a surprise. Burns also reported to NMSR company
> officials that Baker's unfinished beers had exploded.