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  • Jennifer Jacoby
    Mail*Link® SMTP None Well, I think I speak for the silent majority here when are say- are you guys for real? Was anyone really offended? Can t
    Message 1 of 6 , May 6 10:44 AM
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      Mail*Link� SMTP None

      Well, I think I speak for the silent majority here when are say- are you guys for real?

      Was anyone really offended? Can't we keep the list together, limeys and all?

      In the immortal words of Rodney King, can't we all just get along...
    • Jennifer Jacoby by way of Peter Bertlin
      Here here. While I can agree with the administration, I also feel that the union should have it s say. (Have I been teaching too long?) From: Jennifer
      Message 2 of 6 , May 6 1:29 PM
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        Here here. While I can agree with the administration, I also feel that the
        union should have it's say. (Have I been teaching too long?)

        From: "Jennifer Jacoby" <jjacoby@...>

        Mail*Link� SMTP None

        Well, I think I speak for the silent majority here when are say- are you
        guys for real?

        Was anyone really offended? Can't we keep the list together, limeys and all?

        In the immortal words of Rodney King, can't we all just get along...


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      • Peter Bertling
        Sorry, Jen. I didn t mean for that last message to be attributed to you. Something about how my system handles such things. That and a few too many glasses
        Message 3 of 6 , May 6 1:31 PM
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          Sorry, Jen. I didn't mean for that last message to be attributed to you.
          Something about how my system handles such things. That and a few too many
          glasses of wine...

          Pete

          >X-POP3-Rcpt: pbertlin@bsd
          >X-Sender: pbertlin@...
          >X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Light Version 3.0.3 (32)
          >Date: Thu, 06 May 1999 23:29:23 +0300
          >To: ujeni@onelist.com
          >From: "Jennifer Jacoby" <jjacoby@...> (by way of
          Peter Bertling <pbertlin@...>)
          >Mailing-List: list ujeni@onelist.com; contact ujeni-owner@onelist.com
          >Delivered-To: mailing list ujeni@onelist.com
          >List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:ujeni-unsubscribe@...>
          >Reply-to: ujeni@onelist.com
          >Subject: [ujeni] None
          >
          >From: "Jennifer Jacoby" <jjacoby@...> (by way of
          Peter Bertling <pbertlin@...>)
          >
          >Here here. While I can agree with the administration, I also feel that the
          >union should have it's say. (Have I been teaching too long?)
          >
          >From: "Jennifer Jacoby" <jjacoby@...>
          >
          >Mail*Link� SMTP None
          >
          >Well, I think I speak for the silent majority here when are say- are you
          >guys for real?
          >
          >Was anyone really offended? Can't we keep the list together, limeys and all?
          >
          >In the immortal words of Rodney King, can't we all just get along...
          >
          >
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          >http://www.ONElist.com
          >More than 3.5 million people are using ONElist?
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          >
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        • Paul Dever
          Reply to: RE [ujeni] None bunch of wuuses the lot of you.. ... other body parts...
          Message 4 of 6 , May 11 1:48 AM
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            Reply to: RE>[ujeni] None
            bunch of wuuses the lot of you..

            >>>This is a joke, not meant to offend anyone's sensitive eyes, ears, or
            other body parts...

            ----------------------------------
          • Paul Dever
            Reply to: RE [ujeni] None bunch of wuuses the lot of you.. ... other body parts...
            Message 5 of 6 , May 11 1:48 AM
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              Reply to: RE>[ujeni] None
              bunch of wuuses the lot of you..

              >>>This is a joke, not meant to offend anyone's sensitive eyes, ears, or
              other body parts...

              ----------------------------------
            • Paul Dever
              None The 1998 Darwin Awards are finally here. For those not familiar with the Darwin Award - It s an annual honor given to the person who did the universal
              Message 6 of 6 , Nov 18, 1999
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                None
                The 1998 Darwin Awards are finally here.

                For those not familiar with the Darwin Award -
                It's an annual honor given to the person who did
                the universal human gene pool the biggest service
                by getting killed in the most extraordinarily
                stupid way. As always, competition this year has
                been keen again. Some candidates appear to have
                trained their whole lives for this event.

                The Darwin Awards Nominees

                1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got
                stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
                squeezing head first through an 18-inch wide sewer
                grate to retrieve his car keys.

                2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco
                stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
                according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
                200-foot high cliff on his daily run.

                3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
                8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in
                as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
                21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
                wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
                bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
                burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
                beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
                shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
                resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach
                him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
                almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
                looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
                hospital.

                4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed
                in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the
                ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
                Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
                placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free)
                rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
                floor.

                5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC
                cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in
                January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23 who
                was trying to prove that a knife could not
                penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

                6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
                February in Selbyville, Del., as he won a bet with
                friends who said he would not put a revolver
                loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull
                the trigger.

                7. In February, according to police in Windsor,
                Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died
                in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
                game of chicken they were playing with their
                snowmobiles.

                8. [Ineligible, but credit given for
                trying]AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a
                string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was
                admitted with a head wound caused by flying
                masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case
                of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms
                and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue,
                and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her
                right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just
                dropped her husband off for his first day of work
                and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed
                her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I did
                it," she said later. "I was really close to the
                car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides,
                it couldn't have been for more than two seconds."
                However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost
                control of His cab, running over the curb and into
                the corner of the Johnson Medical Building.
                Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
                Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the
                building made her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums
                with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down,
                severing two fingers from Klesick's hand.
                Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of
                the medical building.

                9. [Ineligible, better luck next year!] TAOS, NM -
                A woman went to a poison control center after
                eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her
                English was so bad she had to draw a picture
                describing how she believed she had poisoned
                herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter
                and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie
                Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of
                candy or gum, being unable to read the foil
                wrappers. After the third one, she realized
                something was wrong when her throat and mouth
                began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran
                for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks
                away where doctors were able to flush the foam
                from her mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill
                effects.

                10. [Ineligible, but a strong contender for 99]
                TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with
                several friends when one of them said they knew a
                person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
                Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
                conversation grew more heated and a least 10 men
                trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
                a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
                they discovered that no one had brought bungee
                rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
                volunteered and pointed out that a coil of cable
                had been left near the railing. Bingham's leg and
                the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
                lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
                his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
                survived his fall into the icy river water and was
                rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
                say,"said Bingham, "is that God was watching out
                for me on that night. There's just no other
                explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
                located.


                11. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man
                tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his
                first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he
                had no previous record of violent crime, and by
                his terminally stupid choices as listed below: 1.
                The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
                2. The shop was full of customers, in a state
                where a substantial portion of the adult
                population is licensed to carry concealed handguns
                in public places; 3. To enter the shop, he had to
                step around a marked Police patrol car parked at
                the front door; 4. An officer in uniform was
                standing next to the counter, having coffee before
                reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the
                would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few
                wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly
                returned fire, removing him from the gene pool.
                Several other customers also drew their guns, but
                didn't fire. No one else was hurt.

                12. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to
                chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood
                at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around
                his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a
                large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to
                his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the
                last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The
                bullet missed him completely and cut through the
                rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he
                plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking
                extinguished the flames and made him vomit the
                poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind
                fisherman, and was taken to hospital, where he
                died - of hypothermia.

                13. In September, a 7-year- old boy fell off a
                100-foot-high bluff near Ozark, Ark., after he
                lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked
                the spot where another person had fallen to his
                death in 1990.

                14. There are many transmission lines that
                crisscross Connecticut. These are held up by
                Transmission Towers of various constructions.
                Those most commonly installed near urban areas are
                called "metal Ornamental Towers" (supposedly
                prettier than wood towers). Sometimes adventurous
                folk climb the towers in order to enjoy the view
                and the night air. Most stay away from the wires,
                and when they get bored, come back down.
                Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent
                spat with his girlfriend needed some fresh air to
                clear his head and decided to climb a tower. He
                stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his thoughts,
                went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91,
                and climbed it. Public Service employees later
                pieced the rest of the story together. The man sat
                there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer
                and consoled his bruised ego. After 5 beers, he
                needed to do what people often need to do after 5
                beers. It being such a long hike down, he unzipped
                and did his business right there off the tower.
                Electricity is a funny thing. One doesn't need to
                touch a wire in order to get shocked. Depending on
                conditions, 115,000 volt lines, like those
                supported by the tower, could shock a person as
                far away as 6 feet. When the man "whizzed" near
                the conductor (wire), the power arced to his
                "stream" (urine is an excellent conductor of
                electricity), traveled up to his private parts,
                and blew him off the tower. The guys at the power
                company noted a momentary outage on this line and
                sent repairmen to see if there was any damage.
                When they got to the scene of the accident, they
                found a very dead person, his fly down, what was
                left of his private parts smoking, and a single
                beer left on top of the tower.

                DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS

                (1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck
                tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his
                .22- caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
                a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez
                in the head, fracturing his skull.

                (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
                attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement,
                declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
                torch and caused a fire that burned the first and
                second floors of his house.

                (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
                Township, NJ,in September, and his wife Bonnie was
                also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that
                blew up in their car. While driving around at 2AM,
                the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to
                toss it out the window to see what would happen,
                but they apparently failed to notice that the
                window was closed.

                AND THE WINNER IS.... Japan Times-April 16, 1997

                "The government must crack down on this disgusting
                craze of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon
                Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this
                perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream
                of Thailand's manhood." He was speaking after the
                remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had
                been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.
                "Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he
                explained, "inserting the nozzle far up their
                rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating
                a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."
                It appears that the young Charnchai took it
                further still. He started using a two-cylinder
                foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough
                for him, so he boasted to friends that he was
                going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby
                gasoline station. They dared him to do it, so,
                under cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not
                realizing how powerful the machine was, he
                inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed
                a coin in the slot. As a result, he died virtually
                instantly, leaving passers-by still in shock. One
                woman thought she was watching a twilight firework
                display, and started clapping. "We still haven't
                located all of him", say the police authorities.
                "When that quantity of air interacted with the gas
                in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an
                atom bomb went off or something." "Pumping is the
                devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan,"
                Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all
                means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it
                cannot tempt you." Let's hear it for Charnchai
                Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed Darwin Award
                recipient!
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