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Darwin Awards

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  • Paul DEVER
    Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways.-------------------- DARWIN AWARD: RUNAWAY
    Message 1 of 5 , Aug 21, 2000
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      Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool
      by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways.--------------------
      DARWIN AWARD: RUNAWAY BRIDGEUnconfirmed Nominee
      (1 July 2000, New Mexico) Two young men driving a dark-blue
      two-door vehicle removed a barricade festooned with numerous
      warning signs indicating bridge closure, drove past several
      heavy construction vehicles, and launched themselves off the
      end of a demolished bridge in Albuquerque on Saturday. The
      car careened off the roadbed and plunged 30 feet before
      burying its front end in a dirt embankment at the junction
      of I-25 and I-40. The young men were taken into police
      custody unharmed. A spokesman for the state Highway and
      Transportation Department isued a public plea for common
      sense. "Don't go through those barricades. Find another
      route. It's the only safe thing to do." The seat belt law
      is strictly enforced in New Mexico, but unfortunately there
      is no law against stupidity. Has anybody seen the bridge?
      Where's that confounded bridge. -Led Zeppelin
      www.DarwinAwards.com Copyright 1997 - 2000--------------------
      MORE DARWIN AWARDS:OSTRICH SAFETY -- Don't try a menage-a-trois with an
      EXTENSIBLE ALUMINUM STAVE - Survey chainmen having fun
      INSTANT RELIEF OF NAUSEA - Better than any drug
      DARWIN AWARD: 3 CLOWNS ON SCOOTERUnconfirmed Nominee
      (24 June 2000, Shizuoka, Japan) 50cc scooters are a common
      site on Japan's busy streets. They are meant for one rider
      and one rider alone. There is a law against riding double
      and violators of this law are subject to a fine. Whether it
      was an attempt to avoid the law, save transportation costs,
      or just a show of bravado, three fifteen year old boys
      decided to ride triple -- yes, triple -- on a scooter. Their
      ability to accomplish this feat on a small scooter proves
      that what they lacked in intelligence they more than made
      up for in dexterity and adventurous spirit. Not one of them
      possessed a license to drive any vehicle whatsoever, nor did
      any have the sense to wear a helmet, gloves or any form
      of protective riding gear.A fifty-two year old driver quickly ended the
      boys' adventure with the front end of his car. A moment later
      the boys were airborne at roughly the same speed they were
      traveling on the scooter, which can reach speeds in excess
      of 50km per hour. Two of the boys flew into oncoming traffic
      and were run over by not one but two consecutive cars. All
      three suffered severe trauma and were pronounced 'Darwin
      eligible candidates' at the scene of the accident.
      The police had trouble determining which one of the boys
      was in control of the scooter at the time of the fatal
      crash, but we all know that it was the Hands of Stupidity
      placed firmly on the handlebars and throttle.
      www.DarwinAwards.com Copyright 1997 - 2000

      MORE DARWIN AWARDS:CONCRETE CYLINDER ROLL - more fun than a barrel of
      monkeys http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2000-33.html?0008
      POP LIKE A GRAPE - Things your head should never do
      HUMAN POPSICLE - Californians at risk in the snow.
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    • Paul DEVER
      IT S TIME FOR THE 2000 DARWIN AWARD NOMINEES! THE DARWIN AWARDS celebrate those who improve our species the most by eliminating themselves from the gene pool
      Message 2 of 5 , Nov 9 10:46 AM
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        THE DARWIN AWARDS celebrate those who improve our species the most by
        eliminating themselves from the gene pool in really stupid ways.

        Entries in this short list of 2000 Nominees are confirmed by Darwin, and the
        current score is shown next to each story. Cast your vote!

        MOSCOW MARAUDER (4.0/10) A man who threatened to "deal with" his wife and
        her lover blew himself up with a home-made bomb in September when the device
        the man was attaching to the door of their not-so-secret apartment boudoir
        exploded in his hands.

        THROWING STONES (4.4/10) A Middle East protestor standing in the road
        throwing stones at oncoming cars died when a driver tried to swerve away
        from the stones, but lost control of his car and careened across the road,
        injuring the driver and killing the assailant.

        TIRED OF IT ALL (4.6/10) An experienced thief sneaked onto the lot of the
        Buckeye Ford Dealership in London, Ohio, intending to steal tires from the
        new cars. But his expertise failed him when the vehicle he had jacked up
        slipped and fell, landing squarely on his chest.

        PERILOUS POSE (4.6/10) A 53-year-old tourist posing nude for his camera
        in picturesque Rothemberg, Germany, slipped from the stone wall while
        preparing for the shot, and fell sixteen feet to his death.

        DUCT TAPE (4.7/10) A misplaced faith in the miracle of duct tape led
        to the demise of a man boating on the Columbia River when his 12-foot
        aluminum dinghy, held together with duct tape repairs, capsized during
        a fishing trip.

        PASSIONATE PLUNGE (5.0/10) A man with the unlikely ambition to jump off
        every river bridge in Norwich ended his athletic career with a deadly
        seventy foot leap into three feet of water in April. Emergency workers
        were unable to resuscitate the man, who was said to possess "a strange
        and unusual passion for jumping into rivers."

        KISS OF DEATH (5.0/10) A 36-year-old biochemist who attended a farewell
        performance of the legendary rock band KISS climbed a 7-foot wall to gain
        a better view of the stage--only to mistake a curtain for a solid wall,
        and plunge to his death on an escalator 100 feet below.

        STONED SLEEP (5.5/10) A North Carolina woman who had been smoking
        marijuana learned a hard lesson about drugs when she decided to sleep
        on the roof of the King Charles Inn. Sound asleep, she slid off the roof
        and fell to her death shortly before dawn. When police arrived at the
        scene, her stoned boyfriend was found still sleeping on the roof.

        HORNET CHALLENGE (5.8/10) A 53-year-old man with a reputation as a �strong
        man� accepted a dare to stand beneath a hornets� nest in Phnom Penh, while
        two men pelted it with stones. He endured the pain of countless stinging
        hornets before expiring from the toxic injections.

        TWO-AVALANCHE ALASKAN (5.8/10) A 43-year-old Fairbanks man attempting to
        highmark the mountains in his snowmobile died in an avalanche in Fairbanks
        Alaska in April. It was the second snowmobile-induced avalanche he had
        been caught in that day, and he had already been warned by authorities
        to stop highmarking in the dangerous snow conditions.

        BABY DRIVE ME CRAZY (5.9/10) The bodies of a young couple were discovered
        naked in the wreckage of a freak car accident in Italy in May.
        Investigators assume that prior to the accident, the couple was having sex
        in their small Italian vehicle while it raced along windy roads at upwards
        of 80mph.

        RUNNING OF THE BULLS (5.9/10) A Berlin woman attempting to capture a
        memorable photograph of the Running Bulls in the southern town of Nimes
        paid for her stupidity with her life on Sunday. The 68-year-old
        photographer removed a metal safety barricade and strode into the street
        with her camera to her eye, where she was trampled by a horse and six
        rampaging bulls.

        RAPPIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR (6.1/10) Artists sometimes bleed for their work,
        but usually not literally. A gangster-rap video artist changed all that
        when he put a gun to his head and shot himself through the temple while
        the cameras rolled, accidentally putting an end to his creative efforts.

        OUT WITH A BANG! (6.2/10) Heating air in a sealed container such as
        a truck tire causes the gas to expand and the pressure to increase.
        A mechanic at a tire store in Georgia learned this lesson in physics
        the hard way when an inflated tire he and was welding exploded,
        spewing shrapnel and killing him instantly.

        WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE (6.3/10) A Kentucky man died after he and his friend
        decided to reenact the William Tell scene where the famous archer is
        forced to shoot an apple off his son's head. They used a beer can instead
        of an apple, and their aim was not as accurate as the legendary archer.

        HUMAN HITCHING POST (6.3/10) A 29-year-old woman was killed in Nevada when
        she attempted to quell the temper of her spirited Arabian horse by tying
        herself to its head. The excitable animal spooked and dragged her around
        the paddock, trampling her beneath its hooves.

        SHOCKING FALL (6.8/10) 26-year-old man earned a place in history as the
        first person to die celebrating the millennium. Minutes before midnight,
        the Stanford graduate climbed to the top of a street light in front of
        the Paris Las Vegas Hotel and waved to the enthusiastic revelers below.
        At midnight he slipped and, in an effort to break his fall, grabbed the
        electric wires and found himself conducting more than a cheering crowd.

        DO IT YOURSELF: DO YOURSELF IN (6.8/10) A 34-year-old Colorado contractor
        wired his garden fence with household current in an attempt to keep his
        dog confined to the yard. He electrocuted himself when he inadvertently
        brushed the fence while reaching for a ripe tomato.

        FIREWORKS FIASCO (7.1/10) People routinely lose fingers and eyes in
        fireworks explosions during America�s Independence Day celebration, and
        the bigger the fireworks, the greater the damage. A 34-year-old man
        suffered partial decapitation when he peered into the mouth of a launching
        tube containing what he incorrectly assumed was a malfunctioning aerial
        firework. It exploded, producing a spectacular grand finale for both his
        head and the party.

        HUMAN POPSICLE (7.3/10) Ohio police located the body of a missing truck
        driver in January after his employer reported him missing in action. The
        man was found frozen head down among the broccoli pallets, where he had
        apparently slipped while trying to retrieve a hidden stash of cocaine,

        THE DAILY GRIND (7.7/10) The owner of a chipping company in Maine was rent
        asunder by his own wood chipper when he stumbled into the intake while
        trying to break up a bark jam without first disconnecting the power.

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      • Paul DEVER
        The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. (Confirmed True by
        Message 3 of 5 , Oct 31, 2001
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          The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring
          those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways.

          (Confirmed True by Darwin) "Goll-ee you wouldn't believe how I almost killed
          myself today. I was scrubbing my toilets to get the hard water stain out,
          but the normal scrub-a-dub stuff from the store wasn't working, so I poured
          a bunch of bleach in the toilet and let it soak. I do that on occasion if
          the rust stain is bad, and never had a problem. Time passed and I had to get
          moving. I took off my clothes and was ready to jump in the shower but first
          I used the bathroom. Suddenly I am getting totally fumed out in the enclosed
          bathroom space. Duh! Urine has ammonia in it and ammonia and bleach aren't
          exactly the best mix... I'm turning on the fan, flushing the toilet, running
          to open the door, and all I could think about was how this is exactly how I
          DO NOT want to go. I can see the headlines now; "Dead woman found naked on
          her toilet, overcome by fatal pee fumes." As much as I hate to admit it, you
          have the village idiot for a sister."
          (21 July 2001, Idaho) When his brakes failed while driving down a steep
          mountain road, Marco bailed out on his eight passengers and leapt from his
          Dodge van. Too bad Marco didn't alert the other passengers to the problem
          before he took flight so precipitously. Another passenger was able to bring
          the vehicle to a stop a short distance away. Marco struck his head on the
          pavement and died at the scene. No one else was injured.
          (12 December 1998, Canada) A man crushed beneath a vending machine while
          trying to shake loose a free soda? If you thought it happened only in Urban
          Legends, you're wrong!
          Kevin Mackle, a 19-year-old Quebec student, killed himself at Bishop's
          University while shaking a 420-kilogram Coke machine. He had been
          celebrating the end of final exams with friends. He died beneath the soda
          machine, asphyxiated, with a blood alcohol level slightly over the legal
          driving limit.

          His last act was committed in vain. "Even as it fell over, the vending
          machine did not let out a single can," the coroner reported. Soda-holics
          take note! The report also states that toppled vending machines have caused
          at least 35 deaths and 140 injuries in the last twenty years.

          For those with questioning minds, I refer you to a website dedicated to the
          quest to clear Kevin's name. His family questions the official version on
          their cokemachineaccidents.com website, and recently sued Coca-Cola, two
          related companies, and Bishop's University for "gross carelessness." Their
          website expose suggests several reasons why Kevin's death was not his own
          fault. Shaking coke machines "was common practice at the University."
          Furthermore they speculate that unknown persons might have crushed Kevin
          with the vending machine in a bizarre murder, as it "would be difficult for
          one person to move" the Coke machine.

          In response, a spokesperson for Coke said that Canadian machines are now
          labelled with a warning that "tipping or rocking may cause injury or death."
          They have also installed anti-theft devices in newer models to keep people
          from obtaining free drinks.


          (30 May 2001, Hillsboro, Oregon) Ismael drove his truck into a mailbox. It
          bounced off and collided with an electric power pole, flipping the Toyota
          onto its side and knocking down the power lines. Ismael climbed from the
          truck to survey the situation -- then pulled out a pair of pruning shears.
          He reached up and clipped the cable lying across his truck -- and was
          electrocuted when the shears severed the 7500-volt cable, which poked his
          rib cage, allowing the current to travel across his heart and out his left

          Ismael was found lying motionless on the power line, with a pair of pruning
          shears in his hands. His dazed passenger survived to be arrested on an
          unrelated warrant.

          (March, Delaware) Two I-95 toll collectors were involved in a friendly
          snowball fight when one reached out to scoop some snow from a passing
          tractor-trailer rig. Manning a tollbooth is not the most interesting job, so
          it's only natural that collectors would engage in some freestyle
          entertainment. But scooping snow from a moving vehicle is not the safest of
          sports. The toll collector's hand caught in the rig, and he was pulled from
          his booth and dragged to his death.
          (15 May 2001, Cairo) Two whiskey-swilling men tried to dodge their bar tab
          by downing one last drink, jumping in the Nile, and swimming for the far
          shore. One, a 27-year-old taxi driver, misjudged his ability to stay afloat.
          He drowned en route, successfully avoiding paying the $180 bill. His
          companion reached the far shore a few hundred meters away, only to be
          arrested by police who had been summoned by the shortchanged nightclub
          Next time you and your friends try to dodge a bar tab, don't drink yourself
          senseless first. You might die or, even more dreadful, be stuck with the
          entire bar tab!

          (15 April 2001, Tennessee) The day before the US tax filing deadline, a
          Memphis Darwin Award winner trying to beat a train drove around the crossing
          gates -- only to be struck by an oncoming vehicle whose driver had the same
          mad plan. The occupants of one vehicle were killed, making this monumental
          stupidity the first instance we have witnessed of a Darwin Award winner
          crashing into an Honorable Mention. The accident happened to one side of the
          tracks, so the train passed by unimpeded.
          (March 2001, Ghana) Tribal clashes are common in Northern Ghana, and people
          often resort to witchcraft in the hope of becoming invulnerable to weapons.
          Aleobiga, 23, and fifteen fellow believers purchased a potion that would
          render them invincible to bullets.

          After smearing the magical lotion over his body for two weeks, Aleobiga
          volunteered to test the spell. He stood in a clearing while his friends
          raised their weapons, aimed, fired...

          The jujuman who had supplied the defective magic was siezed and beaten for
          his failure, and Aleobiga is now roaming the great Savannah in the sky.

          (29 November 2000, Canada) A police officer who regularly lectured addiction
          counselors on the dangers of illicit drugs proved that actions speak louder
          than words when he was found dead of a heroin overdose. He had taken heroin
          and cocaine from police exhibits "without filing the proper forms" and
          apparently overdosed while experimenting with the narcotics. He
          unfortunately didn't heed the creed written on his own patrol car: "Say no
          to drugs!"
          (March 2001, Ohio) Lake Erie claimed three more victims who were hoping to
          catch a few fish but caught instead a fatal chill. "Someone noticed tracks
          leading to a hole and an ice chest floating in the water," said Deputy
          Sheriff Roger Garn.
          The three men had been driving on a thin sheet of ice surrounded by open
          patches of water, which they may have overlooked due to poor visibility
          caused by a morning snowstorm. Suddenly, to no one's surprise but theirs,
          their all-terrain vehicle plunged through the ice. Hours later divers
          rescued the bodies from 10 feet of 34-degree water.

          The winters have not been cold enough to allow ice fishing on the lake for
          at least three years, and authorities have warned the public about the
          unsafe conditions. In January 21 anglers were rescued from a patch of ice
          that broke away from shore. Yet even the recent deaths do little to deter
          fisherman. Deputy Sheriff Garn said bemusedly, "We're taking three people
          off in body bags, and (dozens) were still going out to fish."
          (1 April 2001, New York) A literary agent found himself dazed and patting
          out flames shortly after arriving at a two-alarm house fire equipped with a
          sandwich, a bullhorn, whiskey and a lawnchair. He climbed to the roof of a
          nearby house, perched on his lawnchair, and proceeded to lecture the
          startled emergency crew while enjoying his drink.
          Three firemen had just finished clearing the house, locating the residents'
          young golden retriever in the process, when they heard Frank's imperious
          command. "Drop the dog and open the hydrant this instant!"

          They turned in surprise and dropped the yelping puppy, which fell through
          the burning timbers and burst into flames. Onlookers mobbed the base of the
          heckler's house and threw cans and shrubbery at the obstreperous critic, who
          batted the projectiles aside with his bullhorn while continuing to drink
          whiskey and issue commands.

          "The north side is engaged!"
          "Position the hose along the azalea bushes!"
          "Stop picking your nose!"

          Sorely provoked, the the senior fireman, currently on administrative leave,
          picked up the dead (but still burning) dog and flung it onto the roof. The
          flaming animal landed in Frank's lap, igniting his spilled whiskey and
          severely burning his crotch.

          Frank heaved the dog off himself, but neglected to brace his feet on the
          slanted roof. The lawnchair toppled and fell from the house, miraculously
          avoiding onlookers, who watched aghast while the prostrate man suffered
          further injuries from falling embers and his own roof-top accoutrements.

          The house fire was eventually subdued, and paramedics transported the
          injured man and his loudspeaker to the hospital. Although he is recovering
          from his injuries, the prognosis is that he will never again be able to
          procreate with quite the same gusto .

          Neighbors have set up a Memorial Fund for the golden retriever. Photographs
          of the man-shaped depression in the lawn are available upon request.

          (24 February 2001, Iowa) A wealth of literature makes it abundantly clear
          that deities often intercede to protect their sanctuaries from desecration.
          In light of this knowledge, two teen-agers who planned to burgle a church
          probably should have brought along their rosaries and their crosses.

          Travis, 16, was on the roof of Grace Church in Des Moines, lowering a stolen
          generator to the ground, when his jacket became wrapped in the electrical
          cord and pulled him over the ledge to dangle precariously in the air. At
          that point he could have cut himself free with the sharp knife in his
          pocket. He could have escaped by wriggling out of his jacket. Travis,
          Inexplicably, did neither.

          The surviving thief, unaware of his friend�s plight, waited a fifteen
          minutes before leaving Travis, trapped in the freezing rain, to die of

          Next time you steal from a church, remember Travis� fate and reconsider.
          That bit of booty is not worth risking the touch of a vengeful God.

          (1 January 2001, Illinois)
          Collin and a fellow University of Illinois police officer were good friends
          who shared a disaffection for their employer. They often relaxed after work
          to gripe about policies and enjoy an unusual game they had invented to
          relieve their frustrations. They called the game "Sweet Release," "65%
          Disability," and "Million-Dollar Wound."

          On New Year's Eve, Collin's partner handed over his Glock semiautomatic
          handgun, saying, "Sweet Release." The two men had exchanged their duty
          weapons in their game on prior occasions, but this night was different.

          "I wonder if this is loaded?" With those portentous parting words, Collin
          stuck the gun in his mouth and played his final round of "Sweet Release."

          Investigators interviewed the two men and three women present during the
          fatal shooting, and all agreed that Collin was his normal, happy self, and
          did not intend to commit suicide.

          Although Collin had been drinking with friends for several hours on the
          night of the accident, his blood alcohol level at 0.09% was barely over the
          Illinois legal limit for driving. This level is high enough to dull
          reflexes, but is not sufficient to seriously impair cognitive function.

          The deceased had worked for the Charleston Police Department and the
          Champaign County sheriff's office before taking a job at the University. But
          in all his years in law enforcement, he had apparently never fully absorbed
          the cardinal rule of handling weapons, stated by investigator Jim Rein:
          "Whether civilian or police officer, the assumption [should be] that every
          weapon is loaded."

          (25 January 2001, New Mexico) Cross the street at night wearing dark
          clothing, and you court danger. Ride a push scooter down the center lane of
          a major road wearing dark clothes in the middle of the night, and you take
          your life into your hands. Ride that scooter in the dark carrying a bottle
          of Tequila Rose liqueur, and you're a Darwin Award waiting to happen.
          An unidentified 18-year-old died doing just that, when the driver of a
          pickup truck veered to avoid him and accidentally clipped him with the side
          mirror at 9pm. The unhelmeted scooter rider hit the pavement and died at the
          scene from severe head injuries.

          In an earnest display of common sense, Police Sgt. Brian McCutcheon warned
          that piloting a scooter down a street after dark is "a very bad idea" and
          "extremely unsafe."

          (16 February 2001, Florida) Karla, 32, drowned when she fell asleep at the
          wheel and drove her car into a 30-foot-deep canal. Alarmed by her
          predicament, she dialed 911 from her cell phone. The operator urged her to
          roll down her windows or open the door, but she refused. "If I do, all the
          water is going to come in!"
          If you are unlucky enough to find yourself trapped in a sinking car, it is
          essential to roll the windows down immediately so that you can escape from
          the vehicle. Once the bottom of your door is even slightly submerged, the
          water pressure makes it almost impossible to open the door until the car is
          nearly full, which equalizes the pressure.

          It takes a car up to 10 minutes to sink, depending on how well sealed the
          vehicle is, but the electrical system fails much sooner as the water
          penetrates the body and short-circuits the wires. In most cars with
          automatic windows, the motor that powers the window is located halfway up
          the car door, so you must act fast if you plan to survive.

          Karla was a strong swimmer and could have paddled to safety, if only she had
          managed to escape from her vehicle. When Karla and her 1998 BMW 328 were
          pulled from the canal, they found the keys to the ignition in her purse, and
          the left rear window entirely open.

          Student Dies in Trash Bin Prank
          (1 March 2000, New Zealand) Baldwin Street in Dunedin is listed as the
          steepest in the world in The Guinness Book of World Records, and it was at
          the top of this 38-degree incline that Ana and her friend hatched a plan for
          a midnight downhill slide. The two university students dragged a two-wheeled
          rubbish bin up the street, climbed in, shoved off, and down they went in
          their makeshift sleigh.

          As they hurtled pell-mell down Baldwin Street in the wee hours of the
          morning, residents described being awakened by "a hell of a racket" which
          went on for some time before ending with a sickening crash. Their 50-meter
          dash ended precipitously when the rubbish bin slammed into a legally parked
          trailer. Ana, 19, was killed instantly, and her co-pilot suffered serious
          head injuries, though one wonders how they noticed.

          The feat did not make it into the Guinness Book of World Records, as the top
          speed of the rubbish bin is unknown.

          (2001, Scotland) Electric trains in Glasgow collect power from the overhead
          cable, and transmit any excess through the rails to a solid copper cable
          that routes it to a power redistribution box.
          Copper is a favorite target for thieves. One enterprising fellow with a good
          knowledge of the electrical system planned to cut the copper cable during
          the time between trains, when no electricity was travelling through it. His
          plan might have worked� but for one small flaw.

          In the pocket of his charred overcoat, police found an out-of-date rail
          timetable. The train arrived ten minutes before he thought it would, sending
          hundreds of volts of electricity through the thief's hacksaw and into his
          body, and putting an untimely end to his career.


          (May 2001, New Zealand) You might not like this Darwin involving a
          thirteen-year-old girl. But think how stupid it is for a teenager to consume
          insect poison. What kid doesn't know better? Children who sniff aerosol
          propellant, of all things. As if it weren't dangerous enough inhaling random
          volatile propellants for fun, THIS girl was found dead with a litter of
          empty bug spray cans under her bed.
          Sniffing poison is worse than sniffing hairspray. She died with elevated
          butane levels in her blood, which confirm that she had been "huffing" from a
          can labeled with skull and crossbones. Didn't she notice the dead insects on
          the label? Think how stupid she was to inhale lungfuls of a nasty-smelling
          chemical designed to KILL things.

          New Zealand's reaction to the news is as expected. Coroner Gordon Matenga is
          calling for "bigger warnings on fly spray cans" after the second fly spray
          death in Waikato. He explains, "It (is) prevalent for New Zealand young
          people to sniff fly spray for a quick buzz." The judges are surprised any
          kids exist who don't know better.

          One fewer exists now!

          (July 16, 2001, United States) An assistant plant manager for Blacklidge
          Emulsions died when he used an acetylene torch to cut a hole in a 10,000
          gallon tank of asphalt emulsion. He was attempting to visually survey the
          amount of emulsion that remained in the tank, but "no safety precautions
          were taken before the cutting operation began," stated an OSHA
          representative. "[His} attention was twice called to a warning sign on the
          side of the structure which stated the contents were flammable or
          combustible. In complete disregard of safety procedures," he continued, the
          erstwhile manager "lit an acetylene torch and began cutting, causing an
          explosion that blew him 93 feet away.
          (8 Aug 2001, Texas) One recent midnight an Arlington publican was forced to
          refuse further alcoholic drinks to an intoxicated bar patron, known in those
          parts as a violent drunk. But the bartender noticed his inebriated state too
          The man threw a woman to the floor before he was subdued by other patrons,
          who ejected the troublemaker from the bar. The Sheriff was summoned. When
          squad cars approached the scene, they encountered an extra speed bump� The
          fleeing miscreant was passed out in the center turn lane of the highway
          adjacent to the bar.

          The deceased receives the "Best Imitation of a Speed Bump" Award.

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        • Matthew McNulty
          I don t know if I would call these Darwin Awards. The recipient doesn t actually remove themselves from the gene pool in all of these scenarios. Silly
          Message 4 of 5 , Apr 3, 2005
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            I don't know if I would call these Darwin Awards.  The "recipient" doesn't actually remove themselves from the gene pool in all of these scenarios.  Silly people none the less.


            >>Are there really people this stupid?....
            >>Yes, it's that time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
            >>honoring the least Evolved among us.
            >>Darwin Award Winners:
            >>1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
            >>during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
            >>did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
            >>tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable
            >>2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
            >>machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
            >>insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its
            >>men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
            >>The chef's claim was approved.
            >>3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
            >>a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken
            >>the space. Understandably, he shot her.
            >>4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
            >>found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
            >>Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
            >>driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
            >>ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
            >>staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
            >>fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
            >>5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
            >>wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
            >>injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
            >>he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
            >>6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
            >>and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
            >>pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
            >>promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
            >>the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
            >>drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
            >>crime committed?)
            >>7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
            >>he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
            >>booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
            >>at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on
            >>the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
            >>Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
            >>8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
            >>her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
            >>able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
            >>the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
            >>back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
            >>stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
            >>her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
            >>9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
            >>Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
            >>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
            >>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
            >>said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
            >>And Number 10, the 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
            >>10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
            >>Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
            >>the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
            >>spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
            >>to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
            >>tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,
            >>saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

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