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4326Big announcement for us

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  • John Patten
    Jul 31, 2004
      Dear family and friends,

      We are very happy to announce that Eriko is pregnant
      with our first child. For my part, while primarily
      overjoyed, I by secondary measure ran around the house
      singing like Homer Simpson, the �My boys can still
      swim song,� along with the accompanying dance.
      Woo-hoo! It was also a very nice experience to finally
      take one of those home pregnancy tests where it wasn�t
      like the craps table at Caesar�s, with breathy
      exhortations of �C�mon blue!� But I guess now daddy
      really does need a new pair of baby shoes. I also took
      the test as a control, although mine was negative and
      I was vaguely, but only momentarily disappointed.

      We plan to name the child �Buckwheat Tralfaz Rasta,�
      partly in memory of the dearly departed Rasta Bike, if
      it�s a boy, or �Clementine Mango Chutney,� after the
      very nice breakfast spread and some song I can�t get
      out of my head, for a precious little girl. If we are
      blessed with twins we will just call them �George
      Foreman 7 and 8,� (because 1-6 are taken), or maybe
      just �Pepsodent,� out of respect for billboard name
      choices by mothers in Africa, and because that�s where
      she was conceived. Or maybe just after each and every
      one of you, although that might be a bit long to
      eventually fit on a driver�s license.

      We hope the baby will be a little like the better part
      of each of us, but have to plan for the eventuality
      that it may actually be closer to, �Calvin and Hobbes
      destroy Tokyo.� Please make sure we have your updated
      phone numbers, in order that I may call you at 3 am
      and ask where the off switch is on this thing. If you
      have an address where I can get the current manuals or
      government pamphlets that would be helpful too.

      Seriously though, we really wanted this and are both
      very happy. I�m looking forward to putting in all my
      effort, time and nurture in order that the kid will be
      able to come up to me eighteen years from now to
      inform me what a moron I am, while using proper
      grammatical clauses. We�ll let you know how things
      progress and especially after the big day. We�re
      already going to see the Obstetrician at the hospital
      here, but Eriko has cut short her contract extension
      and will be back in Japan around January, much to my
      relief. When I first asked at reception if I could
      make an appointment with the Obstetrician for my wife,
      they said, �For her eyes?� I said, �Maybe if there�s
      time, but for right now let�s stick with the baby

      On a lighter note, I�m heading back to Afghanistan in
      a matter of weeks now for my new job. I hope to be
      with Eriko as the date gets closer and not pinned down
      by shelling in eastern Afghanistan. I had enough fun
      with that the last time, so have already put in my
      request for calm. Although, if I find Bin laden we can
      afford the really good Pampers and the Pokemon
      tippy-cups. I have absolutely no idea what I�m talking
      about. Please remember Eriko in your prayers, because
      frankly, I don�t know how y�all women do it.


      John and Eriko

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