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kogarashi, withering wind as a KIGO

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  • Greve Gabi
    Kogarashi ya Take ni kakurete Shizumarinu A wintry gust disappears amid the bamboos and subsides to a calm. ((c) Makoto Ueda) withering gales ! hide in the
    Message 1 of 2 , Jul 1, 2006
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      Kogarashi ya
      Take ni kakurete
      Shizumarinu

      A wintry gust
      disappears amid the bamboos
      and subsides to a calm.

      ((c) Makoto Ueda)


      withering gales !
      hide in the bamboo
      and subside

      Tr. Gabi Greve

      kogarashi, withering wind as a KIGO

      http://worldkigo2005.blogspot.com/2006/11/withering-wind-kogarashi.html


      Greetings from Japan
      GABI


      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • Grzegorz Sionkowski
      ... Gabi, kogarashi is a logic subject of the phrase, so Makoto Ueda s translation is not so bad knowing, that it is hard to write an English sentence/phrase
      Message 2 of 2 , Jul 6, 2006
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        --- In translatinghaiku@yahoogroups.com, "Greve Gabi"
        <gokurakuatworldkigo@...> wrote:
        >
        > Kogarashi ya
        > Take ni kakurete
        > Shizumarinu
        >
        > A wintry gust
        > disappears amid the bamboos
        > and subsides to a calm.
        >
        > ((c) Makoto Ueda)
        >
        >
        > withering gales !
        > hide in the bamboo
        > and subside
        >
        > Tr. Gabi Greve

        Gabi,

        "kogarashi" is a logic subject of the phrase,
        so Makoto Ueda's translation is not so bad knowing,
        that it is hard to write an English sentence/phrase
        containing a predicate without a subject.
        I would leave the problem of kireji (a break after L1)
        for someone who will say this haiku aloud.

        Looking at both versions of English translations,
        I can see that no one use the information given by
        "-te" in "kakurete". I do not know how to explain
        in English, but as I well understand my book in Polish,
        "te" form gives information, that "the wind hides and
        then, being hidden, subsides" and a little bit of
        "the wind subsides while hiding".

        I can feel that "hides... AND subsides" not exactly means,
        what the poet wrote. Especially thinking in Polish ;-)

        My attempt:

        withering wind
        hidden in the bamboo
        subsides

        best,
        grzegorz
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