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Re: [ticket2write] Re: War

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  • Carol Ramsey
    Thanks for the critique! I actually wrote it back in high school when everything was going on in Yugoslavia but as I was posting I thought how ironic that it
    Message 1 of 5 , Oct 4, 2002
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      Thanks for the critique! I actually wrote it back in
      high school when everything was going on in Yugoslavia
      but as I was posting I thought how ironic that it
      would be relevant again so soon... and sad. I have
      never seen the painting you spoke of. Do you know a
      website that I could see it? I am not entirely sure
      waht you mean by the cadence... do you mean the
      rhythm? I have not had much training as a poet so I'd
      appreciate a little help. Thanks!

      Carol
      --- Susan Donahue <suzianne411@...> wrote:
      > Hello Carol....I am delighted that you are posting
      > your work and
      > inviting comments.
      >
      > This particular piece is very timely, although it
      > might have been
      > written at any time, regarding any war. The mesage
      > is universal.
      >
      > My first reaction to this piece is that the cadence
      > and rhyme are
      > almost too "cheery" which is out of character for
      > the theme.
      > Sometimes, it is good to think in terms of setting a
      > tone as well
      > as conveying a message.
      >
      > Have you ever seen a picture of Picasso's painting,
      > "Guernica?"
      >
      > My highschool art teacher related a story about that
      > painting.
      > She said that it was in Picasso's studio in Paris
      > during the Nazi
      > occupation of that city. A group of German officers
      > visited the
      > artist and on seeing the Guernica picture in his
      > studio, with its
      > dramatic and graphic depiction of the destruction of
      > the Spanish
      > city of Guernica during the Spanish Civil War, one
      > of the
      > Germans said to the artist, "So, you did that."
      > Picasso looked at
      > him sadly and said, "No....You did"
      >
      > I think the power of that painting and the saddness
      > and regret
      > expressed in that little story set the kind of tone
      > a poet might
      > want to achieve in a poem about war. (It is not the
      > only option,
      > but just one way to go.)
      >
      > That is not very specific advice, but I hope you can
      > draw
      > something from it which will help you find a
      > slightly different
      > direction for another poem about war.
      >
      > Suzianne
      > suzianne411@...
      > http://ticket2write.com
      >
      > --- In ticket2write@y..., "Carol Ramsey"
      > <mrs_ramsey@y...>
      > wrote:
      > > Children die, people cry, missiles fly;
      > > everyone is looking for answers.
      > > Blame is placed, worst fears are faced, a country
      > disgraced;
      > > and an unbelieving world asks,
      > > "Why?"
      > >
      > > They close their eyes, they shut their ears,
      > > turn to walk away.
      > > Hiding from what is real,
      > > hiding from the truth inside them;
      > > maybe the world is so shattered
      > > they can't see beyond
      > > the shards of broken dreams,
      > > a kaleidescope;
      > > mingled with the innocent blood
      > > that stains the ground.
      > >
      > > Reality fades to a hazy grey,
      > > truth hides in the shadows,
      > > and there are no easy answers.
      >
      >


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    • Susan Donahue
      Carol, Here is a link to a site which has a partial picture of the Guernica painting - http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/scw/scw.htm (You can probably find a
      Message 2 of 5 , Oct 5, 2002
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        Carol, Here is a link to a site which has a partial picture of the
        Guernica painting -
        http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/scw/scw.htm

        (You can probably find a better image with the complete picture if
        you use the Google search engine)

        I often use art or music to set my own mood when I am writing. It
        is a little like method acting. If you put yourself into a situation
        emotionally, your writing will reflect it.

        You were right...cadence is rhythm. If you read your poem aloud,
        you will find that your voice rises at the ends of phrases in an
        almost lilting way with the lines you have written. You can
        achieve different effects by stringing your words together in
        phrases which cause the reader to end with heavier syllables
        which sound more sad, angry, etc.

        When I write poetry, I also select individual words for meaning
        and for sound. There is a musicality to the structure of poetry
        which can set a tone or mood as effectively as the subject
        matter.

        Keep writing!

        Suzianne
        suzianne411@...
        http://ticket2write.com




        --- In ticket2write@y..., Carol Ramsey <mrs_ramsey@y...> wrote:
        > Thanks for the critique! I actually wrote it back in
        > high school when everything was going on in Yugoslavia
        > but as I was posting I thought how ironic that it
        > would be relevant again so soon... and sad. I have
        > never seen the painting you spoke of. Do you know a
        > website that I could see it? I am not entirely sure
        > waht you mean by the cadence... do you mean the
        > rhythm? I have not had much training as a poet so I'd
        > appreciate a little help. Thanks!
        >
        > Carol
        > --- Susan Donahue <suzianne411@y...> wrote:
        > > Hello Carol....I am delighted that you are posting
        > > your work and
        > > inviting comments.
        > >
        > > This particular piece is very timely, although it
        > > might have been
        > > written at any time, regarding any war. The mesage
        > > is universal.
        > >
        > > My first reaction to this piece is that the cadence
        > > and rhyme are
        > > almost too "cheery" which is out of character for
        > > the theme.
        > > Sometimes, it is good to think in terms of setting a
        > > tone as well
        > > as conveying a message.
        > >
        > > Have you ever seen a picture of Picasso's painting,
        > > "Guernica?"
        > >
        > > My highschool art teacher related a story about that
        > > painting.
        > > She said that it was in Picasso's studio in Paris
        > > during the Nazi
        > > occupation of that city. A group of German officers
        > > visited the
        > > artist and on seeing the Guernica picture in his
        > > studio, with its
        > > dramatic and graphic depiction of the destruction of
        > > the Spanish
        > > city of Guernica during the Spanish Civil War, one
        > > of the
        > > Germans said to the artist, "So, you did that."
        > > Picasso looked at
        > > him sadly and said, "No....You did"
        > >
        > > I think the power of that painting and the saddness
        > > and regret
        > > expressed in that little story set the kind of tone
        > > a poet might
        > > want to achieve in a poem about war. (It is not the
        > > only option,
        > > but just one way to go.)
        > >
        > > That is not very specific advice, but I hope you can
        > > draw
        > > something from it which will help you find a
        > > slightly different
        > > direction for another poem about war.
        > >
        > > Suzianne
        > > suzianne411@y...
        > > http://ticket2write.com
        > >
        > > --- In ticket2write@y..., "Carol Ramsey"
        > > <mrs_ramsey@y...>
        > > wrote:
        > > > Children die, people cry, missiles fly;
        > > > everyone is looking for answers.
        > > > Blame is placed, worst fears are faced, a country
        > > disgraced;
        > > > and an unbelieving world asks,
        > > > "Why?"
        > > >
        > > > They close their eyes, they shut their ears,
        > > > turn to walk away.
        > > > Hiding from what is real,
        > > > hiding from the truth inside them;
        > > > maybe the world is so shattered
        > > > they can't see beyond
        > > > the shards of broken dreams,
        > > > a kaleidescope;
        > > > mingled with the innocent blood
        > > > that stains the ground.
        > > >
        > > > Reality fades to a hazy grey,
        > > > truth hides in the shadows,
        > > > and there are no easy answers.
        > >
        > >
        >
        >
        >
        __________________________________________________
        > Do You Yahoo!?
        > Yahoo! Autos - Get free new car price quotes
        > http://autos.yahoo.com
      • Richard J. Bates
        Wings, dear man - I seem to think of you often. Like the bomber news item I couldn t let this one drift by without mentioning. The Writers Mag on line is
        Message 3 of 5 , May 27, 2009
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          Wings, dear man - I seem to think of you often. Like the bomber news item I couldn't let this one drift by without mentioning.
          The Writers Mag on line is promoting a poetry contest on the subject of war. I don't know what stuff you have tucked away but if you have any organized data which looks like a poem, you might consider sending it in. [$2000 American, 1200 for second and 500 for third.]
          Or ... anyone in T2W.
          http://www.winningwriters.com/contests/war/wa_guidelines.php
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