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Re: The Polish Wife Chapter Three PLEASE CRITIQUE

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  • Mare
    Hi, Suzianne, thanks for your input--everyone in this group is always so helpful and your suggestions pull a better story out of me than before. This is a
    Message 1 of 4 , May 31, 2010
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      Hi, Suzianne, thanks for your input--everyone in this group is always so helpful and your suggestions pull a better story out of me than before. This is a novel entered in a conpetition, so would it be okay to post the first 3 chapters here? It might be better if you can see the story as a whole.
      Thank you again for your graciousness and time.
      Allanna

      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Susan Donahue" <suzianne411@...> wrote:
      >
      > Dear Allana:
      >
      > This has the makings of a good story. My only suggeston would be to go through it and try to show more through action than you tell through narrative. For exmple, what could Andreas do that would convey to the reader that he was surprised to find Alexander there without just telling the reader as you have done? Is there some way to show the reader through the words and actions of Andreas and Alexandder that the journal had a strange effect on Alexander? Readers tend to lose interest if they are just told and not shown what is happening.
      >
      > Most of this is quite interesting. Just let the story unfold more through the actions of the characters. Readers like to "see" what is happening.
      >
      > Keep going with this. It has promise.
      >
      > Suzianne
    • Susan Donahue
      Dear Allanna, I would be delighted to see your first three chapters. You are quite right in thinking that it would be better to see them together. I hope all
      Message 2 of 4 , Jun 2 5:34 AM
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        Dear Allanna,

        I would be delighted to see your first three chapters. You are quite right in thinking that it would be better to see them together. I hope all goes well for you in the competition.

        Suzianne


        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Mare" <alinville2001@...> wrote:
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > Hi, Suzianne, thanks for your input--everyone in this group is always so helpful and your suggestions pull a better story out of me than before. This is a novel entered in a conpetition, so would it be okay to post the first 3 chapters here? It might be better if you can see the story as a whole.
        > Thank you again for your graciousness and time.
        > Allanna
        >
        > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Susan Donahue" <suzianne411@> wrote:
        > >
        > > Dear Allana:
        > >
        > > This has the makings of a good story. My only suggeston would be to go through it and try to show more through action than you tell through narrative. For exmple, what could Andreas do that would convey to the reader that he was surprised to find Alexander there without just telling the reader as you have done? Is there some way to show the reader through the words and actions of Andreas and Alexandder that the journal had a strange effect on Alexander? Readers tend to lose interest if they are just told and not shown what is happening.
        > >
        > > Most of this is quite interesting. Just let the story unfold more through the actions of the characters. Readers like to "see" what is happening.
        > >
        > > Keep going with this. It has promise.
        > >
        > > Suzianne
        >
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