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A Poem - Gwen

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  • queenie_of_cryptic_cyphers
    THANKS FROM THE RESIDENTIAL HOME The notes scatter across the floor, like after-five breath mints; things you need to use so as not to offend someone. Stop ,
    Message 1 of 4 , Nov 1, 2009
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      THANKS FROM THE RESIDENTIAL HOME

      The notes scatter across the floor,
      like after-five breath mints;
      things you need to use so as not to offend someone.
      'Stop', I say, 'read one,
      the quilts are done'.
      Gratitude oozes up from the bottom
      of their deprived little hearts,
      the neglected hole from which nothing should come,
      but here gushes oil,
      rich and thick, like the precious commodity
      that makes the world happen,
      and given the will to experiment
      with a switch provided in the dark of night,
      makes this light,
      this breathless, awesome light.

      © Gwen Ames, 2009
    • n2chi
      I like the rush of words. I m not sure where I am. I m a little lost in the poem, but I can feel the words and that s more important. The last four lines
      Message 2 of 4 , Nov 2, 2009
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        I like the rush of words. I'm not sure where I am. I'm a little lost in the poem, but I can feel the words and that's more important. The last four lines bump me a little. Timing? Imbalance? Don't know, but I like it. Maybe it was Gwen's brushing by as she rushed past me, while I tried to stand still and listen. Hahaha! I'm going back around to the front door and go through again!
        Dave


        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queenie_of_cryptic_cyphers" <poetryofmuses@...> wrote:
        >
        > THANKS FROM THE RESIDENTIAL HOME
        >
        > The notes scatter across the floor,
        > like after-five breath mints;
        > things you need to use so as not to offend someone.
        > 'Stop', I say, 'read one,
        > the quilts are done'.
        > Gratitude oozes up from the bottom
        > of their deprived little hearts,
        > the neglected hole from which nothing should come,
        > but here gushes oil,
        > rich and thick, like the precious commodity
        > that makes the world happen,
        > and given the will to experiment
        > with a switch provided in the dark of night,
        > makes this light,
        > this breathless, awesome light.
        >
        > © Gwen Ames, 2009
        >
      • queenie_of_cryptic_cyphers
        Dave, Thanks for your candor. I hope it makes more sense the second or third pass. I am not sure it is done though, so don t feel timid about offering
        Message 3 of 4 , Nov 2, 2009
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          Dave,

          Thanks for your candor. I hope it makes more sense the second or third pass. I am not sure it is done though, so don't feel timid about offering feedback.

          Gwen

          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "n2chi" <davidgriffin@...> wrote:
          >
          > I like the rush of words. I'm not sure where I am. I'm a little lost in the poem, but I can feel the words and that's more important. The last four lines bump me a little. Timing? Imbalance? Don't know, but I like it. Maybe it was Gwen's brushing by as she rushed past me, while I tried to stand still and listen. Hahaha! I'm going back around to the front door and go through again!
          > Dave
          >
          >
          > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queenie_of_cryptic_cyphers" <poetryofmuses@> wrote:
          > >
          > > THANKS FROM THE RESIDENTIAL HOME
          > >
          > > The notes scatter across the floor,
          > > like after-five breath mints;
          > > things you need to use so as not to offend someone.
          > > 'Stop', I say, 'read one,
          > > the quilts are done'.
          > > Gratitude oozes up from the bottom
          > > of their deprived little hearts,
          > > the neglected hole from which nothing should come,
          > > but here gushes oil,
          > > rich and thick, like the precious commodity
          > > that makes the world happen,
          > > and given the will to experiment
          > > with a switch provided in the dark of night,
          > > makes this light,
          > > this breathless, awesome light.
          > >
          > > © Gwen Ames, 2009
          > >
          >
        • n2chi
          You re the poet, but I wouldn t change any of it. My description meant to say I enjoyed it. Really good. Dave
          Message 4 of 4 , Nov 3, 2009
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            You're the poet, but I wouldn't change any of it. My description meant to say I enjoyed it. Really good.
            Dave

            --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queenie_of_cryptic_cyphers" <poetryofmuses@...> wrote:
            >
            > Dave,
            >
            > Thanks for your candor. I hope it makes more sense the second or third pass. I am not sure it is done though, so don't feel timid about offering feedback.
            >
            > Gwen
            >
            > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "n2chi" <davidgriffin@> wrote:
            > >
            > > I like the rush of words. I'm not sure where I am. I'm a little lost in the poem, but I can feel the words and that's more important. The last four lines bump me a little. Timing? Imbalance? Don't know, but I like it. Maybe it was Gwen's brushing by as she rushed past me, while I tried to stand still and listen. Hahaha! I'm going back around to the front door and go through again!
            > > Dave
            > >
            > >
            > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queenie_of_cryptic_cyphers" <poetryofmuses@> wrote:
            > > >
            > > > THANKS FROM THE RESIDENTIAL HOME
            > > >
            > > > The notes scatter across the floor,
            > > > like after-five breath mints;
            > > > things you need to use so as not to offend someone.
            > > > 'Stop', I say, 'read one,
            > > > the quilts are done'.
            > > > Gratitude oozes up from the bottom
            > > > of their deprived little hearts,
            > > > the neglected hole from which nothing should come,
            > > > but here gushes oil,
            > > > rich and thick, like the precious commodity
            > > > that makes the world happen,
            > > > and given the will to experiment
            > > > with a switch provided in the dark of night,
            > > > makes this light,
            > > > this breathless, awesome light.
            > > >
            > > > © Gwen Ames, 2009
            > > >
            > >
            >
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