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Re: FOLLOW ME TO THE RIVER - A Poem

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  • albiaicehouse
    Wow! Now that s some poem. Be prepared to laugh: How about closing this way? We forget our clothes and watch them wash away in the current, the trembling,
    Message 1 of 5 , Aug 3 6:44 PM
      Wow!

      Now that's some poem.

      Be prepared to laugh:

      How about closing this way?

      "We forget our clothes and watch them
      wash away in the current,
      the trembling, glimmering, lost inhibitions."

      You flirt along the all sides of the edge between metaphor and
      description, you true master. Why not keep the whole poem metaphor?

      The structure is so strong you won't lose a single reader.

      albi




      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
      <poetry4u@...> wrote:
      >
      > FOLLOW ME TO THE RIVER
      >
      > Which way is it to the moonlight,
      > the stream shivering, unleashing her hair
      > onto the white pillows of shoreline?
      > Feed me the plums you've gaffed
      > as we run barefoot over pebbled circumstance.
      > Then hold me close and tell how fishermen
      > must learn to rely on finding the rhythm
      > of rod and line, then cast the weight long.
      > I believe you because the steady spin of reel
      > pulls in my resistance and the slack tightens.
      > We forget our clothes and watch them
      > wash away in the current
      > like trembling, glimmering, lost inhibitions.
      >
      > © Gwen Ames, 2007
      >
    • queen_of_cryptic_cyphers
      Dear Dear Albi, Now why would I laugh at your suggie? I will definitely chew it. Have to go off to work now and can t make a decision this early in the morning
      Message 2 of 5 , Aug 4 3:15 AM
        Dear Dear Albi,

        Now why would I laugh at your suggie? I will definitely chew it. Have
        to go off to work now and can't make a decision this early in the
        morning (5:00) without some danged coffee!

        Hugs,
        Gwen



        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, albiaicehouse <no_reply@...>
        wrote:
        >
        > Wow!
        >
        > Now that's some poem.
        >
        > Be prepared to laugh:
        >
        > How about closing this way?
        >
        > "We forget our clothes and watch them
        > wash away in the current,
        > the trembling, glimmering, lost inhibitions."
        >
        > You flirt along the all sides of the edge between metaphor and
        > description, you true master. Why not keep the whole poem metaphor?
        >
        > The structure is so strong you won't lose a single reader.
        >
        > albi
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
        > <poetry4u@> wrote:
        > >
        > > FOLLOW ME TO THE RIVER
        > >
        > > Which way is it to the moonlight,
        > > the stream shivering, unleashing her hair
        > > onto the white pillows of shoreline?
        > > Feed me the plums you've gaffed
        > > as we run barefoot over pebbled circumstance.
        > > Then hold me close and tell how fishermen
        > > must learn to rely on finding the rhythm
        > > of rod and line, then cast the weight long.
        > > I believe you because the steady spin of reel
        > > pulls in my resistance and the slack tightens.
        > > We forget our clothes and watch them
        > > wash away in the current
        > > like trembling, glimmering, lost inhibitions.
        > >
        > > © Gwen Ames, 2007
        > >
        >
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