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Re: [ticket2write] BUTT - A Poem

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  • David Roth
    Well now, that about says it all, doesn t it then? Nicely done, Gwen. Dave
    Message 1 of 13 , Apr 4, 2007
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      Well now, that about says it all, doesn't it then? Nicely done, Gwen.

      Dave

      queen_of_cryptic_cyphers wrote:
      > BUTT
      >
      > You rolled me into a finely wrapped paper romance
      > and inhaled that first whiff of smoke
      > with the finesse of a tobacco shop connoisseur
      > said the addictive properties in my list of ingredients
      > created an urge
      > on the hour
      > by the day
      > until the pain of withdrawal was more than you could bare
      >
      > How snugly I fit into the durably boxed package
      > you carried around all day inside your front pocket—
      > a statement of loyalty to the once famous brand
      > you ignited with confident flame cupped in hand
      > The ecstasy swirled in those intense moments of need
      > lifted up in rings of rings
      >
      > Did you plan to let the long ultra fine sizzle down to the filter
      > so you could toss it out like the butts
      > you dare not accumulate inside the house?
      > Now you've pressed my love down deeply
      > into the heart of the hardwood floor
      > where it will be worn away from the sole
      > of your ever moving shoe
      >
      > (c) Gwen Ames, 2007
    • Mark Stark
      I enjoyed the poem. Of course smoking is a disgusting habit but human beings are basically disgusting, hopelessly flawed, mortal creatures so I see nothing
      Message 2 of 13 , Apr 4, 2007
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        I enjoyed the poem. Of course smoking is a disgusting habit but
        human beings are basically disgusting, hopelessly flawed, mortal
        creatures so I see nothing inappropriate. When someone sites a 67
        year old dying of lung cancer, I almost laugh because I had an
        extremely health-conscious friend who died of an aneurysm at 35. To
        write poetry is to embrace (or at least be cognizant of) the
        ethereal quality of life and our perception of things, placing our
        fragile, mortal lives in proper context. As poets, I think we can
        all agree that it is the quality of a life lived that is important,
        not the longevity of it. We do not need to live by the same
        standards, and censorship isn't really needed.

        Despite the objection of another, I was impressed with the approach
        of the subject matter, relating smoking in terms of a possible
        romance. Despite the fact I rarely smoke, I have a nice book on my
        shelf called "The Art of Fine Cigars" which I thought of
        immediately. Overall, well-organized and the delivery is clean and
        polished, the tone enticing. I enjoyed the personification of
        something one normally wouldn't personify--but which certainly makes
        sense given the intimate, almost sacred ritual of a person with
        their smoke. It closes on a strong note with the image of the shoe.

        I would suggest a title change, however and maybe throw in some
        Verlaine-esque smoke imagery with a few background colors, nothing
        too bright but maybe a pink or grey--or the color of the smoker's
        lips or face. Or maybe the texture of the smoker's calloused thumb
        against the delicate surface of the butt, etc.


        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
        <poetry4u@...> wrote:
        >
        > BUTT
        >
        > You rolled me into a finely wrapped paper romance
        > and inhaled that first whiff of smoke
        > with the finesse of a tobacco shop connoisseur
        > said the addictive properties in my list of ingredients
        > created an urge
        > on the hour
        > by the day
        > until the pain of withdrawal was more than you could bare
        >
        > How snugly I fit into the durably boxed package
        > you carried around all day inside your front pocket—
        > a statement of loyalty to the once famous brand
        > you ignited with confident flame cupped in hand
        > The ecstasy swirled in those intense moments of need
        > lifted up in rings of rings
        >
        > Did you plan to let the long ultra fine sizzle down to the filter
        > so you could toss it out like the butts
        > you dare not accumulate inside the house?
        > Now you've pressed my love down deeply
        > into the heart of the hardwood floor
        > where it will be worn away from the sole
        > of your ever moving shoe
        >
        > © Gwen Ames, 2007
        >
      • wings081
        Dear Carol Would that I could accompany your son to that service of farewell to his scoutmaster. I wonder if the preacher will make so free as to allow the
        Message 3 of 13 , Apr 5, 2007
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          Dear Carol
          Would that I could accompany your son to that service of farewell to
          his scoutmaster.
          I wonder if the preacher will make so free as to allow the
          congregation to sing one of the ditties which were sung around the
          campfire or at a scouting jamboree.
          I'm sure Lord Baden Powell is ready with open hand to welcome one of
          his lieutenants to that great campfire in the sky.

          Carol,you say this illustrious friend of youth had two daughters,
          wouldn't it be a great touch if your son became emotionally involved
          with one of them,always supposing age difference was no problem.

          Ignore that last remark, for a matchmaker I'm not.

          As always

          Wings

          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@...> wrote:
          >
          > Dear Wings,
          > Tomorrow morning, my oldest son will be a pall bearer at the funeral
          > of his former Scoutmaster. The man has two daughters and one son,
          but
          > more boys than you could count on both hands and feet--if you
          counted
          > three times. For as long as I knew him, he smoked a pipe. About two
          > months ago, this man received the cancer diagnosis. He was otherwise
          > healthy and active individual all his 69 years. So as a direct
          result
          > of smoking, we've lost another friend. Stay on your soapbox.
          > Always,
          > Carol
          >
          > Gwen—One suggestion: leave off the word "romance" in the first
          line. I
          > feel it's a tad too much and I think we can figure out what you're
          > trying to say without the poem saying it.
          >
          > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
          > >
          > > Dear Gwen
          > >
          > > You must be aware after our years of friendly banter,
          > > that I admire your input to this site as I also admire you as a
          > > person,and so I will ask you to bear with me and forgive any hint
          of
          > > censure against you in my following comments.
          > >
          > > Smoking is a disgusting habit and I'm over the moon with the
          latest
          > > legislature in the UK banning smoking in public areas such as
          > > restaurants,pubs and cinemas.
          > >
          > > Youngsters start because their elders are seen to puff away and
          so it
          > > makes the kids feel grown up.The heroes and heroines on the
          silver
          > > screen always had a fag dangling from their mouths and naturally
          > > as role models,they were copied.
          > >
          > > I suppose we should blame Sir Walter Raleigh for UK's
          introduction to
          > > the filthy weed.
          > > Walter was a great sailor and explorer who gave the Irish their
          > > staple diet of potatoes.That was on the plus side but he did us
          no
          > > favours by bringing over tobacco.
          > > He upset Queen Elizabeth 1st by secretly marrying one of her
          > > maids,Elizabeth Throckmorton and in a jealous rage, Queenie had
          the
          > > pair imprisoned in the Tower of London.
          > > James 6th of Scotland ,who succeeded Lizzie, accused Raleigh of
          > > plotting against him and he was sentenced to death, which was
          > > commuted to life imprisonment and Raleigh spent twelve years in
          the
          > > Tower.
          > > Then, like a fool, Raleigh defied James by attacking the Spanish
          and
          > > when he returned to England his death sentence was re-instated
          and he
          > > died on the block October 29th 1618.
          > > So to all those poor souls who may be coughing their lungs raw, I
          > > would say: The man who started it all received his just desserts.
          > >
          > > Why am I on my soapbox again?
          > > Because my father was a heavy smoker and I watched him wheeze his
          > > last breath as I held his hand on his deathbed, the victim of
          tobacco
          > > poisoning.
          > >
          > > I now live in a smoke-free environment where visitors are made
          most
          > > welcome as long as they don't upset me by asking: "Do you mind if
          I
          > > smoke"
          > >
          > > As always
          > >
          > > Wings
          > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
          > > <poetry4u@> wrote:
          > > >
          > > > BUTT
          > > >
          > > > You rolled me into a finely wrapped paper romance
          > > > and inhaled that first whiff of smoke
          > > > with the finesse of a tobacco shop connoisseur
          > > > said the addictive properties in my list of ingredients
          > > > created an urge
          > > > on the hour
          > > > by the day
          > > > until the pain of withdrawal was more than you could bare
          > > >
          > > > How snugly I fit into the durably boxed package
          > > > you carried around all day inside your front pocket—
          > > > a statement of loyalty to the once famous brand
          > > > you ignited with confident flame cupped in hand
          > > > The ecstasy swirled in those intense moments of need
          > > > lifted up in rings of rings
          > > >
          > > > Did you plan to let the long ultra fine sizzle down to the
          filter
          > > > so you could toss it out like the butts
          > > > you dare not accumulate inside the house?
          > > > Now you've pressed my love down deeply
          > > > into the heart of the hardwood floor
          > > > where it will be worn away from the sole
          > > > of your ever moving shoe
          > > >
          > > > © Gwen Ames, 2007
          > > >
          > >
          >
        • wings081
          Hi Mark Quote: Quality of life lived that is important not the longevity of it After all who wants to live to be ninety? You should ask that question of an
          Message 4 of 13 , Apr 5, 2007
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            Hi Mark
            Quote: "Quality of life lived that is important not the longevity of
            it"
            After all who wants to live to be ninety? You should ask that
            question of an eighty nine year old man.

            "Art of fine cigars"
            I recall a documentary of cigar manufacturing, where beautiful dark
            skinned maidens were rolling the tobacco leaf on their silken thighs.
            Almost made me succumb to temptation and buy a box of hanvanas.

            "Sacred ritual of a person with their smoke"
            Shades of the native American pipe of peace.

            Keep it coming Mark

            As always

            Wings

            --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Mark Stark" <coldscribe@...>
            wrote:
            >
            > I enjoyed the poem. Of course smoking is a disgusting habit but
            > human beings are basically disgusting, hopelessly flawed, mortal
            > creatures so I see nothing inappropriate. When someone sites a 67
            > year old dying of lung cancer, I almost laugh because I had an
            > extremely health-conscious friend who died of an aneurysm at 35.
            To
            > write poetry is to embrace (or at least be cognizant of) the
            > ethereal quality of life and our perception of things, placing our
            > fragile, mortal lives in proper context. As poets, I think we can
            > all agree that it is the quality of a life lived that is important,
            > not the longevity of it. We do not need to live by the same
            > standards, and censorship isn't really needed.
            >
            > Despite the objection of another, I was impressed with the approach
            > of the subject matter, relating smoking in terms of a possible
            > romance. Despite the fact I rarely smoke, I have a nice book on my
            > shelf called "The Art of Fine Cigars" which I thought of
            > immediately. Overall, well-organized and the delivery is clean and
            > polished, the tone enticing. I enjoyed the personification of
            > something one normally wouldn't personify--but which certainly
            makes
            > sense given the intimate, almost sacred ritual of a person with
            > their smoke. It closes on a strong note with the image of the shoe.
            >
            > I would suggest a title change, however and maybe throw in some
            > Verlaine-esque smoke imagery with a few background colors, nothing
            > too bright but maybe a pink or grey--or the color of the smoker's
            > lips or face. Or maybe the texture of the smoker's calloused thumb
            > against the delicate surface of the butt, etc.
            >
            >
            > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
            > <poetry4u@> wrote:
            > >
            > > BUTT
            > >
            > > You rolled me into a finely wrapped paper romance
            > > and inhaled that first whiff of smoke
            > > with the finesse of a tobacco shop connoisseur
            > > said the addictive properties in my list of ingredients
            > > created an urge
            > > on the hour
            > > by the day
            > > until the pain of withdrawal was more than you could bare
            > >
            > > How snugly I fit into the durably boxed package
            > > you carried around all day inside your front pocket—
            > > a statement of loyalty to the once famous brand
            > > you ignited with confident flame cupped in hand
            > > The ecstasy swirled in those intense moments of need
            > > lifted up in rings of rings
            > >
            > > Did you plan to let the long ultra fine sizzle down to the filter
            > > so you could toss it out like the butts
            > > you dare not accumulate inside the house?
            > > Now you've pressed my love down deeply
            > > into the heart of the hardwood floor
            > > where it will be worn away from the sole
            > > of your ever moving shoe
            > >
            > > © Gwen Ames, 2007
            > >
            >
          • Mark Stark
            ... of ... Hi Wings, If everyone had the option, living to 90 would be nice, and we should, overall, strive to live well. But what Fate has in store for us is
            Message 5 of 13 , Apr 5, 2007
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              --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@...> wrote:
              >
              > Hi Mark
              > Quote: "Quality of life lived that is important not the longevity
              of
              > it"
              > After all who wants to live to be ninety? You should ask that
              > question of an eighty nine year old man.

              Hi Wings,

              If everyone had the option, living to 90 would be nice, and we
              should, overall, strive to live well. But what Fate has in store
              for us is beyond our control and it is in the egotistical nature of
              our species to think otherwise.

              My Grandfather started smoking at 13, smoked at least a dozen times
              a day (unfiltered), and lived to 89, while I know people who never
              would dream of being in the same room as a smoker who died before
              the age of 40. I turned 31 recently and know I will be lucky to
              live half the age of of my grandfather. I just think we should be
              grateful for what we have and not expect a long life. If it comes,
              we should be thankful and not have the opinion that we earned it but
              were fortunate in many regards.
            • Manfred
              Hmmmm... ... ()¯¯¯¯)¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ )))) ~~ ~~ ~ Or ... (__!__) The choice is clear ... Cheers, Manfred. P.S. Great write too ... :o)
              Message 6 of 13 , Apr 5, 2007
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                Hmmmm...
                ... ()¯¯¯¯)¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ )))) ~~ ~~ ~
                Or
                ... (__!__)

                The choice is clear ...

                Cheers,

                Manfred.

                P.S. Great write too ... :o)




                --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
                <poetry4u@...> wrote:
                >
                > BUTT
                >
                > You rolled me into a finely wrapped paper romance
                > and inhaled that first whiff of smoke
                > with the finesse of a tobacco shop connoisseur
                > said the addictive properties in my list of ingredients
                > created an urge
                > on the hour
                > by the day
                > until the pain of withdrawal was more than you could bare
                >
                > How snugly I fit into the durably boxed package
                > you carried around all day inside your front pocket—
                > a statement of loyalty to the once famous brand
                > you ignited with confident flame cupped in hand
                > The ecstasy swirled in those intense moments of need
                > lifted up in rings of rings
                >
                > Did you plan to let the long ultra fine sizzle down to the filter
                > so you could toss it out like the butts
                > you dare not accumulate inside the house?
                > Now you've pressed my love down deeply
                > into the heart of the hardwood floor
                > where it will be worn away from the sole
                > of your ever moving shoe
                >
                > © Gwen Ames, 2007
                >
              • wings081
                Hi Mark What fate has in store is beyond our control and it is the egotistical nature of our species to think otherwise OK I ll grant you fate takes a hand
                Message 7 of 13 , Apr 5, 2007
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                  Hi Mark
                  "What fate has in store is beyond our control and it is the
                  egotistical nature of our species to think otherwise"

                  OK I'll grant you fate takes a hand in our lifespan but unless you
                  have a life threatening complaint I would urge you to aspire to a
                  greater age than half that of your grandfather.

                  You say we should be thankful for a long life if it comes and not
                  have the opinion we earned it.

                  Well my friend,being the supreme egotistical optimist, I can assure
                  you I have earned every second of my existence.Sometimes against what
                  others would consider insurmountable odds.
                  To the best of my knowledge I have no enemies of my own making
                  (outside those of my country);I have earned the respect of my peers;I
                  would put my life on the line for my family and friends;I admit to
                  inherent faults over which I earnestly endeavour to gain control but
                  those shortcomings pose no serious threat to others; I have loved
                  deeply and lost but life has a habit of advancing in spite of our
                  sorrows.
                  I am proud to stand tall in the face of adversity and come what may
                  I intend to outlive the lifespan of my paternal grandfather who
                  passed away aged 99yrs plus a few months.

                  Now look what you've done Mark. Got me spinning off on a tangent.

                  Good to have you on board

                  As always

                  Wings




                  --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Mark Stark" <coldscribe@...>
                  wrote:
                  >
                  > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
                  > >
                  > > Hi Mark
                  > > Quote: "Quality of life lived that is important not the longevity
                  > of
                  > > it"
                  > > After all who wants to live to be ninety? You should ask that
                  > > question of an eighty nine year old man.
                  >
                  > Hi Wings,
                  >
                  > If everyone had the option, living to 90 would be nice, and we
                  > should, overall, strive to live well. But what Fate has in store
                  > for us is beyond our control and it is in the egotistical nature of
                  > our species to think otherwise.
                  >
                  > My Grandfather started smoking at 13, smoked at least a dozen times
                  > a day (unfiltered), and lived to 89, while I know people who never
                  > would dream of being in the same room as a smoker who died before
                  > the age of 40. I turned 31 recently and know I will be lucky to
                  > live half the age of of my grandfather. I just think we should be
                  > grateful for what we have and not expect a long life. If it comes,
                  > we should be thankful and not have the opinion that we earned it
                  but
                  > were fortunate in many regards.
                  >
                • Mark Stark
                  ... You seem like a nice person wings so I hope you do, even though it seems like an artificial goal. I would give up my life for 1 year of good health, so I
                  Message 8 of 13 , Apr 5, 2007
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                    --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@...> wrote:
                    > I am proud to stand tall in the face of adversity and come what may
                    > I intend to outlive the lifespan of my paternal grandfather who
                    > passed away aged 99yrs plus a few months.
                    >

                    You seem like a nice person wings so I hope you do, even though it
                    seems like an artificial goal. I would give up my life for 1 year of
                    good health, so I just take things day by day. Maybe tomorrow I'll
                    read Arnold's 'Dover Beach' or finally start on Proust and be thankful
                    for the joy of being able to appreciate language and the poets'
                    perception of things.
                  • queen_of_cryptic_cyphers
                    Well you all! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I am extremely busy with the episodic trials of life so forgive me responding so slowly. Of
                    Message 9 of 13 , Apr 8, 2007
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                      Well you all! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I am
                      extremely busy with the episodic trials of life so forgive me
                      responding so slowly. Of course Dear Wings Sir, there will be no lung
                      cancer here because this poem was totally metaphorical. However, a
                      few smokers I know gave me the low down on this particular addiction
                      to write the piece as I did.

                      As for you Uncle Manny.......all I can say is.....nice images in
                      response. lol, lol, lol.

                      Mark, welcome and I am glad you liked it.

                      Hugs all,
                      Gwen


                      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Manfred" <r_u_sirius2@...>
                      wrote:
                      >
                      > Hmmmm...
                      > ... ()¯¯¯¯)¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ )))) ~~ ~~ ~
                      > Or
                      > ... (__!__)
                      >
                      > The choice is clear ...
                      >
                      > Cheers,
                      >
                      > Manfred.
                      >
                      > P.S. Great write too ... :o)
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
                      > <poetry4u@> wrote:
                      > >
                      > > BUTT
                      > >
                      > > You rolled me into a finely wrapped paper romance
                      > > and inhaled that first whiff of smoke
                      > > with the finesse of a tobacco shop connoisseur
                      > > said the addictive properties in my list of ingredients
                      > > created an urge
                      > > on the hour
                      > > by the day
                      > > until the pain of withdrawal was more than you could bare
                      > >
                      > > How snugly I fit into the durably boxed package
                      > > you carried around all day inside your front pocket—
                      > > a statement of loyalty to the once famous brand
                      > > you ignited with confident flame cupped in hand
                      > > The ecstasy swirled in those intense moments of need
                      > > lifted up in rings of rings
                      > >
                      > > Did you plan to let the long ultra fine sizzle down to the filter
                      > > so you could toss it out like the butts
                      > > you dare not accumulate inside the house?
                      > > Now you've pressed my love down deeply
                      > > into the heart of the hardwood floor
                      > > where it will be worn away from the sole
                      > > of your ever moving shoe
                      > >
                      > > © Gwen Ames, 2007
                      > >
                      >
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