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Re: Poetry Challenge and colour prejudice.

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  • Johnny
    Wings, I could see the scene in my minds eye. Like an old black and white movie. : ) The rhythm of this poem is good and the subject amusing. Just one
    Message 1 of 6 , Aug 1, 2006
      Wings,
      I could see the scene in my minds eye. Like an old black and white
      movie. : )
      The rhythm of this poem is good and the subject amusing. Just one
      teeny-weeny thing I would suggest is to change "loudly" in the third
      line of the second stanza to "loud".
      Johnny

      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@...> wrote:
      >
      >
      > Of scalps and colour prejudice.
      >
      >
      >
      > Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding together
      > Admiring the scenery and beautiful weather
      > Suddenly behind them were hundreds of Sioux
      > Silver spurred to a gallop.So would I, wouldn't you?
      >
      > After more than a mile Tonto turned round and said:
      > "There's five hundred Apaches Kemo-sahbee ahead"
      > Tomahawks waving and whooping loudly war cries
      > Lone Ranger and Tonto prepared their goodbyes
      >
      > "Well my old friend" Masked Man.said to his mate
      > "This looks like the end, best prepare for your fate
      > let us both get it over, just as quick as we can"
      > "Both?" queried Tonto "Farewell old White Man."
      >
      >
      > As always
      >
      > Wings
      >
    • wings081
      Hi Johnny Thanks for that. Actually I did have loud in my first draft but it seemed to lack the rhythm. Hence loudly. You will no doubt have guessed I m not a
      Message 2 of 6 , Aug 2, 2006
        Hi Johnny
        Thanks for that. Actually I did have loud in my first draft but it
        seemed to lack the rhythm. Hence loudly.
        You will no doubt have guessed I'm not a true poet but I favour
        rhymes and if they don't sing to me I scrap them.

        THanks again for your crit

        As always

        Wings

        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Johnny" <john.gregory7@...>
        wrote:
        >
        > Wings,
        > I could see the scene in my minds eye. Like an old black and white
        > movie. : )
        > The rhythm of this poem is good and the subject amusing. Just one
        > teeny-weeny thing I would suggest is to change "loudly" in the
        third
        > line of the second stanza to "loud".
        > Johnny
        >
        > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
        > >
        > >
        > > Of scalps and colour prejudice.
        > >
        > >
        > >
        > > Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding together
        > > Admiring the scenery and beautiful weather
        > > Suddenly behind them were hundreds of Sioux
        > > Silver spurred to a gallop.So would I, wouldn't you?
        > >
        > > After more than a mile Tonto turned round and said:
        > > "There's five hundred Apaches Kemo-sahbee ahead"
        > > Tomahawks waving and whooping loudly war cries
        > > Lone Ranger and Tonto prepared their goodbyes
        > >
        > > "Well my old friend" Masked Man.said to his mate
        > > "This looks like the end, best prepare for your fate
        > > let us both get it over, just as quick as we can"
        > > "Both?" queried Tonto "Farewell old White Man."
        > >
        > >
        > > As always
        > >
        > > Wings
        > >
        >
      • Johnny
        Wings, One can get away with an extra (or less) syllable or two in a line at times. It can be covered in the way the poem is read. A slight hesitation here or
        Message 3 of 6 , Aug 2, 2006

          Wings,

          One can get away with an extra (or less) syllable or two in a line at times. It can be covered in the way the poem is read. A slight hesitation here or speed up there works wonders! LOL

          I don’t consider myself a “true” poet either, although I have been composing it since what seems forever! Most of my writing is now focused on stories but I do tap out the odd one now and again.

          I’m patiently waiting for a comment or two on the sci-fi chapter of Scuddar I posted. However, nothing but poems are being posted here.

          Johnny

           


          From: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com [mailto: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com ] On Behalf Of wings081
          Sent: Thursday, 3 August 2006 1:26 AM
          To: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
          Subject: [ticket2write] Re: Poetry Challenge and colour prejudice.(29189 Johnny)

           

          Hi Johnny
          Thanks for that. Actually I did have loud in my first draft but it
          seemed to lack the rhythm. Hence loudly.
          You will no doubt have guessed I'm not a true poet but I favour
          rhymes and if they don't sing to me I scrap them.

          THanks again for your crit

          As always

          Wings

          --- In ticket2write@ yahoogroups. com, "Johnny" <john.gregory7@ ...>
          wrote:

          >
          > Wings,
          > I could see the scene in my minds eye. Like an old black and white
          > movie. : )
          > The rhythm of this poem is good and the subject amusing. Just one
          > teeny-weeny thing I would suggest is to change "loudly" in the
          third
          > line of the second stanza to "loud".
          > Johnny
          >
          > --- In ticket2write@ yahoogroups. com,
          "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
          > >
          > >
          > > Of scalps and colour prejudice.
          > >
          > >
          > >
          > > Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding together
          > > Admiring the scenery and beautiful weather
          > > Suddenly behind them were hundreds of Sioux
          > > Silver spurred to a gallop.So would I, wouldn't you?
          > >
          > > After more than a mile Tonto turned round and said:
          > > "There's five hundred Apaches Kemo-sahbee ahead"
          > > Tomahawks waving and whooping loudly war cries
          > > Lone Ranger and Tonto prepared their goodbyes
          > >
          > > "Well my old friend" Masked Man.said to his mate
          > > "This looks like the end, best prepare for your fate
          > > let us both get it over, just as quick as we can"
          > > "Both?" queried Tonto "Farewell old
          w:st="on">White Man. "
          > >
          > >
          > > As always
          > >
          > > Wings
          > >
          >

        • wings081
          Hi Johnny Born so long after WW2, I wonder if you have ever come across a famous poem dedicated to one of your namesake which was written on the back of an
          Message 4 of 6 , Aug 3, 2006
            Hi Johnny

            Born so long after WW2, I wonder if you have ever come across a
            famous poem dedicated to one of your namesake which was written on
            the back of an envelope during an air raid on London in 1941. The
            title is; "For Johnny"

            Do not despair
            For Johnny head-in- air
            He sleeps as sound
            As Johnny underground

            Fetch out no shroud
            For Johnny-in-the-cloud
            And keep your tears
            For him in after years

            Better by far
            For Johnny-the bright-star
            To keep your head
            And see his children fed

            The author was John Sleigh Pudney ex RAF Sqdn. Ldr (1909-1977)

            As always

            Wings


















            --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Johnny" <john.gregory7@...>
            wrote:
            >
            > Wings,
            >
            > One can get away with an extra (or less) syllable or two in a line
            at times.
            > It can be covered in the way the poem is read. A slight hesitation
            here or
            > speed up there works wonders! LOL
            >
            > I don't consider myself a "true" poet either, although I have been
            composing
            > it since what seems forever! Most of my writing is now focused on
            stories
            > but I do tap out the odd one now and again.
            >
            > I'm patiently waiting for a comment or two on the sci-fi chapter
            of Scuddar
            > I posted. However, nothing but poems are being posted here.
            >
            > Johnny
            >
            >
            >
            > _____
            >
            > From: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
            [mailto:ticket2write@yahoogroups.com] On
            > Behalf Of wings081
            > Sent: Thursday, 3 August 2006 1:26 AM
            > To: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
            > Subject: [ticket2write] Re: Poetry Challenge and colour prejudice.
            (29189
            > Johnny)
            >
            >
            >
            > Hi Johnny
            > Thanks for that. Actually I did have loud in my first draft but it
            > seemed to lack the rhythm. Hence loudly.
            > You will no doubt have guessed I'm not a true poet but I favour
            > rhymes and if they don't sing to me I scrap them.
            >
            > THanks again for your crit
            >
            > As always
            >
            > Wings
            >
            > --- In ticket2write@ <mailto:ticket2write%40yahoogroups.com>
            > yahoogroups.com, "Johnny" <john.gregory7@>
            > wrote:
            > >
            > > Wings,
            > > I could see the scene in my minds eye. Like an old black and
            white
            > > movie. : )
            > > The rhythm of this poem is good and the subject amusing. Just
            one
            > > teeny-weeny thing I would suggest is to change "loudly" in the
            > third
            > > line of the second stanza to "loud".
            > > Johnny
            > >
            > > --- In ticket2write@ <mailto:ticket2write%40yahoogroups.com>
            > yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
            > > >
            > > >
            > > > Of scalps and colour prejudice.
            > > >
            > > >
            > > >
            > > > Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding together
            > > > Admiring the scenery and beautiful weather
            > > > Suddenly behind them were hundreds of Sioux
            > > > Silver spurred to a gallop.So would I, wouldn't you?
            > > >
            > > > After more than a mile Tonto turned round and said:
            > > > "There's five hundred Apaches Kemo-sahbee ahead"
            > > > Tomahawks waving and whooping loudly war cries
            > > > Lone Ranger and Tonto prepared their goodbyes
            > > >
            > > > "Well my old friend" Masked Man.said to his mate
            > > > "This looks like the end, best prepare for your fate
            > > > let us both get it over, just as quick as we can"
            > > > "Both?" queried Tonto "Farewell old White Man."
            > > >
            > > >
            > > > As always
            > > >
            > > > Wings
            > > >
            > >
            >
          • Johnny
            Wings, Nope! Never heard that poem before but my headmistress at school used to call me Johnny-head-in-the-clouds! That was because I was always daydreaming!
            Message 5 of 6 , Aug 3, 2006

              Wings,

              Nope! Never heard that poem before but my headmistress at school used to call me Johnny-head-in-the-clouds! That was because I was always daydreaming!

              Johnny

               


              From: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com [mailto: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com ] On Behalf Of wings081
              Sent: Friday, 4 August 2006 1:17 AM
              To: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
              Subject: [ticket2write] Re: Poetry Challenge and colour prejudice.(29217Johnny)

               

              Hi Johnny

              Born so long after WW2, I wonder if you have ever come across a
              famous poem dedicated to one of your namesake which was written on
              the back of an envelope during an air raid on London in 1941. The
              title is; "For Johnny"

              Do not despair
              For Johnny head-in- air
              He sleeps as sound
              As Johnny underground

              Fetch out no shroud
              For Johnny-in-the- cloud
              And keep your tears
              For him in after years

              Better by far
              For Johnny-the bright-star
              To keep your head
              And see his children fed

              The author was John Sleigh Pudney ex RAF Sqdn. Ldr (1909-1977)

              As always

              Wings

              --- In ticket2write@ yahoogroups. com, "Johnny" <john.gregory7@ ...>
              wrote:

              >
              > Wings,
              >
              > One can get away with an extra (or less) syllable or two in a line
              at times.
              > It can be covered in the way the poem is read. A slight hesitation
              here or
              > speed up there works wonders! LOL
              >
              > I don't consider myself a "true" poet either, although I have
              been
              composing
              > it since what seems forever! Most of my writing is now focused on
              stories
              > but I do tap out the odd one now and again.
              >
              > I'm patiently waiting for a comment or two on the sci-fi chapter
              of Scuddar
              > I posted. However, nothing but poems are being posted here.
              >
              > Johnny
              >
              >
              >
              > _____
              >
              > From: ticket2write@ yahoogroups. com
              [mailto:ticket2write@ yahoogroups. com] On
              > Behalf Of wings081
              > Sent: Thursday, 3 August 2006 1:26 AM
              > To: ticket2write@ yahoogroups. com
              > Subject: [ticket2write] Re: Poetry Challenge and colour prejudice.
              (29189
              > Johnny)
              >
              >
              >
              > Hi Johnny
              > Thanks for that. Actually I did have loud in my first draft but it
              > seemed to lack the rhythm. Hence loudly.
              > You will no doubt have guessed I'm not a true poet but I favour
              > rhymes and if they don't sing to me I scrap them.
              >
              > THanks again for your crit
              >
              > As always
              >
              > Wings
              >
              > --- In ticket2write@ <mailto:ticket2writ e%40yahoogroups. com>
              > yahoogroups. com, "Johnny" <john.gregory7@ >
              > wrote:
              > >
              > > Wings,
              > > I could see the scene in my minds eye. Like an old black and
              white
              > > movie. : )
              > > The rhythm of this poem is good and the subject amusing. Just
              one
              > > teeny-weeny thing I would suggest is to change "loudly" in
              the
              > third
              > > line of the second stanza to "loud".
              > > Johnny
              > >
              > > --- In ticket2write@ <mailto:ticket2writ e%40yahoogroups. com>
              > yahoogroups. com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
              > > >
              > > >
              > > > Of scalps and colour prejudice.
              > > >
              > > >
              > > >
              > > > Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding together
              > > > Admiring the scenery and beautiful weather
              > > > Suddenly behind them were hundreds of Sioux
              > > > Silver spurred to a gallop.So would I, wouldn't you?
              > > >
              > > > After more than a mile Tonto turned round and said:
              > > > "There's five hundred Apaches Kemo-sahbee ahead"
              > > > Tomahawks waving and whooping loudly war cries
              > > > Lone Ranger and Tonto prepared their goodbyes
              > > >
              > > > "Well my old friend" Masked Man.said to his mate
              > > > "This looks like the end, best prepare for your fate
              > > > let us both get it over, just as quick as we can"
              > > > "Both?" queried Tonto "Farewell old
              w:st="on"> White Man. "
              > > >
              > > >
              > > > As always
              > > >
              > > > Wings
              > > >
              > >
              >

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