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Re: POETRY FUTURES CRASH ON WORLD MARKET

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  • albiaicehouse
    Dear Lord Belchie, In an effort not to affront, I have decided to outsource all communication to some wayward birds in the Allocution Islands. There is a
    Message 1 of 13 , Apr 2, 2006
    • 0 Attachment
      Dear Lord Belchie,

      In an effort not to affront, I have decided to outsource all
      communication to some wayward birds in the Allocution Islands. There
      is a weatherproof laptop computer on a cliff there above the spray
      from waves. The keyboard has seeds and small insects on the keys to
      entice the little buggers to peck. Thanks to the birds and the
      miracle of solar arrays and batteries, I have no problems any longer
      with the volume of creative works. I expect no problems at least
      until the guano covers something up entirely at which poinn/.,emrt
      therkjiwere coulajdkajlkfjd be sommddmdmdmdqmok;melkme dijkljdjf
      dsjfajd;kfjdsalfkl;d djfkdjf jfkd lksdjf ldsjfkdajf kldsaj dfn d
      skjfkdjlkskl ldfdk skdjkd

      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@...> wrote:
      >
      > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
      >
      > Dear Authors,
      > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
      > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200 million
      > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have dropped
      > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short stories
      > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation. Because of
      > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that all
      > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now, quality is
      > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as quickly as
      > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
      > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't worry
      > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh team of
      > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
      > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate placement
      > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality that
      > counts.
      > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you who work
      > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some changes. Our
      > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A change
      > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect positive
      > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
      > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already Mitch
      > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at the
      > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the rose
      > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to one.
      > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The other
      > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been removed
      > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a more
      > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being sublet
      > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the children
      > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children will be
      > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing in any
      > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the name of
      > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
      > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a flat-
      > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you through
      > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we all
      > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell, dear
      > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to the T2W
      > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
      > Sincerely,
      > Dennis Dean
      >
      > Hello Creative Folk,
      >
      > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum. Thank you
      > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the S.S.
      > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you I've
      > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But seriously,
      > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate world. My
      > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty. Mr.
      > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm here
      > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle you'll
      > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement date. The
      > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A slightly
      > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it solvent.
      > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will be just
      > as minimal.
      > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we let
      > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should keep
      > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
      > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're all
      > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
      > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of that
      > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
      > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-old
      > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully arranged
      > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that horse meat
      > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only wish I
      > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
      > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves sometimes
      > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will be
      > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways among
      > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on tap in
      > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social had to
      > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all know,
      > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on it.
      > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry but
      > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
      > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will be
      > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may be
      > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being forciby
      > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this rough
      > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
      >
      > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
      >
    • Carol
      Dear Transom Jumper, This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be getting paid for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry s
      Message 2 of 13 , Apr 2, 2006
      • 0 Attachment
        Dear Transom Jumper,
        This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be getting paid
        for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
        considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I don't
        have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
        desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the gauntlet. I
        would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece with us.
        Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food procurement
        officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
        Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting morning
        meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better Living
        Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local Betty Ford
        Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
        Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
        Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask him about
        poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming to be
        heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped? Words
        are fun!!
        Carol

        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@...> wrote:
        >
        > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
        >
        > Dear Authors,
        > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
        > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200 million
        > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have dropped
        > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short stories
        > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation. Because of
        > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that all
        > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now, quality is
        > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as quickly as
        > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
        > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't worry
        > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh team of
        > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
        > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate placement
        > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality that
        > counts.
        > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you who work
        > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some changes. Our
        > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A change
        > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect positive
        > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
        > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already Mitch
        > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at the
        > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the rose
        > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to one.
        > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The other
        > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been removed
        > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a more
        > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being sublet
        > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the children
        > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children will be
        > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing in any
        > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the name of
        > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
        > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a flat-
        > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you through
        > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we all
        > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell, dear
        > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to the T2W
        > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
        > Sincerely,
        > Dennis Dean
        >
        > Hello Creative Folk,
        >
        > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum. Thank you
        > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the S.S.
        > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you I've
        > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But seriously,
        > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate world. My
        > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty. Mr.
        > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm here
        > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle you'll
        > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement date. The
        > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A slightly
        > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it solvent.
        > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will be just
        > as minimal.
        > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we let
        > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should keep
        > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
        > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're all
        > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
        > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of that
        > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
        > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-old
        > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully arranged
        > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that horse meat
        > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only wish I
        > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
        > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves sometimes
        > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will be
        > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways among
        > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on tap in
        > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social had to
        > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all know,
        > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on it.
        > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry but
        > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
        > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will be
        > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may be
        > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being forciby
        > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this rough
        > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
        >
        > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
        >
      • transom.jumper
        ... Dear Carol, Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my monstrous ego aside, I ve got to give him a huge edge in all things whacky and
        Message 3 of 13 , Apr 3, 2006
        • 0 Attachment
          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@...> wrote:
          >
          Dear Carol,

          Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
          monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all things
          whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm being
          funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
          starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
          hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre and
          I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this is
          the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I think
          I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks. I
          had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
          funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the best
          poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
          England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
          moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
          Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
          strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously don't
          think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
          compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by funny
          bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
          Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
          just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.

          A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
          Transom Jumper



          > Dear Transom Jumper,
          > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be getting
          paid
          > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
          > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I don't
          > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
          > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
          gauntlet. I
          > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece with
          us.
          > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food procurement
          > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
          > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
          morning
          > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
          Living
          > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local Betty
          Ford
          > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
          > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
          > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask him
          about
          > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming to
          be
          > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
          Words
          > are fun!!
          > Carol
          >
          > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
          wrote:
          > >
          > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
          > >
          > > Dear Authors,
          > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
          > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
          million
          > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
          dropped
          > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
          stories
          > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
          Because of
          > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that
          all
          > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now, quality
          is
          > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
          quickly as
          > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
          > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
          worry
          > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh team
          of
          > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
          > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
          placement
          > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
          that
          > > counts.
          > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you who
          work
          > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some changes.
          Our
          > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
          change
          > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
          positive
          > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
          > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
          Mitch
          > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at the
          > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
          rose
          > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
          one.
          > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
          other
          > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
          removed
          > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
          more
          > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
          sublet
          > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
          children
          > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children will
          be
          > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing in
          any
          > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the name
          of
          > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
          > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a
          flat-
          > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
          through
          > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we
          all
          > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell, dear
          > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to the
          T2W
          > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
          > > Sincerely,
          > > Dennis Dean
          > >
          > > Hello Creative Folk,
          > >
          > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum. Thank
          you
          > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
          S.S.
          > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
          I've
          > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
          seriously,
          > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
          world. My
          > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
          Mr.
          > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
          here
          > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
          you'll
          > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement date.
          The
          > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A slightly
          > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it solvent.
          > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will be
          just
          > > as minimal.
          > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we
          let
          > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
          keep
          > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
          > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're
          all
          > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
          > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
          that
          > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
          > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-old
          > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
          arranged
          > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that horse
          meat
          > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only wish
          I
          > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
          > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
          sometimes
          > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will be
          > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways
          among
          > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on tap
          in
          > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social had
          to
          > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
          know,
          > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
          it.
          > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry but
          > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
          > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will be
          > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may be
          > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
          forciby
          > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this
          rough
          > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
          > >
          > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
          > >
          >
        • wings081
          Hi T.J. Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all- important Punch-line Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
          Message 4 of 13 , Apr 4, 2006
          • 0 Attachment
            Hi T.J.

            Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all-
            important 'Punch-line'
            Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
            brightened our days in their lifetime, would have be nobodies
            without the skill of their writing teams.
            A writer can spout out about World events and he will soon be
            forgotten,but let the same writer compose a humourous script and
            it is repeated Worldwide.
            Go for it my friend.

            As always

            Wings

            Ps.On my keyboard 'T' & 'N' are miles apart, so please,when
            referring to our darling Welsh beauty, (irresponsibly kidnapped by
            Mikey Douglas),her monniker is: Catherine ZETA Jones.



            ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@...>
            wrote:
            >
            > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
            > >
            > Dear Carol,
            >
            > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
            > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
            things
            > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
            being
            > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
            > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
            > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre
            and
            > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this
            is
            > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
            think
            > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks. I
            > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
            > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the best
            > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
            > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
            > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
            > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
            > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
            don't
            > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
            > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
            funny
            > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
            > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
            > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
            >
            > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
            > Transom Jumper
            >
            >
            >
            > > Dear Transom Jumper,
            > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
            getting
            > paid
            > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
            > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
            don't
            > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
            > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
            > gauntlet. I
            > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
            with
            > us.
            > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
            procurement
            > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
            > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
            > morning
            > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
            > Living
            > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
            Betty
            > Ford
            > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
            > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
            > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask him
            > about
            > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming
            to
            > be
            > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
            > Words
            > > are fun!!
            > > Carol
            > >
            > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
            > wrote:
            > > >
            > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
            > > >
            > > > Dear Authors,
            > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
            > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
            > million
            > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
            > dropped
            > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
            > stories
            > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
            > Because of
            > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that
            > all
            > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
            quality
            > is
            > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
            > quickly as
            > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
            > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
            > worry
            > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
            team
            > of
            > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
            > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
            > placement
            > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
            > that
            > > > counts.
            > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
            who
            > work
            > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
            changes.
            > Our
            > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
            > change
            > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
            > positive
            > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
            > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
            > Mitch
            > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at
            the
            > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
            > rose
            > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
            > one.
            > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
            > other
            > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
            > removed
            > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
            > more
            > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
            > sublet
            > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
            > children
            > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
            will
            > be
            > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing
            in
            > any
            > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
            name
            > of
            > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
            > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a
            > flat-
            > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
            > through
            > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we
            > all
            > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
            dear
            > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
            the
            > T2W
            > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
            > > > Sincerely,
            > > > Dennis Dean
            > > >
            > > > Hello Creative Folk,
            > > >
            > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
            Thank
            > you
            > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
            > S.S.
            > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
            > I've
            > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
            > seriously,
            > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
            > world. My
            > > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
            > Mr.
            > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
            > here
            > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
            > you'll
            > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
            date.
            > The
            > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
            slightly
            > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
            solvent.
            > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will
            be
            > just
            > > > as minimal.
            > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we
            > let
            > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
            > keep
            > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
            > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're
            > all
            > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
            > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
            > that
            > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
            > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-
            old
            > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
            > arranged
            > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
            horse
            > meat
            > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
            wish
            > I
            > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
            > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
            > sometimes
            > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will
            be
            > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways
            > among
            > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
            tap
            > in
            > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
            had
            > to
            > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
            > know,
            > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
            > it.
            > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry
            but
            > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
            > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will
            be
            > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may
            be
            > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
            > forciby
            > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this
            > rough
            > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
            > > >
            > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
            > > >
            > >
            >
          • nigel_tiptoe
            Memo to B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write From: The Writing Department (downsized) Dear Mr Beeker Thank you for your clear explanation of the conditions
            Message 5 of 13 , Apr 4, 2006
            • 0 Attachment
              Memo to B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
              From: The Writing Department (downsized)

              Dear Mr Beeker

              Thank you for your clear explanation of the conditions confronting T2W
              in light of the recent poetic glut. We share your concerns and
              understand your stringency measures but, being the creative folk that
              we are, have come up with an alternative to widespread layoffs,
              retrenchments and reductions in conditions: 'specialization.'

              We are proposing a large scale reorganization of the Writing
              Department along lines of expertise. Rather than reducing costs by
              shedding staff, we intend to increase productivity through trading on
              our strengths. From now on, the Department will be structured into
              expert teams: the Creative Verb Team (they know how to achieve); the
              Team for Nouns (took a while to come up with a name for themselves,
              but will be internally structured alphabetically); the Adjectives
              Group (a fabulous group, creative and hardworking); and so on. I
              myself will lead the Pronouns Unit.

              There is more! A full organizational chart will be on your desk as
              soon as we can find your office. One other unit that I must mention,
              though, is the Assemble, Integrate and Articulate Cooperative. This
              group will incorporate the outputs of the aforementioned contributory
              Writing units into 'all but finished' works of ineluctable expression,
              scintillating elegance and deep and abiding meaning. The Swear Words
              Syndicate will then add the final touches to all instances of our
              inevitably fantastically profitable product suite.

              We, the Reorganized Writing Department (upsized again), hope that you
              will look favorably upon this proposal. If not, we can compose another
              one, this time perhaps in cooperation with the Quavers and
              Demi-semi-quaver groups of the erstwhile Music Division. Our outputs
              set to music will be irresistible. They will drive all 200 million
              Chinese poets back into ineffable Taoist contemplation. Where they belong.

              Yrs

              Charles Dickens Tolstoy (the renowned Irish poet)


              --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@...> wrote:
              >
              > Hi T.J.
              >
              > Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all-
              > important 'Punch-line'
              > Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
              > brightened our days in their lifetime, would have be nobodies
              > without the skill of their writing teams.
              > A writer can spout out about World events and he will soon be
              > forgotten,but let the same writer compose a humourous script and
              > it is repeated Worldwide.
              > Go for it my friend.
              >
              > As always
              >
              > Wings
              >
              > Ps.On my keyboard 'T' & 'N' are miles apart, so please,when
              > referring to our darling Welsh beauty, (irresponsibly kidnapped by
              > Mikey Douglas),her monniker is: Catherine ZETA Jones.
              >
              >
              >
              > ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
              > wrote:
              > >
              > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
              > > >
              > > Dear Carol,
              > >
              > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
              > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
              > things
              > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
              > being
              > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
              > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
              > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre
              > and
              > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this
              > is
              > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
              > think
              > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks. I
              > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
              > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the best
              > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
              > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
              > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
              > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
              > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
              > don't
              > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
              > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
              > funny
              > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
              > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
              > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
              > >
              > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
              > > Transom Jumper
              > >
              > >
              > >
              > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
              > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
              > getting
              > > paid
              > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
              > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
              > don't
              > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
              > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
              > > gauntlet. I
              > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
              > with
              > > us.
              > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
              > procurement
              > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
              > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
              > > morning
              > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
              > > Living
              > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
              > Betty
              > > Ford
              > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
              > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
              > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask him
              > > about
              > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming
              > to
              > > be
              > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
              > > Words
              > > > are fun!!
              > > > Carol
              > > >
              > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
              > > wrote:
              > > > >
              > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
              > > > >
              > > > > Dear Authors,
              > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
              > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
              > > million
              > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
              > > dropped
              > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
              > > stories
              > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
              > > Because of
              > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that
              > > all
              > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
              > quality
              > > is
              > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
              > > quickly as
              > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
              > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
              > > worry
              > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
              > team
              > > of
              > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
              > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
              > > placement
              > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
              > > that
              > > > > counts.
              > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
              > who
              > > work
              > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
              > changes.
              > > Our
              > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
              > > change
              > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
              > > positive
              > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
              > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
              > > Mitch
              > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at
              > the
              > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
              > > rose
              > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
              > > one.
              > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
              > > other
              > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
              > > removed
              > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
              > > more
              > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
              > > sublet
              > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
              > > children
              > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
              > will
              > > be
              > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing
              > in
              > > any
              > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
              > name
              > > of
              > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
              > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a
              > > flat-
              > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
              > > through
              > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we
              > > all
              > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
              > dear
              > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
              > the
              > > T2W
              > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
              > > > > Sincerely,
              > > > > Dennis Dean
              > > > >
              > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
              > > > >
              > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
              > Thank
              > > you
              > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
              > > S.S.
              > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
              > > I've
              > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
              > > seriously,
              > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
              > > world. My
              > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
              > > Mr.
              > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
              > > here
              > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
              > > you'll
              > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
              > date.
              > > The
              > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
              > slightly
              > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
              > solvent.
              > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will
              > be
              > > just
              > > > > as minimal.
              > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we
              > > let
              > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
              > > keep
              > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
              > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're
              > > all
              > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
              > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
              > > that
              > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
              > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-
              > old
              > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
              > > arranged
              > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
              > horse
              > > meat
              > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
              > wish
              > > I
              > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
              > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
              > > sometimes
              > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will
              > be
              > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways
              > > among
              > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
              > tap
              > > in
              > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
              > had
              > > to
              > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
              > > know,
              > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
              > > it.
              > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry
              > but
              > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
              > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will
              > be
              > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may
              > be
              > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
              > > forciby
              > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this
              > > rough
              > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
              > > > >
              > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
              > > > >
              > > >
              > >
              >
            • ralphbaisley
              ... At times your work is utterly brilliant. Other times your jokes are lame. A few times I ve scratched my head trying to get the elusive punch-line. This
              Message 6 of 13 , Apr 4, 2006
              • 0 Attachment
                --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, nigel_tiptoe <no_reply@...>
                wrote:
                >Dear T.J.

                At times your work is utterly brilliant. Other times your jokes are
                lame. A few times I've scratched my head trying to get the elusive
                punch-line. This downsizing piece and the troll work were far better
                than most things I've caught in print. At times you're almost too
                good and I've wondered (and still do) if you aren't a pro comic who's
                pulling our collective legs. If you're sincere, I say go for it!
                Nigel's work is very funny, too. Maybe the two of you could form a
                comedy team.

                All my best,
                Da Baiz


                > Memo to B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                > From: The Writing Department (downsized)
                >
                > Dear Mr Beeker
                >
                > Thank you for your clear explanation of the conditions confronting
                T2W
                > in light of the recent poetic glut. We share your concerns and
                > understand your stringency measures but, being the creative folk
                that
                > we are, have come up with an alternative to widespread layoffs,
                > retrenchments and reductions in conditions: 'specialization.'
                >
                > We are proposing a large scale reorganization of the Writing
                > Department along lines of expertise. Rather than reducing costs by
                > shedding staff, we intend to increase productivity through trading
                on
                > our strengths. From now on, the Department will be structured into
                > expert teams: the Creative Verb Team (they know how to achieve); the
                > Team for Nouns (took a while to come up with a name for themselves,
                > but will be internally structured alphabetically); the Adjectives
                > Group (a fabulous group, creative and hardworking); and so on. I
                > myself will lead the Pronouns Unit.
                >
                > There is more! A full organizational chart will be on your desk as
                > soon as we can find your office. One other unit that I must mention,
                > though, is the Assemble, Integrate and Articulate Cooperative. This
                > group will incorporate the outputs of the aforementioned
                contributory
                > Writing units into 'all but finished' works of ineluctable
                expression,
                > scintillating elegance and deep and abiding meaning. The Swear Words
                > Syndicate will then add the final touches to all instances of our
                > inevitably fantastically profitable product suite.
                >
                > We, the Reorganized Writing Department (upsized again), hope that
                you
                > will look favorably upon this proposal. If not, we can compose
                another
                > one, this time perhaps in cooperation with the Quavers and
                > Demi-semi-quaver groups of the erstwhile Music Division. Our outputs
                > set to music will be irresistible. They will drive all 200 million
                > Chinese poets back into ineffable Taoist contemplation. Where they
                belong.
                >
                > Yrs
                >
                > Charles Dickens Tolstoy (the renowned Irish poet)
                >
                >
                > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
                > >
                > > Hi T.J.
                > >
                > > Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all-
                > > important 'Punch-line'
                > > Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
                > > brightened our days in their lifetime, would have be nobodies
                > > without the skill of their writing teams.
                > > A writer can spout out about World events and he will soon be
                > > forgotten,but let the same writer compose a humourous script and
                > > it is repeated Worldwide.
                > > Go for it my friend.
                > >
                > > As always
                > >
                > > Wings
                > >
                > > Ps.On my keyboard 'T' & 'N' are miles apart, so please,when
                > > referring to our darling Welsh beauty, (irresponsibly kidnapped
                by
                > > Mikey Douglas),her monniker is: Catherine ZETA Jones.
                > >
                > >
                > >
                > > ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                > > wrote:
                > > >
                > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@>
                wrote:
                > > > >
                > > > Dear Carol,
                > > >
                > > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                > > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
                > > things
                > > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
                > > being
                > > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                > > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however.
                I
                > > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another
                genre
                > > and
                > > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think
                this
                > > is
                > > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
                > > think
                > > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she
                thinks. I
                > > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
                > > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the
                best
                > > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                > > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                > > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                > > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
                > > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
                > > don't
                > > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                > > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
                > > funny
                > > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                > > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts.
                I
                > > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                > > >
                > > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                > > > Transom Jumper
                > > >
                > > >
                > > >
                > > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                > > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
                > > getting
                > > > paid
                > > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave
                Barry's
                > > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
                > > don't
                > > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                > > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                > > > gauntlet. I
                > > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
                > > with
                > > > us.
                > > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
                > > procurement
                > > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                > > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for
                interesting
                > > > morning
                > > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
                > > > Living
                > > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
                > > Betty
                > > > Ford
                > > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust
                me.
                > > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                > > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask
                him
                > > > about
                > > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just
                screaming
                > > to
                > > > be
                > > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be
                tapped?
                > > > Words
                > > > > are fun!!
                > > > > Carol
                > > > >
                > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper
                <no_reply@>
                > > > wrote:
                > > > > >
                > > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                > > > > >
                > > > > > Dear Authors,
                > > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on
                the
                > > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                > > > million
                > > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
                > > > dropped
                > > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
                > > > stories
                > > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                > > > Because of
                > > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking
                that
                > > > all
                > > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
                > > quality
                > > > is
                > > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                > > > quickly as
                > > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                > > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
                > > > worry
                > > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
                > > team
                > > > of
                > > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works
                before
                > > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                > > > placement
                > > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not
                quality
                > > > that
                > > > > > counts.
                > > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
                > > who
                > > > work
                > > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
                > > changes.
                > > > Our
                > > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
                > > > change
                > > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                > > > positive
                > > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has
                allowed a
                > > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
                > > > Mitch
                > > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician
                at
                > > the
                > > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at
                the
                > > > rose
                > > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty
                to
                > > > one.
                > > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone.
                The
                > > > other
                > > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                > > > removed
                > > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to
                a
                > > > more
                > > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is
                being
                > > > sublet
                > > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                > > > children
                > > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
                > > will
                > > > be
                > > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your
                writing
                > > in
                > > > any
                > > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
                > > name
                > > > of
                > > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your
                home
                > > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that
                holds a
                > > > flat-
                > > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
                > > > through
                > > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board,
                we
                > > > all
                > > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
                > > dear
                > > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
                > > the
                > > > T2W
                > > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                > > > > > Sincerely,
                > > > > > Dennis Dean
                > > > > >
                > > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                > > > > >
                > > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
                > > Thank
                > > > you
                > > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard
                the
                > > > S.S.
                > > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure
                you
                > > > I've
                > > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                > > > seriously,
                > > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                > > > world. My
                > > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to
                profitablilty.
                > > > Mr.
                > > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on.
                I'm
                > > > here
                > > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so
                subtle
                > > > you'll
                > > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
                > > date.
                > > > The
                > > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
                > > slightly
                > > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
                > > solvent.
                > > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they
                will
                > > be
                > > > just
                > > > > > as minimal.
                > > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have
                we
                > > > let
                > > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we
                should
                > > > keep
                > > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our
                new
                > > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure
                you're
                > > > all
                > > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A
                minor
                > > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some
                of
                > > > that
                > > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets.
                Helga
                > > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same.
                Day-
                > > old
                > > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                > > > arranged
                > > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
                > > horse
                > > > meat
                > > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
                > > wish
                > > > I
                > > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive
                suite.
                > > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                > > > sometimes
                > > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages
                will
                > > be
                > > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring
                Hemmingways
                > > > among
                > > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
                > > tap
                > > > in
                > > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
                > > had
                > > > to
                > > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we
                all
                > > > know,
                > > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive
                on
                > > > it.
                > > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's
                sorry
                > > but
                > > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                > > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office
                will
                > > be
                > > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it
                may
                > > be
                > > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                > > > forciby
                > > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through
                this
                > > > rough
                > > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                > > > > >
                > > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                > > > > >
                > > > >
                > > >
                > >
                >
              • Carol
                Dear Transom Jumper, Okay, all kidding, trolls, and inebriated billy goats aside, what does Dave Barry have that you don t? Certainly not talent. Maybe time to
                Message 7 of 13 , Apr 4, 2006
                • 0 Attachment
                  Dear Transom Jumper,
                  Okay, all kidding, trolls, and inebriated billy goats aside, what does
                  Dave Barry have that you don't? Certainly not talent. Maybe time to
                  write as he wishes, money, and I suspect, connections.
                  To be frank and ernest (taking their jobs again!), I am easily
                  entertained, but not easily impressed. Your work impresses me. If
                  you're writing for the t2w group just for fun and practice, lucky us.
                  As we all know, it ain't easy out in the publishing world; however,
                  that's the long term goal of the membership. To see our names and
                  faces emblazoned on the cover of something besides a milk carton or a
                  most wanted poster. Have faith. A couple of quotes to guide your
                  passage, my friend.
                  (On a Risk poster somewhere) You'll never discover new worlds, if
                  you're afraid to lose sight of the shore.
                  Courageous risks help you grow, allow you to face your fears, and make
                  you better than you think you are.
                  Carol
                  --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@...> wrote:
                  >
                  > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
                  > >
                  > Dear Carol,
                  >
                  > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                  > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all things
                  > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm being
                  > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                  > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
                  > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre and
                  > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this is
                  > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I think
                  > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks. I
                  > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
                  > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the best
                  > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                  > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                  > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                  > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
                  > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously don't
                  > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                  > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by funny
                  > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                  > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
                  > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                  >
                  > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                  > Transom Jumper
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                  > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be getting
                  > paid
                  > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
                  > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I don't
                  > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                  > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                  > gauntlet. I
                  > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece with
                  > us.
                  > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food procurement
                  > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                  > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
                  > morning
                  > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
                  > Living
                  > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local Betty
                  > Ford
                  > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
                  > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                  > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask him
                  > about
                  > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming to
                  > be
                  > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
                  > Words
                  > > are fun!!
                  > > Carol
                  > >
                  > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                  > wrote:
                  > > >
                  > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                  > > >
                  > > > Dear Authors,
                  > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
                  > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                  > million
                  > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
                  > dropped
                  > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
                  > stories
                  > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                  > Because of
                  > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that
                  > all
                  > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now, quality
                  > is
                  > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                  > quickly as
                  > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                  > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
                  > worry
                  > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh team
                  > of
                  > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
                  > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                  > placement
                  > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
                  > that
                  > > > counts.
                  > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you who
                  > work
                  > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some changes.
                  > Our
                  > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
                  > change
                  > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                  > positive
                  > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
                  > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
                  > Mitch
                  > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at the
                  > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
                  > rose
                  > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
                  > one.
                  > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
                  > other
                  > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                  > removed
                  > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
                  > more
                  > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
                  > sublet
                  > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                  > children
                  > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children will
                  > be
                  > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing in
                  > any
                  > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the name
                  > of
                  > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
                  > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a
                  > flat-
                  > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
                  > through
                  > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we
                  > all
                  > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell, dear
                  > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to the
                  > T2W
                  > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                  > > > Sincerely,
                  > > > Dennis Dean
                  > > >
                  > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                  > > >
                  > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum. Thank
                  > you
                  > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
                  > S.S.
                  > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
                  > I've
                  > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                  > seriously,
                  > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                  > world. My
                  > > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
                  > Mr.
                  > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
                  > here
                  > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
                  > you'll
                  > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement date.
                  > The
                  > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A slightly
                  > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it solvent.
                  > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will be
                  > just
                  > > > as minimal.
                  > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we
                  > let
                  > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
                  > keep
                  > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
                  > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're
                  > all
                  > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
                  > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
                  > that
                  > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
                  > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-old
                  > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                  > arranged
                  > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that horse
                  > meat
                  > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only wish
                  > I
                  > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
                  > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                  > sometimes
                  > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will be
                  > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways
                  > among
                  > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on tap
                  > in
                  > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social had
                  > to
                  > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
                  > know,
                  > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
                  > it.
                  > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry but
                  > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                  > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will be
                  > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may be
                  > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                  > forciby
                  > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this
                  > rough
                  > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                  > > >
                  > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                  > > >
                  > >
                  >
                • Carol
                  Mr Tolstoy, In response to your post, I d like to apply for the team leader position in the Punch Up Them Verbs department. I m faxing you my resume. Let s
                  Message 8 of 13 , Apr 4, 2006
                  • 0 Attachment
                    Mr Tolstoy,
                    In response to your post, I'd like to apply for the team leader
                    position in the "Punch Up Them Verbs" department. I'm faxing you my
                    resume. Let's hone techniques, sharpen pencils and skills, and rasp
                    away the hesitant verbs and weak clauses from t2w. With my
                    enthusiastic leadership at the helm of this department, we'll not only
                    steer a true course with the nouns and adjectives, prepositions and
                    conjunctions, but also glean clarity from every phrase of our operation.
                    Enclosed with my resume, I send samples of my editing technique,
                    critique style, and several samples of my writing. I look forward to
                    meeting with you next week at the Tombstone office.

                    Charlotte Bolt
                    Verbosity Inc.

                    --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, nigel_tiptoe <no_reply@...> wrote:
                    >
                    > Memo to B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                    > From: The Writing Department (downsized)
                    >
                    > Dear Mr Beeker
                    >
                    > Thank you for your clear explanation of the conditions confronting T2W
                    > in light of the recent poetic glut. We share your concerns and
                    > understand your stringency measures but, being the creative folk that
                    > we are, have come up with an alternative to widespread layoffs,
                    > retrenchments and reductions in conditions: 'specialization.'
                    >
                    > We are proposing a large scale reorganization of the Writing
                    > Department along lines of expertise. Rather than reducing costs by
                    > shedding staff, we intend to increase productivity through trading on
                    > our strengths. From now on, the Department will be structured into
                    > expert teams: the Creative Verb Team (they know how to achieve); the
                    > Team for Nouns (took a while to come up with a name for themselves,
                    > but will be internally structured alphabetically); the Adjectives
                    > Group (a fabulous group, creative and hardworking); and so on. I
                    > myself will lead the Pronouns Unit.
                    >
                    > There is more! A full organizational chart will be on your desk as
                    > soon as we can find your office. One other unit that I must mention,
                    > though, is the Assemble, Integrate and Articulate Cooperative. This
                    > group will incorporate the outputs of the aforementioned contributory
                    > Writing units into 'all but finished' works of ineluctable expression,
                    > scintillating elegance and deep and abiding meaning. The Swear Words
                    > Syndicate will then add the final touches to all instances of our
                    > inevitably fantastically profitable product suite.
                    >
                    > We, the Reorganized Writing Department (upsized again), hope that you
                    > will look favorably upon this proposal. If not, we can compose another
                    > one, this time perhaps in cooperation with the Quavers and
                    > Demi-semi-quaver groups of the erstwhile Music Division. Our outputs
                    > set to music will be irresistible. They will drive all 200 million
                    > Chinese poets back into ineffable Taoist contemplation. Where they
                    belong.
                    >
                    > Yrs
                    >
                    > Charles Dickens Tolstoy (the renowned Irish poet)
                    >
                    >
                    > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
                    > >
                    > > Hi T.J.
                    > >
                    > > Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all-
                    > > important 'Punch-line'
                    > > Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
                    > > brightened our days in their lifetime, would have be nobodies
                    > > without the skill of their writing teams.
                    > > A writer can spout out about World events and he will soon be
                    > > forgotten,but let the same writer compose a humourous script and
                    > > it is repeated Worldwide.
                    > > Go for it my friend.
                    > >
                    > > As always
                    > >
                    > > Wings
                    > >
                    > > Ps.On my keyboard 'T' & 'N' are miles apart, so please,when
                    > > referring to our darling Welsh beauty, (irresponsibly kidnapped by
                    > > Mikey Douglas),her monniker is: Catherine ZETA Jones.
                    > >
                    > >
                    > >
                    > > ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                    > > wrote:
                    > > >
                    > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
                    > > > >
                    > > > Dear Carol,
                    > > >
                    > > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                    > > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
                    > > things
                    > > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
                    > > being
                    > > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                    > > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
                    > > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre
                    > > and
                    > > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this
                    > > is
                    > > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
                    > > think
                    > > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks. I
                    > > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
                    > > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the best
                    > > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                    > > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                    > > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                    > > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
                    > > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
                    > > don't
                    > > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                    > > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
                    > > funny
                    > > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                    > > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
                    > > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                    > > >
                    > > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                    > > > Transom Jumper
                    > > >
                    > > >
                    > > >
                    > > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                    > > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
                    > > getting
                    > > > paid
                    > > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
                    > > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
                    > > don't
                    > > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                    > > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                    > > > gauntlet. I
                    > > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
                    > > with
                    > > > us.
                    > > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
                    > > procurement
                    > > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                    > > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
                    > > > morning
                    > > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
                    > > > Living
                    > > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
                    > > Betty
                    > > > Ford
                    > > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
                    > > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                    > > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask him
                    > > > about
                    > > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming
                    > > to
                    > > > be
                    > > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
                    > > > Words
                    > > > > are fun!!
                    > > > > Carol
                    > > > >
                    > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                    > > > wrote:
                    > > > > >
                    > > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                    > > > > >
                    > > > > > Dear Authors,
                    > > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
                    > > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                    > > > million
                    > > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
                    > > > dropped
                    > > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
                    > > > stories
                    > > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                    > > > Because of
                    > > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking that
                    > > > all
                    > > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
                    > > quality
                    > > > is
                    > > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                    > > > quickly as
                    > > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                    > > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
                    > > > worry
                    > > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
                    > > team
                    > > > of
                    > > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
                    > > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                    > > > placement
                    > > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
                    > > > that
                    > > > > > counts.
                    > > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
                    > > who
                    > > > work
                    > > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
                    > > changes.
                    > > > Our
                    > > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
                    > > > change
                    > > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                    > > > positive
                    > > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed a
                    > > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
                    > > > Mitch
                    > > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at
                    > > the
                    > > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
                    > > > rose
                    > > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
                    > > > one.
                    > > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
                    > > > other
                    > > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                    > > > removed
                    > > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
                    > > > more
                    > > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
                    > > > sublet
                    > > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                    > > > children
                    > > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
                    > > will
                    > > > be
                    > > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing
                    > > in
                    > > > any
                    > > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
                    > > name
                    > > > of
                    > > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your home
                    > > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds a
                    > > > flat-
                    > > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
                    > > > through
                    > > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board, we
                    > > > all
                    > > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
                    > > dear
                    > > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
                    > > the
                    > > > T2W
                    > > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                    > > > > > Sincerely,
                    > > > > > Dennis Dean
                    > > > > >
                    > > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                    > > > > >
                    > > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
                    > > Thank
                    > > > you
                    > > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
                    > > > S.S.
                    > > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
                    > > > I've
                    > > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                    > > > seriously,
                    > > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                    > > > world. My
                    > > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
                    > > > Mr.
                    > > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
                    > > > here
                    > > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
                    > > > you'll
                    > > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
                    > > date.
                    > > > The
                    > > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
                    > > slightly
                    > > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
                    > > solvent.
                    > > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will
                    > > be
                    > > > just
                    > > > > > as minimal.
                    > > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have we
                    > > > let
                    > > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
                    > > > keep
                    > > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
                    > > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure you're
                    > > > all
                    > > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
                    > > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
                    > > > that
                    > > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets. Helga
                    > > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-
                    > > old
                    > > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                    > > > arranged
                    > > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
                    > > horse
                    > > > meat
                    > > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
                    > > wish
                    > > > I
                    > > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
                    > > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                    > > > sometimes
                    > > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will
                    > > be
                    > > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring Hemmingways
                    > > > among
                    > > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
                    > > tap
                    > > > in
                    > > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
                    > > had
                    > > > to
                    > > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
                    > > > know,
                    > > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
                    > > > it.
                    > > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry
                    > > but
                    > > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                    > > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will
                    > > be
                    > > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may
                    > > be
                    > > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                    > > > forciby
                    > > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through this
                    > > > rough
                    > > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                    > > > > >
                    > > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                    > > > > >
                    > > > >
                    > > >
                    > >
                    >
                  • transom.jumper
                    ... My most humble apologies to your Welsh beauty Catherine Zeta Jones. If you and those R.A.F. chaps ever stage a raid and rescue fair Catherine from the evil
                    Message 9 of 13 , Apr 4, 2006
                    • 0 Attachment
                      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@...> wrote:
                      >My Dearest Wings,

                      My most humble apologies to your Welsh beauty Catherine Zeta Jones.
                      If you and those R.A.F. chaps ever stage a raid and rescue fair
                      Catherine from the evil clutches of Mikey Douglas and his gang of
                      nefarious dolts just give me a call. I'll gladly skip over the big
                      pond and will personally conduct all deprogramming as a form of
                      punishment for my error. I'll work tireless with her day and night
                      until all thoughts of this second-rate blackhearted ham are expunged
                      from her mind. This siren looks like she's much better suited to a
                      500 lb. troll from The States. Catherine Zeta Jumper has a ring to
                      it, don't you think?

                      Your friend,
                      Transom Jumper


                      > Hi T.J.
                      >
                      > Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all-
                      > important 'Punch-line'
                      > Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
                      > brightened our days in their lifetime, would have be nobodies
                      > without the skill of their writing teams.
                      > A writer can spout out about World events and he will soon be
                      > forgotten,but let the same writer compose a humourous script and
                      > it is repeated Worldwide.
                      > Go for it my friend.
                      >
                      > As always
                      >
                      > Wings
                      >
                      > Ps.On my keyboard 'T' & 'N' are miles apart, so please,when
                      > referring to our darling Welsh beauty, (irresponsibly kidnapped by
                      > Mikey Douglas),her monniker is: Catherine ZETA Jones.
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      > ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                      > wrote:
                      > >
                      > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@>
                      wrote:
                      > > >
                      > > Dear Carol,
                      > >
                      > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                      > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
                      > things
                      > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
                      > being
                      > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                      > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however.
                      I
                      > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre
                      > and
                      > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think
                      this
                      > is
                      > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
                      > think
                      > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks.
                      I
                      > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
                      > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the
                      best
                      > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                      > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                      > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                      > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
                      > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
                      > don't
                      > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                      > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
                      > funny
                      > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                      > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts.
                      I
                      > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                      > >
                      > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                      > > Transom Jumper
                      > >
                      > >
                      > >
                      > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                      > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
                      > getting
                      > > paid
                      > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
                      > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
                      > don't
                      > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                      > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                      > > gauntlet. I
                      > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
                      > with
                      > > us.
                      > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
                      > procurement
                      > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                      > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
                      > > morning
                      > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
                      > > Living
                      > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
                      > Betty
                      > > Ford
                      > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust
                      me.
                      > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                      > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask
                      him
                      > > about
                      > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming
                      > to
                      > > be
                      > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
                      > > Words
                      > > > are fun!!
                      > > > Carol
                      > > >
                      > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper
                      <no_reply@>
                      > > wrote:
                      > > > >
                      > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                      > > > >
                      > > > > Dear Authors,
                      > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
                      > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                      > > million
                      > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
                      > > dropped
                      > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
                      > > stories
                      > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                      > > Because of
                      > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking
                      that
                      > > all
                      > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
                      > quality
                      > > is
                      > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                      > > quickly as
                      > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                      > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
                      > > worry
                      > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
                      > team
                      > > of
                      > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works
                      before
                      > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                      > > placement
                      > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not
                      quality
                      > > that
                      > > > > counts.
                      > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
                      > who
                      > > work
                      > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
                      > changes.
                      > > Our
                      > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
                      > > change
                      > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                      > > positive
                      > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed
                      a
                      > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
                      > > Mitch
                      > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at
                      > the
                      > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
                      > > rose
                      > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
                      > > one.
                      > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone.
                      The
                      > > other
                      > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                      > > removed
                      > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to
                      a
                      > > more
                      > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is
                      being
                      > > sublet
                      > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                      > > children
                      > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
                      > will
                      > > be
                      > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing
                      > in
                      > > any
                      > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
                      > name
                      > > of
                      > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your
                      home
                      > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds
                      a
                      > > flat-
                      > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
                      > > through
                      > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board,
                      we
                      > > all
                      > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
                      > dear
                      > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
                      > the
                      > > T2W
                      > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                      > > > > Sincerely,
                      > > > > Dennis Dean
                      > > > >
                      > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                      > > > >
                      > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
                      > Thank
                      > > you
                      > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard
                      the
                      > > S.S.
                      > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure
                      you
                      > > I've
                      > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                      > > seriously,
                      > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                      > > world. My
                      > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to
                      profitablilty.
                      > > Mr.
                      > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on.
                      I'm
                      > > here
                      > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so
                      subtle
                      > > you'll
                      > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
                      > date.
                      > > The
                      > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
                      > slightly
                      > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
                      > solvent.
                      > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will
                      > be
                      > > just
                      > > > > as minimal.
                      > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have
                      we
                      > > let
                      > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
                      > > keep
                      > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
                      > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure
                      you're
                      > > all
                      > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
                      > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some
                      of
                      > > that
                      > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets.
                      Helga
                      > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-
                      > old
                      > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                      > > arranged
                      > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
                      > horse
                      > > meat
                      > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
                      > wish
                      > > I
                      > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
                      > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                      > > sometimes
                      > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages
                      will
                      > be
                      > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring
                      Hemmingways
                      > > among
                      > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
                      > tap
                      > > in
                      > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
                      > had
                      > > to
                      > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
                      > > know,
                      > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive
                      on
                      > > it.
                      > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry
                      > but
                      > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                      > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will
                      > be
                      > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it
                      may
                      > be
                      > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                      > > forciby
                      > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through
                      this
                      > > rough
                      > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                      > > > >
                      > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                      > > > >
                      > > >
                      > >
                      >
                    • wings081
                      Hi T.J. Let me make it quite clear: I have no grounds with which to rubbish Mikey Douglas, for I thought him quite a reasonable tragedian when he played
                      Message 10 of 13 , Apr 5, 2006
                      • 0 Attachment
                        Hi T.J.

                        Let me make it quite clear: I have no grounds with which to rubbish
                        Mikey Douglas, for I thought him quite a reasonable tragedian when
                        he played side-kick to Karl Malden in "The Streets of San Fran".
                        He also gave a passable performance, when teamed up with Sharon Stone
                        (she with the air-conditioned lower abdomen)
                        However to poach,without so much as a by-your-leave,one of our
                        screen's most treasured possessions, is definitely beyond the pale.
                        There must be a suitable punishment somewhere on our statute books
                        Perhaps a spell in the Iron Maiden would cool his ardour.

                        I believe the blame could be laid at my door, for we hadn't been
                        formerly introduced and I only live a short distance(about two
                        hundred miles as the crow flies) from the birthplace of C.Z.Jones.
                        Besides which, we are both of the Celtic persuasion.
                        It makes me shudder when I think of the opportunity I missed.
                        Why, even now she could be bringing me a cup of tea, before
                        returning to the kitchen to cook a Cornish pastie for my lunch.

                        An apropriate epitaph would be: "Rough winds have shaken our darling
                        bud of May"


                        Yours in commiseration

                        Wings

                        Ps, I agree,C.Z.J. certainly does have a nice ring to it, especially
                        if I'm the campanologist.


                        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@...>
                        wrote:
                        >
                        > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "wings081" <wings081@> wrote:
                        > >My Dearest Wings,
                        >
                        > My most humble apologies to your Welsh beauty Catherine Zeta
                        Jones.
                        > If you and those R.A.F. chaps ever stage a raid and rescue fair
                        > Catherine from the evil clutches of Mikey Douglas and his gang of
                        > nefarious dolts just give me a call. I'll gladly skip over the
                        big
                        > pond and will personally conduct all deprogramming as a form of
                        > punishment for my error. I'll work tireless with her day and
                        night
                        > until all thoughts of this second-rate blackhearted ham are
                        expunged
                        > from her mind. This siren looks like she's much better suited to
                        a
                        > 500 lb. troll from The States. Catherine Zeta Jumper has a ring
                        to
                        > it, don't you think?
                        >
                        > Your friend,
                        > Transom Jumper
                        >
                        >
                        > > Hi T.J.
                        > >
                        > > Humour certainly can be hard to write.You need that all-
                        > > important 'Punch-line'
                        > > Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and all those other wonderful fools who
                        > > brightened our days in their lifetime, would have be nobodies
                        > > without the skill of their writing teams.
                        > > A writer can spout out about World events and he will soon be
                        > > forgotten,but let the same writer compose a humourous script and
                        > > it is repeated Worldwide.
                        > > Go for it my friend.
                        > >
                        > > As always
                        > >
                        > > Wings
                        > >
                        > > Ps.On my keyboard 'T' & 'N' are miles apart, so please,when
                        > > referring to our darling Welsh beauty, (irresponsibly kidnapped
                        by
                        > > Mikey Douglas),her monniker is: Catherine ZETA Jones.
                        > >
                        > >
                        > >
                        > > ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                        > > wrote:
                        > > >
                        > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@>
                        > wrote:
                        > > > >
                        > > > Dear Carol,
                        > > >
                        > > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                        > > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
                        > > things
                        > > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
                        > > being
                        > > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                        > > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book,
                        however.
                        > I
                        > > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another
                        genre
                        > > and
                        > > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think
                        > this
                        > > is
                        > > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
                        > > think
                        > > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she
                        thinks.
                        > I
                        > > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as
                        very
                        > > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the
                        > best
                        > > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                        > > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                        > > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                        > > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought
                        what
                        > > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
                        > > don't
                        > > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                        > > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
                        > > funny
                        > > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                        > > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind
                        thoughts.
                        > I
                        > > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                        > > >
                        > > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                        > > > Transom Jumper
                        > > >
                        > > >
                        > > >
                        > > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                        > > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
                        > > getting
                        > > > paid
                        > > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave
                        Barry's
                        > > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
                        > > don't
                        > > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                        > > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                        > > > gauntlet. I
                        > > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
                        > > with
                        > > > us.
                        > > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
                        > > procurement
                        > > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                        > > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for
                        interesting
                        > > > morning
                        > > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with
                        a "Better
                        > > > Living
                        > > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
                        > > Betty
                        > > > Ford
                        > > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust
                        > me.
                        > > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                        > > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask
                        > him
                        > > > about
                        > > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just
                        screaming
                        > > to
                        > > > be
                        > > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be
                        tapped?
                        > > > Words
                        > > > > are fun!!
                        > > > > Carol
                        > > > >
                        > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper
                        > <no_reply@>
                        > > > wrote:
                        > > > > >
                        > > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                        > > > > >
                        > > > > > Dear Authors,
                        > > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on
                        the
                        > > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                        > > > million
                        > > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses
                        have
                        > > > dropped
                        > > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and
                        short
                        > > > stories
                        > > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                        > > > Because of
                        > > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking
                        > that
                        > > > all
                        > > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
                        > > quality
                        > > > is
                        > > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                        > > > quickly as
                        > > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                        > > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced.
                        Don't
                        > > > worry
                        > > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A
                        fresh
                        > > team
                        > > > of
                        > > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works
                        > before
                        > > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                        > > > placement
                        > > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not
                        > quality
                        > > > that
                        > > > > > counts.
                        > > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of
                        you
                        > > who
                        > > > work
                        > > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
                        > > changes.
                        > > > Our
                        > > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring.
                        A
                        > > > change
                        > > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                        > > > positive
                        > > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has
                        allowed
                        > a
                        > > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs.
                        Already
                        > > > Mitch
                        > > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician
                        at
                        > > the
                        > > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at
                        the
                        > > > rose
                        > > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty
                        to
                        > > > one.
                        > > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone.
                        > The
                        > > > other
                        > > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                        > > > removed
                        > > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet
                        to
                        > a
                        > > > more
                        > > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is
                        > being
                        > > > sublet
                        > > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                        > > > children
                        > > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
                        > > will
                        > > > be
                        > > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your
                        writing
                        > > in
                        > > > any
                        > > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in
                        the
                        > > name
                        > > > of
                        > > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your
                        > home
                        > > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that
                        holds
                        > a
                        > > > flat-
                        > > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see
                        you
                        > > > through
                        > > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W
                        board,
                        > we
                        > > > all
                        > > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
                        > > dear
                        > > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper
                        to
                        > > the
                        > > > T2W
                        > > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                        > > > > > Sincerely,
                        > > > > > Dennis Dean
                        > > > > >
                        > > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                        > > > > >
                        > > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
                        > > Thank
                        > > > you
                        > > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard
                        > the
                        > > > S.S.
                        > > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure
                        > you
                        > > > I've
                        > > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                        > > > seriously,
                        > > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                        > > > world. My
                        > > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to
                        > profitablilty.
                        > > > Mr.
                        > > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on.
                        > I'm
                        > > > here
                        > > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so
                        > subtle
                        > > > you'll
                        > > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
                        > > date.
                        > > > The
                        > > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
                        > > slightly
                        > > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
                        > > solvent.
                        > > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they
                        will
                        > > be
                        > > > just
                        > > > > > as minimal.
                        > > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why
                        have
                        > we
                        > > > let
                        > > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we
                        should
                        > > > keep
                        > > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our
                        new
                        > > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure
                        > you're
                        > > > all
                        > > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A
                        minor
                        > > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some
                        > of
                        > > > that
                        > > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets.
                        > Helga
                        > > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same.
                        Day-
                        > > old
                        > > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                        > > > arranged
                        > > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
                        > > horse
                        > > > meat
                        > > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
                        > > wish
                        > > > I
                        > > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive
                        suite.
                        > > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                        > > > sometimes
                        > > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages
                        > will
                        > > be
                        > > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring
                        > Hemmingways
                        > > > among
                        > > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews
                        on
                        > > tap
                        > > > in
                        > > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream
                        social
                        > > had
                        > > > to
                        > > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we
                        all
                        > > > know,
                        > > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive
                        > on
                        > > > it.
                        > > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's
                        sorry
                        > > but
                        > > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                        > > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office
                        will
                        > > be
                        > > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it
                        > may
                        > > be
                        > > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                        > > > forciby
                        > > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through
                        > this
                        > > > rough
                        > > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                        > > > > >
                        > > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                        > > > > >
                        > > > >
                        > > >
                        > >
                        >
                      • transom.jumper
                        ... Your confidence in my abilities is greatly appreciated. As I said, I write these satires just for fun. They re relaxation from my more serious writing.
                        Message 11 of 13 , Apr 5, 2006
                        • 0 Attachment
                          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@...> wrote:
                          >Dear Carol,

                          Your confidence in my abilities is greatly appreciated. As I said, I
                          write these satires just for fun. They're relaxation from my more
                          serious writing. I write them off-the-cuff, in one draft, without
                          spellcheck and all of the usual guards I use on my genre works. You
                          can see evidence of this when I wrote the word wacky with a "h", as
                          if I whack people over the head. In some ways I suppose I do.
                          You've definitely melted my cold, stone troll heart with your kind
                          words. I don't always have all of the swagger I sometimes tease
                          about. Since you've taken an interest in my work I'll give you a bit
                          of background.
                          I do have an agent. She very much believes in me and thinks I'm a
                          great talent. (There's no accounting for some people's tastes).
                          She's made it clear that it was a good day when Transom Jumper's
                          manuscript jumped over-the-transom and into her slush pile. She's
                          worked very diligently to improve and edit my works through many
                          drafts at no charge (What an angel!)
                          I've had minor works published, but nothing with major houses.
                          You're not alone in your evaluation of my skills. I've had a number
                          of agents and two publishers at major houses send me handwritten
                          notes regarding the high quality of some of my works. Why did they
                          pass? Who knows? Backlisted, swamped by established writers etc.
                          are some of the statements that have been made. The editor who said
                          I reminded him of Goethe said that my poem was the best he'd ever had
                          submitted. (He published me) I was twenty-years-old at the time and
                          he was an English teacher who'd been running that magazine for more
                          than 20 years. It was a hell of a compliment, but still I wasn't
                          fully confident in my writing skills.
                          I've been writing all my life. My quality comes from the exercise
                          granted by writing countless numbers of crappy novels, plays and
                          poems. Practice! Practice! Practice!
                          Many years ago, I had an agent named Ray. Believe it or not, I got
                          his name out of writer's market, saw that he was local and I called
                          him out of the blue. I told him I wanted representation and he asked
                          for pages of my works. So what did I do? I began furiously writing
                          sixty pages of a manuscript I had in my head. Ray was kind enough to
                          take this poor, stray cat in. I found some of those pages a few years
                          back and they were horrible. But Ray was a mentor to me. Even back
                          then, he saw something in my writing. He believed that I was one big
                          ball of untapped talent. He had a number of published writers, two
                          of whom are big stars. One wrote and is still writing mysteries and
                          westerns. The other person wrote and still writes SciFi. Today they
                          each of them have more than 30 books in print, websites etc. At the
                          time they were really up and coming. I was roughly 22, unpublished
                          and undoubtedly the worst writer in that agency. Ray told me that I
                          could be as big, if not bigger than any of his authors. He saw tiny
                          streaks of brilliance among all of the garbage I wrote. I became his
                          pet project. I remember going to an agency gettogether and being the
                          only unpublished writer in the place. Did I get the funny looks! To
                          make a long story short, Ray died at a very early age. His wife
                          kicked me out of the agency before you could say boo. Believe me,
                          it's embarrassing to be kicked out because you're unpublished. It
                          was crushing at that age. But it taught me a very valuable lesson.
                          I vowed that the next time I had an agent I'd be their most talented,
                          not their least talented client. Now, when I submit, my works are as
                          close to perfect as is humanly possible. I do endless drafts. I
                          settle on nothing second-rate. The embarrassment and trauma made me
                          the anal, task-master I am today. Believe me, I'm hardest on my own
                          writing. Who knows? Maybe it'll pay off. We'll see. I'd love to
                          succeed not only for myself, but also for Ray's memory. This is a
                          very difficult field. You need talent, opportunity and more than a
                          little luck. Hopefully I've got the first ingredient. Right now, I
                          feel very lucky to have a wonderful and very intelligent agent on my
                          side.
                          If I do get that million-dollar advance I may just get a radio in my
                          64' Bug. Who knows, I might spring for an 8-track. I won't leave
                          this cozy, little corner of the Information Superhighway. I'm glad I
                          found this exit. The people here are wonderful. Okay, I'm stopping
                          now before I get a bit too sappy.

                          Transom Jumper

                          P.S. I use the pseudonym transom jumper for privacy. It allows a bit
                          more freedom and honesty when doing a rare critique. Besides, in the
                          past I used my real name at other sites and got a few very weird e-
                          mails in my inbox. Best that crazies don't know my real name.


                          > Dear Transom Jumper,
                          > Okay, all kidding, trolls, and inebriated billy goats aside, what
                          does
                          > Dave Barry have that you don't? Certainly not talent. Maybe time to
                          > write as he wishes, money, and I suspect, connections.
                          > To be frank and ernest (taking their jobs again!), I am easily
                          > entertained, but not easily impressed. Your work impresses me. If
                          > you're writing for the t2w group just for fun and practice, lucky
                          us.
                          > As we all know, it ain't easy out in the publishing world; however,
                          > that's the long term goal of the membership. To see our names and
                          > faces emblazoned on the cover of something besides a milk carton or
                          a
                          > most wanted poster. Have faith. A couple of quotes to guide your
                          > passage, my friend.
                          > (On a Risk poster somewhere) You'll never discover new worlds, if
                          > you're afraid to lose sight of the shore.
                          > Courageous risks help you grow, allow you to face your fears, and
                          make
                          > you better than you think you are.
                          > Carol
                          > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                          wrote:
                          > >
                          > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
                          > > >
                          > > Dear Carol,
                          > >
                          > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                          > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
                          things
                          > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
                          being
                          > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                          > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
                          > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre
                          and
                          > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this
                          is
                          > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
                          think
                          > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks.
                          I
                          > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
                          > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the
                          best
                          > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                          > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                          > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                          > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
                          > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
                          don't
                          > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                          > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
                          funny
                          > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                          > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
                          > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                          > >
                          > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                          > > Transom Jumper
                          > >
                          > >
                          > >
                          > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                          > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
                          getting
                          > > paid
                          > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
                          > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
                          don't
                          > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                          > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                          > > gauntlet. I
                          > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
                          with
                          > > us.
                          > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
                          procurement
                          > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                          > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
                          > > morning
                          > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
                          > > Living
                          > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
                          Betty
                          > > Ford
                          > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
                          > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                          > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask
                          him
                          > > about
                          > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming
                          to
                          > > be
                          > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
                          > > Words
                          > > > are fun!!
                          > > > Carol
                          > > >
                          > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                          > > wrote:
                          > > > >
                          > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                          > > > >
                          > > > > Dear Authors,
                          > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
                          > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                          > > million
                          > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
                          > > dropped
                          > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
                          > > stories
                          > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                          > > Because of
                          > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking
                          that
                          > > all
                          > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
                          quality
                          > > is
                          > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                          > > quickly as
                          > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                          > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
                          > > worry
                          > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
                          team
                          > > of
                          > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
                          > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                          > > placement
                          > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
                          > > that
                          > > > > counts.
                          > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
                          who
                          > > work
                          > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
                          changes.
                          > > Our
                          > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
                          > > change
                          > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                          > > positive
                          > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed
                          a
                          > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
                          > > Mitch
                          > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at
                          the
                          > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
                          > > rose
                          > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
                          > > one.
                          > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
                          > > other
                          > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                          > > removed
                          > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
                          > > more
                          > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
                          > > sublet
                          > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                          > > children
                          > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
                          will
                          > > be
                          > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing
                          in
                          > > any
                          > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
                          name
                          > > of
                          > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your
                          home
                          > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds
                          a
                          > > flat-
                          > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
                          > > through
                          > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board,
                          we
                          > > all
                          > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
                          dear
                          > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
                          the
                          > > T2W
                          > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                          > > > > Sincerely,
                          > > > > Dennis Dean
                          > > > >
                          > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                          > > > >
                          > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
                          Thank
                          > > you
                          > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
                          > > S.S.
                          > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
                          > > I've
                          > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                          > > seriously,
                          > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                          > > world. My
                          > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
                          > > Mr.
                          > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
                          > > here
                          > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
                          > > you'll
                          > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
                          date.
                          > > The
                          > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
                          slightly
                          > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
                          solvent.
                          > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will
                          be
                          > > just
                          > > > > as minimal.
                          > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have
                          we
                          > > let
                          > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
                          > > keep
                          > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
                          > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure
                          you're
                          > > all
                          > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
                          > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
                          > > that
                          > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets.
                          Helga
                          > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-
                          old
                          > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                          > > arranged
                          > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
                          horse
                          > > meat
                          > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
                          wish
                          > > I
                          > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
                          > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                          > > sometimes
                          > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will
                          be
                          > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring
                          Hemmingways
                          > > among
                          > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
                          tap
                          > > in
                          > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
                          had
                          > > to
                          > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
                          > > know,
                          > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
                          > > it.
                          > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry
                          but
                          > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                          > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will
                          be
                          > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may
                          be
                          > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                          > > forciby
                          > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through
                          this
                          > > rough
                          > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                          > > > >
                          > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                          > > > >
                          > > >
                          > >
                          >
                        • Carol
                          Dear Transom Jumper, Thank you for the lengthy and wonderful response. Our younger writers and burgeoning authors should read this, if for no other reason than
                          Message 12 of 13 , Apr 6, 2006
                          • 0 Attachment
                            Dear Transom Jumper,
                            Thank you for the lengthy and wonderful response. Our younger writers
                            and burgeoning authors should read this, if for no other reason than
                            to understand what a writer goes through. I remember someone telling
                            me about writing that "if it was so darn easy, everybody would be
                            doing it." And they're right--talent, luck, fate, and definitely an
                            agent and/or mentor who believes in you. I'm sure Ray would be proud
                            of you regardless of your success.
                            I'm glad you stopped by t2w and I hope you'll stick around. Lucky us.
                            You have style and pinache(sp?). And of course, I try to overlook
                            those blasted little misspelled words--unless it's a real doozey.
                            Pleasant/pheasant/peasant comes to mind.
                            Last summer, I attended a writer's conference in Lincoln NE, and met a
                            fellow who writes technical books for a living. Man, could that guy
                            tell a joke and at the conference, he wrote his first poem ever. Great
                            stuff. Keep the faith.
                            Carol

                            --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@...> wrote:
                            >
                            > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
                            > >Dear Carol,
                            >
                            > Your confidence in my abilities is greatly appreciated. As I said, I
                            > write these satires just for fun. They're relaxation from my more
                            > serious writing. I write them off-the-cuff, in one draft, without
                            > spellcheck and all of the usual guards I use on my genre works. You
                            > can see evidence of this when I wrote the word wacky with a "h", as
                            > if I whack people over the head. In some ways I suppose I do.
                            > You've definitely melted my cold, stone troll heart with your kind
                            > words. I don't always have all of the swagger I sometimes tease
                            > about. Since you've taken an interest in my work I'll give you a bit
                            > of background.
                            > I do have an agent. She very much believes in me and thinks I'm a
                            > great talent. (There's no accounting for some people's tastes).
                            > She's made it clear that it was a good day when Transom Jumper's
                            > manuscript jumped over-the-transom and into her slush pile. She's
                            > worked very diligently to improve and edit my works through many
                            > drafts at no charge (What an angel!)
                            > I've had minor works published, but nothing with major houses.
                            > You're not alone in your evaluation of my skills. I've had a number
                            > of agents and two publishers at major houses send me handwritten
                            > notes regarding the high quality of some of my works. Why did they
                            > pass? Who knows? Backlisted, swamped by established writers etc.
                            > are some of the statements that have been made. The editor who said
                            > I reminded him of Goethe said that my poem was the best he'd ever had
                            > submitted. (He published me) I was twenty-years-old at the time and
                            > he was an English teacher who'd been running that magazine for more
                            > than 20 years. It was a hell of a compliment, but still I wasn't
                            > fully confident in my writing skills.
                            > I've been writing all my life. My quality comes from the exercise
                            > granted by writing countless numbers of crappy novels, plays and
                            > poems. Practice! Practice! Practice!
                            > Many years ago, I had an agent named Ray. Believe it or not, I got
                            > his name out of writer's market, saw that he was local and I called
                            > him out of the blue. I told him I wanted representation and he asked
                            > for pages of my works. So what did I do? I began furiously writing
                            > sixty pages of a manuscript I had in my head. Ray was kind enough to
                            > take this poor, stray cat in. I found some of those pages a few years
                            > back and they were horrible. But Ray was a mentor to me. Even back
                            > then, he saw something in my writing. He believed that I was one big
                            > ball of untapped talent. He had a number of published writers, two
                            > of whom are big stars. One wrote and is still writing mysteries and
                            > westerns. The other person wrote and still writes SciFi. Today they
                            > each of them have more than 30 books in print, websites etc. At the
                            > time they were really up and coming. I was roughly 22, unpublished
                            > and undoubtedly the worst writer in that agency. Ray told me that I
                            > could be as big, if not bigger than any of his authors. He saw tiny
                            > streaks of brilliance among all of the garbage I wrote. I became his
                            > pet project. I remember going to an agency gettogether and being the
                            > only unpublished writer in the place. Did I get the funny looks! To
                            > make a long story short, Ray died at a very early age. His wife
                            > kicked me out of the agency before you could say boo. Believe me,
                            > it's embarrassing to be kicked out because you're unpublished. It
                            > was crushing at that age. But it taught me a very valuable lesson.
                            > I vowed that the next time I had an agent I'd be their most talented,
                            > not their least talented client. Now, when I submit, my works are as
                            > close to perfect as is humanly possible. I do endless drafts. I
                            > settle on nothing second-rate. The embarrassment and trauma made me
                            > the anal, task-master I am today. Believe me, I'm hardest on my own
                            > writing. Who knows? Maybe it'll pay off. We'll see. I'd love to
                            > succeed not only for myself, but also for Ray's memory. This is a
                            > very difficult field. You need talent, opportunity and more than a
                            > little luck. Hopefully I've got the first ingredient. Right now, I
                            > feel very lucky to have a wonderful and very intelligent agent on my
                            > side.
                            > If I do get that million-dollar advance I may just get a radio in my
                            > 64' Bug. Who knows, I might spring for an 8-track. I won't leave
                            > this cozy, little corner of the Information Superhighway. I'm glad I
                            > found this exit. The people here are wonderful. Okay, I'm stopping
                            > now before I get a bit too sappy.
                            >
                            > Transom Jumper
                            >
                            > P.S. I use the pseudonym transom jumper for privacy. It allows a bit
                            > more freedom and honesty when doing a rare critique. Besides, in the
                            > past I used my real name at other sites and got a few very weird e-
                            > mails in my inbox. Best that crazies don't know my real name.
                            >
                            >
                            > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                            > > Okay, all kidding, trolls, and inebriated billy goats aside, what
                            > does
                            > > Dave Barry have that you don't? Certainly not talent. Maybe time to
                            > > write as he wishes, money, and I suspect, connections.
                            > > To be frank and ernest (taking their jobs again!), I am easily
                            > > entertained, but not easily impressed. Your work impresses me. If
                            > > you're writing for the t2w group just for fun and practice, lucky
                            > us.
                            > > As we all know, it ain't easy out in the publishing world; however,
                            > > that's the long term goal of the membership. To see our names and
                            > > faces emblazoned on the cover of something besides a milk carton or
                            > a
                            > > most wanted poster. Have faith. A couple of quotes to guide your
                            > > passage, my friend.
                            > > (On a Risk poster somewhere) You'll never discover new worlds, if
                            > > you're afraid to lose sight of the shore.
                            > > Courageous risks help you grow, allow you to face your fears, and
                            > make
                            > > you better than you think you are.
                            > > Carol
                            > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                            > wrote:
                            > > >
                            > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Carol" <carol_emt87@> wrote:
                            > > > >
                            > > > Dear Carol,
                            > > >
                            > > > Thanks for the compliment. I love Dave Barry and setting my
                            > > > monstrous ego aside, I've got to give him a huge edge in all
                            > things
                            > > > whacky and fun. Humor is very hard, I'm never certain if I'm
                            > being
                            > > > funny or just plain stupid. Since receiving your praise I am
                            > > > starting to consider doing satire or humor in a book, however. I
                            > > > hope I'm not deluding myself. I normally write in another genre
                            > and
                            > > > I only do humor at this website. If other t2w members think this
                            > is
                            > > > the wrong path, please be honest and tell me. In any case, I
                            > think
                            > > > I might send a few samples to my agent and see what she thinks.
                            > I
                            > > > had to write you back because your compliment struck me as very
                            > > > funny. Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I sent the
                            > best
                            > > > poem I've ever written for publication in a small press in New
                            > > > England. (Isn't it sad when your best poetry is now old and
                            > > > moldy?) The editor loved the poem and said I reminded him of
                            > > > Goethe. Talk about an odd-ball compliment! I just thought what
                            > > > strange bedfellows these two great authors make. I seriously
                            > don't
                            > > > think I'm in the league of either of these geniuses, but being
                            > > > compared to two greats in two very different genres tickled by
                            > funny
                            > > > bone. It's something like saying you have Arnold's body and
                            > > > Catherine Zena Jones face. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I
                            > > > just fear you may be overrating my satire a bit.
                            > > >
                            > > > A grateful, but somewhat uncertain,
                            > > > Transom Jumper
                            > > >
                            > > >
                            > > >
                            > > > > Dear Transom Jumper,
                            > > > > This is extremely witty, full of charm, and you should be
                            > getting
                            > > > paid
                            > > > > for this level of writing. Your work reminds me of Dave Barry's
                            > > > > considerable and well compensated talent. I apologize that I
                            > don't
                            > > > > have the energy to respond to this post in the manner it so
                            > > > > desperately deserves. Perhaps someone else can pick up the
                            > > > gauntlet. I
                            > > > > would be remiss if I didn't thank you for sharing this piece
                            > with
                            > > > us.
                            > > > > Spud immersion technician. Is that anything like a food
                            > procurement
                            > > > > officer (badges? We don't need now stinkin' badges!)?
                            > > > > Hmm….margaritas in the water cooler would make for interesting
                            > > > morning
                            > > > > meetings. I propose, in addition, we network with a "Better
                            > > > Living
                            > > > > Through Chemistry" department in conjunction with the local
                            > Betty
                            > > > Ford
                            > > > > Clinic and Sylvia Plath Foundation for tax deductions. Trust me.
                            > > > > Struggling writers need all the help they can get.
                            > > > > Watching Ted Kooser on PBS this evening. Maybe we should ask
                            > him
                            > > > about
                            > > > > poetry futures. I think there's untapped talent just screaming
                            > to
                            > > > be
                            > > > > heard. Or was that a screaming herd just waiting to be tapped?
                            > > > Words
                            > > > > are fun!!
                            > > > > Carol
                            > > > >
                            > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, transom.jumper <no_reply@>
                            > > > wrote:
                            > > > > >
                            > > > > > A MESSAGE FROM DENNIS DEAN, C.E.O. TICKET2WRITE INC.
                            > > > > >
                            > > > > > Dear Authors,
                            > > > > > As many of you already know, poetry has become a glut on the
                            > > > > > creative marketplace. With the introduction of nearly 200
                            > > > million
                            > > > > > full-time poets from the Chinese market, poetic verses have
                            > > > dropped
                            > > > > > a staggering forty-percent since January. Novels and short
                            > > > stories
                            > > > > > have also suffered considerable reductions in valuation.
                            > > > Because of
                            > > > > > these market conditions Ticket2Write management is asking
                            > that
                            > > > all
                            > > > > > authors produce work in a more timely fashion. For now,
                            > quality
                            > > > is
                            > > > > > relatively unimportant. Write! Write! Produce works as
                            > > > quickly as
                            > > > > > you can. We have a stable end-market for your works, but
                            > > > > > unfortunately the payment amounts have been reduced. Don't
                            > > > worry
                            > > > > > about typos, deadwood or poorly constructed works. A fresh
                            > team
                            > > > of
                            > > > > > editors have been hired to quickly punch-up your works before
                            > > > > > distribution. We will work with the buyers to facilitate
                            > > > placement
                            > > > > > of all of your works. But for now, its quantity, not quality
                            > > > that
                            > > > > > counts.
                            > > > > > I know that many of you work from your homes. Those of you
                            > who
                            > > > work
                            > > > > > at our Tombstone Arizona office will be noticing some
                            > changes.
                            > > > Our
                            > > > > > management team has undergone a necessary restructuring. A
                            > > > change
                            > > > > > in our salary structure has helped many in our team effect
                            > > > positive
                            > > > > > changes in their lives. This economic whittling has allowed
                            > a
                            > > > > > number of our managers to pursue their dream jobs. Already
                            > > > Mitch
                            > > > > > Meyer has found employment as a spud immersion technician at
                            > the
                            > > > > > local Mc Donalds. Sally Splinter has become a pruner at the
                            > > > rose
                            > > > > > garden. Our management team has been reduced from twenty to
                            > > > one.
                            > > > > > Ned Nordstrom will be our contact man here in Tombstone. The
                            > > > other
                            > > > > > change you may notice is that some work cubicals have been
                            > > > removed
                            > > > > > and those that remain have been reduced from 6 by 6 feet to a
                            > > > more
                            > > > > > cozy 3 by 3 foot square. The additional floor space is being
                            > > > sublet
                            > > > > > to Grandma Gert's Pre-school. Gertie assures me that the
                            > > > children
                            > > > > > are relatively quiet and no more than 30 adorable children
                            > will
                            > > > be
                            > > > > > housed here at any time. This shouldn't impact your writing
                            > in
                            > > > any
                            > > > > > way. For those of you working at home, we ask that, in the
                            > name
                            > > > of
                            > > > > > fairness, you incorporate the new 3x3 standards into your
                            > home
                            > > > > > offices. A chair tightly snugged against a plank that holds
                            > a
                            > > > flat-
                            > > > > > panel monitor should do nicely. Tragically I can't see you
                            > > > through
                            > > > > > these challenging times. After talking with the T2W board,
                            > we
                            > > > all
                            > > > > > agreed that I wanted to pursue other interests. Farewell,
                            > dear
                            > > > > > authors. Please joining me in welcoming the new skipper to
                            > the
                            > > > T2W
                            > > > > > ship, B. Beeker Belchum.
                            > > > > > Sincerely,
                            > > > > > Dennis Dean
                            > > > > >
                            > > > > > Hello Creative Folk,
                            > > > > >
                            > > > > > Permission to come aboard? My name is B. Beeker Belchum.
                            > Thank
                            > > > you
                            > > > > > for welcoming me to your website. I'm happy to be aboard the
                            > > > S.S.
                            > > > > > T2W. While I'm not a creative writer myself, I can assure you
                            > > > I've
                            > > > > > done some creative bookkeeping in the past. Ha! Ha! But
                            > > > seriously,
                            > > > > > my background is in the cold, hard, dog-eat-dog corporate
                            > > > world. My
                            > > > > > mission is to bring this organization back to profitablilty.
                            > > > Mr.
                            > > > > > Dean has already outlined a few of the changes going on. I'm
                            > > > here
                            > > > > > to flesh-out a few more. Most of these changes are so subtle
                            > > > you'll
                            > > > > > hardly notice them. One change concerns your retirement
                            > date.
                            > > > The
                            > > > > > good news is our retirement program is still intact. A
                            > slightly
                            > > > > > diminshed pay-out (a 50% reduction) will help keep it
                            > solvent.
                            > > > > > Hopefully if any furture reductions are necessary, they will
                            > be
                            > > > just
                            > > > > > as minimal.
                            > > > > > At T2W we're all about people. So I asked myself, why have
                            > we
                            > > > let
                            > > > > > them go so quickly? If we truly value our writers we should
                            > > > keep
                            > > > > > them on longer. With this commitment to you in mind our new
                            > > > > > retirement age has been raised from 65 to 72. I'm sure
                            > you're
                            > > > all
                            > > > > > as excited about this investment in people as I am. A minor
                            > > > > > restructuring of pricing in our cafeteria may suck up some of
                            > > > that
                            > > > > > pesky spare change we all have jingling in our pockets.
                            > Helga
                            > > > > > Hooblemeyer tells me the food menu is roughly the same. Day-
                            > old
                            > > > > > bakery products and surplus vegetables will be tastefully
                            > > > arranged
                            > > > > > by our Goddess of Gourmet Grub. She also informs me that
                            > horse
                            > > > meat
                            > > > > > is far leaner and more nutritious than beef. Yum! I only
                            > wish
                            > > > I
                            > > > > > didn't have to eat those catered meals in my executive suite.
                            > > > > > Since I understand that creative types such as yourselves
                            > > > sometimes
                            > > > > > get their inspiration from a bottle, alcoholic beverages will
                            > be
                            > > > > > available in all vending machines. Those aspiring
                            > Hemmingways
                            > > > among
                            > > > > > you will find a selection of his favorite Key West brews on
                            > tap
                            > > > in
                            > > > > > the cafeteria. Unfortunately our upcoming ice-cream social
                            > had
                            > > > to
                            > > > > > be cancelled because of these budget constraints. As we all
                            > > > know,
                            > > > > > however, adversity builds creativity. Most writers thrive on
                            > > > it.
                            > > > > > How I envy you. I haven't the mind for writing. It's sorry
                            > but
                            > > > > > true that a fat check is my sole source of inspiration.
                            > > > > > I will continue Mr. Dean's open-door policy. My office will
                            > be
                            > > > > > housed in a secured section of the T2W home office, so it may
                            > be
                            > > > > > difficult to get to my door without a key or without being
                            > > > forciby
                            > > > > > removed by security. Hang in there and we'll get through
                            > this
                            > > > rough
                            > > > > > patch together. Without rhyme there is no reason.
                            > > > > >
                            > > > > > B. Beeker Belchum, C.E.O. Ticket2Write
                            > > > > >
                            > > > >
                            > > >
                            > >
                            >
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