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RE: [ticket2write] Two Poems about barns

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  • David Roth
    Hi Carol, I loved both pieces, but I m puzzled. Is your new style to abandon punctuation? Especially in the first one I found myself floundering in the abyss
    Message 1 of 2 , Nov 30, 2005
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      Hi Carol,
       
      I loved both pieces, but I'm puzzled.  Is your new style to abandon punctuation?  Especially in the first one I found myself floundering in the abyss of an endless run-on sentence.  Maybe it's just me, but I need some hint as to where the thoughts begin and end, and sentence punctuation by in large does that for me.
       
      The second, shorter one, left me longing for the resolution.  Oh, I grant that extinction is pretty definite, but I felt left wanting.
       
      Dave
       
       

      "And sometimes, if I listen very closely, I can hear voices…"

      from Sometimes I Hear Voices

      my new book

      available at LuLu.com

       

      -----Original Message-----
      From: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com [mailto:ticket2write@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Carol
      Sent: Tuesday, November 29, 2005 3:45 PM
      To: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
      Subject: [ticket2write] Two Poems about barns

      Hi friends and fellow writers,
      I'm sending along two poems which I've wrestled with for the past
      several weeks. The subject matter has swirled and tumbled in my head
      for many months. I look forward, as always, to your comments. Albi,
      thanks for the nudge.
      Carol


      Endangered Species

      Tall red door creaks
      dust chaff painting planks
      of warm summer sun,
      spilling between rough
      weathered boards,
      harness clatter, hooves clop
      spectres of lambs bleet
      at ghosts of giggling grandchildren,
      through the silent loft
      a soft breeze rustles heat
      and the closeness of livestock
      scratchy straw, manure, mice
      sawdust, mink oil,  saddle soap,
      emaciated ribs peek from
      the old wrinkled relic,
      aging reminder of
      simpler times,
      when neighbors and families
      met for coffee or cold beer
      by the split rail fence,
      or gathered for Sunday suppers
      piled high on Blue Willow plates,
      thin bones weakened
      splintered boards to dry rot
      chewed by neglected termites
      sun bleached and beaten
      abandoned sides heaving
      ruffled tin patched over
      festering wounds,
      choking in the tumbling clock,
      watching herds of cold steel
      roam wild across green hills,
      reshaping prairie portraits,
      one dusty breath
      billows the last gasp,
      as this endangered species
      becomes extinct,
      then only a footprint
      cast in the mud
      pays tribute to
      the grand old barn

      CJ Carpenter
      11/16/05


      Old Barn

      Gnarled dinosaur
      stumbles in the mud
      a dusty footprint
      fossil of weather
      and laughter,
      work and sweat
      once threatened
      now extinct

      CJ Carpenter
      11/19/05










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