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Re: [ticket2write] Bliss (Nigel)

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  • Carol Carpenter
    Nigel, This is quite lovely. You had me until the he/she line. That jarred me completely and detracted from the message. Maybe take the gender out completely
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 2, 2005
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      Nigel,
       
      This is quite lovely. You had me until the he/she line. That jarred me completely and detracted from the message. Maybe take the gender out completely and use a couple of other words instead. How about this:
      When "time" confronts "a" or "that" memory
      Or you could use: When "they" confront a memory if you change your traveler to travelers.
      I agree with the last line. Bliss usually exacts a high toll, otherwise it wouldn't be so darn sweet. I hope this is helpful.
      Always,
      Carol

      nigel_tiptoe <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:


      Bliss

      Hidden paths in turns and twists darkened plateaus cross
      The journey started over-late, confused, the traveler lost
      Descending then in curves and bends to a valley drowned in mists
      Where, in swamps and dreamless bogs, the path at last desists
      And there awaits the travelers' fate, no certainty greater than this
      Where she (or he)  must confront her (or his) memory
      And the agonies of bliss



      'cuse me taking the piss








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    • nigel_tiptoe
      Carol Thanks once again for your astute comments. Given your objection to its last lines, you might prefer the rewritten version of the poem in my reply to
      Message 2 of 2 , Apr 2, 2005
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        Carol

        Thanks once again for your astute comments. Given your objection to
        its last lines, you might prefer the rewritten version of the poem in
        my reply to Alice.

        You say 'Bliss usually exacts a high toll', which of course is the
        crux of the poem. But what I think I am trying to say in my rhyming
        is that it needn't - that the 'agonies of bliss' are the result only
        of an inability or, perhaps more accurately, an unwillingness to see:
        active ignorance.

        This might not come as a surprise to anyone but me, but I begin to
        understand that most if not all of our agonies arise from a lack of
        self knowledge; from failing to understand and honour our own true
        natures and roles. The poem even proposes means of overcoming this
        ignorance: take the journey, confront your memory, it says. What it
        doesn't do, though, is openly suggest tools or mechanisms for doing
        so effectively. That is because my tools: rhythm and rhyme, various
        graphic arts, solitude, etc., simply wont work for everyone.

        Well ... I guess it does suggest rhythm and rhyme are useful, if only
        by employing them; poetry toward enlightenment - can you believe
        it? ;o)
        But the arrogance implied in so suggesting will not trouble
        participants in t2w, I'm guessing.

        Nigelmaker



        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, Carol Carpenter
        <carol_emt87@y...> wrote:
        > Nigel,
        >
        > This is quite lovely. You had me until the he/she line. That jarred
        me completely and detracted from the message. Maybe take the gender
        out completely and use a couple of other words instead. How about
        this:
        > When "time" confronts "a" or "that" memory
        > Or you could use: When "they" confront a memory if you change your
        traveler to travelers.
        > I agree with the last line. Bliss usually exacts a high toll,
        otherwise it wouldn't be so darn sweet. I hope this is helpful.
        > Always,
        > Carol
        >
        > nigel_tiptoe <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
        >
        >
        > Bliss
        >
        > Hidden paths in turns and twists darkened plateaus cross
        > The journey started over-late, confused, the traveler lost
        > Descending then in curves and bends to a valley drowned in mists
        > Where, in swamps and dreamless bogs, the path at last desists
        > And there awaits the travelers' fate, no certainty greater than this
        > Where she (or he) must confront her (or his) memory
        > And the agonies of bliss
        >
        >
        >
        > 'cuse me taking the piss
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > Learn more about ticket2wite at http://ticket2write.tripod.com
        >
        >
        >
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