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RE: [ticket2write] Shimmer (Diva)

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  • Carol Carpenter
    Dear Diva, For some reason, I did not receive the original post of your poem. Having read it from Matt s post, I wanted to add a couple of additional comments.
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 1, 2005
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      Dear Diva,
       
      For some reason, I did not receive the original post of your poem. Having read it from Matt's post, I wanted to add a couple of additional comments. Your poem is very direct, very precise. I'm reminded of William Carlos Williams when he uses color and simple images to paint a portrait in my mind--those plums, that red wheelbarrow and white chickens. I think great poems succeed in that art.
      Your line about the red rose on the keyboard brings to mind the images of Snow White--her black hair, white skin, and red lips--it's so deliberate and striking. And finally Don McLean's song "Vincent", when McLean says, "The silver thorn, the bloddy rose lies crushed and broken on the virgin snow." Unmistakeable imagery--well done.
      Carol

      Diva <the_only_data_diva@...> wrote:
      Yes I do.  And thank you very much for the comparison.  :)
       
      Diva

      Matt Lamoreux <jlamoreux@...> wrote:


      Shimmer

      What have you done?
      I was accepting of morning fog
      and the flat gray of the river
      that flowed through my day.

      I'd grown tone-deaf
      to fog horns and
      the searing slice of sirens
      went unnoticed too.

      You had to
      disturb my palette
      with that red rose
      on my keyboard.

      And now all I see,
      primarily,
      are pastels
      and rainbows.


      03/30/05  Diva
      aka WordFaery

      ---One of the things I'm experimenting with in writing, is a sort of free
      form style that will stop and talk to the reader sometimes. I am doing a
      report on Angela Carter, and this was pointed out to me...that she would
      stop and talk to us in her prose. See what I mean? That's what "What have
      you done?" does for me. I know you're not talking to me, but right up
      front...you have my attention. Ok, "What have I done?"

      ---After that I am introduced to the idea, that the things that come and go
      in our lives are largely unnoticed. What a perfect way to say that. Then a
      palette is disturbed...by a rose. It places that rose right in the center of
      my inner vision. And the clarity there is impeccable.

      ---Now what happens? This is easy to decipher for me. Anyone who has ever
      seen a pastel drawing, is drawn into those warm, fuzzy colors, and anyone
      who has ever stopped their car to gaze at a shimmering rainbow, knows what's
      going on in your poem right now.

      ---This is so artfully and delicately turned, that I'm not really sure if
      I'm saying any of this right. I hope you understand my meaning.









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    • Diva
      Dear Carol, In writing this one I was really did make the effort to change the backdrop, let the mood flow around the character. Nice to know that I
      Message 2 of 2 , Apr 2, 2005
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        Dear Carol,
         
        In writing this one I was really did make the effort to change the backdrop, let the mood flow around the character.  Nice to know that I succeeded.  Thank you.
         
        Diva

        Carol Carpenter <carol_emt87@...> wrote:
        Dear Diva,
         
        For some reason, I did not receive the original post of your poem. Having read it from Matt's post, I wanted to add a couple of additional comments. Your poem is very direct, very precise. I'm reminded of William Carlos Williams when he uses color and simple images to paint a portrait in my mind--those plums, that red wheelbarrow and white chickens. I think great poems succeed in that art.
        Your line about the red rose on the keyboard brings to mind the images of Snow White--her black hair, white skin, and red lips--it's so deliberate and striking. And finally Don McLean's song "Vincent", when McLean says, "The silver thorn, the bloddy rose lies crushed and broken on the virgin snow." Unmistakeable imagery--well done.
        Carol

        Diva <the_only_data_diva@...> wrote:
        Yes I do.  And thank you very much for the comparison.  :)
         
        Diva

        Matt Lamoreux <jlamoreux@...> wrote:


        Shimmer

        What have you done?
        I was accepting of morning fog
        and the flat gray of the river
        that flowed through my day.

        I'd grown tone-deaf
        to fog horns and
        the searing slice of sirens
        went unnoticed too.

        You had to
        disturb my palette
        with that red rose
        on my keyboard.

        And now all I see,
        primarily,
        are pastels
        and rainbows.


        03/30/05  Diva
        aka WordFaery

        ---One of the things I'm experimenting with in writing, is a sort of free
        form style that will stop and talk to the reader sometimes. I am doing a
        report on Angela Carter, and this was pointed out to me...that she would
        stop and talk to us in her prose. See what I mean? That's what "What have
        you done?" does for me. I know you're not talking to me, but right up
        front...you have my attention. Ok, "What have I done?"

        ---After that I am introduced to the idea, that the things that come and go
        in our lives are largely unnoticed. What a perfect way to say that. Then a
        palette is disturbed...by a rose. It places that rose right in the center of
        my inner vision. And the clarity there is impeccable.

        ---Now what happens? This is easy to decipher for me. Anyone who has ever
        seen a pastel drawing, is drawn into those warm, fuzzy colors, and anyone
        who has ever stopped their car to gaze at a shimmering rainbow, knows what's
        going on in your poem right now.

        ---This is so artfully and delicately turned, that I'm not really sure if
        I'm saying any of this right. I hope you understand my meaning.









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        Yahoo! Groups Links












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