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Child's Play - Feedback please

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  • Dove
    As a child I thought the whole purpose behind playing London Bridges was to be captured. I became expert in my timing and that is the inspiration of the poem.
    Message 1 of 2 , Jun 30, 2004
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      As a child I thought the whole purpose behind playing London Bridges was to
      be captured.
      I became expert in my timing and that is the inspiration of the poem.
      Dove

      Child's Play

      London Bridges falling down.
      Timing exact,
      Fair Lady Child, rocks in cadence,
      With care plotting her capture.

      Falling down, falling down.
      Hesitate
      And the golden moment is lost
      Bestowed upon another

      My fair Lady O
      Move too soon
      And like a scarlet sunset missed
      It will settle behind you.

      Take the keys and lock her up
      Perfectly
      Fair Lady Child's capture timed
      Victory yields her rapture

      Lock her up, lock her up
      Blissfully
      Cradled, rocked, and imprisoned
      Securely held by clasped hands

      Take the keys and lock her up
      Lady Child
      Fair, sways to her Song of Songs
      Her innocent face radiant

      My Fair Lady O
      Too soon free,
      Pleasure lingering she skips
      To feast on cookies and milk

      Dove

      ST BDSM EZine
    • Sam
      Dove, I can t seem to get the meter of this. It doesn t flow the way I expected when I read the first line. Have you considered writing it with the same flow
      Message 2 of 2 , Jul 1, 2004
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        Dove,
        I can't seem to get the meter of this. It doesn't flow the way I
        expected when I read the first line. Have you considered writing it
        with the same flow and rhyme scheme of the children's rhyme? Just a
        suggestion.

        Sam

        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Dove" <dove@s...> wrote:
        > As a child I thought the whole purpose behind playing London Bridges
        was to
        > be captured.
        > I became expert in my timing and that is the inspiration of the poem.
        > Dove
        >
        > Child's Play
        >
        > London Bridges falling down.
        > Timing exact,
        > Fair Lady Child, rocks in cadence,
        > With care plotting her capture.
        >
        > Falling down, falling down.
        > Hesitate
        > And the golden moment is lost
        > Bestowed upon another
        >
        > My fair Lady O
        > Move too soon
        > And like a scarlet sunset missed
        > It will settle behind you.
        >
        > Take the keys and lock her up
        > Perfectly
        > Fair Lady Child's capture timed
        > Victory yields her rapture
        >
        > Lock her up, lock her up
        > Blissfully
        > Cradled, rocked, and imprisoned
        > Securely held by clasped hands
        >
        > Take the keys and lock her up
        > Lady Child
        > Fair, sways to her Song of Songs
        > Her innocent face radiant
        >
        > My Fair Lady O
        > Too soon free,
        > Pleasure lingering she skips
        > To feast on cookies and milk
        >
        > Dove
        >
        > ST BDSM EZine
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