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haunted

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  • Kate Steere
    his face never leaves my heart s eye his laugh, his joy the way he would reach inside me and pull out the best i had he is gone he has left for greener
    Message 1 of 3 , Feb 24 2:52 PM
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      his face never leaves
      my heart's eye
      his laugh, his joy
      the way he would
      reach inside me
      and pull out the best i had
      he is gone
      he has left for greener
      pastures, easier climates
      simpler pleasures
      maybe I'm to blame somehow
      there is always that fear lurking
      fear that i was meant to be
      alone
      happiness isn't usually a
      good muse is it?

      Kate
      22404

      " It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us
      read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a
      good life without being like everybody else."
      -John Waters

      _________________________________________________________________
      Dream of owning a home? Find out how in the First-time Home Buying Guide.
      http://special.msn.com/home/firsthome.armx
    • Gwendolyn Joyce Mintz
      Hi, This is nice. The beginning of the work really pulls you in and sets the tone/voice for the piece. I m new here--but here s my suggestions: maybe delete
      Message 2 of 3 , Feb 24 3:54 PM
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        Hi,
         
        This is nice.  The beginning of the work really pulls you in and sets the tone/voice for the piece.  I'm new here--but here's my suggestions:  maybe delete "me" in line 5 so it reads "reach inside/and pull out the best i [was(I suggest this change because IMHO it's a bit stronger] and what if you delete "pastures, climates, pleasures" and play with the lines so it reads he has left for "greener, easier and simpler"-- only to keep from using well-known phrases still I think the reader would be able to infer.
         
        Use anything that works for you.  GJM

        Kate Steere <montijello@...> wrote:
        his face never leaves
        my heart's eye
        his laugh, his joy
        the way he would
        reach inside me
        and pull out the best i had
        he is gone
        he has left for greener
        pastures, easier climates
        simpler pleasures
        maybe I'm to blame somehow
        there is always that fear lurking
        fear that i was meant to be
        alone
        happiness isn't usually a
        good muse is it?

        Kate
        22404

        " It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us
        read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a
        good life without being like everybody else."
        -John Waters

        _________________________________________________________________
        Dream of owning a home? Find out how in the First-time Home Buying Guide.
        http://special.msn.com/home/firsthome.armx




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      • John
        I like the way the last two lines turn and address the reader directly, but maybe it s introducing a thought other than the theme of the poem (and I disagree
        Message 3 of 3 , Mar 1, 2004
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          I like the way the last two lines turn and address the reader
          directly, but maybe it's introducing a thought other than the theme
          of the poem (and I disagree anyway!). I thought the poem worked well.
          It made me think of you sitting at a bus stop in the drizzle. I liked
          the "...fear lurking / fear...". Someone might say your use of common
          expressions like "greener pastures" is a cliche. I know Ted Hughes
          would not agree with them, because expressions have their own wieght,
          and in your case the use of a very common expression seems to
          emphasise a bitterness in your dialogue with yourself, and maybe
          indicate you have the same conversation over and over again.

          John

          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Kate Steere" <montijello@h...>
          wrote:
          > his face never leaves
          > my heart's eye
          > his laugh, his joy
          > the way he would
          > reach inside me
          > and pull out the best i had
          > he is gone
          > he has left for greener
          > pastures, easier climates
          > simpler pleasures
          > maybe I'm to blame somehow
          > there is always that fear lurking
          > fear that i was meant to be
          > alone
          > happiness isn't usually a
          > good muse is it?
          >
          > Kate
          > 22404
          >
          > " It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't
          let us
          > read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and
          have a
          > good life without being like everybody else."
          > -John Waters
          >
          > _________________________________________________________________
          > Dream of owning a home? Find out how in the First-time Home Buying
          Guide.
          > http://special.msn.com/home/firsthome.armx
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