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A Farewell To Innocence

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  • Jerry
    A Farewell To Innocence I played at my grandparents knees Their wrinkled faces hung with sad smiles Yet years passed by and they passed on Childish innocence
    Message 1 of 4 , Jan 31, 2004
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      A Farewell To Innocence


      I played at my grandparents' knees
      Their wrinkled faces hung with sad smiles
      Yet years passed by and they passed on
      Childish innocence was lost

      One day I met a lovely girl
      Her smile turned my knees to mush
      Then time passed by, she passed me by
      Adolescent innocence was lost

      My country called a call to war
      I joined my friends in arms
      Then my buddy died one day
      Youthful innocence was lost

      Once more a civilian fancy free
      I lived where peace long reigned
      But thousands died as two towers came down
      Mature innocence was lost

      Now my children grow up tall
      Purity lies in their eyes
      I pray someday a change in man
      When innocence is not lost

      JKS
      1-31-04
    • Jon Wood
      ... A Farewell To Innocence JKS 1-31-04 ~~~~ Jerry: another piece that is a good read. But I can t find the real message in it that you wanted to portray. It
      Message 2 of 4 , Feb 1, 2004
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        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Jerry" <jerry5849@y...> wrote:
        A Farewell To Innocence

        JKS
        1-31-04
        ~~~~
        Jerry: another piece that is a good read. But I can't find the real message in it that you wanted to portray.

        It has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but doesn't tell me anything...really.

        I'd suggest you look hard at: Then time passed by, she passed me by (time passed and so did she)

        I understand the concept, and what you are saying, but you can do better than this, if it is to sell.

        I do admit I'm not a poet, so if what I've suggested doesn't fit don't wear it.
        Jon
      • Jerry
        Friend Jon, Thanks for your comments. I knew this piece was not complete, but rather a bit of an experiment. I recently decided to try writing a few poems
        Message 3 of 4 , Feb 3, 2004
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          Friend Jon,
          Thanks for your comments. I knew this piece was not complete, but
          rather a bit of an experiment. I recently decided to try writing a
          few poems which didn't rhyme, but did have a repeated refrain.
          This is one of the great things about our group. We can experiment
          with a different form, or create a new form of our own, and then
          bounce the work off our fellow members.
          Here are two other poems I wrote using this form. I hope you enjoy
          them. Feel free to comment on their strengths and weaknesses. The
          first is about my daughter who is in sports, and the second was
          prompted by our new library center which recently was damaged due to
          arson. Thanks in advance for your comments.
          As always,
          Jerry



          Free Flight


          There she goes again
          Running like the wind
          Hair streams with her speed
          Running like the wind

          Big heart and big eyes
          Running like the wind
          Long legs in a blur
          Running like the wind

          Sweetness flows from her
          Running like the wind
          Joy of life is hers
          Running like the wind

          Youthful grace unfolds
          Running like the wind
          Long smooth strides pounding
          Running like the wind

          Crossing the finish
          Running like the wind
          Earth left in free flight
          Running like the wind


          JKS
          1-21-04


          Burner of Books


          What hell is your destination
          Burner of books?
          What twisted your soul in this way
          Burner of books?

          Were you slow to learn your ABC's
          Burner of books?
          Were learning and reading past your grasp
          Burner of books?

          Was it envy or just sour grapes
          Burner of books?
          Was it hate or just meanness
          Burner of books?

          Will your next target be people
          Burner of books?
          Will you repeat Nazi evil
          Burner of books?

          When you are caught dead to rights
          Burner of books,
          Then you will pay the full price
          Burner of books.


          1-21-04


          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Jon Wood" <backwaterjon@y...>
          wrote:
          > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Jerry" <jerry5849@y...>
          wrote:
          > A Farewell To Innocence
          >
          > JKS
          > 1-31-04
          > ~~~~
          > Jerry: another piece that is a good read. But I can't find the
          real message in it that you wanted to portray.
          >
          > It has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but doesn't tell me
          anything...really.
          >
          > I'd suggest you look hard at: Then time passed by, she passed me
          by (time passed and so did she)
          >
          > I understand the concept, and what you are saying, but you can do
          better than this, if it is to sell.
          >
          > I do admit I'm not a poet, so if what I've suggested doesn't fit
          don't wear it.
          > Jon
        • Kate Steere
          hi Jerry- I reallly like both of these poems, very clear, very effective, the only other comment I have is, I think you could remove the word and from the
          Message 4 of 4 , Feb 3, 2004
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            hi Jerry-

            I reallly like both of these poems, very clear, very effective, the only
            other comment I have is, I think you could remove the word "and" from the
            first line of the 2nd stanza of your first poem.

            Kate


            >From: "Jerry" <jerry5849@...>
            >Reply-To: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
            >To: ticket2write@yahoogroups.com
            >Subject: [ticket2write] Re: A Farewell To Innocence-Jon (two poems)
            >Date: Tue, 03 Feb 2004 12:18:28 -0000
            >
            >Friend Jon,
            >Thanks for your comments. I knew this piece was not complete, but
            >rather a bit of an experiment. I recently decided to try writing a
            >few poems which didn't rhyme, but did have a repeated refrain.
            >This is one of the great things about our group. We can experiment
            >with a different form, or create a new form of our own, and then
            >bounce the work off our fellow members.
            >Here are two other poems I wrote using this form. I hope you enjoy
            >them. Feel free to comment on their strengths and weaknesses. The
            >first is about my daughter who is in sports, and the second was
            >prompted by our new library center which recently was damaged due to
            >arson. Thanks in advance for your comments.
            >As always,
            >Jerry
            >
            >
            >
            >Free Flight
            >
            >
            >There she goes again
            >Running like the wind
            >Hair streams with her speed
            >Running like the wind
            >
            >Big heart and big eyes
            >Running like the wind
            >Long legs in a blur
            >Running like the wind
            >
            >Sweetness flows from her
            >Running like the wind
            >Joy of life is hers
            >Running like the wind
            >
            >Youthful grace unfolds
            >Running like the wind
            >Long smooth strides pounding
            >Running like the wind
            >
            >Crossing the finish
            >Running like the wind
            >Earth left in free flight
            >Running like the wind
            >
            >
            >JKS
            >1-21-04
            >
            >
            >Burner of Books
            >
            >
            >What hell is your destination
            >Burner of books?
            >What twisted your soul in this way
            >Burner of books?
            >
            >Were you slow to learn your ABC's
            >Burner of books?
            >Were learning and reading past your grasp
            >Burner of books?
            >
            >Was it envy or just sour grapes
            >Burner of books?
            >Was it hate or just meanness
            >Burner of books?
            >
            >Will your next target be people
            >Burner of books?
            >Will you repeat Nazi evil
            >Burner of books?
            >
            >When you are caught dead to rights
            >Burner of books,
            >Then you will pay the full price
            >Burner of books.
            >
            >
            >1-21-04
            >
            >
            >--- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Jon Wood" <backwaterjon@y...>
            >wrote:
            > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Jerry" <jerry5849@y...>
            >wrote:
            > > A Farewell To Innocence
            > >
            > > JKS
            > > 1-31-04
            > > ~~~~
            > > Jerry: another piece that is a good read. But I can't find the
            >real message in it that you wanted to portray.
            > >
            > > It has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but doesn't tell me
            >anything...really.
            > >
            > > I'd suggest you look hard at: Then time passed by, she passed me
            >by (time passed and so did she)
            > >
            > > I understand the concept, and what you are saying, but you can do
            >better than this, if it is to sell.
            > >
            > > I do admit I'm not a poet, so if what I've suggested doesn't fit
            >don't wear it.
            > > Jon
            >
            >

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