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Re: [ticket2write] Digest Number 635

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  • Sandra
    would anyone be interested in readin my movie? ... From: To: Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 1, 2003
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      would anyone be interested in readin my movie?

      ----- Original Message -----
      From: <ticket2write@yahoogroups.com>
      To: <ticket2write@yahoogroups.com>
      Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 8:01 AM
      Subject: [ticket2write] Digest Number 635


      >
      > TIP: If you are receiving individual messages, you can modify your
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      > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
      >
      > There are 4 messages in this issue.
      >
      > Topics in this digest:
      >
      > 1. A Special Source - Fine Bookbinding & Repair Shop
      > From: "Susan Donahue" <suzianne411@...>
      > 2. If you are in the neighborhood
      > From: "Judy Arline Puckett" <judy_arline_puckett@...>
      > 3. Re: Man On The Street Corner - again, a rewrite
      > From: "Rach" <prettybaby203@...>
      > 4. Re: Send Me Your Rain - equator
      > From: "Rach" <prettybaby203@...>
      >
      >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      >
      > Message: 1
      > Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 15:46:10 -0000
      > From: "Susan Donahue" <suzianne411@...>
      > Subject: A Special Source - Fine Bookbinding & Repair Shop
      >
      > I am breaking my own rule aboaut using this forum to promote
      > commercial conserns, but this shop is a rare find, and could be of
      > use to some of you.
      >
      > I discovered Richard Owen Roberts Fine Bookbinding & Repair Shop
      > when I drove past it this morning and saw a sign for "marbled papers
      > and restoration of antique books." A visit to the establishment and
      > a conversation with Robert Owen Roberts was a delight. The shelves
      > are filled with volumes of books of distinct quality and Robert is
      > very knowledgable.
      >
      > For those of you with literary treasures needing restoration, or who
      > wish to self-publish books intended to be works of art, this small
      > dealer in books can be an excellent resource.
      >
      > I will post the link in our ticket2write links for future
      > reference: http://www.rorbooks.com/
      >
      > Suzianne
      > suzianne411@...
      > http://suzianne.tripod.com
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      >
      > Message: 2
      > Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 17:14:54 -0000
      > From: "Judy Arline Puckett" <judy_arline_puckett@...>
      > Subject: If you are in the neighborhood
      >
      > A woman get's lonely,
      > you know what Im speaking of,
      > If you are in the neighborhood,
      > come give me some love,
      > Sometime a lonely woman has to take,
      > stolen moments that feel good.
      > Come give me some love,
      > if you are in the neighborhood.
      > We both had to move,
      > and go separate ways,
      > Sometime's fate is cruel,
      > on the games that she plays,
      > I don't say I 've ever understood,
      > I'd keep your heart if only I could,
      > Sometimes a lonely woman has to take
      > stolen moments that are good,
      > Come give me love,
      > if you are in the neighborhood,
      > Don't just stop by,
      > to tell me hi,
      > That won't be no good,
      > Come give me love,
      > if you are in the neighborhood.
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      >
      > Message: 3
      > Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 17:53:16 -0000
      > From: "Rach" <prettybaby203@...>
      > Subject: Re: Man On The Street Corner - again, a rewrite
      >
      > I didn't mention to you, that this was a dream (a very vivid one) i'd
      > had the night before. The essence of it was losing my shoes,
      > embarking on a journey to find them, being mislead by satan and
      > taking a bus ride to hell.
      > The oak was just a very vivd part of the dream. I wasn't sure whether
      > to include that. The bus from Elm Street, yes alluding to
      > the 'nightmare' i was having, it was indeed a reference to it being
      > nightmare like, and that fact that it was a frightening sight.
      > Maybe elms and oaks.....? maybe i subtly connected those in my mind,
      > i'm not sure?
      > Jonathan, as a title? yes.... i quite like that. It came as the man
      > was Jonathan, but at times i was unsure of his identity, so continued
      > to call him jonathan.
      > I think it may sound better - wave to jonathan. Jonathan was a symbol
      > of the hope in my dream - having him put his hands away ultimately
      > ended his giving me anything more.....
      >
      > > E. I like your writing
      >
      > can i ask, why? i don't consider myself a real writer. I write to
      > make sense of what i see and experience and the things I can't make
      > sense of.
      >
      > thanks for your response, and your help.
      >
      > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Joe Brown" <joebrown42@y...>
      > wrote:
      > > A bit strict, but not TOO strict, and with questions at the end:
      > > Jonathan
      > >
      > > Man on the street corner I call
      > > Jonathan
      > > time to stop
      > > it's cold and I have no shoes
      > > My jacket is still on the bus
      > > tuck those hands back in your pockets
      > > while I go inside for a while
      > > doubts crawl
      > > over exposed skin
      > > the air attacks like frantic mice
      > > push them down and go back outside
      > > leave Jonathan behind
      > > Finding on the street corner a vehicle
      > > follow the breadcrumbs up the staircase of fire
      > > maybe I'll find some shoes here not on the corner
      > > of the road where the men go in the snow
      > > Run right to the back seat where Lucifer sits
      > > in his red dress
      > > he shakes my hand, gives me some tips for the snow
      > > but I escape into flames
      > > big mistake
      > > where I'm going
      > > I don't want to go
      > > blood
      > > and knives
      > > and Charlie's disciples
      > > with dirty halos
      > > no waiting now
      > > no going back
      > > Lucifer said don't forget your time here is
      > > forever
      > > make sure you wave
      > > to Jonathan
      > >
      > > A. Why the classroom and oak desk? didn't do anything for me
      > > B. Too many "nows" the tense should sufice, no?
      > > C. Elm Street? the movie? to connect to Oak? Why?
      > > D. Why not make it "Jonathan"?
      > > E. I like your writing
      > > F. Waiting for a response
      > > G. Joe
      > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Rach" <prettybaby203@h...>
      > > wrote:
      > > > Man on the street corner I call
      > > > Jonathan
      > > > it's time to stop now
      > > > it's cold and I have no shoes
      > > > My jacket is still on the bus
      > > > tuck those hands back in your pockets
      > > > while I go inside for a while
      > > > in the classroom beneath the oak desk doubts crawl
      > > > over my exposed skin
      > > > the air attacks like frantic mice
      > > > push them down and go back outside
      > > > leave Jonathan behind
      > > > Finding on the street corner a vehicle
      > > > from Elm Street
      > > > follow the breadcrumbs up the staircase of fire
      > > > maybe I'll find some shoes here not on the corner
      > > > of the road where the men go in the snow
      > > > Run right to the back seat where Lucifer sits
      > > > in his red dress
      > > > he shakes my hand, gives me some tips for the snow
      > > > but I escape into the flames
      > > > I realise I've made a big mistake
      > > > where I'm going I don't want to go
      > > > blood
      > > > and knives
      > > > and Charlie's disciples
      > > > with dirty halos
      > > > there's no waiting now
      > > > no going back now
      > > > Lucifer said don't forget your time here is
      > > > forever
      > > > so make sure that you wave
      > > > to the man
      > > > on the street corner
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      >
      > Message: 4
      > Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 20:28:06 -0000
      > From: "Rach" <prettybaby203@...>
      > Subject: Re: Send Me Your Rain - equator
      >
      > specifically, this person is now on the other side of the world to
      > me. if you know that now, you'll see the distant lands connection.
      > does that make sense?
      >
      > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Joe Brown" <joebrown42@y...>
      > wrote:
      > > The Equator is no as imaginary as you make it out to be....
      > > It is a geographical term, which brings a set of terms into the
      > poem
      > > which I;m not sure holds true throughout the poem.
      > > hmmm...
      > > will think, and ask you - if it's just an imaginary line, why
      > > SPECIFICALLY the equator?
      > >
      > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Rach" <prettybaby203@h...>
      > > wrote:
      > > > Interesting, I am not sure whether the line "hear my words,
      > verbs,
      > > > > can you as I put it is stronger longer or shorter.
      > > >
      > > > Definately stronger your way. I like it better.
      > > > I did like your edited version, i think it made it more readable,
      > > > easier to convey a message.
      > > >
      > > > > BTW - why the equator?
      > > >
      > > > The equator is an imaginary line, right? I felt like there was
      > > indeed
      > > > a line between me and this person.
      > > >
      > > > Thanks for all your help, I really appreciate!
      > > >
      > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Joe Brown"
      > <joebrown42@y...>
      > > > wrote:
      > > > > Hey Rach,
      > > > > Here is the "over-touched", over-edited version I made of it.
      > > > > Interesting, I am not sure whether the line "hear my words,
      > > verbs,
      > > > > can you as I put it is stronger longer or shorter.
      > > > > I took out "the"s, extra "my"s, in my opinion.
      > > > > I tried to trust the reader's ability to understand when
      > the "my"
      > > > is
      > > > > relevant for the speaker or for the reader, and not over-stress
      > > it
      > > > > (as I over-edited).
      > > > > Looking forward to you answer.
      > > > > BTW - why the equator? that's an unanswered question for me so
      > > far.
      > > > > even though it works
      > > > >
      > > > >
      > > > > Across the equator greeting the fire
      > > > > two distant lands to each other
      > > > > too far to touch, to breathe
      > > > > sharing the rain, send me your rain
      > > > > let me take you home
      > > > > and show you what could be missing
      > > > >
      > > > > thought maybe you could see this rarity
      > > > > we mix like jam and jelly
      > > > > will we still be
      > > > > here
      > > > > next year
      > > > > running this bet
      > > > > and I say god just doesn't care
      > > > > this life has got stale
      > > > > but I know
      > > > > you're always
      > > > > there
      > > > > my lips in your hands
      > > > >
      > > > > distant miracle too far
      > > > > near enough, seen
      > > > > let me lay my words on your skin
      > > > > hear my words, verbs, can you
      > > > > and when they say let go
      > > > > of that cloud
      > > > > I think
      > > > > I'll hold on
      > > > > to you instead
      > > > >
      > > > > letting go amens, I'll wash me clean
      > > > > send me your rain
      > > > > let me wash away because
      > > > > I see
      > > > > fire in two distant lands
      > > > > bridges burning
      > > > > send me your rain
      > > > > let me wash away
      > > > >
      > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Rach"
      > <prettybaby203@h...>
      > > > > wrote:
      > > > > > actually, this was spot-on. See it was originally written in
      > 4
      > > > > > paragraphs (see the copy underneath) in which i simply wrote
      > > > > without
      > > > > > breaking. Then the only editing I did was to break it into
      > > > > sentences.
      > > > > > I was hoping to get some hints on editing it because it was
      > > hard
      > > > to
      > > > > > know where to begin by that point, thank you for you
      > comments,
      > > > they
      > > > > > are much helpful.
      > > > > >
      > > > > > --the 'untouched version--
      > > > > >
      > > > > > Across the equator greeting the fire I see it coming two
      > > distant
      > > > > > lands to each other too far to touch too far to breathe we
      > > share
      > > > > the
      > > > > > rain send me your rain because I don't want you to go let me
      > > take
      > > > > you
      > > > > > home and I'll show you what we could be missing
      > > > > >
      > > > > > Thought maybe you could see this rarity we mix like jam and
      > > jelly
      > > > > > will we still be here next year still be running this bet and
      > I
      > > > say
      > > > > > God just doesn't care this life has got stale but I know
      > you're
      > > > > > always there with my lips in your hands
      > > > > >
      > > > > > A distant miracle too far to touch but near enough to see let
      > > me
      > > > > lay
      > > > > > my words on your skin hear my words my verbs can you hear it?
      > > and
      > > > > > when they say 'let go of that cloud' I think I'll hold on to
      > > you
      > > > > > instead
      > > > > >
      > > > > > Letting go of my amens, I'll wash me clean send me your rain
      > > let
      > > > me
      > > > > > wash away because I see it coming I see the fire in two
      > distant
      > > > > lands
      > > > > > I see the bridges burning send me your rain let me wash away
      > > > > >
      > > > > >
      > > > > > >that this was just an outpour
      > > > > > > of emotion, with not enough editing.
      > > > > >
      > > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Joe Brown"
      > > > <joebrown42@y...>
      > > > > > wrote:
      > > > > > > Hi.
      > > > > > > I liked your usage of imagery. Lots of themes mixe d
      > > together,
      > > > > but
      > > > > > in
      > > > > > > a good way.
      > > > > > > I also liked the "this rarity/we mix like jam and jelly",
      > BUT
      > > > > > > I think it is overwordy in parts, and that this was just an
      > > > > outpour
      > > > > > > of emotion, with not enough editing.
      > > > > > > some points it is overdone, some places underdone and some
      > > > places
      > > > > > > perfectly done.
      > > > > > > Try not leading the reader ("I don't want you to go", for
      > > > > instance)
      > > > > > m
      > > > > > > trust the reader.
      > > > > > > right the idea not the specific.
      > > > > > > did that make sense?
      > > > > > >
      > > > > > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Rach"
      > > > <prettybaby203@h...>
      > > > > > > wrote:
      > > > > > > > Across the equator greeting the fire
      > > > > > > > I see it coming
      > > > > > > > two distant lands to each other
      > > > > > > > too far to touch, too far to breathe
      > > > > > > > we share the rain, send me your rain
      > > > > > > > because I don't want you to go
      > > > > > > > let me take you home and I'll show you what we could be
      > > > missing
      > > > > > > >
      > > > > > > > Thought maybe you could see this rarity
      > > > > > > > we mix like jam and jelly
      > > > > > > > will we still be here next year
      > > > > > > > still be running this bet
      > > > > > > > and I say God just doesn't care
      > > > > > > > this life has got stale
      > > > > > > > but I know you're always there with my lips in your hands
      > > > > > > >
      > > > > > > > A distant miracle too far to touch
      > > > > > > > but near enough to see
      > > > > > > > let me lay my words on your skin
      > > > > > > > hear my words, my verbs, can you hear it?
      > > > > > > > and when they say 'let go of that cloud'
      > > > > > > > I think I'll hold on to you instead
      > > > > > > >
      > > > > > > > Letting go of my amens, I'll wash me clean
      > > > > > > > send me your rain
      > > > > > > > let me wash away because I see it coming
      > > > > > > > I see the fire in two distant lands
      > > > > > > > I see the bridges burning
      > > > > > > > send me your rain
      > > > > > > > let me wash away
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > ________________________________________________________________________
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