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Re: The Smiling Girl

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  • Marc McCune
    ... Elizabeth is the daughter of the man. They road the train together.
    Message 1 of 6 , Sep 3, 2003
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      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Melissa" <melissa@w...> wrote:
      > I found this story very confusing. You introduce characters on
      >spur-of-the-moment. For example, where did Elizabeth come from?
      >She is traveling with this man while he is checking out other
      >women? Makes no sense.

      Elizabeth is the daughter of the man. They road the train together.
    • Melissa
      Marc, Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps you should mention this in the story so that the other readers can have the same clarity? Just a suggestion.
      Message 2 of 6 , Sep 3, 2003
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        Marc,
        Thank you for the clarification.  Perhaps you should mention this in the story so that the other readers can have the same clarity?  Just a suggestion.  Thanks again.
         
        Melissa
        ----- Original Message -----
        Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2003 7:12 AM
        Subject: [ticket2write] Re: The Smiling Girl

        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Melissa" <melissa@w...> wrote:
        > I found this story very confusing.  You introduce characters on
        >spur-of-the-moment.  For example, where did Elizabeth come from? 
        >She is traveling with this man while he is checking out other
        >women?  Makes no sense. 

        Elizabeth is the daughter of the man.  They road the train together.






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      • Marc McCune
        ... in the story so that the other readers can have the same clarity? Just a suggestion. Thanks again. ... Thanks for the critique. After I get thoroughly
        Message 3 of 6 , Sep 4, 2003
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          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Melissa" <melissa@w...> wrote:
          > Marc,
          > Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps you should mention this
          in the story so that the other readers can have the same clarity?
          Just a suggestion. Thanks again.
          >

          Thanks for the critique. After I get thoroughly critiqued...I'll do
          a re-write and post. I think that part of my problem is at times
          the writing seems poetic and build with short phrases but at other
          times it more descriptive like standard prose. I guess I should pick
          one style or the other.

          -Marc
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