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Scents & Sensibility "poem"

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  • theking_kj
    That Smell by Kevin J. Stecher What is that smell. I know I have smelt it before. Do I dare ask? A fight will surely commence. What is that damn smell. I need
    Message 1 of 3 , May 30, 2003
      That Smell
      by Kevin J. Stecher

      What is that smell.
      I know I have smelt it before. Do I dare ask?
      A fight will surely commence.

      What is that damn smell.
      I need to know before it becomes a nuisance.
      How can I find out without hearing her bullshit?
      The lies, the mistrust it already begins,
      another day of shit has me reaching for my son.
      Should I run and forget her or stay and fight til the end?
      This is the first of many questions that are filling my head,
      but the most important is repeating again.

      What is that God Damn smell.
      This is already a pain and I know where she has been.
      Or do I? Am I really that lame? Do I need her to spell it out
      again?
      Will it change the facts? Will my head be filled with doubt?
      Will she fess up and tell me truths or will she stick to her lies?
      How much longer can this go on? How will I survive?

      What is that fucking smell.
      I know what it is but do I have the balls to confront her?
      Can I once again be a man and stand up there in front of her?
      Stick to your guns, you must be a man.
      You cannot sit back and let her back in again.
      Ask her. Make her answer. You have to know the truth.
      Would you be with her stupid if what you thought was the whole truth?

      What is that God Damn Mother Fucking smell?
      I ask the questions she turns red with heat.
      She shouts, she lies, she turns it on me.
      I know the truth now and it has got me enraged.
      I am out of control and not sure where to land.
      I go for her throat and then my conscious kicks in.
      I tell her get out and not to come back again.
      I scream and I yell loader and loader and loader not knowing when to
      end.

      What has she done this for?
      Why?
      For how long?
      Is it my fault? Hers? A Strangers? Her Mom's?
      Why did she waste so much of my time, was she really that lame?
      Why? Why? Why? Why again?

      Do I really want to know why she caused me all this pain?
      The answer? NO. And the reason is clear.
      When you smell another guy on your lover you must just let it end.
    • sideline17
      I liked the way the tensions grows slowly finally reaching What is that God Damn Mother Fucking smell? although the end could be trimmed and the meter could
      Message 2 of 3 , May 31, 2003
        I liked the way the tensions grows slowly finally reaching
        ' What is that God Damn Mother Fucking smell?' although the end
        could be trimmed and the meter could be a bit more organized.

        --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, theking_kj <no_reply@y...>
        wrote:
        > That Smell
        > by Kevin J. Stecher
        >
        > What is that smell.
        > I know I have smelt it before. Do I dare ask?
        > A fight will surely commence.
        >
        > What is that damn smell.
        > I need to know before it becomes a nuisance.
        > How can I find out without hearing her bullshit?
        > The lies, the mistrust it already begins,
        > another day of shit has me reaching for my son.
        > Should I run and forget her or stay and fight til the end?
        > This is the first of many questions that are filling my head,
        > but the most important is repeating again.
        >
        > What is that God Damn smell.
        > This is already a pain and I know where she has been.
        > Or do I? Am I really that lame? Do I need her to spell it out
        > again?
        > Will it change the facts? Will my head be filled with doubt?
        > Will she fess up and tell me truths or will she stick to her lies?
        > How much longer can this go on? How will I survive?
        >
        > What is that fucking smell.
        > I know what it is but do I have the balls to confront her?
        > Can I once again be a man and stand up there in front of her?
        > Stick to your guns, you must be a man.
        > You cannot sit back and let her back in again.
        > Ask her. Make her answer. You have to know the truth.
        > Would you be with her stupid if what you thought was the whole
        truth?
        >
        > What is that God Damn Mother Fucking smell?
        > I ask the questions she turns red with heat.
        > She shouts, she lies, she turns it on me.
        > I know the truth now and it has got me enraged.
        > I am out of control and not sure where to land.
        > I go for her throat and then my conscious kicks in.
        > I tell her get out and not to come back again.
        > I scream and I yell loader and loader and loader not knowing when
        to
        > end.
        >
        > What has she done this for?
        > Why?
        > For how long?
        > Is it my fault? Hers? A Strangers? Her Mom's?
        > Why did she waste so much of my time, was she really that lame?
        > Why? Why? Why? Why again?
        >
        > Do I really want to know why she caused me all this pain?
        > The answer? NO. And the reason is clear.
        > When you smell another guy on your lover you must just let it end.
      • bluejay_2112
        Wow! Very in your face! I like it. (But louder should be, well, louder ...not loader.) I like the way it escalates from that smell , to that damn smell ,
        Message 3 of 3 , Jun 2, 2003
          Wow! Very in your face! I like it. (But "louder" should be,
          well, "louder"...not loader.) I like the way it escalates from "that
          smell", to "that damn smell", and so on. I feel that when you added
          the GDMF smell part, it was over the top...which made the technique
          lose its affect. Perhaps it would be stronger if, right after it
          says "I scream louder and louder, not knowing where to end", you
          simply say "When you smell another guy on your lover you must just
          let it end." Then it ends on a double meaning and packs a greater
          punch. The "Why's" part, IMHO, makes the piece fizzle at the end.

          Also, maybe you can replace the "shit" in "another day of shit" with
          another word, since you just used "bullshit".

          I hope offering a critique was OK. :o)

          Happy writing!
          Janet

          http://www.SymbolicSight.com

          http://www.NewAge.BellaOnline.com


          --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, theking_kj <no_reply@y...>
          wrote:
          > That Smell
          > by Kevin J. Stecher
          >
          > What is that smell.
          > I know I have smelt it before. Do I dare ask?
          > A fight will surely commence.
          >
          > What is that damn smell.
          > I need to know before it becomes a nuisance.
          > How can I find out without hearing her bullshit?
          > The lies, the mistrust it already begins,
          > another day of shit has me reaching for my son.
          > Should I run and forget her or stay and fight til the end?
          > This is the first of many questions that are filling my head,
          > but the most important is repeating again.
          >
          > What is that God Damn smell.
          > This is already a pain and I know where she has been.
          > Or do I? Am I really that lame? Do I need her to spell it out
          > again?
          > Will it change the facts? Will my head be filled with doubt?
          > Will she fess up and tell me truths or will she stick to her lies?
          > How much longer can this go on? How will I survive?
          >
          > What is that fucking smell.
          > I know what it is but do I have the balls to confront her?
          > Can I once again be a man and stand up there in front of her?
          > Stick to your guns, you must be a man.
          > You cannot sit back and let her back in again.
          > Ask her. Make her answer. You have to know the truth.
          > Would you be with her stupid if what you thought was the whole
          truth?
          >
          > What is that God Damn Mother Fucking smell?
          > I ask the questions she turns red with heat.
          > She shouts, she lies, she turns it on me.
          > I know the truth now and it has got me enraged.
          > I am out of control and not sure where to land.
          > I go for her throat and then my conscious kicks in.
          > I tell her get out and not to come back again.
          > I scream and I yell loader and loader and loader not knowing when
          to
          > end.
          >
          > What has she done this for?
          > Why?
          > For how long?
          > Is it my fault? Hers? A Strangers? Her Mom's?
          > Why did she waste so much of my time, was she really that lame?
          > Why? Why? Why? Why again?
          >
          > Do I really want to know why she caused me all this pain?
          > The answer? NO. And the reason is clear.
          > When you smell another guy on your lover you must just let it end.
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