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35417Re: ACROSTIC - A Poem (Jim)(albi)

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  • queen_of_cryptic_cyphers
    Jan 1, 2008
      Dear Susan,

      I read this and thought of a question for the writers among us. As I
      wrote the last line with 'Yield' my mind immediately went to a
      traffic. We yield the right of way and hold back for the legal
      passing. So that is why I changed the line an inserted a 'not'. I
      intended the line to read 'please don't hold back'. Am I wrong in my
      use of that word. Since it can also be used as 'surrender', I imagine
      it could mean two things. Please advise.

      Gwen

      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Susan Donahue"
      <suzianne411@...> wrote:
      >
      > Dear Rod...OMG, there's a little Romance Writer in all of us. I
      > think you better leave this in Gwen's capable hands. I was going
      to
      > suggest she drop the word, "not" from the last line because I am
      sort
      > of partial to lovers yielding to fathomless ecstacy. I see the
      > pattern with waves breaking against the shore and undulation, but
      > that just might be a step too far.
      >
      > Suzianne
      >
      >
      > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, albiaicehouse <no_reply@>
      > wrote:
      > >
      > > Gwen,
      > >
      > > I know we all are supposed to keep our critiques suggestive and
      > > general enough so the author can work it out.
      > >
      > > But this time a single word change hit me:
      > >
      > > For 'new' in the last line, substitute 'undulating'.
      > >
      > > The resultant line, with an adjustment, would read:
      > >
      > > 'Yield not yet to undulating fathoms of ecstasy!'
      > >
      > > Wow, is it getting hot in here?
      > >
      > > Rod
      > > aka albi
      > > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jumpingstones/
      > >
      > >
      > > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "queen_of_cryptic_cyphers"
      > > <poetry4u@> wrote:
      > > >
      > > > Oops!
      > > >
      > > > That was suppose to read:
      > > >
      > > > ACROSTIC
      > > >
      > > > Harbors and the way you talk to me
      > > > Adrenaline and the highest spring tides – Come:
      > > > Play waves of sax or piano to me
      > > > Palpate my shores with wine and roses
      > > > Yield not to new fathoms of ecstasy!
      > > >
      > > > © Gwen Ames, 2007
      > > >
      > >
      >
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