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23079Re: Shimmer

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  • Susan Donahue
    Apr 1, 2005
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      Dear Matt...Excellent observations on a very nice poem! In theatre,
      the direct comments to the audience are called "asides." The
      effect, in writing as well as in drama, can bring the audience or
      reader abruptly into the thoughts of the writer. This is an
      interesting technique to focus the attention of the reader. I have
      observed it used in the poems of Billy Collins. He can make
      something quite ordinary take on significance.

      In Diva's poem, the image of the red rose on the black and white
      keys of the piano will linger in the reader's mind. (hmmmmm...did
      she mean her computer keyboard? Maybe, but I have the stunning
      red/black and white picture in my mind.)


      --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "Matt Lamoreux"
      <jlamoreux@c...> wrote:
      > Shimmer
      > What have you done?
      > I was accepting of morning fog
      > and the flat gray of the river
      > that flowed through my day.
      > I'd grown tone-deaf
      > to fog horns and
      > the searing slice of sirens
      > went unnoticed too.
      > You had to
      > disturb my palette
      > with that red rose
      > on my keyboard.
      > And now all I see,
      > primarily,
      > are pastels
      > and rainbows.
      > 03/30/05 Diva
      > aka WordFaery
      > ---One of the things I'm experimenting with in writing, is a sort
      of free
      > form style that will stop and talk to the reader sometimes. I am
      doing a
      > report on Angela Carter, and this was pointed out to me...that she
      > stop and talk to us in her prose. See what I mean? That's
      what "What have
      > you done?" does for me. I know you're not talking to me, but right
      > front...you have my attention. Ok, "What have I done?"
      > ---After that I am introduced to the idea, that the things that
      come and go
      > in our lives are largely unnoticed. What a perfect way to say
      that. Then a
      > palette is disturbed...by a rose. It places that rose right in the
      center of
      > my inner vision. And the clarity there is impeccable.
      > ---Now what happens? This is easy to decipher for me. Anyone who
      has ever
      > seen a pastel drawing, is drawn into those warm, fuzzy colors, and
      > who has ever stopped their car to gaze at a shimmering rainbow,
      knows what's
      > going on in your poem right now.
      > ---This is so artfully and delicately turned, that I'm not really
      sure if
      > I'm saying any of this right. I hope you understand my meaning.
      > Learn more about ticket2wite at http://ticket2write.tripod.com
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