WRECK Beats the Dutch
- wReck thiS meSS ~ Radio Patapoe 97.2 ~ Amsterdam
Ethno-Illogical Psycho-Radiographies: no. 223: Beat the Dutch
Maandag, 7 Juli 2003 (17.00 to 19.00)
"The Dutch seem very happy and comfortable but it is the happiness of animals."
o Samuel T. Coleridge
"You mustn't get the impression...that the Dutch are lacking in
intelligence. On the contrary, I should say they are very intelligent,
even more so than the seal or the otter."
o Henry Miller, Aller Retour New York
"How 'bout some Dutch lunch?" Larry asks.
"What's 'at?" Curly asks.
"Burnt toast and a rotten egg."
o The 3 Stooges, in Beer Barrel Polecats
Solo for El-Guitar > Wiek Hijmans 
+ BBC vs Labour: The Battle Across the Channel
Zoab > Maarten Altena Ensemble 
Intro 3AM & Chilled > Junkie XL 
Sabina Seat > Speedy J 
Chanson du Matin > Arnold Marinissen 
Amoco Cadiz > Speedy J 
Hocus Pocus - Reprise > Focus 
Lacus Somniorum > Olivier Hijmans 
Dubzilla > Junkie XL 
Manhasset > Speedy J 
Dub Quake > Twilight Circus 
Kraak > Justin Bennett 
Rehsurc > Junkie XL 
Flexio > Theo Loevendie 
Vopak > Speedy J 
Bokkenrijder + I've Told Every Little Star > Paul Termos & Misha
Untitled > Phil Minton, John Butcher and Erhart Hirt 
Drill > Speedy J 
Origineel Amsterdams > Osdorp Posse 
Bobe Lühet > Jaap Blonk, Claus van Bebber, & Carl L. Hübsch 
New Ear > Paul Termos vs Wiek Hijmans 
Mijn Huisje Staat Tussen de Bergen > Olga Lowina 
Pijn is Fijn > Pane 
Asper > Laurens Kagenaar 
Sick & If It Doesn't Fit > Jozef van Wissem & Gary Lucas 
Stadsnode > Dian Ozon 
Asper > Laurens Kagenaar 
New Ear > Paul Termos vs Wiek Hijmans 
Ventje Concurrentje > Osdorp Posse 
New Ear > Paul Termos vs Wiek Hijmans 
+ Echo Jodel [sample] > de Migras [Weer in Tirol, Bovema]
Intro 3PM > Junkie XL 
Als Amsterdam Eens Bergen Had > Olga Lowina 
Kilometer Vreters / Lik of Stuk > Nachtrijders 
 "Electric Solo!" on X-Or <http://www.xs4all.nl/~xorluc>.
Beautiful interpretations of Louis Andriessen, Michel van der Aa and
here uncompromising Danish composer, Pelle Gudmundsen-Holmgreen,
noted as writing some of the earliest "mature" electric guitar solo
compositions in 1932 who felt an affinity with contemporaries like
Cage and Beckett.
 "MAE Journal" on X-Or <http://www.xs4all.nl/~xorluc>. A weirdly
composed Dutch ensemble of personages and instruments interprets some
contemporary world composers including Dutch composer Jan-Bas Bollen
whose piece is described as "raw, repetitive obsessive"
 "Radio JXL - A Broadcast from the Computer Hell Cabin" on
Roadrunner <>. This is excellent dubby Tricky trip-hoppy material
with disc two consisting of solo compositions for an imaginary radio
broadcast. While disc one [less interesting although seemingly more
intriguing] consists of collaborations with people like Solomon
Burke, Chuck D, Gary "Tubeway" Numan!, Anouk, among others. Overall,
this disc establishes Junkie XL as in the same league as Fatboy Slim
and the Chemical Brothers - pop that is intriguing and reminds us
that not ALL pop music is total wet dishrag pablum.
 "A Shocking Hobby" on Novamute <www.speedyj.com> <www.mut.com>.
Having seen Speedy J, Jochem Paap, hold court live I can attest to
the fact that he is one of the world's best abstract dance DJs and
composers. He combines elements of minimal electronica, noise,
amazing gaps of silence, the element of surprise, dubby and techno
house elements and huge raging storms of bass and dissonance to
create something that rarely exists any more: music that challenges
mind, ears, and feet.
 "Traces of Cultures" on BVHaast <bvhaast@...>, the label
created by Willem Breuker to encourage new music composition. This is
an intriguing syncretic disc of world music sounds and new classical
and electro-acoustic compositions with an emphasis on percussion.
 "Live at the Rainbow" on Sire vinyl, 1974. Prog rock a la Jethro
Tull and some boogie and inspired jazzy yodeling too. Quite quaint
and odd in an innocent and pretentious manner.
 "His Master's Voice: The Institute of Sonology" on BVHaast.
Essential disc documenting the big name ioneers of electro-acoustic
mayhem [Varese, Xenakis, Ligeti] and some under-regarded Dutch
pioneers as well. Essential musicological must.
 "Volcanic Dub" on M Records <www.twilightcircus.com>. Ryan Moore,
formerly of the Legendary Pink Dots, is one of the world's best
purveyors of extensible and adventurous new roots dub.
 "Demolitions" on Spore <sporeAbmbcon.demon.nl>. When sound,
memory and environment all catch the same virus. An internally
logical spiral of sound unravels.
 Theo Loevendie: Amsterdam, 7 September 1930. Loevendie began
his musical career as a jazz clarinetist and saxophonist. He worked
for several months in Turkey during the 1950s, and in the 1960s, he
composed and arranged for the Boy Edgar's band In 1961, Loevendie
composed his first 'serious' piece, the String Quartet. Eight years
later he composed his first commissioned piece, Scaramuccia.
According to him, it was because of his lack of affinity with the
musical avant-garde of the 1950s that he began composing later in
life. He missed the spontaneity and unpredictability of jazz in this
type of music and he considered serialism 'an excess of the
rationalistic'. Still, over the years he has increasingly employed a
wide variety of compositional methods, albeit ones that leave the
composer with a lot of freedom while requiring some type of
improvisation. To the eye, Loevendie's music looks to be finely
constructed, while it sounds playful and surprising Loevendie
[often] incorporates elements foreign to Western concert practice
in his work. In Timbo, for percussion ensemble, the drums are beaten
with the hand. Both African polyrhythm and medieval isorhythm find a
place in the Six Turkish Folk Poems. In all of these works his
conscious disregard of harmony is another non-Western element.
Loevendie has long been uninterested in the conflict between tonal
and atonal music; his melodies are modal by nature. The emphasis he
places on the independence of different melodies and their rhythmic
ordering is reminiscent of Turkish music. It is in his orchestral
piece, Flexio (1979), where he first systematically employed his
'curve technique'. This technique, he explains, is a means of
creating order based on 'augmenting and diminishing intervals while
maintaining the melodic, harmonic, and rhythmic shape of the "curve",
with the succession of intervals (small, large, largest) fixed.' The
freedom this technique allows the composer is in keeping with
Loevendie's background as an improviser and his distaste for rigid
systems In the 1990s, Loevendie returned to his beginnings as a
composer, with works for soloist and orchestra like the Concerto for
Piano and Orchestra (1996) and the violin concerto, Vanishing Dances
(1999). He is currently working on his fourth opera: Johnny and
Jones. By Emanuel Overbeeke from The Essential Guide to Dutch Music,
Jolande van der Klis (ed.), Amsterdam University Press, 2000. An
excellent book. I oughta know, cuz I helped edit this ambitious
 "Paul Termos Sessions: Volume I" on X-Or
<http://www.xs4all.nl/~xorluc>. Some weirdly arhythmic and tense
atmospheres remain unresolved. No apologies as the heated sound
discussion between MM's piano and Termos' alto sax continue on into
heady territory. Not for those with ears that expect certain sounds
to be arranged the way one sets a dinner table.
 "Apollo & Marsyas: Het Apollohuis 1980-1997" on Apollohuis
<apollohs@...> is another essential disc of incredible
experiments that took place at this Eindhoven cathedral dedicated to
avant garde mayhem makers. This double CD includes most of the
world's top vocal and instrumental experimenters inc Hirsch, Bittova,
Minton, Bailey, Rogalsky, Carl Stone, Elliot Sharp, Alvin Lucier and
many many more. Essential to any serious avant garde record
 "Kerncamp" on Ramp. Before Eminem and after Cypress Hill &
Beastie Boys there was/is the Dutch OP. Very effective Dutch-language
punky rap with nice touches and samplings of old Dutch smaartlaapen
[barroom tearjerkers], Arabic music and other inspired and humorous
ingestions of local color.
 "Imp Rovi Sors" on Kontrans. If god ever needs to bewilder his
flock he will hire Blonk & co. to head off the rabble at the gates to
heaven. Inspired meta-language for a new start.
 "Paul Termos Sessions: Volume II" on X-Or
<http://www.xs4all.nl/~xorluc>. Saxophone and guitar freeform duets.
Purposeful and often inspired.
 "Het Beste van Olga Lowina" on Telstar, 1995. Lowina precedes
yodeler Mary Schneider and new wave mantric chanter, Diamanda Galas
by 30 years. Innocent belter of ersatz Tirolian yodels with annoying
accompaniment. She yodeled with the best of them. Her 2nd number
translates "If Amsterdam had mountains" Indeed, we can only imagine
how much MORE yodeling there would have been. But she managed to
bring the Alps to NL With plenty of tongue-in-cheek naughtiness to
satisfy any barroom crowd.
 "Crumble" on own label. Former-Radio Patapoe personality, Robert
<smboy25@...> and the band produce some great fluffy punk
here that froths like the best of the Ramones, the Smurfs, with nods
to noisier post-Sound Garden stuff.
 "Diplopia" on BVHaast. What seems unlikely works best here.
modernist Lucas meets up with neo-trad lutist for something that
sounds like spaghetti western madrigals or the soundtrack to Once
Upon a time in the Middle Ages, sounding both progressive and
allusively ancient The kind of dinner music where guests inevitably
interrupt to ask "what IS this music"?
 "Ongehavend" on Xampl is a compilation of mixed-effective spoken
word and entertaining singer-songwriter material in support of
Ruigoord, an autonomous island of Gaia-high anarcho-artists.
Wonderful place. Ozon describes a government-managed modern urban
dystopia that is becoming the reality for ever growing numbers of
Western people Also includes Hans Plomp and Simon Vinkenoog with
music by Ben Waalwijk, Maarten Ramaker and Dirk Goosen.
 "20 Nederlandse Trucker's Songs" on M.O.R. Derivative, annoying,
honest and ultimately frightfully jolly and enjoyable throwaway
covers of many American and other trucker songs.
[*] Your wondering why Dutch music at this time. It's just a matter
of happenstance and accumulation. Tings pile up and suddenly a
haphazard pile of CDs makes sense. But also I wanted to give the
sense that there is more to Dutch music than drecky imitative pop of
the indie and whiney and pseudo-soul MTV variety. There are also the
Ex, Han Bennink, Candy Dulfer, father Hans Dulfer, Ilse DeLange,
Anouk, Brainpower who are all good in their own way and in their own
style. What never stops amazing me is something that is most
frequently brought home by construction workers and house painters,
workers who work with the radio on: so MANY people listen to bad
radio even given a choice. You might argue that they don't know what
is out there but I argue why not. You wander around the dial. Anyway,
this is to in some way to feed some good sounds into the open air. I
get the feeling that bad radio is so familiar to so many people and
that the familiar is always preferable to the unknown. I sometimes
think how great it would be to hear Beethoven or Gorecki or Ellington
or Phillip Glass while you are building something monumental Hmm.
[*] the Holland Page <www.holland.u4l.com> "If a Dutch man or woman
goes on vacation, they're always asked whether they use drugs or not,
and they find it very strange if they say no Of course that is not
true, it's false. 29% Of the Dutch 15 years old has used cannabis,
34% of the 15 years old in the United States and 41% of the 15 years
old in the United Kingdom has used cannabis. The crime-related deaths
are in the United States 8.2 people per 100,000 inhabitants and only
1.2 deaths per 100,000 inhabitants in Holland. Softdrugs can only
be bought at specific shop, the so-called coffee shops. These shops
must adhere to the so-called AHJO-G criteria: no advertising, no
harddrugs sale, no nuisance, no selling of soft drugs to youngsters
(under 18) and no great quantities (more than 5 gram's) per
transaction. The maximum trade stock allowed is 500 grams, but local
councils may set a lower maximum."
[*] I have written an article that has never been published. It still
needs some work. But here is an excerpt from BEAT THE DUTCH NOW!:
"None other than the Original Roget's Thesaurus under entry number
517, unintelligibilty, subheading insanity, one reads "double Dutch."
Through much of the existence of any kind of Dutch state (unconscious
state?) - at least from the Middle Ages through the middle of the
19th century - The Dutch have been portrayed as possessors of a
slothful, inebriated, indulgent, and irresponsible nature with either
a bovine or swinish physique thrown in. In fact, Dutch itself becomes
"an epithet of inferiority." Teddy Roosevelt, his own past rooted in
the Dutc province of Zeeland, complained that "anything foreign and
un-English" was called Dutch. Why even Dutch elm Disease is often
blamed on the Dutch when in fact it was meant as an international
scientific tribute in 1921 honoring the Dutch for their excellent
research into this particular disease that afflicts the elm.
Many writers from other lands have cast their aspersions every which
way and often at the Dutch. The Italian writer, Luigi Barzini thought
the Dutch were unimaginative and slow-thinking. Kant considered them
unspiritual. The Portuguese writer, Rentes de Carvalho saw the Dutch
as having a good life that they did not know how to enjoy. The French
put forth their own colonial invective: Voltaire summed up the Dutch
simply as "canards, canaux, canaille" or "ducks, canals, rascals."
Napoleon meanwhile adjudged the Dutch as "a stupid people." While in
1830, the Frenchman, Lepeintre said, "The Dutch are half-baked
without fire, melancholy, and stale." Denis Diderot spent an entire
book musing about drink and chicks and the inferiority of the Dutch
then calling it journalism: "The fact that Holland has no sculptors
is because the Dutch have no taste."
But it is clearly the English who have, since the 16th century,
distinguished themselves as the most accomplished and prolific of the
disparagers, slanderers, and wielders of poison pens. Their
preoccupations seem to mimic the same ones they seem to apply to
their other natural neighbor and cultural enemy, the Irish. And with
the emerging preeminence of English as the world's common language
the slurs become ever more greatly magnified and indelibly printed
upon the collective mindset of the anglo-speaking world.
Many of the aspersions dealt with the perception of heavy, bulky,
corpulent body types that seemed to define the Dutch as a sign of
inferiority. Ironically today, the Dutch appear much the opposite and
it is the English who are often identified as such with their
unhealthy and unmodern diets. William Temple, British diplomat and
general spiritual dyspeptic, in any case described the Dutch in the
heat of one of the English-Dutch Wars as "naturally cold and heavy."
Diderot spent much of his time wondering if he was attracted to Dutch
women, all his lustings disguised as philosophical musings: "Dutch
women are pretty," he observes at first, "so far as one can be pretty
with an enormous bosom and ditto for the backside." Later, after
kicking himself for not following up on an opportunity to meet a
young meisje, he insists "They are very stout, have ugly teeth and
flabby skin just like in the paintings of Rubens." More recently,
comedian Alan Coren described how "the Dutch fall into 2 quite
distinct physical types: the small, corpulent, red-faced Edams, and
the thinner, paler, larger Goudas... "You will find Dutch men and
women and animals fat."
If not fat, then the Dutch are always drunk or both or both plus
stingy: Thomas Nash, in his Supplication To The Devil said, "...Fox
Drunke; when he is crafty drunke as many of the Dutchmen be who will
never bargain but when they have drunke." According to a propaganda
pamphlet called The Dutch Boare Dissected, or a Description of
Hoggland issued during the heat of those times "The Dutch-man is a
Lusty, Fat, two-legged Cheese-worm, A Creature that is so addicted to
Eating Butter, Drinking Fat Drink, and Sliding, that all the World
knows him for a Lusty Fellow."
Stubbornness which most countries decide that when applied to
themselves shows stamina and perseverence in the face of adversities.
When on the receiving end of this stubbornness it turns instantly
sour: James Howell in 1660, satirized the Dutch and wrote, "You may
sooner convert a Jew, than make an ordinary Dutch-man yield to
arguments that crossed him."
When this stubbornness turns political and self-righteous it becomes
doubly annoying as the Dutch assume the role of the world's tiny
gadflies. In 1981( the US was refused access to the Netherlands as a
site from which to launch missiles aimed at Russia. Walter Lacquer
referred to Dutch pacifism and its European neutrality plus its
vaunted (despised) reputation for tolerance of difference as
"Hollanditis." In the Netherlands, this word was proudly accepted and
in true ludiek (playful) fashion which came to define Dutch protest
strategies and for years afterwards banners in anti-nuclear and
anti-war demonstrations proclaimed: CATCH HOLLANDITIS!
If it isn't the obesity and stubbornness then it is the pagan,
immoral and irreligious profane and lax nature of the Dutch lifestyle
(not sufficiently preoccupied by sins of the flesh for many an
Englishman) which is being lampooned: "[the Pilgrims] preferred and
chose the prisons in England rather than this libertie in
Holland..."- William Bradford, Of Plymouth Plantation "Holland...lies
so low they're only saved by being damned." Thomas Hood, 1840. Yes,
is it any wonder then that the oldest surviving document in Dutch,
dating from the late 8th century, is the Holland List of Pagan
"For someone seeking a school to learn lying need only go to
Amsterdam to study." Said Jani, a Chinese traveller who passed
through the Lowlands in the 1860s.
If not immorality then stinginess: "In matters of commerce the fault
of the Dutch / is offering too little and asking too much / The
French are with equal advantage content / so we clapp on Dutch
bottoms just 20% - George Canning, UK Prime Minister, 1826. "This is
the nation that has come up with a scraper for getting the last
remnants of the film of milk from the inside of a milk bottle."
"They are frugal to the saving of egg shells and maintain it for a
maxim that a thing lasts longer mended than new."
- Owen Felthamland, 1652
If not stinginess then craziness: "A crazy Dutchman is more of a
lunatic than an ordinary lunatic." Henry Miller. "The Dutch have
plans for you! They want to make you fat on Gouda cheese and
Heinekens, dizzy from looking at their windmills, effeminate from
sniffing their tulips, then they'll come in and block up the Great
Lakes, and you won't be able to stop them!"
If not craziness then a certain blandness or boorishness: Tacitus
described the Dutch as "a Germanic group that is extremely civilized
but with rude manners." Why even the English word "boor" meaning a
rude or unmannered person derives from the Dutch (1550s) word "boer"
or farmer or bumpkin or yokel, much like what it means when you call
someone a "boer" in Holland today or a farmer in America. A
"boertje," by the way, is the Dutch word for a burp [and on and on.]
Send all sound material for airplay and review to:
Wreck This MeSS
Radio 100 / Radio Patapoe
Zeilstraat 23 / II
1075 SB Amsterdam
o 1500 READERS-EYEBALL "LISTENERS" per WEEK*
o "plus another few hundred when it hits the BSI list!" Ezra
o Old playlists archived at <http://www.wfmu.org/~bart/>
o Recent selected Playlists [early stages] at
o Special playlists can be found at 3am Magazine
<http://www.3ammagazine.com> under the title "Radiophotogram: Visual
Radio". Also posted is a depth-of-focus interview with Judy Nylon.
Appearing now: excerpts from my paris novel, PARIS SEX TETE
SDI > SELF DESTRUCTION INSURED >
CONTACT ninplant@... FOR REMOVAL
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- "Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a
Dutch Oven: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the
duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping
them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, 'Dutch
oven! Dutch oven!' The person trapped will wriggle like an eel, the
trapper will then nearly die laughing and it will all end up in a
really boisterous play fight. Of course, this is all in questionable
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