Codes of Love
- The Simple Life
There is nothing like that first dive into the lake after a long hot day. No shower is so refreshing. With this hot weather, we don't even have to worry about water temperature, do we? Yesterday even Sunrise lake felt warmer than the normally cool temps it usually has. Sunrise is a very deep lake, but no match for the heat we've had lately. But as long as it gets cool at night, that's all I ask. A swim and a cool breeze for sleeping are making this summer delicious.
The zucchinis have begun. Even without rain, they just keep on giving. I've even quit watering them, hoping to slow them down. I put them by the road and take them to work. People who come up for vacation or don't have time for a garden love them.
Our apple trees are loaded! The transparent are nearly ready, but the other apples will be soon, too. Are you ready? Apple pies, apple pancakes, applesauce, apple crisp, apple oatmeal cookies or just putting apple slices in the freezer are all great ways to enjoy these little gems. They just give year after year, as long as they are not disturbed by a late frost. What is your favorite recipe? My mom makes pork chops with apple slices. I'm sure there's some cinnamon in there!
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Families - you gotta love em!
No family is well, exactly, um perfect. But would we want them to be? Kind of boring. No, our families are unique and special, just the way they are. Grandma who was a meticulous house keeper, or the family who just can't seem to get ahead. But we are not stuck where they are. We can really go where we want to go. But we can embrace who our families are, on our journey. Even Kid Rock tells us this in his songs. He loves to come home for a visit. No matter where he is, he loves the memories of growing up in Northern Michigan, and our local area, as well, where he spent lots of time with family and friends. The older we get, the more we appreciate the quirky and even off-beat qualities of our families and how they helped sculpture who we are. We do not have to become the worst of our families, but we can embrace the best of them.
A young man flew home to attend the funeral of his beloved grandmother. She barely left her home and never the county she was born in. She lived in what most people would consider poverty her whole life. But he was amazed by the people who attended her funeral. She was known far and wide for helping out in a time of tragedy or celebration. She contributed from her kitchen and garden whenever there was a need. He had only seen her from his childs-eye view of her. But story after story was told of her love and support of those in the community. He realized how much she had loved him. He realized he would have shown her love for her if he had spent time helping her with all the work in her garden. That was her "code of love".
We don't all speak love in words, do we? Family and friends show love in dozens of ways. But we just don't always read the codes, do we? One man realized that his dad's code of love was to connect through sports. His way of saying, "did you see the game Monday night?" was his code for "I love you, son."
A friend of mine found that the way her mother kept the house so neat and clean, and made the whole family participate (even when they would rather be sleeping in) in the process, was her code for having an organized and neat home for her family.
Another friend raised a garden, shopped at thrift stores and never had new furniture, all so she didn't have to send her kids to day care, or leave them home alone after school. These are all coded ways families say "I love you". What is your families code? We can never fully love ourselves until we embrace the love from our families. Terry Wooten expresses this so purely in his poetry. He embraces the intricacies and beauty of people in every poem. But some of us would rather find fault. "If only," or "what if" are our catchphrases. But these are the immature lenses of a child.
Mark Bryan in his book, "Codes of Love" skillfully nudges us to embrace our families by remembering the closeness and love we once felt, reflecting on family events to gain a greater understanding, reframing how you interpret their expressions of love and reconnecting with your family to become a healthier and happier person in your present relationships and a more independent person.
Remember those teen-age battles you had with your parents? That was love. They wanted what was best for you so much, they were willing to do battle over it! It may not have been the best way to express it, but that's what it came down to.
Have a family reunion to attend? This is your chance to talk to your aunts, uncles, grandparents about things that happened in your family and how to reframe those events from an adult perspective, rather than a child's. Remember, they may be speaking a coded language of love, but you can decode it!
Keeping it simple,