Three days of email hell, one deleted screen name and one new identity
(this is my new screen name)
I am posting the following here because the dream at the last is relevent.
Simply delete the entire post if this is of no interest to you. But it is an
example of the real thing. No arguments. Just delete if you dont care.
Monday, April 8, 2002 First of the three Holy days of Thelema
Monday, April 8, 2002 first day in quite awhile I've felt energy again all
over, out of the blue for no known reason ( except good timing). Im a little
Monday, April 8, 2002 My last Aha of this particular process. I declared to
myself and others that my Dark Night of the Soul is over as of this date. (
Insert your own terminology). And here, for the first time publically, I
mark my record. ( Insert your own terminology)
Invocation/ March, 1999 to July, 1999
Process 1 August, 1999 to November 17, 1999
Process 2 November 18, 1999 to April 8, 2002
No one should ever do this shit. What a fucking idiot I am, I was.
I'm lucky to be alive. I'm lucky to be sane.
What a pure fucking brave naive imbecile I was.
What are we imprinting? What are we imprinting?
So many smearing their fingers on the brain.
Wanting to make their little print on it.
Oh the wild and wooley ways beyond me!
Circuitry works. More switches ahead.
April 8- Monday Night after the declaration
Had first initiatory dream in a long time. (Dream was not lucid, just normal
I was in my magickal robe (the black one), only it had insignia all over the
front of it, all the way up to the neck I think, and some of it was Tarot.
A female I knew went through a door and into another room and peeped her head
back through the door and motioned for me to follow. I was either with her or
waiting on her or doing something with her, because I followed and went
through the door. As soon as I went through, it was pitch black and someone
threw their hand over my mouth from behind.
It was completely dark and nothing could be seen at all. Just blackness. No
ones hand was over my mouth now, and I was sitting on the floor, only there
was a naked man behind and under me. Though I could not see him I could feel
his legs under me. The female that I knew, was there too, still, though I
could not see her.
Then, while I was sitting there in the dark with this mans legs under me and
his trunk behind me, the female proceeded to throw up on me! A long stream
of puke too, all over me, mostly on my robe. I quickly got up and rushed
back out the door into the other room, and most of the vomit was off, but the
top of my robe near the neck line was still damp and smelled of her vomit.
It was not pitch black here, but it was still hazy. I was trying to dial 911
on a cell phone I had in my hand now. But it was so dark and hazy that I
could not make out the numbers on the phone to dial. I was trying to hit the
right ones, but I just couldnt see them. So I rushed over to a lamp in the
room to turn it on so I could see the numbers to dial- and the fucking lamp
bulb in the lamp was out! So I turned on the lamp and no light came on. It
was so frustrating to click the switch and have the light not come on. I
couldnt believe it. It was like I had made it through all this, and found a
way to see finally and then the fucking thing was broken. I was
Then finally, finally, light came from somewhere ( dont remember where) but
the whole room was finally in daylight again and I could see everything. By
that point it no longer seemed necessary to dial emergency on the phone.
As the dream ended I was very angry at someone about the Lamp. I was saying
out loud in the dream, "I could have fucking died!" I was very angry because
I could have fucking died simply because someone had a burned out bulb or a
broken Lamp and I couldn't get it to come on to see the numbers to be able to
dial for help. I just couldnt believe it. In the dream it was like a
gigantic thing had been accomplished by even getting to the lamp to try to
find light to be able to see the numbers to call for help, and it was just
unthinkable that for some stupid careless reason it wouldnt come on. And it
was somebodies fault.
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