- You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
No...I heard my wife mention one
morning while getting ready...Continuous Traditional
Christmas Music...December 14, 2012
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream
of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree?
How can I ever express my pleasure.
Thank you a hundred times for thinking
of me this way...
- Q: How do you keep a UNC player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Chapel Hill in case of a tornado?
A: To Kenan Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
Q: What do you call a UNC player with a bowl ring?
A: A thief...The UNC football coach
was asked how he picked
linemen from a bunch of
"I hate to give away my
secrets," he replied, "but
I'll tell you. I take them
out into the woods. Then,
at a given signal, I start
them running...A real-estate agent was driving around with
a new trainee when she spotted a charming
little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale"
sign out front..."Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood"
"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax"
"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"
"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While"
"Include Your Children when Baking Cookies"
"Iraqi Head Seeks Arms"
Juvenile Court to Try...The tragedy that shook Newtown, Connecticut, and indeed the entire nation, defies analysis. What must have gone on in the mind of this young man for him to walk into a school of little children and wreak such devastating carnage numbs the soul..."Three convicts escape from prison. They make it
to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.
"Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?",
asked the policeman...A UNC student goes into a restaurant and notices there's
a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels it
off and starts screaming...After spending all day Saturday watching football
on television, a UNC grad fell asleep and spent the
night in the...*Sent a fax with a stamp on it.
*Thought a quarterback was a refund.
*Tripped over the cordless phone.
*Spoke her mind & became speechless.
*Heard that 90% of all crimes were committed
around the home & moved.
*Couldn't figure out that an AM radio may be used at night...Want to test your Christmas knowledge?
Here is a quiz to test your knowledge
of Christmas traditions, popular culture,
the Bible, and other aspects of the holiday
with these simple questions. So put on your
thinking cap and take a tour. Enjoy yourself!
Quiz your friends!
- A UNC grad is on a four-engine plane. All of a sudden
there's a loud bang. The pilot comes on the radio and says,
“I'm sorry, our first engine has just shut off. We'll be delayed
Then there's another bang...Friend : What are you looking at?
UNC Grad : I know your PIN #, hee, hee...A UNC scout went to the office of the athletic director
and announced, "Have I got an athlete for you! This
guy can play every sport and excels at every position...NEW MEDICAL LEAVE & RELATED POLICIES
SICKNESS: We will no longer accept doctor's statement
as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor,
then you are able to go to work.
OPERATIONS: Operations are now banned. As long as
you are an employee here, you need all that you have...THESE ARE WELL KNOWN SAYINGS -
CAN YOU TRANSLATE?
1. Scintillate, Scintillate, asteroid exiguous.
2. Members of an avian species of identical
3. Surveillance should precede salutations
4. Pulchritude poses possesses solely
....coetaneous profundity...1) No matter how little or how much you use me,
you change me every month. What am I?
2) Howdy was out walking one day. He met his father-in-law's
only daughter's mother-in-law...
- 1) We are all around,
yet to us you are half blind.
Sunlight makes us invisible,
and difficult to find.
What are we?
2) The time is twenty-six minutes to one in the afternoon.
The year is 1978, and the date is May 6th...