***Thought & Humor*** Jan. 28, 2005 Edition - Please Forward To Any Who Need A Good Laugh
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Thursday, January 27, 2005
The Three Fastest Means Of Communication
The three fastest means of communication are:
the telephone, the television, and...
Funny punchline at: http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
(Warning: not politically correct)
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:32 AM
Funny picture at: http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:26 AM
A bicycle can't stand on its own
because it is ...
Funny punchline at: http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:16 AM
Farmer Brown - UNC Grad
A local newspaper was doing a story about
how housing developments were eating up
farmland, putting the livelihood of local
farmers in jeopardy. They interviewed
Arthur Brown, a well-known and respected
farmer who lived on the outskirts of town
and a graduate of UNC. He had received
numerous high-dollar offers for on
particular field which bordered a nearby
The photographer took a picture of Farmer
Brown standing on the controversial piece
of land. The picture appeared in the story
and mentioned Farmer Brown as....
Funny punchline at: http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:10 AM
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
The Evil That Men Do
In the wake of the tsunami that claimed more than
220,000 lives, some people were asking hard questions.
Faced with such devastation, they wanted to know,
how was it possible to believe in a good, all-powerful
Now stories are leaking out about what's going on in
the aftermath of the tsunami. The reports are sketchy
and anecdotal so far, but they already have people
asking another, equally important, question: Is it
possible to believe in the goodness of man?
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 9:39 PM
Root Beer Please
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A root beer, please,
and one for the road."
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 4:03 PM
Find A Doc
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and need to find a physician nearby? Do you
want to find a specialist for a loved one across
the country, or do you need driving directions
to your physician's office? The WebMD
Physician Directory is your answer.
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distance from your home, HMO plan, hospital
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The WebMD Physician Directory is compiled
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a WebMD company. What's more, all information
in the directory is confirmed directly with the source --
the doctors themselves. The award-winning Little
Blue Book is well-known in the medical industry
for its accurate, up-to-date physician information.
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 3:34 PM
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 2:16 PM
"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson
For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush
"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 11:08 AM
Bible - God's Word to you in
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 11:05 AM
Who is Jesus?
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 10:53 AM
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 10:46 AM
A panda walks into a diner, sits down, and orders
a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun,
and shoots out the restaurant's windows.
As the panda stands up to go, the owner shouts,
"Hey! Where do you think you're going? You just
shot my windows out and you didn't pay for your
The panda yells back at the owner,
"Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The owner gets out a dictionary, looks it up,
and sees the following definition for "panda". . . . . .
Funny Punchline At: http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 10:39 AM
40 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW
1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.
2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickles
the company once had. 3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus
every two weeks - otherwise it will digest itself. 4. The Declaration of
Independence was written on hemp paper. 5. The dot over the letter 'i'
is called a "tittle". 6. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne
will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the
top. 7. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. 8. A duck's quack
doesn't echo ... no one knows why. 9. 40% of McDonald's profits come
from the sales of Happy Meals. 10. Every person has a unique tongue
print. 11. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled. 12.
The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was
albino. 13. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents
daily. 14. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be
seen in the distance. 15. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother
and sister. 16. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a
few ounces will kill a small sized dog. 17. Orcas (killer whales) kill
sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath,
causing the shark to explode. 18. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
19. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
pants. 20. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
Warning: Half of the above are NOT true!!!
Find out which ones at: http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 10:32 AM
Some people say, "I go to church, so I am
a Christian. But that's like saying if you
go McDonald's, you are a quarter-pounder.
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 10:17 AM
End Of The Earth
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 10:14 AM
The Missing Pieces
Our three-year-old grandson is turning
out to be quite an engineer. He loves to
figure out how things work and he loves
to build things that do. When he's at
Grandma and Granddad's house, he
likes to play with our Lincoln Logs.
He had built a couple of cabins in
the middle of our living room floor
the other day when we noticed that
he had stopped and he was just lying
on his tummy with his head cradled
in his hands, studying the pictures
on the Lincoln Logs container. When
his mom asked him what he was
doing just staring at that container,
he said, "There are some pieces
missing here." And he began to
point out exactly what pieces
were pictured on the can but
missing in front of him.
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 9:52 AM
Jill and her (recent UNC grad) friend Linda were
chatting over coffee.
Says Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange
and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine
when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or
sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."
Linda then took a sip of her coffee. "Oww!"
she cried. "There it goes again!"
take the spoon out of the cup!"
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:54 AM
The Dying Dragon
There is a familiar scene in many fantasies and great epics:
when it comes time for the hero to slay the dragon or beast
that is his enemy, he inflicts upon it a mortal wound. The
one reading or watching the story longs to breath a sigh
of relief at this point when it grows clear that the dragon
will die. But when a strong beast is wounded, it becomes
violently angry. The wounded dragon seems to lash out
with ten times more strength and fury, causing us to
wonder if the hero will survive the conflict. Although the
dragon is dying, it rears up, determined to take others
down with it, wounding as many as it can before it breathes
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:31 AM
Human Traffickers Prey on Tsunami's Most Vulnerable Victims
Before the debris settled on the devastating Southeast
Asia tsunami of December 26, reports of human
trafficking emerged from the region. With the death
toll now higher than 200,000, tens of thousands still
missing, and entire costal villages decimated, it's hard
to imagine things getting much worse for the nations
involved. Yet as incomprehensible as it seems, evidence
is mounting that child trafficking gangs are preying
on the regions thousands of children who are orphaned
or separated from their parents...
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:12 AM
F.S.C. 0 - A.S.C. 1000
On one side of the issue are those who don't understand
how anyone could disagree with the use of unviable
fetal tissue. They just can't fathom why there would be
resistance to enabling Superman to walk again. And on
the other side are those standing so close to the dis-
cussions opposing the devastating and abhorrent
practice of abortion that the real topic of discussion
Both groups have a blind spot. The curious thing
about blind spots is that you can't see them. Let's
look at this from a sports perspective. It's the first
half. And the score? Read the board.
Fetal Stem Cells 0 - Adult Stem Cells 1000s
It doesn't even sound like a game worth watching,
Adult Stem Cells by David A. Prentice, Ph.D.
Stem Cells From Fat Used to Repair Girl's Skull - AP
Selling Out for Science - Newsweek
Engineered Stem Cells Can Home In On Tumors
Stem Cells Used to Repair Heart Tissue - Reuters
Stem Cell Information Page
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:06 AM
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Who Did It???
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 9:56 PM
The case of Adriana Iliescu made headlines
around the world when the 66-year-old woman
gave birth to a baby girl. Doctors at Romania's
Giulesti Maternity Hospital announced the birth
on January 16, 2005, declaring Ms. Iliescu to
be the world's oldest mother.
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 8:38 PM
Scenic World Travel Cams
385 Cams From Around The World
(Where The World Watches The World)
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 7:14 PM
Most tornadoes hit between 5pm and 6pm.
Hail causes nearly $1 billion in damage to crops and property
each year in the U.S.
About 90% of the world's ice is found in Antarctica.
Breathe In & Breathe Out
Above 18,000 ft. in elevation, air pressure is half of what
it is at sea level. This means that twice as many breaths are
required to supply the same amount of oxygen to the blood and
we tire more easily when exerting ourselves at higher eleva-
Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head
Not including wind-driven rain, raindrops fall between 7 and 18
miles per hour in still air. The range in speed depends on the
the size of the raindrop. Air friction breaks up raindrops when
they exceed 18 miles per hour.
I Want Sunshine on a Cloudy Day
The amount of sunlight reaching the earth's surface is 6,000
times the amount of energy used by all human beings worldwide.
The total amount of fossil fuel used by humans since the start
of civilization is equivalent to less than 30 days of sunshine.
"A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership,
of getting along with people, of getting things done."
Dwight D. Eisenhower
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 7:08 PM
Q: How do you keep a UNC player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Chapel Hill in case of a tornado?
A: To Kenan Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
Q: What do you call a UNC player with a bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between UNC and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: How many UNC players does it take to win a bowl game?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q: What does UNC and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 9:49 AM
- posted by 'Thought & Humor' @ 9:27 AM
A couple were driving to the airport in stony silence
since they had had an argument and she was not
really interested in flying in her husbands aircraft
that afternoon. They drove past a meadow in
which several goats, cows, horses and sheep
were grazing. He asked sarcastically, Relatives
of yours? Yes! she quickly replied In-laws.
(Ths: Marie - S. Africia)
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