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What about the marriage ???!!!!!??!!?!?!?!!?

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  • Susan
    I hop that I am not annoying you with my article , but I believe that it is worth reading ... marriage The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 12, 2005
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      I hop that I am not annoying you with my article , but I believe that it is worth reading
      : )

      The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relation established between them.

      Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations.

      In the context of marriage there is one very important difference between man and women: women are the ones who can bear and nurse children. This is an extremely important responsibility. On the other hand Islam assigned the husbands the responsibility of financially supporting their wives. This allows women to concentrate on what is really important, their families. And then men are also given the position of leadership to balance their greater responsibility of support. The husband and the wife are a complementary pair. Each has his own designated role and responsibilities. Together they complete the family. And that's why Islam has set the basics on which marriage should be built.

      Allah says in the Qur'an:

      "Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected."(Qur'an 4:34)

      There is much debate and difference of opinion among Muslims regarding the right meaning of this verse. Some people read it to give a great deal of power and authority to the husbands; others seek to place restrictions on men.

      The reason that men have been given authority over their wives is that they are completely financially responsible for their wives. Even if a woman is wealthy, she is not required to spend any of her money to support the family; the obligation falls completely on her husband. She may share him the responsibility if she wants, but this is not an obligation. Her own money is hers to use as she chooses and her husband can't take it without her permission.

      Allah says in the Qur'an:

      "And give the women their dowries as a present, but if they are happy to offer you any of it, accept with happiness and with wholesome pleasure" (Qur'an 4:4)

      However the wife must obey her husband and support him. But this doesn't mean that "obedience" referred to is not unquestioning obedience to whatever command the husband happens to give, but rather refers to accepting the husband's decision as final.

      Allah says in the Qur'an:

      "And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise." (Qur'an 9:71)

      Obedience of the husband is compulsory on the wife. If, without any lawful reason, she refuses to obey the orders of her husband, she will be liable to the Wrath and Curse of Allah until she returns to obedience.

      The husband is given the permission in Islam to hit his wife (slightly) or stays away from her if she is recalcitrant. Nearly all modern Islamic scholars have agreed that these three steps must be taken in sequence. Meaning: first the husband sets out verbally why he thinks his wife's conduct is wrong. If that doesn't then he may separate from her in bed. If that still doesn't work, then finally he may hit her (yet not harshly, just slightly to show her that she did something wrong).

      However, "recalcitrance" is not simply disagreeing with the husband; it is rather a refusal to agree, a rejection of the husband's right to leadership.

      Prophet Mohammad (Pace Be Upon Him) said:

      "The rights your wife has on you are) that you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and that you do not hit her on the face or call her ugly, and that you do not separate from her except in the house."(Narrated by Mu'awiya Al-Qushayri.

      Prophet Mohammad (Pace Be Upon Him) also said:

      "Be in awe of God in (the matter of) women, for you have taken them by the trust of God, and made their bodies lawful for you by the word of God. And your right upon them is that they do not allow among your furnishings anybody you do not like, and if they do, you may hit them, as long as it is not injurious. And their right on you is that you support them and clothe them in honor."(From the Farewell Sermon, reported by Jabir).

      Here we learn that the admonishment should not involve insulting the wife, such as calling her ugly or other types of psychological abuse. Also separating from her or staying away from her is done only in private; the husband should not shun his wife in public and thus expose her to shame or ridicule from others. The hitting must not be on the face. The hitting should not be "injurious". Muslims should follow the Prophet's (PBUH) explanation of the Holy Qur'an and to abide by these rules.

      However, it should be noted that Prophet Mohammad (Pace Be Upon Him) never hit any of his wives, and said that men who did "are not the best of you, by God!" The Prophet (Pace Be Upon Him) is set as a beautiful example for Muslims and all Muslim men should strive to follow him.

      Allah says in the Qur'an:

      "Surely there is for you the best example in the Messenger of God, for whoever seeks the pleasure of God and the Last Day (Day of Judgment), and remembers God often."(Qur'an 33:21)

      On the other hand wives have been given permission to seek remedy for their husbands' recalcitrance. The Arabic word, Nushuz, is used as for the wife's recalcitrance. Allah says in the Qur'an:

      "And if a wife fears cruelty or desertion from her husband, there is no blame on them if they reconciliate them, reconciliation between them is far better, and souls are prone to avarice. But if you do good and are God fearing then surely God is aware of what you do-" (Qur'an 4:128)

      And if there is a dispute between the married couple, a member of each family can be brought in to resolve it. The point is that, in Islam women have rights over their husbands the same way husbands have rights over them.

      Allah says in the Qur'an:

      "And if you fear disunity between them, then send an arbiter from his side and an arbiter from her side. If they wish for reconciliation God will affect harmony between them, surely God is All-knowing, Al-Aware." (Qur'an 4:35)

      For more information about ISLAM >> Click here

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