The paths I have travelled.
- --- In firstname.lastname@example.org, "Lorraine Jarvi" <ljarvi@p...> wrote:
> Hello to both of you -have
> I'm very interested in your perspective on threefold issues, Dr.
> Starman. I am also a former member of the Society who has become
> discouraged. I need to write a formal letter of resignation, but
> been putting it off. I would like to do so, but haven't been ableto
> figure out what to say. The last Society function I was involved inand
> was the annual convention in Ann Arbor two years ago. My
> husband and I thought we might be "recharged" from the experience
> also find our way back into active participation with anknow!
> anthro. group. My experience was to feel even more estranged and
> disconnected. Maybe it's me that's changed. I don't really
> understand it completely, but I do know that anthroposophy means as
> much or more to me than it ever has. Why, then, do I find it so
> hard to form satisfying associations with other anthroposophists?
> It's a mystery, and one I am a little concerned about, because I
> had two very difficult experiences over an 8-year period with two
> very socially unhealthy Waldorf schools, and I think my
> perspective is colored by an emotional unwillingness to trust the
> integrity of anthroposophical groups. The first experience was
> one in which a group of anthropop parents started the school. They
> and the teachers were on the "inside" and the parents "didn't
> know who they were serving". It was war, complete with bunker
> mentality among the "ins" and parents pulling kids out en masse
> because they didn't feel respected or acknowledged. We left that
> collapsing school (it subsequently reformed under another name in
> a nearby town) and went to another, where there was a very powerful
> and charismatic lead teacher who felt compelled to control
> everything and was willing to do anything (up to and including
> accusing the Eurythmy teacher of child molestation) to maintain his
> power. At the end of this 8 years of financial and emotional stress
> (my kids had a great time!), I was too burnt out to try again. My
> instinct, when the opportunity arises to become involved with other
> anthropops is to run, not walk, the other way! On the other
> hand, I feel that anthroposophical involvements are essential for my
> own growth. I have come to the conviction that progressive
> spiritual beings work with groups, and that social involvements are
> essential if one is to participate in laying the groundwork for
> the 6th epoch. Maybe it's just too soon for that, but I have a
> continuing compulsion to find a group of people with which to begin
> grow in this way (hence my interest in threefold ideas). What,
> exactly, does this mean? What, exactly, do I want to find? What,
> exactly, do I expect myself and others to be able to do? I don't
> I have also been very involved with astrology. I've had a book on
> astrosophy for about 5 years and have yet to look at it. Astrology
> was my passion before I got married and had kids. I would immerse
> myself in it for days on end. That was no longer possible with
> crying infants, and I gave up active involvement out of frustration.
> It was just too painful to be "dragged out" every 20 minutes.
> Now that my kids are teenagers, I have begun reading some again
> (mainly Liz Greene). It's like a foreign language. If you don't use
> it, you lose it. Where once I could look at a chart and it would
> speak to me, now it's just a bunch of isolated elements and I have
> work (very hard!) to form it into a picture. My main use ofastrology
> over the past 15 years has been to consult astrodice when Iwas
> have a problem. I find them especially useful when trying to find a
> good reliable service such as a car mechanic or something. They
> never steer me wrong, as long as I can acquire the right degree of
> inner calm and centeredness when using them. If I have an agenda
> I won't acknowledge, they reflect that, which is also useful. Tarot
> is also an interest of mine, though I'm more at the "cookbook"
> level with that.
> Another area of common experience, Dr. Starman, is Edgar Cayce. I
> part of a study group for about 5 years in my mid-twenties.the
> I still use the mantra, "Not my will, oh Lord, but thine be done in
> and through me. Let me ever be a channel of blessings, today,
> now, to all that I contact in every way. Let my coming in and my
> going out be in accord with that thou wouldst have me do. And as
> call comes, here am I. Send me. Use me." I found a way intowonderful
> meditations using this along with the Lord's Prayer and theI
> 23rd psalm. Unfortunately, I no longer have those wonderful
> meditations even though I still use the verses. I've concluded that
> have to find my meditation in my work and my daily life now.an
> Well, I've certainly rambled enough. Sena, what has brought you to
> interest in Anthroposophy? What would you like to study?Hello Lorraine and Dr.Starman,
> What spiritual "paths" have you travelled so far? Have you had
> children or friends with children in Waldorf? I'm sorry so much of
> my message ended up being addressed to Dr. Starman, but I found it
> interesting that our experiences seem to have paralleled in so
> many ways.
> Enjoy your day, both of you -
Thanks for your apology,Lorraine,but there is no need for it.
My spiritual path starts with a Roman Catholic upbringing, with
scepticism setting in during my teenage years. I then read Aldous
Huxley's "Perennial Philosophy" and was fascinated by this, but
also rather discouraged by his view that mysticism was only for the
few. I soon decided that I was not one of the few.
Years of scientific agnosticism followed until about 1988, when
someone recommended the books of Alan Watts. I found Watts's
arguments against the reality of a separate ego appealing and it took
me another 8 years to realize that this line of thinking could be just
a rather convenient way of ducking personal responsibilty.
In 1996 I came into contact with a Gnostic movement which dominated
my life for the next 3 years. This was based on Blavatsky's theosophy
and cosmology, with a fair bit of Eliphas Levi's white magic and also
Eastern religious ideas thrown in. The one good thing about this
experience was that it made me realize that I could not continue
avoiding personal responsibility.
The negative aspect parallels your experience, Lorraine, with the
anthroposophic groups, although with some differences. At first I
was with a very small group and I found this tremendously stimulating
and rewarding. As time went on , however, I realized that the
organization had a very rigid hierarchical structure with crippling
rules and regulations.Eventually, the demands of this organization
left me exhausted, and I left in July 1999.
Then, about three months ago, I read a book about Steiner's
"The Tree of Life and the Holy Grail" by Sylvia Francke, which led
me to Steiner's book, "The Redemption of Thinking". This appealed
to me because it showed that the intellect did have a role to play
in spiritual growth although insufficient in itself. This was in
to the Gnostic movement, which ridiculed the intellect, probably to
discourage any independent thinking among its members. I then went
on to read "Christ and the Spiritual World: The Search for the Holy
As I said before, I hope I am open-minded about Steiner, and I
realize that if what he says is true confirmation will come from the
spirit not just from the mind.I am looking forward to our discussions.