- Apr 30, 2000Hello to both of you -
I'm very interested in your perspective on threefold issues, Dr.
Starman. I am also a former member of the Society who has become
discouraged. I need to write a formal letter of resignation, but have
been putting it off. I would like to do so, but haven't been able to
figure out what to say. The last Society function I was involved in
was the annual convention in Ann Arbor two years ago. My
husband and I thought we might be "recharged" from the experience and
also find our way back into active participation with an
anthro. group. My experience was to feel even more estranged and
disconnected. Maybe it's me that's changed. I don't really
understand it completely, but I do know that anthroposophy means as
much or more to me than it ever has. Why, then, do I find it so
hard to form satisfying associations with other anthroposophists?
It's a mystery, and one I am a little concerned about, because I
had two very difficult experiences over an 8-year period with two
very socially unhealthy Waldorf schools, and I think my
perspective is colored by an emotional unwillingness to trust the
integrity of anthroposophical groups. The first experience was
one in which a group of anthropop parents started the school. They
and the teachers were on the "inside" and the parents "didn't
know who they were serving". It was war, complete with bunker
mentality among the "ins" and parents pulling kids out en masse
because they didn't feel respected or acknowledged. We left that
collapsing school (it subsequently reformed under another name in
a nearby town) and went to another, where there was a very powerful
and charismatic lead teacher who felt compelled to control
everything and was willing to do anything (up to and including
accusing the Eurythmy teacher of child molestation) to maintain his
power. At the end of this 8 years of financial and emotional stress
(my kids had a great time!), I was too burnt out to try again. My
instinct, when the opportunity arises to become involved with other
anthropops is to run, not walk, the other way! On the other
hand, I feel that anthroposophical involvements are essential for my
own growth. I have come to the conviction that progressive
spiritual beings work with groups, and that social involvements are
essential if one is to participate in laying the groundwork for
the 6th epoch. Maybe it's just too soon for that, but I have a
continuing compulsion to find a group of people with which to begin
grow in this way (hence my interest in threefold ideas). What,
exactly, does this mean? What, exactly, do I want to find? What,
exactly, do I expect myself and others to be able to do? I don't know!
I have also been very involved with astrology. I've had a book on
astrosophy for about 5 years and have yet to look at it. Astrology
was my passion before I got married and had kids. I would immerse
myself in it for days on end. That was no longer possible with
crying infants, and I gave up active involvement out of frustration.
It was just too painful to be "dragged out" every 20 minutes.
Now that my kids are teenagers, I have begun reading some again
(mainly Liz Greene). It's like a foreign language. If you don't use
it, you lose it. Where once I could look at a chart and it would
speak to me, now it's just a bunch of isolated elements and I have to
work (very hard!) to form it into a picture. My main use of astrology
over the past 15 years has been to consult astrodice when I
have a problem. I find them especially useful when trying to find a
good reliable service such as a car mechanic or something. They
never steer me wrong, as long as I can acquire the right degree of
inner calm and centeredness when using them. If I have an agenda
I won't acknowledge, they reflect that, which is also useful. Tarot
is also an interest of mine, though I'm more at the "cookbook"
level with that.
Another area of common experience, Dr. Starman, is Edgar Cayce. I was
part of a study group for about 5 years in my mid-twenties.
I still use the mantra, "Not my will, oh Lord, but thine be done in
and through me. Let me ever be a channel of blessings, today,
now, to all that I contact in every way. Let my coming in and my
going out be in accord with that thou wouldst have me do. And as the
call comes, here am I. Send me. Use me." I found a way into wonderful
meditations using this along with the Lord's Prayer and the
23rd psalm. Unfortunately, I no longer have those wonderful
meditations even though I still use the verses. I've concluded that I
have to find my meditation in my work and my daily life now.
Well, I've certainly rambled enough. Sena, what has brought you to an
interest in Anthroposophy? What would you like to study?
What spiritual "paths" have you travelled so far? Have you had
children or friends with children in Waldorf? I'm sorry so much of
my message ended up being addressed to Dr. Starman, but I found it
interesting that our experiences seem to have paralleled in so
Enjoy your day, both of you -
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