Hello all,
     Hannah and I have started a weekly "Saturday Night Live" Newsletter. =
Each week
we will have a random transcript chosen by Yours Truly, along with News, Go=
ssip,
Weather, Articles, Quotes and possibly a picture or two. This is just an in=
troductory
for those of who you would like to subscribe to SNL Weekly. We have a sampl=
e edition
for your viewing pleasure, and hopefully to convince you to subscribe for f=
ree. This is
just an example of what an issue would look like:


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Issue Guide

What you will be viewing in this issue:
1. Weekly Jack Handey Quote
2. Weather
3. Pictures and Review*
4. News and Gossip*
5. Weekly Skit Transcript
6. Saturday Night Live this week on NBC
7. Link of the Week

*May not always be available


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1. Weekly Jack Handey Quote:

"I think that if dogs take over the world someday, and they're choosing a =
leader, I
don't think they should go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas=
with
some really good ideas."

-"Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey


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2. Weather for July 16, 1983:

Low in Washington D.C. only dropped to 84, their warmest minimum temperatu=
re
reading ever.


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3. Pic of the Week:

Original Cast
http://ultrawarp.com/chevy/snl/cast5.jpg

No review found for this week's transcript, sorry.


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4. Breaking News:

"Midseason 'Tracy' Worth the Wait"

NBC may be losing "Friends" after next season, but the peacock will have a=
new
primetime friend in Tracy Morgan.

Morgan will star as a Brooklyn auto mechanic in "The Tracy Morgan Show," w=
hich has
been given a 13-episode commitment from the network. Slated for midseason, =
NBC
president Jeff Zucker told reporters to expect the sitcom "sometime this fa=
ll or
winter."

"It's about launching that show correctly and protecting it," he said.

Originally a contender for a fall premiere, media buyers seem surprised "T=
he Tracy
Morgan Show" is being held for midseason. "It looks like one of the funnies=
t, freshest
comedies. It's a real mystery why it wasn't put on the schedule," Lee Doyle=
of
Mediaedge:cia, told AdWeek.

Joining "Tracy" in midseason will be Molly Shannon's domestic comedy, "Cra=
cking
Up," on Fox


No Gossip for this week, sorry.


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5. Weekly Skit:

Aired: December 9, 1995-Season 20

Host: David Alan Grier

Musical Guest: Silverchair



"Wake Up and Smile!"

Oliver.....Will Ferrell
Diane.....Nancy Walls
Tim Baker.....David Alan Grier


[ open on the main set of "Wake Up and Smile!" ]

Oliver: It's the 20th anniversary of "Wake Up and Smile!"

Diane: 20 wonderful years! And 20 years of this man giving us the weather.=
Tim
Baker, how's it looking out there?

[ cut to the weatherman on the side of the set ]

Tim Baker: Heighty-ho! Well, we've got some mean storm clouds in the north=
east,
and a happy sun in the southeast! Back to you!

[ cut back to Oliver and Diane ]

Diane: Thank you, Tim Baker. We're looking forward to another 20 years.

Oliver: It has definitely been a fun ride! Now, I understand you've got so=
me cooking
tips for us, Diane. I understand you've got some cooking tips for us, Diane=
. I
understand you've got some cooking tips for us, Diane..

[ a stagehand taps on the teleprompter, which keeps spitting out the same =
phrase
Oliver keeps repeating ]

Diane: [ panicking ] Um.. ih.. it looks like we're having sme problems wit=
h the
prompter here!..

[ Oliver and Diane are silent with stage fright ]

Oliver: [ fumbling for something to say ] The teleprompter on which everyt=
hing we
say appears on.. is broken..

Diane: [ trying to laugh ] Please! Let's get that teleprompter fixed!

Oliver: Uh.. we're having what's known in the business as.. technical time=
s.. right
now..

Diane: Uh.. well.. let's go to.. Tom.. Bulcher.. with the weather..

[ cut to the weatherman on the side of the set, stunned by the broken tele=
prompter ]

Tim Baker: Blank screen.. no words on it.. got to think.. must think.. [ p=
ause ] Back to
you..

[ cut back to Oliver and Diane, who are forced to "make something up" ]

Oliver: Uh.. you know, Diane, I had a notion the other day..

Diane: Uh.. well.. uh.. notions make.. uh.. this country happen..

Oliver: I.. I.. I was thinking someone should get a group together.. uh.. =
with guns to
sweep out those ghettos..

[ the show cuts to quick commercial, then comes right back to its frighten=
ed hosts ]

Diane: I.. drive a red car..

Oliver: Make sure those poor people stay away from it.. they've got sores.=
.

Diane: Let's.. uh.. let's go for weather with.. Jeff Shaker..

[ cut back to the weatherman, who's still stunned by the broken teleprompt=
er ]

Tim Baker: Rain.. clouds.. fear.. I must control the fear.. Please, someon=
e tell me
what to say.. I'm dying!

[ cut back to Oliver and Diane, still struggling themselves ]

Oliver: [ breathing heavily ] Getting cold.. feel so alone..

Diane: I'm afraid.. I'm afraid.. I'm afraid!

Oliver:

Diane: What are we gonna do?! There's no words!

Oliver: [ taking control ] We must use the furniture to build a barricade!=
[ jumps up
and pulls his chair to the floor ]

Tim Baker: [ panicking ] If we wait, surely they will send help, and make =
the words so
we can be safe..

Oliver: [ loosening his tie ] We can't wait! If we wait, we die! I'm the d=
ominant one,
here, so I'll be the leader!

Diane: [ on the verge of tears ] I'm so hungry..

Oliver: We will live! We will live! [ lets out a dominant scream, as the s=
how goes to
commercial again. When the show returns from the commercial, the set is on =
fire,
Oliver has painted a hand on his chest and started his own dominion. ]

Oliver: [ screaming ] The Order of the Hand will rule! The animals of the =
Zoo guy,
Danny Usher, will sustain us. [ places a turtle over the chair ]

Tim Baker: But what if the box still refuses to give us any words?!

Oliver: You challenge my authority?!

Tim Baker: [ sniffing Oliver ] I smell from your scent that you are weak! =
I challenge
you!

[ Oliver and Tim charge one another and topple to the floor fighting for a=
uthority.
Within seconds, Oliver resurfaces with Tim's severed head ]

Oliver: The weatherman is DEAD! I KILLED the weatherman! His STRENGTH is i=
n me! [
starts to chew on the weatherman's severed head ]

Diane: [ crying ] Make the words come back.. Make the words come back..

Offstage Voice: Prompter's fixed!

[ suddenly, everything returns to normal ]

Diane: [ shocked ] Fixed?! [ reading off the teleprompter ] That's right, =
Oliver. I'll
show you how to make a cassrole for the holidays. Stay tuned. Because we're=

celebrating 20 magical years of "Wake up and Smile!"

[ Oliver and Diane cry as the show cuts to one last commercial, aghast at =
how poorly
they handled a time of crisis ]


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6. Saturday Night Live This Week on NBC:

Saturday, July 19, 2003 10:30 pm
Host: Matt Damon
Musical Guest: Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band


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7. Link of the week:

Test your SNL knowledge at this E! online quiz.
http://www.eonline.com/On/Snl/Quiz/index.html

When you finish taking this quiz e-mail us at SNL Weekly with your score. =
We will
post all scores in the first issue. The winner will get a surprise. Please =
have your
scores sent in by July 23, 2003.


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That's it for this week.
Signing off,
We are Sydney and Hannah...


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Thank you for viewing the sample issue. We hope you choose our online "Sat=
urday
Night Live" newsletter over all the others out there. If you do choose to s=
ubscribe,
email us at snl_weekly@.... Thank you.

-Sydney and Hannah