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Letters to the president from his ardent admirer Belacqua Jones

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  • Augustine
    Open Letters to George W. Bush Monday, August 27, 2007 Dear George, I was glancing over the Pentagon s Strategy for Homeland Defense and Civil Support when I
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 31, 2007
      Open Letters to George W. Bush

      Monday, August 27, 2007

      Dear George,

      I was glancing over the Pentagon's Strategy for Homeland
      Defense and Civil Support when I noticed a slight tear in the steel chain of
      security you've draped across America's shoulders to protect the Homeland
      from itself. The document envisions an "active layered defense."

      That is the problem: a layer is a layer because it is not
      an integrated whole. Every agency charged with the internal security of the
      Homeland has multiple other duties to perform. The Pentagon is busy losing
      a war; the Department of Homeland Security is busy losing New Orleans, and
      the FBI is busy trying to boot their computers. We have no agency able to
      devote one-hundred percent of its time to protecting the Homeland.

      My recommendation is to create an uberagency whose sole
      responsibility is ensuring the total security of the Homeland. To show the
      public that this agency is serious, you would do well to call it the Secret
      State Police.

      Some of your minions might have some qualms about
      including both "secret" and "police" in the same phrase because of the
      negative connotations this phrase evokes. Remind them that America's
      historical memory extends back roughly twenty-four hours, so it will not be
      a problem. On the plus side, the designation includes "state" and "police"
      which evoke the image of the friendly state trooper changing a tire for a
      grandmotherly old lady.

      The Secret State Police's duties would extend beyond
      preventive prosecution. They would also shore up our perfection as a
      nation. America is the greatest country in the world, the land of freedom
      and opportunity. Anyone who would criticize the United States is obviously
      a mentally unbalanced malcontent badly in need of treatment, so our Secret
      State Police would be responsible for humanitarian therapy as well as

      America has reached a unique stage in her historical
      development. Because you possess the moral purity of the simpleton, you are
      the State, the living incarnation of our values. "With us or against us" is
      not a macho call to arms but a call to a morality that will not rest until
      it has rid the earth of evil. So let us begin with the purification of our
      own citizens so we may be in a position to purify the earth.

      Your admirer,

      Belacqua Jones


      Thursday, August 30, 2007

      Dear George,

      Everyone wants a strong country and a strong leader. However,
      most people don't realize that there is more to strength than strength.
      There is intelligent strength and there is stupid strength. Empire requires
      stupid strength to flourish because stupid strength is a prerequisite for
      success. The driving dynamic for empire is paranoia. This is as it must be
      because fear gives a man and a country the nasty edge they need to flourish.

      A good analogy is the gunfighter of the Old West. The fastest
      gun in town was, of necessity, paranoid. He knew the families of those he
      had shot down were out to get him along with every wannabe fast gun looking
      to make a reputation by outdrawing him. (Actually, the Swiss have the right
      idea: be the slowest gun in the West and make a fortune selling

      Other components of stupid strength are hubris and bullshit.
      Only when a man or a country have an inflated sense of their own worth will
      they thrive. Stupid strength needs the strut and posture of the steely-eyed
      gunfighter walk-down. Hubris is hubris because it thrives on delusion. You
      have the perfect bled of hubris and bullshit in the magical buzzwords that
      make all things possible, "National Security." This has to be the greatest
      scam going since Augustus Caesar convinced the Romans that he was a god.
      It is given force by our practice of aggressive policies that leave threats
      to our well being in their wake. It has a beautiful circularity to it: we
      fuck over a country, get it good and pissed off and use its righteous anger
      to justify the building up of our defense establishment.

      This blending of paranoia, hubris and bullshit came together in
      a measure introduced by Mad Joe Lieberman condemning Iran for its complicity
      in "murdering" our troops. What a terrifying discovery Mad Joe made: that
      people are killed in wars. Now a sane person would say, "Duh!" War is all
      about murder. That's how you win them, by murdering more people than your
      enemy does. Give all our trash talking, Iran would have to be brain dead
      not to give the insurgents a leg up. Fortunately, sanity has no place in
      stupid strength. The Senate certainly understands this since Mad Joe's
      measure passed on unanimous vote.

      Stupid strength is a shell game that thrives on the induced
      ignorance of the proles. While the public looks for the bean of
      Islamofascism, they never notice the bean of Christofascism that is
      beginning to sprout.

      Stay dumb, George, and the power will always be with you.

      Your admirer,

      Belacqua Jones


      Friday, August 31, 2007

      Dear George,

      Listen to the whiners carry on about how the subprime debacle was a
      criminal act. If they had their way, America's financial geniuses would be
      outfitted in orange jumpsuits and hauled before a Nuremburg Tribunal.

      The naive fools do not understand that since the beginning of time all
      commerce has been criminal. It's biblical. Cain created the first
      monopoly when he slew Abel. It was justifiable homicide. Abel lived off
      the land as a herdsman; Cain was developing it as a farmer. Sure God was
      pissed off, but he obviously got over it since settlers have been
      slaughtering nomads ever since.

      You nailed it when you blamed the borrowers for signing documents they
      didn't understand. If they didn't understand they should have asked and
      been willing to accept whatever song and dance the lender fed them.
      Moreover, if they couldn't read them, then it was their fault for not paying
      attention when they were in school. It's all a matter of personal
      responsibility. A man is a victim because he lacks it.

      The subprime market was all about the freedom and equality that are
      the integral components of LibertyR. The rich are free to accumulate
      wealth; the poor are free to accumulate debt. The anguish of the poor
      lubricates the wheels of commerce. America has grown strong on their

      Ruination has a salutatory effect. As more poor find themselves out
      on the street they will come to understand that they are dealing with a
      power that transcends all, and they will come to know their place in the
      grand scheme of things. Nothing disabuses a man of democratic notions like
      sleeping in a doorway.

      Your admirer,

      Belacqua Jones


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