The Great Fruit & Vegetable Conspiracy
I was more amused than a Libertarian under the influence of
nitrous oxide at a free clinic. It was some Right wing politician--who
shall remain nameless because I forgot his name--who said something
totally asinine! "So, what else is new?" you might ask. I
think these Right wing think tanks script their talking points just to
rankle the Left wing intelligentsia; those cocktail-sipping WASPs who
eat dead cow on expensive china just like to take the piss out of
In the 1960's, The John Birch Society, a Right wing
conspiracy group, claimed that the Beatles were Manchurian candidates
from the Soviet Union who were sent to the US in order to seduce all
females into becoming screaming barbarians. It was during the hysteria,
they insisted, that Russian troops would quietly march in and take over!
Well, I think they were wrong. It wasn't the Beatles; it was the
Herman's Hermits, God damn it!
So let's get back to the Right wing politician who was
speaking at some senior citizens home. Now, I am paraphrasing here. He
said, "The federal government is going to call you up to make sure
you eat your fruits and veggies; if you don't, then they'll send
you to a FEMA concentration camp! This is Socialism in the highest
order!" Shit! Did I miss "Karl Marx's Vegan Recipe
Book?" I read "Das Kapital" and "The Communist
Manifesto," but I never saw that one. Maybe Amazon has it? But I
Let's ruminate about this allegation. The government
forcing you to eat healthy! Hmmm! Cue new age music. Give me a
I've got it!
Basic economics is comprised of two principles: supply and
demand. Most of us know that--unless you're a Tea Bagger or live in
Orange County, California. If you're in the commercial food
industry or agriculture, how do you create a demand for fruit and
vegetables? You could advertise on television. You could ensure a
product placement in the latest action movie or romantic comedy.
you could use government! Oh, but I thought government is the
mortal enemy of free enterprise?! Well, contrary to popular belief, big
business loves government! In California, many years ago, the state
passed a compulsory car insurance act. If a cop stopped you and your
car wasn't insured, you would end up a jail cell with Charlie
Manson. Did this hurt the insurance companies? Hell no! They got
fatter than a Republican in a country club.
Let's get hypothetical here. What would happen if the
government forced you to eat fruits and veggies? Well per basic econ,
the government has created a demand. So--you know what those evil
Socialists did: They helped the food industry! (Unless Obama and his
Marxist cohorts are well prepared, I highly doubt the Obama
administration will nationalize the food industry!) So what happens
next? The food industry hires more workers and transportation companies
roll onto the super highway of profit! The stockholders make more on
their investments! Everybody is happy! Except for the medical and big
pharma industry: There will be less illness! So what caused that? The
And that, my friends, is how free enterprise works!
Socialism and capitalism is symbiotic and not adversarial!
So America: Eat your fruit & veggies! Or the Nanny State
will give you a time out!
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