Re: [slamthedoor] Re: How did it get to this? Error in CFM doctrine
--- On Tue, 12/23/08, kenhaining777 <kenhaining777@...> wrote:From: kenhaining777 <kenhaining777@...>
Subject: [slamthedoor] Re: How did it get to this? Error in CFM doctrine
Date: Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 3:13 AMYes, she was married in the church. Her husband really had a problem with the church (surprise); however, he was also pretty much fed up with marriage in general when he left. He never showed up to the divorce hearing so my wife got full custody of the kids. This kind of turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because he never interfered with our lives or made any demands, but he also never paid any child support either. Since my wife was divorced we couldn't get married in the church. We went to the Justice of the Peace. Yeah the 'shunning', 'disowning' part of leaving is true and really hard on a family. My kids have taken the rejection part really hard.Ah, the boot camps. We never sent our kids to the out of town boot camps, but our church in Yucca had mini-camps that they'd do on a Saturday afternoon or something. I remember some of the ex-jar heads putting together a boot camp called 'The Weapons of Our Warfare'. My kids went to that and they shot guns for most of the day. Yeah, kind of weird.How much discussion did I have with my wife before the final decision was made? Not much at all. We made up our minds the same night we went to visit her other brother, the one who helped convince us to leave. At that point, it was kind of like "The third time's a charm" and we 'stuck to our guns'. Yes, my wife was disappointed when I changed my mind the first time and decided to stay. Things were really tense between us for about a week. But eventually things went back to the normalacy of wearing blinders again. Thanks for writing.-Kevin-Kevin said:
[My wife had already been at the church 8 years by the time I came on the scene. She was divorced and had 3 kids.]
Did she get married in the church the first time? Or was she already married when she came in? Was her ex a faithful member of the church? Did he exercise any visitation rights with the kids? What did they say about him at the church?
She must have really been "the one" for you. Most guys don't want to take on that kind of responsibility just going into a marriage. Too bad the nephew is so weird.
[Most of her immediate family was entrenched at The Door in Yucca Valley so she really had no other support system. I'm not much of an authoritarian, so I've always felt blessed that my wife was gracious enough to allow me to be the leader of our home and marriage.]
I had one gal tell me that she would never leave the fellowship, because if she did her family would disown her, and never speak to her. Three of her sisters were pastors wives. The way they teach people to disown family members who leave is especially wicked. A total distortion of the Bible, and of any kind of decent behavior.
Some fellowship guys are absolute overlords in their households. They abuse both wife and children in the name of being the God appointed master of the home. We had on gal stop over on Escape From the Fellowship and talk about how it was taught by some pastors to virtually rape the wife when she got in a wrong mood and attitude. She noted that they said it was worth the clothes they tore to put her back in her place. I have heard so many crazy stories about that fellowship that I tend to believe it.
Back in the 80s, Larry Huch, who was sent out of Flagstaff, openly taught that women were to give their husbands oral sex on command. He taught that this is a vital part of sex and that if a wife refused to give oral sex on command, she was causing her husband to commit adultery. That one I have first hand, as I knew Huch. He left in the 1990 exodus. I think you can still catch him on Christian TV.
Then there was the way they treated the kids. Did you send your kids to the boot camps at all? Those were totally abusive, and designed to break the will of the kids. The leaders even told me that it was for the purpose of breaking the will. Crazy. They even advocated spanking teenagers, which can get really funky.
So, it was better that you were not that authoritarian.
[Come on guys, let's face it. Who really runs the family? Yeah, the wife; however, in it's proper context there's a mutual respect for one another and that's something my wife and I have always had from the beginning. If it came down to a power struggle, hey I admit it, she wins.]
Members of the fellowship would, of course, point to this as being the "real reason" you left. You didn't have your house in order and so Satan slipped in. Mutual respect? They have no use for that. I am glad your home works for you. And a lot of those who mock a man who defers to his wife are the ones who end up divorced.
[My wife never made me face that ultimatum, and I'm truly thankful for that. Also, by that time, we were becoming well aware of the turmoil that awaited us should we decide to really go through with it. We took the path of least resistance and, I think, both kind of breathed a sigh of relief.]
Many have faced the ultimatum to submit to the pastor, or the marriage will end. George Potkonyak, who posts on Escape and some of the other message boards has a wild tale of his "pastor" breaking up his marriage. The message is posted on Escape:
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/Escape_ from_the_ Fellowship/ message/14945
Take a peek, if you have the time.
How much discussion did you have with your wife before the final decision was made? In one of your posts you seemed to indicate that she was disappointed when you, having come close to leaving, decided to stay. I think that was where you mentioned the pastor's Vulcan Mind Meld Speech, which really made me laugh.
[Wow, you were at that conference!]
Yes I was. If I recall correctly, the preacher they were mocking was a Jewish Christian. I forget his name. Mitch said he was a nice guy, but just couldn't preach. In other words, he didn't preach enslaving doctrines.
Well, Kevin, answer as you are inclined and have time. Thanks for your input.