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Re: Glad to see a support group out there.

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  • hempkevin
    ... It was the book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse that opened our eyes (me and my wife) to the abuse we were suffering at The Door. I m sorry but I
    Message 1 of 9 , Dec 17, 2008
      --- In slamthedoor@yahoogroups.com, Bryan Hupperts
      <BryanHupperts@...> wrote:
      >Hi Bryan,
      It was the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" that opened our
      eyes (me and my wife) to the abuse we were suffering at The Door.
      I'm sorry but I haven't read your book. I'm going to make sure a get
      a copy of it and read it as soon as I can. Thanks for responding.
      > Hi Kevin,
      > If you have ever read or heard of the book Churches That Abuse, I'm
      the guy in the story. There is life, and grace, outside Wayman's ever
      diminishing shadow.
      > Peace
      > Bryan Hupperts
      > www.SheepTrax.con/xpress
      > _________________________________________________________________
      > Suspicious message? There's an alert for that.
      > http://windowslive.com/Explore/hotmail?
    • hempkevin
      ... been 6 years since my wife and I have left The Door (Christian Fellowship Ministries). Why am I just now feeling compelled to make contact with
      Message 2 of 9 , Dec 17, 2008
        --- In slamthedoor@yahoogroups.com, "kenhaining777" <kenhaining777@...>
        >It's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep so I'm going to write some stuff. It's
        been 6 years since my wife and I have left The Door (Christian
        Fellowship Ministries). Why am I just now feeling compelled to make
        contact with ex-members? I think it's because when you leave The Door
        you carry with you the fear that you will become the very person they
        tell you you will become. People who leave The Door become the butt of
        jokes for Sunday morning sermons. We always heard how people that
        leave the fellowship meet up with, made friends with and hang out with
        other ex-members (backsliders), because that's what backsliders do.
        They hang out with each other, wallow in sin and talk smack about The
        Door. It makes me sick to think about the one sided thinking I'd been
        conditioned to receive. Now that I'm on the outside looking in..."No
        Duh"...I'm going to connect with ex-members because I have no one else
        to connect with. The longer you stay at a fellowhip church the more
        you become isolated. You are taught that other "Christians" are "Luked
        out" (not as spiritual or as "on fire" for the Lord as "we" are)
        therefore it's wrong to associate with people from other churches
        because their spiritual disease may jump on you, attack you and bring
        you down. Over time you end up not having any friends outside of CFM.
        Ironically, things in the fellowship can continue along in a very nice
        and pleasant manner for many years (as it did with us, I was in CFM for
        12 years, my wife was in for 20). However, the minute you begin to ask
        questions and "stick to your guns" is the time when you will truly be
        knocked for a loop. When people get used to the status quo and operate
        on mental cruise control for years, It's really tough to start standing
        on your own two feet and start thinking for yourself. It's really
        tough. Leaving The Door was one of the single most difficult things
        I've ever done in my life. The torture of knowing inwardly that it's
        right to leave, but also knowing that things would be so much easier if
        I stayed. When I announced to my kids that we had decided to leave, my
        14 year old daughter burst out in tears. I asked, "Why are you
        crying?" She said, "Because no one will like us any more." I
        said, "That's exactly why we're leaving. In the years that we've gone
        to church here your mom and I cannot think of one time where people
        have left under good conditions with the blessing of the pastor and the
        congregation. That's wrong. That's manipulation, that's cultish and
        I'm tired of being controlled." We had tried to leave twice before
        that but I whimped out. The first time I tried to leave was when a
        friend of my wife (in the church of course, who was a single mother)
        decided she wanted to leave and she left. However, her 17 year old
        daughter didn't want to leave. The pastor told the daughter that her
        mom was in rebellion and it was not good for her (the daughter) to
        continue living at home (and exposed to that rebellious spirit). When
        the mom was at work the pastor had his "council" (religious thugs)enter
        the woman's house and move all of the daughter's belongings to another
        house where the spiritual climate was more conducive to the young
        woman's conditioning. Yes, my wife and I were livid when we heard. To
        talk to this woman and hear the story from her, in tears, was heart
        breaking and enraging to us. I decided I was going to confront the
        pastor, and tell him I was going to leave the church. When I did talk
        to the pastor he told me his side of the story and before I knew it I
        was back in the fold. I relayed his side of the story to my wife and,
        to her disappointment, I decided to stay. As a result we had to cut
        off communication with my wife's friend. We didn't speak with her again
        until we, ourselves, left some years later. The second time I tried to
        leave, I was unemployed (in the backwater, podunk town of Yucca
        Valley. That's where the church was, and remember, church policy is
        that you have to stay at the church you get saved at forever and ever
        and ever). I had gotten a job offer in San Jose and had booked a
        flight up for the interview. I was preparing for the interview when my
        nephew and his wife showed up at the house unexpectedly. They saw all
        of the papers and my briefcase on the kitchen table and asked what was
        going on. I gladly told them I had a job offer! Great! Where? "San
        Jose" I said. Wow, you could have sliced the tension with a knife.
        Just the thought of leaving that building in that town because I had
        said a prayer there 10 years before and was now bound to that site for
        life...just the thought of leaving was blasphamous. I caved in again.
        I called my prospective employer and canceled the interview. My friends
        and family had told me for years that I was in a cult but I wouldn't
        listen. However, by the time my brother-in-law sat me and my wife down
        in his living room after a 12 year run, I was weary and ready to
        listen. He dropped a pile of paper he'd printed up into my lap and
        said, "This is all the stuff I found on-line about your church.
        Everyone says it's a cult. That should tell you something." And it
        did. I took a deep breath and said "I'll tell the pastor I'm leaving
        after the next church service." For those of you reading this that are
        trapped in the CFM cult, I don't recommend this. Don't talk to your
        pastor and tell him you're leaving. No, you don't owe him the common
        courtesy of saying "good-bye". Turn your back and run, run, run! Pack
        your bags and leave town in the dead of night and don't tell anyone
        where you are going! I am serious as a heart attack. The minute you
        decide to leave you are "Evil" a "Backslider"
        a "Rebel" "Unsaved" "Condemned" "Poison" and you will be targeted,
        berated, insulted, threatened and live in fear, confusion, condemation
        and anger. You will toil with and wrestle with bitterness, hatred,
        unforgiveness, shame, abandonment and much more. I ended up in Yucca
        Valley because of the Marine Corps. I was a Marine stationed at 29
        Palms. While in, I talked a buddy of mine, a recon sniper, a really
        really fun, neat guy and true friend from Texas, to come to church. He
        attended the whole time he was stationed at 29 Palms. Like I said, If
        you're "with the program" at CFM things can actually be fairly
        pleasant; nonetheless, when he got out of the Marines everyone,
        naturally, expected he would forsake his friends and family back in
        Texas and stay in Yucca Valley. One day. Danny was gone. He left a
        note on his Camero that he had gone back to Texas. He told his room
        mate to sell the Camero and use the money to pay for his portion of the
        rent. That's the last I ever heard or saw of him. Sunday morning
        service was like, "Where's Danny?" "I don't know." He slipped out
        under the radar. My friend. If you are going to leave, leave the way
        my friend Danny did. Put a smile on your face, go to church, don't
        give any indication that you've got a U-haul booked. Pile up your
        stuff and leave leave leave! You think I'm joking! I'm serious! When
        I finally took my stand and told the pastor I was leaving he started
        laying into me with his vulcan mind meld control speech. I could
        literally feel myself getting weak and wanted to cave in again, but I'd
        made up my mind and simply said, "We're leaving". I thought that was
        the end of it. No that was just the beginning. First thing, my nephew
        shows up at my house and starts "prophisying" over my family..."Thus
        says the Lord, your daughter will become a prostitue and walk the
        streets taking money for sex, your children will come to desolation and
        destruction, repent or suffer the wrath of God..." No joke. I had to
        shut him up and kick him out like a common bum. My kids are listening
        to this, shocked. My daughter is crying. We received letters telling
        us we were damned to hell and that God was going to kill us out there
        in the world on our own and we'd have no hope or remedy for our sin.
        To this day, our relatives who are still in the church refuse to talk
        to us or communicate with us in any way shape or form. We are dead to
        them. Let me say this, The pastor I told you about who ordered the
        removal of the teenager's possessions from her mom's house...last I
        heard, he has left the fellowship. One of the families who wrote us
        those terrible letters, the husband has left the fellowship and the
        wife "reluctantly" followed (so I'm told). As terrible as the actions
        of these people sound, I have to remind myself that I was, at one time,
        just like they were. Don't be angry. Don't be bitter. Get as far
        away as you physically can from them and then forgive them, pray for
        them and Lord willing, they will come to their senses just as you did.
        How did it come to this? That's another topic I'd like to discuss at
        another time. Until then
        Shaloam (did I spell that right?)
        > [Thanks Ken for the invite. I'm sad to hear that you've left the
        > Christian Faith, but we all have to come to terms with the abuse of
        > authority we were exposed to in the CFM. I'd be happy to share my/our
        > story sometime. I need some time to write it all down so I'll opt for
        > another time. Sincerely, Kevin]
        > I will look forward to it.
        > Shalom
        > Ken
      • kenhaining777
        Kevin said: [I finally took my stand and told the pastor I was leaving he started laying into me with his vulcan mind meld control speech.] That line really
        Message 3 of 9 , Dec 17, 2008

          Kevin said:

          [I finally took my stand and told the pastor I was leaving he started
          laying into me with his vulcan mind meld control speech.]

          That line really cracked me up.

          I cross posted your message to Escape From the Fellowship.


          You may get some responses over there.  Nichole, who posts under the name mammamanykids is also from Yucca Valley, and left the fellowship just a few months ago.  You might want to have some interchange with her and her husband.  She also runs her own message board, Freedom From the Potter's House.


          We also have another ex Marine posting on Escape, Denis, who goes by iwas1ncthr.  We have some Australian ex members posting there as well. 

          So stop by Escape From the Fellowship, if you get a chance.  I am sure you will get some responses to that testimony of yours.  I appreciate you taking the time to write that.  Thanks.






        • melissal29
          I love what you wrote, its true if you are going to leave you should just leave. I left the fellowship about six months ago. I was a member for three years.
          Message 4 of 9 , Dec 17, 2008
            I love what you wrote, its true if you are going to leave you should
            just leave. I left the fellowship about six months ago. I was a
            member for three years. To be honest I am not sure why exactly I
            left. I loved the church, but the more more people were leaving and
            it wasnt even just new converts it was member of the church that had
            been their for ten twelve years, I start praying and asking
            questions. And, it is so true once you start asking questions you
            kind of get in trouble, they tell you that these members are
            backsliding or have lost their way just pray for them and stay away
            from them. I knew these people and they were my family. I was so
            confused, if these people were in sin and at risk to going to hell,
            why not embrase them talk to them befriend them even more, to try and
            win them back. This was an issue I always had with the church. I
            didnt understand how I could call my self a christian and these
            peoples family when i would abandon them when they need church family
            the most! My decision to leave was based on month of prayer I truly
            felt God telling me to leave and not look back. I did try and talk
            to pastor and let him know that i was no longer attending the church,
            they just made me feel like i did not hear from God that I was making
            it up. I knew the last sunday I was their that I was doing the right
            thing. I over heard pastors wife telling a young lady whos husband
            was in the military and not saved that if he left the area she needed
            to stay here and not go with him. I couldnt believe it, god is all
            about family and keeping them together what would be so wrong with
            her going with her husband and attending another fellowship church. I
            made my decision and never looked back. I have still recieve calls
            from members, and they want to know why i left and some even ask me
            how you could do it. The only reponse i have is it was what was write
            for me and my family. I dont bash the church with them or even
            listen to them bash the church. I will not be a part of their ideas
            of me. I was told that the first sunday I left pastor stood up and
            told everyone to beware of the Jezbel spirit. I couldnt believe it,
            i had been a part of the church for three years and I had put my
            entire life on hold and put them first. I was so angry I wanted to
            march my self up their and tell them exactly what a cult they were
            but knew it would be useless. I found this group and truly love it,
            to be able to talk to others who had left. I look at your stories
            and draw strength, I admire anyone who has left the church after ten
            years or twenty years. I was only a member for three years and still
            am stuggling with my decision. I miss all my friends, and people who
            were my family for the past three years. I do pray for them and the
            church to open their eyes to the truth, and to change there ways. I
            am so sad to hear about members who left and now no longer have faith
            in Christ. It kills me to see the damage that one person can do.
            I left the chruch not my faith in Christ in fact I dont even
            think I was truly saved in the potters house. I was just obedient to
            a mans words not gods. Talk to yall later!
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