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585Writers of the Past (28)

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  • Ken
    Aug 6, 2011

      Here is a cross post from the group, Escape From the Fellowship



      Here is a long post written by a former pastor's wife over on Loki's Potting Shed.  I would highly recommend that any young woman in a CFM, Potters House, Door, etc., church, who is thinking of marrying the up and coming man of God to get sent out, or who is hoping for the day that her husband will be selected to be sent out, read this post. 

      Here is the post by Karmapot, from back in 2003.


      I am now officially backslidden, banished from God's grace forever;
      deceived by my husband and obviously headed for hell. Well that is
      the way you would view it if you listen to the official stories of
      those who know – being other true Potters House ministers – of

      This is not my opinion. I do not believe it is God's either. The
      God that I have known and served for nearly 13 years has loved me
      through the most difficult situations in my life and loved me when I
      though I was unlovable. Why would He forsake me now, though every
      man on earth may desert me, I know that He won't – it's just not His
      nature, and those who truly know Him know this to be true. I
      haven't "left the faith", I have merely left an organisation that is
      filled with sin and hypocrisy. If God were truly like He is
      portrayed in the Potters House there would not be a single person
      alive who would make it into heaven – not even Jesus himself would
      have qualified.

      I got saved in my early twenties, I was married with no children and
      working and studying at university. I grew up with a religious
      background and was very sceptical of this new church but I truly did
      get saved, my desires changed and I began to get to know God through
      praying and reading His word. I truly believe that true conversion
      produces these changes – if you have to push someone every week to
      attend church, read and pray, then perhaps they have just said a
      prayer to keep the Potters House Hound off their back as I have seen
      many people do in the years that I was under a certain pastor. He
      would literally interrogate them to the point that they had no
      choice – it was either say the prayer at the altar or smash him in
      the face, so far I do not think anyone has taken the second option
      although many have probably wanted to. What happened to allowing
      people to choose – Jesus never harassed anyone – He left the
      decision entirely to them. This style of "witnessing" nearly drove
      my husband away from any chance of salvation, it was only due to the
      reality of my salvation that he got saved.

      During the early years of our salvation we received some interesting
      council and some very interesting sermons. Our marriage advice
      basically consisted of the following: you need to have sex at least
      3 times a week, let's break the curse of fornication, let's deal
      with rejection, now get on with your lives! What you are still
      having problems? What a joke perhaps I need to come and watch…there
      should be no problems, you're a good looking woman etc. The
      pastor's wife said to me that if I didn't "put out" enough there
      were plenty of whores out there to take my husband away from me.
      They were totally out of their depth – we had been married longer
      than they had and there was no ability within them to be vulnerable
      and honest which would have been more beneficial long term than the
      advice they gave. This same pastor abused his wife for not keeping
      her body in tip top shape for him after having a baby (after only a
      few weeks), what a guy! I am sure that she is suffering the affects
      of this comment and another wonderful one about the lack of her
      chest size. They had no idea of what they were doing to themselves
      or to us but the results are there anyway.

      After my first child I was at my first conference and was approached
      by another pastor's wife who commented that I needed to lose weight
      and that someone else she knew (who at that stage looked like a
      plucked chicken and still does) used to look just like me; then she
      lost a heap of weight and landed a husband who was previously
      uninterested in her because she was too fat (probably a size 12).
      My confidence up to this point was really good. I had lost most of
      my pre baby fat and was back in nearly all my clothes – I thought I
      was doing really well. Apparently not. Within a week or so of this
      comment I went on a very severe diet and exercise program, I wrote
      down everything I ate – fat content and kilojoule content and
      exercised usually twice a day with aerobics and went for up to 3
      walks per day. As I got skinnier all the women in the churches
      around me said how great I looked – yeah, great. I fitted into the
      Potter Ideal but I was often at fainting point and was dangerously
      flirting with becoming anorexic. Luckily I got pregnant and this
      broke the cycle for a season.

      A couple of years passed with many a sermon preached specifically at
      us for not doing some minor thing that had been suggested to us. We
      so nearly left the church on so many occasions it is ridiculous to
      think we stayed – but at the time when we prayed, God said stay, so
      we did. Many sermons were on tithing and we were hounded for
      pledges. When I stopped working and we couldn't pledge as much
      anymore my husband got a whole sermon on turning his back and being
      unfit for the kingdom, he was basically forced to double his pledge –
      which we did and we nearly lost our house and had a credit card
      full of bills. Praise God that He saw our hearts and our situations
      and gave my husband a new job and provided money as we needed it.
      Our spiritual diet during our 3-4 years of being "in the body"
      consisted of faith, giving, evangelising, obeying the pastor, and
      this is what you have done to tick me off this week. What a joy!
      Nevertheless we still loved them, and I feel sorry for them because
      they still can't open their eyes. This particular pastor was too
      insecure to even handle simple questions on doctrine. We asked for
      clarification on a few issues, bad move, we got useless scriptures
      that didn't fit and many sermons after the questions to prove how
      stupid and rebellious we were.

      Rebels as we were, we still got put into bible study ministry. It
      was at about this time that I began to get sick. I had been
      perfectly healthy up to that point in time, then one morning I went
      to get out of bed and fell to the floor in severe agony in my hips.
      I was unable to walk and was completely caught by surprise. Prayer
      was made over me on MANY occasions with no results. Our pastor
      insisted on going through nearly all our books etc to see if we had
      anything that he considered occultic – as if. We had already been
      saved for years and had got rid of all things that were even vaguely
      offensive, including of course our tv and secular music (although
      this was our own decision for many it is obviously not).

      This caused some severe issues for me as a Christian given the
      theology that the Potters House teaches – if you are sick you are
      sinning. This is what lack of proper bible schooling produces –
      stupid doctrines and messed up people as a result. I was still
      struggling with the dieting and exercising issue and was nearly back
      to what I was before getting pregnant with my second child. Being
      unable to walk stopped that. I became angry at myself and this
      showed in my outward appearance – I wore black a lot, I died my hair
      black, I was as unconventional as I dared to be – it should have
      been obvious I needed help. But again I was told I looked stunning.
      Not long after this we were launched into the pastoring position.

      This solved one problem – we were free from the lack of depth in our
      pastor's preaching but it created a lot more problems of a different
      nature. As time went on I got sicker and sicker, we began to be
      assaulted by demonic forces that were actually manifesting in our
      home. This was terrifying to say the least, but it strengthened my
      faith to be able to pray in the name of Jesus and have these attacks
      stop. There was one occasion where a demon entity was actually
      dragging my husband across the floor, I was petrified and wanted to
      run. Instead I prayed and prayed and prayed because this thing was
      not in a hurry to go. Since leaving the Potters House we have never
      had another attack like this, neither have we had the mind hassles
      that come with being a member of the Potters House (sexual issues
      etc, anyone in ministry would surely know what I am talking about).
      It is not surprising since learning that there are so many issues of
      sexual immorality and lying within the organisation to which we had
      submitted ourselves to. Our own sin did not open the door as
      everyone would have people believe, it was our submission to ungodly
      headship that opened these doors. Thank God we are free from these

      The strain upon our marriage was huge. We were only pasturing a
      small church and my husband was working full time. Just after going
      into ministry I became pregnant with our third child. This resulted
      in a very bad and painful pregnancy, C-section and painful
      recovery. Of course my husband and friends were unable to visit due
      to church commitments that were beyond our control – revivals had
      been booked for us without our approval and of course the Potters
      House must come before family. What a departure from scripture – if
      a man does not look after and provide for his household he is worse
      than an unbeliever. Let's just ignore truth when we can control
      people and get more money out of people is the policy I suppose.
      Money was never an issue for us – our income basically supported the
      church, the church did not support us.

      As God began to show us more things to question things got worse.
      We did dare to question those in positions of authority and it was
      not appreciated by anyone. For a short time we were used as
      political sandwich material but that was it, there was no true
      consternation about the truth – only peoples' agendas. I'm sure you
      can guess how I fared during this – you guessed it, my health went
      down and down and down until I couldn't even function anymore. The
      only time I left my bed was for church activities and other urgent
      matters – not many of those when you are in the Potters House. I
      was also suffering terribly from depression – the dreaded thing that
      Christians shouldn't even talk about yet alone suffer from. There
      is no help for people with depression in the Potters House – you are
      labelled as lacking in faith, sinning, and/or wallowing in self
      pity. Just snap out of it – say a prayer, shout Hallelujah and all
      will be well. Perhaps a day in someone else's shoes might do a lot
      of Potter Christians the world of good. Depression doesn't just go
      away with a positive attitude and lots of prayer, believe me; I
      tried everything but it only seemed to make it worse, because now I
      was a failure in this area of my life as well.

      I would spend hours staring out the window doing nothing. My
      motivation for all things was as low as it could get, I was
      continually in tears and spent hours and hours in bed both because
      of depression and the illness that I had. Eventually I was
      diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Chronic Clinical
      Depression. Scared for my own well being I went on medication
      (Luvox double dosage) for depression. I was also suffering anxiety
      attacks and was taking Valium for these. My body was always aching
      somewhere and my concentration was barely there, at my worst I
      couldn't even hold a coherent conversation. I felt like a total
      failure both physically and spiritually. Every time I went for
      prayer at a revival meeting at our nearest Fellowship church I would
      be questioned about my love for my husband, bitterness, hidden sin
      etc. I came away from these meetings feeling worse than ever – I
      had searched my heart for sin, I had poured out my soul to God, and
      there was no answer. When you are sinning, you know. It gets to
      the stage that you begin to imagine issues in your heart that aren't
      even there because there obviously must be a reason for sickness –
      for thus saith the Potters House.

      Things are not all bad, as the bible says – all things work together
      for good for those who are called by God and do not walk according
      to the flesh but according to the Spirit. While my flesh was unable
      to do much, my spirit was certainly capable of learning much from
      God. I learnt about His unconditional love that is not based upon
      my looks, my abilities, my performance, or my position in life. I
      gained so much more from reading the Psalms and Proverbs and Job.
      Perhaps my life and feelings were pretty normal for a Christian
      after all. Maybe not quite the comfort that we are looking for but
      it is still comfort when everyone else condemns and mocks. I was
      shunned by our "headship" from performing any type of music ministry
      in his church because of my sickness – it might make him look bad.
      Oh dear, what a pity, God often uses weak vessels to uplift those
      that are down, and there are plenty of them in that particular
      church where you cannot have a life or an opinion of your own. If
      the pastor says jump, you had better jump, and high too. Otherwise
      you will be a rebel and no one will be allowed to fellowship with
      you. I know this because we were labelled as rebels for a season
      because we dared to question a few things. It seems like
      questioning is the unforgivable sin in the Potters House – as Scott
      Lamb preached once – "just eat grass man, just eat grass" – in other
      words bury your intellect and throw your eternal destiny to the
      whims of another who probably does not have your best interests at

      If you are reading this and you are still in the Potters House and
      you can relate to what I am saying, do something about it. It won't
      get better, and if you compromise your faith once it will be harder
      later on. If, like me, you suffer from depression, don't feel
      condemned, don't be afraid to get professional help (whether
      counselling or medication), depression does not go away on its own.
      I do understand that there can be a spiritual element involved and I
      have felt this attack too, but it is different. The spiritual
      attack is very direct and sinister. For example, there were many
      times when I was driving back from a Revival meeting that I had a
      nearly uncontrollable urge to slam my car into an oncoming truck.
      This was not my idea, the only thing that shifted this was prayer.
      Just before leaving the church I had a similar experience only much
      more intense while down the main street of our town. The end of the
      street leads directly into a river where boats dock – deep water!
      The urge to floor my car through into that was nearly
      uncontrollable, I was shaking, I could feel a demonic presence and I
      was very scared. I prayed in tongues the whole way home and then
      burst into tears. I have not had an experience like this since
      leaving the Potters House. I am still on medication (which the
      highly educated doctor Wayman Mitchell told me to ditch immediately)
      and could be on it for several years. When I attempted to go off it
      a year and a half ago it was only a few months before I was crawled
      up on the floor bawling for no reason. God was and is my biggest

      Sickness of any form is rarely talked about amongst most Christians,
      it is a topic they do not understand and are therefore uncomfortable
      with. No one can completely understand why people suffer various
      illnesses, but the bible does give us one important clue – we are
      under the curse of sin and death. They find evidence of cancer and
      arthritis in the bones of dinosaurs and other fossils – who were
      they bitter at – Noah for leaving them off the boat, Adam for
      cursing the earth?....for goodness sake, see how ridiculous things
      are when you take them to an extreme? Mental issues are even more
      misunderstood and usually ridiculed – I have done so myself in my
      early years as a Christian. However, don't be afraid to seek
      advice, if you have a mature Christian friend this is ideal,
      otherwise seek help elsewhere. I was lucky to have a good husband
      who helped my a lot with my illness and my depression. At first he
      didn't understand the issues of depression either but he researched
      it and talked with me and this was of great benefit to both of us.
      When we talk to someone else we both benefit unless the other person
      is immature or selfish (ie many people in the Potters House).

      I am still in the process of re-establishing my life outside the
      walls of the Potters House. We decided against going into ministry
      and joined a small church in our town. We have made some new
      friends and have drawn closer to each other. My health is improving
      and my husband is under a lot less stress. Was the leaving easy –
      not really, but standing up for righteousness never is. We could
      have held our peace and played along with the game and probably
      could have made some money along the way, but I would rather please
      my God than please a man anyday. After all it is Him I will be with
      for eternity. Don't ever give up on God because an organisation
      that claims to represent him fails. It is no reflection on God but
      on our own sinful nature, and we are all capable of falling for
      error, so we need to pray for these people that God will bring
      healing and restoration to their spiritual lives. Bitterness is not
      an option for me or for anyone else who has been abused. Be angry
      but don't sin. Be constructive in working out your own salvation
      and do your best to help others see truth, that is all we can do
      apart from pray.

      God bless anyone who reads this.

      (code name for changed Potters House member)


      August 14, 2003