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539Re: Letting Go

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  • Ken
    May 5, 2010
      abused_in_fl said:

      [My husband was asked to leave VC almost 2 years ago now. He was asked to leave because of moral issues, but the thing is....we found another church, went
      talked to the Pastor and he really helped my husband. We have had no issues
      since. The new church has really helped us both, of course VC constantly talks
      about our church and us.My questioning is, could it have been spiritual, the
      things that he did? We met in the chuch and dated in the church and got married
      in the church(church meaning Victory Chapel). Of course we had problems from the get go, because we had no time for each other, then we added a couple of kids. The things that my husband fell into, I am hearing now that it has happened to others in the same church, by the same women. One of these women are still there and she is the worst.

      Is it common amongst other CFC churches or just the one I
      attended. I had a hard time, I had been in that church from the time I was 16
      until we left...I was 32. My husband and I really doing well, we have recovered
      and getting to know each other again. I have forgiven him, but I can't seem to
      let it go on the part VC played. Before, he was asked to leave, we had continual
      issues of the same manor. I was supposed to forgive them both and move on in
      ministries together like nothing happened. To see her in plays and dramas etc.
      But, I was being called a Jezebel over the pulpit and my husband of sat down and made to feel...there are no words to describe how they made him feel.How do you just let it go?]

      Hello, Abused.

      Immorality is quite common in the fellowship.  There were pastors who were shuffled around after committing adultery, and some of them were appointed to leadership.  My pastor's wife committed adultery and my pastor went on with his "ministry" like nothing happened.  That's at the leadership level.

      In the churches themselves quite a lot of adultery and fornication goes on, at least based on my own observations.  I was a pastor in the fellowship for about 14 years, and I saw enough of it in my own church. 

      In many of the churches it depends on whether or not someone has favor with the pastor and/or the pastor's wife, as to how they are treated after being caught in adultery.  For example, in my home church there was a music group where the leader of the group, who was married, committed adultery with a married woman in his group.  He was sat out of ministry, as she was, and she ended up getting divorced.  She went on to nail a number of other men in the church, and in the mean time the former music group leader divorced his wife.  Lo and behold, down the road they tied the knot.  She was never thrown out of the church, as she was the pastor's wife's best friend.  And yes, they ended up back in ministry, even performing at conferences. 

      So, no, it is not just your church.  And it is quite common for the pastors to rail on the unfavored member who fell into adultery, from the pulpit. 

      It takes time to be able to let go of this stuff.  Most people take about five years to really get over it.  In the mean time, enjoy your new church.  Realize that many of the people who are railing on you guys now will be out of the fellowship in the future and also hurting. 

      With your permission I would like to cross post what you wrote over to two other message boards:



      There is a man who attended Ron Meyers church in Florida who writes on both those message boards who might know you, if that is the church you are from. If I do cross post your message over there then you will most likely get more responses.  You can go ahead and join both those groups as well. 



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